The familiar whitewashed wood bed sits in the middle of the large master bedroom. The plaid comforter is the same as it was that night. The scent in the room smells like him. Nothing has changed. My hands are on the verge of shaking as I help Maven into the bed.
That’s when I see it.
The picture of him and Lucy on the nightstand. There’s another of Lucy by herself on the other nightstand. Her … or another woman’s perfume is sitting on the dresser next to a white jewelry box with her name branded on the front. There’s a chair in the corner with a woman’s sweater draped over it.
Was that Lucy’s?
Or is it Chicken Chick’s?
“Will you put on cartoons for me?” Maven asks with a yawn.
“Sure.” I snag the remote from the nightstand and flip through the stations until I find her favorite cartoon.
She slides underneath the blankets and relaxes against the pillows.
I tap the bed as my heart thumps against my chest. My throat grows tight, and the room feels warmer than Maven’s forehead. “You let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“Will you stay?” she asks. “And watch with me?”
I nod even though all I want to do is abort mission and hang out in my car until Dallas gets here. I take off my shoes and sit down next to her, over the covers. That night haunts me as the opening of the cartoon lets out some annoying song. Maven snuggles into my side.
“Willow,” she whispers, hesitation layering her voice.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Will you be my new mommy?”
I blankly stare at her, fighting off the desire to flee the room, and try to give her the most comforting smile I can manage.
“You’re going to be my brother or sister’s mommy, so maybe you can be mine, too, since my mommy is in heaven.”
A knife digs into my heart, and I take in a deep breath to stop the tears. Maven looks just as upset as I feel.
I kiss the top of her head and then smooth my hands over her hair. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know my name at this point because my brain is spiraling out of control. “We’ll talk about it when you feel better, okay, honey?”
“Okay,” she whimpers.
She only lasts five minutes into the show before she dozes off. I slowly and quietly pull away from her and get out of the bed to grab my phone.
I catch my breath when I make it into the kitchen and drop onto a chair. I glance around the kitchen. More pictures of Lucy on the refrigerator. Another one by the coffeemaker. A grocery list that’s not in Dallas’s handwriting is stuck under a magnet on the fridge.
Will I always think everything is Lucy’s here? That Dallas wants to keep and display every part and memory of her, so he won’t forget … so he won’t move on?
It’s petty of me to think these things. He wants to keep those memories of her alive because he was a good husband.
But I can’t stop myself.
That’s why I need to take a break from him. Why I need to consider the consequences before throwing myself into a situation this serious. His daughter asked me to be her new mommy. That’s big. Huge. A little girl’s heart is on the line, and I can’t break it if everything doesn’t go well with Dallas.
I grab my phone and text Stella.
Me: You busy?
She got home from the bed and breakfast yesterday, and nothing was on her schedule for the day.
Stella: Nope. Just going over some scripts. What’s up?
Me: I picked up Maven from school for Dallas because she was sick, and now, I’m not feeling so hot myself. Would you be able to watch her until Dallas got home, so I could get some rest at my apartment?
Stella: I’ll be there in 15. You need anything?
Me: I’m good. Thank you.
Her answer slows down my heart rate. Now, I need to make sure she doesn’t notice anything is off with me. I need to put my actress face on and hope the actress herself doesn’t find out I’m a fraud.
I’m still in the kitchen when Stella walks in. She rushes into the room and falls down in the chair across from me.
“You feeling any better?” she asks with concern.
“Not really,” I mutter. “I just need to lie down. I’ve been working on the nursery all morning, and I think I overdid it. That, or the twins are pissed that I fed them a healthy breakfast this morning.”
She laughs and gets up to wrap her arms around my shoulders. “You take care of yourself, girlfriend. Call me here soon.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Dallas
It’s been a hell of a day.
The shop’s phone has been blowing up all day with people wanting maintenance on their machines that weren’t scheduled in. I took them, of course, but I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I can’t wait to get home to my girls. Willow texted me a few hours ago when she picked up Maven, but I haven’t heard anything from her since even though I’ve tried calling. I’m guessing they fell asleep when Maven made her put on cartoons.
I wasn’t sure how Willow would react when I asked her to take Maven to the house, but she didn’t seem to have a problem, which is a fucking relief. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t step foot through my front door. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable in my home. I want her to feel so fucking good there that she decides to move in.
I start my engine and then kill it a few seconds later.
Fuck. She’s going to see them.
She’s going to see all of Lucy’s stuff. I haven’t built up the courage to move anything related to Lucy. Her toothbrush is in the holder, her clothes are in the closet, her touch is everywhere. I haven’t moved anything because it’s comforting, knowing there’s a part of her there. I can’t forget about her if her bracelet is still on the kitchen counter. I can’t forget her if I see her favorite pink top when I open the closet.
I don’t want that to change. I don’t want to forget the woman I loved. I don’t know if I can move her things yet, but I have a feeling that Willow won’t be comfortable until I do.
I call her again. No answer. I text her next.
Me: You doing okay over there?
I start my truck again and head home. She still hasn’t answered when I pull into the driveway, and instead of parking next to her car, I see Stella’s red BMW. I walk in, check in on Maven sleeping in my bedroom, and then meet Stella in the kitchen. She’s at the table going over scripts.
“Hey,” I greet, tossing my keys onto the counter.
She presses a finger to her lips. “We don’t want to wake her up. She’s been knocked out for a few hours.”
I nod, lowering my voice. “Where’s Willow? I’ve tried calling her a few times but no answer.” Anytime Willow goes MIA, I go into nervous-wreck mode.
“She texted me and asked me to come hang out because she wasn’t feeling well. She wanted to go home and lie down.”
I lean back against the counter, resting on my elbows. “Huh. I wonder why she didn’t mention anything to me.”
She chuckles. “You know Willow. She doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone.”
“You heard from her since she left?”
She shakes her head. “She seemed like she couldn’t wait to get out of here. I wish I had more for you, but she’s been distant with me lately. It most likely has something to do with her fear of sharing anything with me since it will get back to you because my fiancé has a big-ass mouth.”
“Fuck, sorry ’bout that. I don’t want to come between the two of you. If it helps, I don’t expect anything from you. Your loyalty is to her.”
They’ve been close for years, and I hate that she has no one to turn to right now.
She gets up. “No worries. She’s used to dealing with shit on her own. Brett made her that way. She kept all of their problems inside because she was sick of us telling her to break up with him every day. It’s hard to vent to people when they agree the guy you’re venting about is an asshole.”<
br />
“I get it.”
“I have to head out. I have a reading for the new season of my show in an hour.” She kisses my cheek. “Let me know if you hear from Willow, okay? And I’ll do the same for you. I’ll call her on my way to set and ask if she wants to come with me. Maybe I can get something out of her.”
I hug her. “Thank you for watching Maven. Be careful, and keep me updated.”
“You’re welcome, and of course.”
Maven is sound asleep and snoring when I go to check on her again. She insists on sleeping in my bed if she coughs the wrong way. Some might find it annoying, but I enjoy that she considers my space a healing place.
I turn off the TV and do a once-over of the room.
Then, a twice-over.
Willow didn’t run because she was sick.
I was right.
She ran because Lucy was everywhere.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Willow
Even though I don’t know where I’m going, I packed an overnight bag. All I’m sure of is, I need to get out of Blue Beech for a minute and clear my head.
Is it sad that Lucy’s stuff upset me?
I’ve been second best to Stella for years. Her assistant. The second choice to hang out with and only when someone wants to get closer to her. People have looked past me to see the celebrity. I can handle not being the star in the spotlight, but being second place in someone’s heart isn’t an option.
My SUV’s sunroof is open. The music is up while I drive down a deserted road. I didn’t turn on my GPS. I’m just driving. I’m blurting out the words to my favorite song when a sharp pain shoots through me, causing me to buckle forward. I swerve to the side of the road when another one hits me just seconds later. Tears well in my eyes, and the pain overtakes me. This isn’t a baby kicking or morning sickness.
It’s something else.
Something I haven’t been expecting.
Something I haven’t read about.
Something not normal.
I dump the contents of my purse out in the passenger seat to find my phone and then power it on.
Please have service. Please have service.
One bar. All I have is one bar.
I dial the three digits as tears start crawling down my cheeks.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
“My name …” My voice trembles, and I struggle to come up with the right words. “My name is Willow Andrews. I was driving.” I stop and double over, holding my stomach and groan. “I’m pregnant and having severe abdominal pain.”
“Okay, ma’am,” the woman says on the other side. “Do you know your location?”
I urgently search for a street sign, mile marker, anything that can help them. Nothing.
“I … I’m not sure. There’s hardly any traffic.” I open the Maps app on my phone to get the exact location and recite it to her.
“Thank you. We have an ambulance on the way. Stay with me, okay? Take deep breaths, Willow. Are you experiencing any bleeding?”
I’m sobbing louder. “I’m not sure.” I’m not proud of this, but I dip my hand into my panties and gasp when I drag it back out. There’s not much of it, but it’s there. And it’s bright red.
Tears fall down my face faster.
“You doing okay, Willow?” she asks.
“Yes,” I croak out, the words barely audible. “Yes, I’m bleeding.”
I should hang up and call Dallas. Call Stella. Call my mom. Somebody.
But I can’t move. I’m frozen to the spot, imagining every nightmare that could happen.
Please let everything be okay with my babies.
Please let everything be okay with me.
Please. Please. Please.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Dallas
I’ve been pacing the floor in my kitchen for what seems like hours. I fed Maven dinner, and she passed back out an hour ago. Her fever has gone down, which is a relief.
I’ve tried calling Willow countless times. At first, it was going straight to voice mail. It’s ringing now, but she’s not answering, so I get her voice mail again.
When my phone rings fifteen minutes later, I quickly hit the Accept button without even looking at the caller ID. “Hello?” I rush out.
“Dallas!” Lauren screeches. “You need to get to the hospital right now.”
“What?” I stutter out. “What’s going on?”
“Willow is here. They brought her in about ten minutes ago.”
My stomach drops. “How do you know? Did she call you?”
“Oh, gee, I don’t know, maybe because I work here. Get here fast, and I’ll explain everything. I’ve got to get back to my patients.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I hang up, and my hands are shaking when I dial Hudson. “You busy?”
“Nope, just parked on the couch, watching sports and waiting for Stella to get home. You want me to come hang out with you and my sick niece?” He must’ve not heard the urgency in my voice.
“Can you come watch Maven for me?”
He catches on now. “What’s going on?”
“Lauren said Willow got admitted to the ER.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “What for?”
“I don’t know. Lauren wouldn’t tell me over the phone.” That means, it’s not fucking good.
“I’ll be there in five, sooner if I can.”
“Thank you.”
I call Willow’s phone again. It rings. Then, voice mail. A million reasons why she’s there flash through me. If it were contractions or something small, Lauren would’ve told me to ease my mind.
Why didn’t Willow call me? Why didn’t she let me know what’s wrong with our babies? It’s just as much my information as it is hers.
Because she’s fucking selfish, and I’m fucking pissed.
Thirty minutes later, I’m pulling into the hospital parking lot. A bad taste fills my mouth as I run through the sliding glass doors. The last time I was here was when I said good-bye to Lucy.
I nearly collide with the front desk and ignore everyone standing in line, cutting straight to the front. “Willow Andrews,” I blurt out. “I’m looking for Willow Andrews. Redhead. She’s pregnant.”
The middle-aged woman stares up at me in annoyance. “You family?”
“The father of the twins she’s pregnant with. My sister is a nurse here and will vouch for me. Lauren Barnes.” Never thought I’d use that to my advantage of getting in somewhere.
The way her face falls confirms it’s not good news. She picks up the phone. “Will you please tell Nurse Barnes her brother is here?”
The doors open, and Lauren comes sprinting into the waiting room. “Dallas!” she calls out, nearly out of breath, and waves her hand. “Come with me.”
We speed-walk through the crowded hallway, and she knocks on a door before opening it. Willow is lying in the bed, tears and mascara running down her face, while the nurse checks her vitals. Her eyes are puffy from crying. She’s exhausted. Broken. Worn out. Like she’s been through hell. I’m positive I’m about to go there, too.
I rush over to her side, take her shaking hand, and slowly massage it with my thumb when she starts to cry harder.
“I don’t know what happened. I was driving down the road, and all of a sudden—” Her free hand flies to her mouth, stopping any words from exiting.
“All of a sudden what?” I ask, swallowing hard, my voice breaking, my heart breaking.
The nurse hits a few buttons on the monitor and scurries out of the room. Lauren shuts the door and leans back against it.
Willow moves her hand, so I can understand her. “All of a sudden, I got these sharp pains in my stomach.” She plays with her admittance bracelet over my hand and glances at Lauren in torture. “Can you … will you …”
Lauren takes a step forward with a pain-stricken face. “They did an ultrasound. It’s the first thing we did when the EMTs brought her in.”
“There was only one heartbeat,” Willow whispers.
A knot forms into my stomach, tightening every muscle, and I gag, positive I’m about to vomit. I squeeze her hand before pulling away to sit down.
“One heartbeat? What do you mean, one heartbeat?” I ask, practically begging for the answer I want even though I’m not going to get it. “We have two babies. Twins. I saw them with my own two eyes at our ultrasound!” My lip trembles, and I lock eyes with Lauren. “Tell them to do it again.” My tone is demanding.
“I already had them do it again. They showed me ten times!” Willow cries out. “I begged them to keep doing them, so I could prove them wrong. There were two heartbeats during our last ultrasound. I swear there was!”
“There was,” I gulp out.
“They did multiple ultrasounds,” Lauren says, wiping her eyes. “Trust me when I tell you, they wouldn’t put an expecting mother through this unless they were positive about it.” She moves across the room to rest her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, but the second baby is gone.”
“The fuck you mean, the second baby is gone?”
There’s a knock on the door that gains our attention, and Lauren tells whomever it is to come in. I’ve been to too many doctor visits and had too many hospital stays with Lucy to know when a doctor is about to deliver bad news, and the doc that walks in is about to deliver some bad news. I prepare myself for the blow.
He shoves his glasses up his slender nose. “Hello, I’m Dr. Jones.” I stand up, and he holds his hand out for me to shake. “I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’ve talked to Willow, but I wanted to come back when you arrived in case you had any further questions for me.”
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