by Shelly Crane
“Sherry. Is that what you’ve thought of me this whole time? That I was repulsed by you? I’d say more the opposite. I told you I can’t control these new human feelings... I’ve never touched a women before.”
“But you had no trouble touching Susan or Lillian,” I countered softly.
His eyes never left my gaze as I spoke. He was struggling again.
“I don’t- Sherry, I just like you. You’re so close to my charge and I feel connected to you, too. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”
Lies, lies, lies.
“I told you I’m a human lie detector.”
“Can we just leave it at that? Please. I don’t want you to be angry with me and I don’t wanna hurt you.”
He hated me. He knew he couldn’t lie to me but he couldn’t very well tell me the truth, that he hated me.
“Merrick, I’m not a grudge holder, ok. It’s very hard to be mad at you, believe me. I’ve been trying for days now.” I gave him a crooked smile.
The look on his face was pained and desperate. I instinctively scooted to him until we were almost touching. I wanted to comfort him, somehow, but being afraid to touch him hindered that effort. He finally looked up at me, resolution on his face, the decision to fill me in completely had been made.
He reached for me.
I couldn’t stop the confused look on my face or my sudden intake of air. Just before his hand reached my face, there was a gust of wind and a voice. We both turned to see the Keeper, Piper, standing in the doorway, looking highly peeved.
“Merrick. I need you. Now,” she snapped.
Without a word, Merrick grabbed his bowl and left. My lungs were the ones having problems then. It wasn’t Matt’s body causing confusion, Merrick just knew how to look into my soul. He didn’t look at me, he looked into me.
I composed myself after a few breaths and ate my cold pasta and stayed for a while, wondering what in the heck had just happened.
Dish duty later with Merrick would be awkward to say the least. Of course, it was gonna be torture cause I couldn’t let things go. He was going to let me know the reason, let me down easy. What could it be? My bad smell? My hair too curly? I’m too opinionated, though that wouldn’t affect him touching me. Rough skin? Agh! Wretched boys! Did I mention I hated drama.
The sound of Polly’s scream were nails on a chalkboard that afternoon. I mean, she had waited a full eight seconds since the power had gone out to let out this wail of terror.
Eight seconds. Count them. That’s a long time. Merrick assured us that the generator was temporarily out of power from the storm, and needed to recharge. I certainly didn’t have candles nor a flashlight in my pocket so I just stopped where I was and sat down in the hall on the hard, freezing cold tile.
Being in a completely pitch black and silent enclosed space was unsettling. I could hear shuffling and whispering. I wanted to ask them why they were whispering. The darkness didn’t make the noise sound any different.
The little boy Calvin, was crying and I thought his mother would comfort him, but I kept hearing him. I could still hear Polly too, whimpering and Piper reassuring her.
The footsteps I heard were a little quick for someone to be walking that couldn’t see where they are going.
“Hey, who’s that running around?” I asked as I pulled my legs in closer so as not to trip whoever it was.
“It’s Merrick,” he answered, starling me with his closeness.
“So what’s the deal? Night vision?”
“Yes, actually.”
“Should’ve known,” I said with a chuckle.
Everyone could hear our conversation and I heard some of the others murmurs as well.
“We just see things on a different plane than you, that’s all.”
“Why don’t you guys share some of that power? I’d take the mind talking thing any day.”
“Being a human lie detector comes in pretty handy, I’d say?”
Was he flirting with me? Keepers knew how to flirt? No. I tried not to make a face, knowing then that he could see me in the dark and I thought back to the elevator when I got in his face thinking he couldn’t see me when I was yelling at him.
Sigh.
“Yes, but it’s just...intuition,” I answered. “It’s not a super power.”
“Do you know anyone who can shoot fire from their fingertips?” A small yet carrying voice careened through the hallways.
Everyone chuckled at Calvin’s question, as we heard him yell it from his room. He had apparently been listening and it seemed to calm him down as he was no longer crying.
“Nope. Sorry,” Merrick answered loudly for him to hear.
“That would totally be my power, if I could pick one. Totally,” Calvin yelled back.
The humming of fluorescents and sighs of relief could be heard as the lights flickered back to life. Blinking I realized Merrick was sitting almost right next to me. Or was he? When my eyes adjusted and I looked, he was gone completely.
A few days later, Lillian and I folded sheets for thirty minutes straight. The amount of sheets a group of people can use in a few days time was ridiculous but I followed orders like a good little soldier.
Bobby had come in to the laundry area to find the broom and decided to give us a hand. He kinda sorta apologized about the other night, so I wordlessly let him stay.
Lillian was far from interested in sheets because boy was she proud of Michael. He was chosen in her eyes. She continued her story, started earlier about how they met, that they’d been married a little shy of a year, their jobs before this all happened. How she dreamed of having kids that looked liked him one day, two boys and one girl.
It really was sweet to watch and listen to but it was hard to concentrate with Bobby accidentally ‘bumping’ into me every few minutes. It’s not like it was a close space.
He even asked if he could get one of my massages he’d heard so much about. In other words, he overheard Danny mention it to someone and ran with this wild line. He was handsome but just not for me. For some reason, I couldn’t seem to care if Bobby was upset with me or not and I wasn’t usually like that.
I thought I had made myself clear the other night. He hadn’t even tried to explain himself and his odd possessive behavior nor said how and why he thought Merrick was interested in me more than just his charges sister. His apology was “Sorry about the other night. I was tired.” That was it. End of apology and on with the annoying pick up lines.
I subtly tried to leave them both behind as I turned to leave, stating a thanks for their help and I’d see them later. I was apparently not very good at the brush-off technique because he continued to follow me down the hall back to the kitchen. When we arrived, Merrick was there. He did a subtle double take and went back to his stirring.
“So. It was fun doing laundry with you. Maybe tomorrow you can need my help again?” Bobby said and laughed whole heartedly and loudly at his own joke.
Oooh, mistake Bobby.
“Sheets are done for a few days I’m afraid, but thanks anyway.”
“Well, you can help me sweep tomorrow if you want. I wouldn’t stop ya.”
“Ok, we’ll see. I need to get making Danny and I some supper, so...”
“Need some help, girly?” he said looking between me and Merrick.
“Nope.” I am beginning to see a lot of Matt’s traits in him and if I hear girly one more time... “I got it. Thanks anyway. See ya.”
There were only a few ways to nicely tell someone to get lost and I was running out of them quickly. Waiting to see if he’d actually leave was an eternity, but he did turn and walk out the door, slowly with a waggle of his fingers.
I grabbed myself a cup of crappy coffee, no one could make coffee right in this place, with no creamer to boot.
I walked over, pulling myself up on the counter next to where Merrick was standing and stirring, but not too close. We were alone in the kitchen and my curiosity of Piper’s interruption in the basketba
ll court had been milling.
“So, you in trouble for something?” I started the interrogation.
“Hmm?” he asked, only glancing at me from under his lashes then back to his bowl.
“Piper? She looked...not happy the other day.”
“Oh, that. No. She’s just worried about me.”
Worried? Why? Huh. What is that? Is that jealousy I feel? That buzzing in my stomach? Never felt jealous before. Wow. Why would I be jealous of her? I didn’t know her and I didn’t even like him that way...right?
I decided to prod further and ignored that little internal revelation.
“Worried?” I asked but my voice comes out a little strained.
“We can hear each others thoughts, unless we’re trying really hard to not let them in. She’s just trying to watch out for me. She’s worried that I might...be a little too attached to you because you’re not my charge.”
I laughed out loud but he didn’t. He stopped stirring and looked up at me curiously.
“Well, did you tell her that you loathe me? That ought to clear things right up,” I said still laughing because I couldn’t stop.
It was just hilarious to me that I had been trying so hard to get him to like me and not be upset with me, with no results, and now, more than one person thought Merrick had some kind of crush on me. Like he was even capable of such a thing and I was letting my mind run wild with it, trying to conjure up feelings for him myself. Absurd.
“Why do you think that?” he asked softly looking tired and drained.
“Well, per our conversation earlier, we established that touching other humans isn’t a problem for you, it’s just me. In fact you go out of your way to not touch or really come near me much at all it seems. You only talk to me if you feel I need comfort, like after I make a fool of myself yelling at everyone, but that’s just the Keeper in you I think. And then you said you liked me before, but that was a lie. I told you, you can’t lie to me.” I shook my finger at him but his face was anything but amused.
“I was lying,” he confessed.
“It’s ok, Merrick. I get it. I’m sorry, I just...I just can’t handle it when people are upset with me and I can’t fix it somehow. I’ll stay out of your way, ok.”
As I hopped down from the counter and turned to leave he grabbed my wrist and my skin immediately begins to tingle.
“You’re so blind,” he breathed shaking his head.
“I’m sorry?”
He steadied himself, took a deep breath and then let me have it, all the while, keeping my wrist in his overly warm shaky gentle grasp.
“I did lie. I don’t like you, Sherry. I...I love you.” I heard my breath falter but he continued. “I can’t touch you because it drives this body insane.” He was barely speaking, breathing the words as he leaned closer to me. “My skin... tingles and I can barely breath, which you’ve noticed. I can’t explain it. I know you’ll probably hate me now when I tell you this but I couldn’t help it. Sherry, I watched you, too. The first time I saw you was when you were little, when Danny was born,” he smiled while remembering “you were so protective of him. I enjoyed it, I thought you were my little helper, but over the years, I never stopped watching. I split my attention in half and took my full focus away from my charge, your brother. I felt so protective of you. Somewhere along the way it stopped being just protective. As you got older and I saw the person you were, the kind of woman you were, it became something else. I fell in love with you and kept watching and protecting you even when you were on your own. After I came here, when I saw you in your driveway...” He shook his head, his eyes closed. “I’m so sorry. I know what you must think of me but all this time, as a guardian, I’ve never broken the rules, never gotten involved when I shouldn’t. I know it doesn’t matter, I’m not human, but I...just can’t let you sit there and think that I hate you when the opposite is true.”
It was all true, not a lie in the mix, which means he did love me.
I couldn’t move or speak. Shock overtook me as did those smoldering green eyes. He reached out and cautiously, gauging to see if I’d flinch, he ran his free fingers down the inside of my elbow to my wrist. The goose bumps came and he looked at me for indication, good or bad? I had none to give him.
I was the one confused now. How could this perfect selfless being love me, especially if he’s watched me over the years with my worthless life and pointless existence. I was short and awkward in my own skin. My lousy apartment with no real friends to fill it. My stupid job. My weirdo parents who didn’t even love us enough to stay with us. My horrible judgment I have pounded into my brothers head.
How did I always gauge every situation so wrong?
I realized I was panting. He looked worried but I couldn’t stop. The hot tears spilled over and I wanted to run so he wouldn’t see, but then I guessed he’d seen it before hadn’t he? He’d seen it all.
The tears overtook me and a low sob broke loose. I pulled my wrist free and ran to my room, too embarrassed to face him after I’ve thought so many horrible things about him, but he somehow was there again, already in my room waiting for me. He reached for my arm but retracted it before he touched me.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sherry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t want to hurt you, that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. Please don’t cry because of me.
Wrong. All wrong.
“I don’t hate you,” I squeaked.
It’s all I can get to come out.
He thought I was mad because he watched me against my will, without my permission, without his call’s permission. But no, it was because I was embarrassed for being lame and not doing something more with my life. To have something for him to see that was worth something and not just embarrassment.
For some reason, I needed him to comfort me again, even after this, I was surprised that I wanted him to.
I’m sorry. Forgive me, Sherry. Just forget I said anything, ok? I’ll never bring it up again and I’ll stay away from you as much as I can. I promise. I’m so sorry.
He started to leave, maneuvering around me. I reached for his shirt in one swift movement, pulling my face into his chest. He seemed surprised but not as reluctant as usual, as he let me and even wrapped his warm strong arms around my shoulders. He continued out loud.
“I never watched when I shouldn’t have. When Matt and you...your showers, among lots of other things, I always tuned out. I know I don’t deserve it but...please forgive me, Sherry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
I felt one of his hands slip to the small of my back and to my utter embarrassment, my heart rate picked up and I felt a little sigh release from my lips. I tried fervently to tamp down on that and focus on what he said.
“There was no Matt and me. That was the reason he got so upset with me that night and he tried to...he hit me when I wouldn’t...” I sniffed and looked up at his face realizing. “But you tuned out and didn’t see that, did you?”
His enraged face suggested that he had not and if he had, it would been a trip here to stop Matt. He suppressed his anger and looked back at me as I spoke again, his green eyes so close from still being in our embrace and I focused on them as I explained to him the truth.
“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself. I have nothing to show for my life. For all these years, school, college, work, family, friends, I just caused problems and...I did nothing worth anything and now it all could be over. It just sucks having someone see the entirely lame failure your life is.”
“That’s not true,” he said with conviction and I felt his arm tighten around my waist. “I saw a lot of things worth something. Why do you think I fell in love with you?” I gasped slightly and looked up to his face as he continued. “The flowers you always sent your lonely old neighbor at the apartments on holidays, anonymously. The way you always straightened your bosses desk when she was gone, even though she was terrible to you. You let your parents push their ideas on you and were respectful, never complained. You
always made sure that Danny knew what was important, and you hugged each other and loved each other. You may not know this but, Danny had a really hard time, for a while. You were the only thing he looked forward to, driving him to and from work so you could talk.”
This brought a whole new round of tears and hysteria, remembering my rant with myself over being Danny’s chauffer. More tears spilled over my already red and burning eyelids.
He looked even more concerned and guilty as his hands moved towards my face. I slightly gasped at the warmth when they actually reached it this time, cradling my face on both sides. He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his warm thumbs.
It was strange, these didn’t feel like Matt’s hands. The calluses were the same, the size was the same, but the movement, the warmth...the reason behind it made all the difference. Both of our breathing was out of control at this point, but he didn’t stop this time. I could feel tingling in my cheeks doing nothing to slow my breaths or heart beat. Little sparks. He spoke again.
“Please don’t cry anymore. I can’t take it,” he breathed hoarsely.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me, Sherry.”
“I’m sorry for saying sorry,” I joked and try to laugh but his hands on me distracted me beyond thinking.
“It’s not important whether you’re angry with me or not. What’s important is that you stop thinking that you’re worthless. I want you to be mad, what I did was wrong, but you have done so many right things. You’re still doing them, look at Susan. She was so moved by what you said and the way you spoke to everyone with such...conviction. No one here is mad at you, Sherry.”
“Are you sure you can’t read my mind?”
“No, I wish I could. Right now more than ever,” he chuckled to himself as he spoke.
He swallowed and moved one of his hands to rub my necklace charm in between fingers, then moved it up to rub the ends my hair laying across my shoulder, his fingertips brushed the side of my neck tentatively. He looked fascinated by his exploring. His other hand was still on my wet cheek, his eyes fixed on my lips again.