by Shelly Crane
“How is she doing? Any change?” I heard Jeff behind me.
“Same. Fever, shaking, nightmares,” I answered him without turning, too much blatant pain in my red tired achy eyes, begging to close and sleep and he didn’t understand any of it.
I should have known as I felt the fuzziness and heard his voice in my head, that he would be listening to my thoughts.
Brother. You don’t have to hide from me and you’re not doing a very good job of blocking me out lately anyway.
I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.
I told you before, I don’t understand this, but it’s not for me to understand. I can’t explain it but I certainly can’t deny it. You love her. Like a human loves. And she loves you, I’m not so blind not to see that either.
Impossible.
Sorry Brother, it’s true. You can fight it, but I know you don’t want to. Isn’t that what you wanted?
I don’t know what I wanted. I just... I just couldn’t not be with her. Even if she doesn’t love me and it never goes further than this, I have to be here. I have to be near her, making sure she’s safe, happy. Watching is not enough anymore, it never was.
Well then, be content. You are human now and can be still if you choose. She does love you, I’ve seen it. I hate to see you struggle so but I hate to see you give up so much in return.
You can’t understand. It pales in comparison to her. Being able to physically see her safe. When she looks at me, touches me...
Ok, ok. I don’t need to know everything.
No, it’s not like that. You would know if it was. Too many things to concentrate on, I can’t keep you out anymore, or anyone else for that matter.
Yeah, I’ve noticed. I’m sorry. We just worry about you.
I know but I’m...happy. It’s such a strange sensation, so different from being content. Content is fine, I’ve lived my life that way, but happy is...warm sun on your face.
I can imagine, though I’m afraid I’ll never know. Have you told her where we come from?
I’ve tried, but it’s impossible for their minds to wrap around. She’s fascinated, very good imagination but she just can’t make it match up.
You’ll miss it.
I’d miss her more.
Ok. I’ll let you get back to...whatever you’re doing. Human pining...or worrying is a better word I guess. Now that emotion I know. I’ve had enough worry in my mouth since we’ve been here to last a century. Get some sleep, brother. She’ll be ok.
I know. Thank you, Jeffrey.
Jeff left silently, closing the door behind him and I was alone again with her. Even as she breathed heavy in pain, she was still so beautiful. She said my name twice already just today. I couldn’t leave and miss it if she said it again or better yet, woke up.
My heart, this heart, skipped so violently hearing my given name on those lips. Almost every time I come to earth, I never get to use my name. No point when I won’t stick around long enough.
All my trips to earth I’ve never had these utterly useless emotions…but they weren’t useless. My heart beats sped up when she touched me and my breaths quicken and I twitch, but it was because it felt too good. Too much to handle.
It couldn’t feel like this when the rest of them touch each other, it just couldn’t. How do they function, contain themselves? It seemed she had started to respond to my touches as well. That was more than I expected.
I thought maybe she might find it enjoyable enough to let me hold her hand every now and then, maybe get a hug from her but she has started reacting like...me.
Giddy...
Drunk...
In love...
I wondered if there was any way Jeff could be right. But how? How could she love me?
Third day, almost 1:00 in the afternoon, I was starting to get worried. She should be waking up soon. I couldn’t keep telling Danny she’d be fine if I started to doubt it myself. Poor kid had been in here almost as much as me. My conscience had been buzzing lately for him. It knew I wasn’t focused on Danny. I tried. I check on him, call him quite a lot in his mind but I couldn’t leave her. He was changing too, becoming a man. He was quite taken with Celeste and she with him.
He was distracted a lot. Sometimes I wish I could read his thoughts too, so I could help him somehow. Waiting here is so much harder than watching. I felt helpless, waiting on his task to come full circle to us but now, with everything, would there even be a task? What could he do now? Even if it was over, I was not going anywhere. I couldn’t leave the fragile girl under my hands.
4:00pm. Still nothing. They had been in and out all day, one by one, in groups asking about her. I hoped she knew how much everyone loved her here. She can’t leave, they need her. I need her but they need her spirit.
Even though she’s small, cute and fragile, and would kill me for saying that, she was such a leader and grounder for them.
I always wondered why Danny was the Special and not her but she shines everyday, he will have to wait his turn.
I saw her stirring. I brushed her cheek with the backs of my fingers and she moaned and leaned into it. Sounds like appreciation, not pain. Maybe she was coming around.
She kicked her leg out of the covers, wrapping it around the white sheets and rolled to her side. This was how she always slept and it was comforting to see it now. She leaned closer to me, unintentionally, and grabbed onto the edge of the pillow with her slim pale fingers.
Look at those lips. How I’d longed for those lips and there they were, inches from mine. How easily I could kiss her right now. Steal kisses.
These bodies hold too much power. People like Matt are prime examples of what bodily power in the wrong hands can do.
I couldn’t believe this body was used to try to force her...and then he hit her! Slapped her. Look at her! How could you ever harm that face?
What a selfish... I guess I was to. Claiming her as my own when I have no right to her. What a gorgeous creature, and she didn’t even know it.
Wait. She was waking!
Sherry. Can you hear me? Wake up, sweetheart.
“Sherry? Open your eyes. Come on. Wake up, Sherry.”
Location, Location, Location
Chapter 12
Darkness. Coldness. Nothingness. Silence. Those are a few of my least favorite things. It was everywhere and nowhere. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breath, couldn’t hear or feel my breaths. I felt like I was being followed, watched, but there was nothing - wait. A light? A sliver of light like through the crack of a door. It opened further and someone was standing there, his black finger came up to beckon me to him.
How do I go? If I could, would I? I tried to speak but nothing. He appeared angry now, making wider motions for me to come but I couldn’t. I tried to scream as I saw him make a swift advance my way but he snapped his fingers in my face in frustration and then I was gone and surrounded by light.
The lake. All else was forgotten for a moment as I recognized something. There was nothing but this tree.
This tree has always been my favorite. The one our parents took us to for picnics on special occasions. We ignored the whole, ‘the trees alive and deserves our respect’ speech. I loved the tree for other reasons. A weeping willow. My favorite tree.
I loved running through it’s curtains when I was little and now that I was older, I loved it for it’s memories and soothing shade. Danny was more the sun type and was busying himself with the girls playing volleyball in the adjoining court.
You couldn’t help but laugh at his skills, or lack their of. It was hilarious the way boys threw out lines and useless facts to impress girls. I didn’t personally know any girls that it actually worked on.
Of course, I didn’t personally know many girls.
Mom and dad were bickering, as the normal. I tuned them out completely these days. You were supposed to worry about the world, but not to the point of self destruction.
My mom was the worst activist I’d ever met. Worked so hard to s
aves lives, save the planet, save the animals, save humanity but she wasn’t enjoying any of that and certainly wasn’t trying to save her marriage.
She was miserable and trying to fill a void with all that other stuff, which in turn made dad miserable which in turn made us miserable. Just one normal family function would be nice.
Mom apparently having enough in her mind, stomped off to the eco-friendly Porto-potty. Dad turned while I took my last bite of organic cream cheese icing cake and set my plate down, licking my fork clean.
He handed me a little blue box, smiling, he must have seen how surprised I was.
“Open it, pumpkin.”
I lifted the lid slowly, trying to stifle the excitement on my face.
It couldn’t actually be jewelry because that would be a normal gift. It was probably a pebble from the Nile river or some trinket supposed to bring me a worthy husband but as the lid fell back and I examined the sweet charm, I realized this was not a pebble.
This was a real gift.
The silver heart within a heart charm and silver chain were sitting there, waiting for me to pick it up and put it on. How had dad talked mom into such a thing? Silver bobbles were pointless and wasteful, doing nothing for the environment or our spiritual welfare.
“Dad! Thank you. It’s so perfect,” I said and felt my eyes filling with tears.
“You’re more than welcome, pumpkin.”
He took it from me, motioned for me to turn around and I lifted my hair as he fastened it, then sat back to look at me. He looked pleased.
Mom was making her way back to the pallet and I rubbed the charm in between my fingers, almost protectively.
I quickly leaned up to kiss dad’s cheek knowing the moment would surely pass the second mom stepped foot on our pallet. He smiled back at me, not looking at her yet.
As I watched and waited for her wrath she began to wave. Not just her hands, her whole body, then the background began to shake. The grasses green bled into the waters blue and my dad smiled at me one last time before he too began to quake and bleed color and fade away.
“Bye, pumpkin.”
I tried to reach for him but he was already gone.
A sweet voice was on the air, a familiar voice, calling me in my head. I wanted it so bad as I recognized it. As much as I wanted my dad in that moment, I pushed myself towards consciousness, towards the voice.
I jerked open my eyes to see a white tile ceiling above me and all too soon I realized the vision was a dream, a memory of my birthday. As soon as I could manage, I tried to swallow so I could speak but the dryness and cobwebs veins wouldn’t let any sound escape.
I coughed and Merrick was immediately hovering into my line of vision. I blinked, trying to focus. Where was my Merrick? This Merrick, like the last Merrick in my memory, was guilt stricken and worrisome, tight lines around his mouth and eyes making him appear older and sullen.
“Sherry? Oh, thank God. Hey. Hey, you feeling ok?” His thumb rubbed my forehead with his fingers in my hair while he spoke so close.
“I’m...I.” I couldn’t get any words to form so I whispered. “I’m ok. I’m thirsty.”
He scrambled for a bottle of water he had there waiting for me and helped me sit up with his arm around my back. He placed the straw in my mouth for me and I gulped.
It seemed to just go down with no wetness at all. Eventually my mouth feels more like a sponge, as it should and I downed the entire bottle. I sucked in a few breaths to steady myself.
“You feel ok? I’ve been so worried about you,” Merrick said still there, holding me up.
“Better. Did all that stuff really happen?” I asked but I was already flinching as I reached up to grab my now bandaged shoulder.
Merrick grabbed my hand trying to stop me but it was too late. He kept my hand in his.
“Yeah...How do you feel?”
“Just...give me a minute. How long have I been out?”
“Three days.”
“Three days?” How was that possible? “Danny? Celeste?”
“Everyone’s fine. Worried about you, but fine. Jeff gave you the last of the medicine we had. I’m so sorry we had to do that to you. You...remember everything?”
“Oh yes. I remember.” Closing my eyes trying to stop that vision. “What are we doing? I mean...can we stay here? Did that thing come back?”
“We’ve been here with no problems and the thing is dead. Jeff and Danny went and got some food and supplies two days ago, and you some pain medicine, to last us a while.
“You let Danny go without you?” I asked shocked.
“Yes. I didn’t want to leave you, in case you woke up. Jeff doesn’t have a charge anymore so, I knew he’d watch out for him. Danny wouldn’t have it any other way though. You know him, especially when it comes to you. When he found out we didn’t have any medicine with us for you he practically drove off with Jeff barely jumping in to make the ride.”
I nodded, understanding. I felt definitely light headed and sore, and starving. I tried to swing my legs over the edge of the bed but they wouldn’t go willingly.
“Sherry, wait. Take it easy, let me help.”
Merrick placed his hands on my waist to steady my balance. I looked up at his close face. I couldn’t imagine the mess I must have looked. Three days. No shower, no food, no water, nothing.
He helped me up and held me as I almost buckled under my own weight. He flashed me that I’m sorry face again and pulled me in for an easy feet off the floor hug.
“I am so glad you’re ok,” he whispered.
“Merrick. Don’t, I’m such a mess.”
Hunger and pain was making me irritable but I wouldn’t direct any of that anger at him. I tried to smile as he pulled back so he knew I was kinda teasing.
“You’re a beautiful mess.”
He just said I was beautiful. I allowed myself to dwell on that for a split second.
He set me down and reached up to touch my healing eye and cheek wound that I had forgotten all about. I inspected for myself and it was almost healed, it felt like scratches under my frail fingertips. I noticed the huge red rash on Merrick’s arm and looked up at him questioningly.
“It’s nothing,” he leaned in and whispered against my cheek.
I couldn’t tell if it was his close proximity or the lack of nutrients but I felt weak. I wanted to take a shower but I can’t break his gaze. He looked past my eyes, into me and whispered in my mind.
I’m so sorry. I thought I lost you. It was my fault, I’m a Keeper, I should have protected you. I knew better, I should never have let you out of my sight.
“Merrick. I’m ok and I’m not your charge, remember?”
But you are. I don’t care what I’m supposed to do anymore. I won’t let anything happen to you, anything more, I should say. You are everything that’s important to me now.
“We are all in this together, now. It wasn’t your fault I got attacked and I know you had to do what you did and I know why. I remember, it’s ok. Please don’t do this,” I said and lifted my, what felt like, 50 lb hands to his upper arms. “Three days I’ve been in the dark, alone.” I missed the guilt free, easily enticed Merrick. “Please just...let it go, just be you.”
I was barely able to hold myself up, leaning almost entirely on him for support but I refused to wait any longer. I licked my lips, reached up on my tip toes, pulling on his arms and very lightly touched his lips to mine.
This wasn’t a passionate kiss. This was a grateful I-forgive-you-but-you-don’t-need-my-forgiveness kiss.
Our lips touched, barely grazed, for just a few seconds and I could already barely breathe. I leaned my forehead on his chin and tried to catch my breath. I didn’t even get to witness his reaction because I was so out of it.
He picked me up in his arms, as if I weighed nothing, careful of my shoulder and carried me to the kitchen. Kitchenette. A half everything. Half stove, half sink, half refrigerator. He sat me down on the bench at the table and went to make me
a sandwich.
I looked around at the dark motel décor. All the windows had thick dark curtains drawn to let in enough light to see to get around. I saw candles and flashlights on the counter. There was about twelve cases of soda on the floor by the walkway.
Leave it to Danny to do the shopping.
I figured while Merrick has his back to me I should try to fix me hair somewhat, it was the only thing I could do. Pulling my hair from the rubber band was excruciating. The muscles in my arm felt like stone, unwilling to give and move. Using my other arm, I eventually managed it.
Putting it back up neater would be that much harder so I sighed in frustration and left my hair more disheveled and messy than when I started.
I ate quickly as I was starving, Merrick sat right next to me, watching me closely, and by the time I was ready to ask for an escort to the shower, before anyone else could see me, I was suddenly surrounded by a swarm of eager bodies from the hall.
Danny grabbed me in a hug under my arms and I could barely keep myself from toppling over.