by Amanda Kay
CORBIN
I felt myself being pulled away from him. “Tomorrow?” I whispered, and he pulled away, looking at me, a small smile on his face.
“Tomorrow,” he replied softly, his knuckles running down my cheek.
When the darkness surrounded me, I felt the tears. Why had I been afraid to show my feelings to him? “Why?” I screamed.
“Why, what?” I sighed at Leroy’s voice.
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around why I didn’t tell him how I felt.”
He nodded. “You hadn’t ever admitted being gay to him, either, until tonight.”
I closed my eyes. “I know I shouldn’t have been scared, but I was.”
His hand came to my shoulder. “You have more to tell him; only then can you rest.”
I swallowed hard. I knew what he meant. I had to tell Bryson everything. I had to tell him what had happened the night of the race. I had to confess my addiction.
Chapter 5
BRYSON
It was strange waking up after revealing so much to Corbin. I shook my head, knowing I needed to talk with Bennett. Mom had said I needed to go back to school on Monday, and the truth was, if I wanted to play in the district game on Friday, I needed to be in school all week to qualify.
Bennett opened his door, waiting for me to speak. “Breakfast?”
He smiled, “That sounds like a good idea, bro.”
I nodded, letting out a breath. “Thanks, Ben.”
We were sitting at the beach café, and I was trying to figure out where to begin. “Bryson, just spit it out.”
“Am I gay?”
He looked at me pointedly. “Are you?”
I shrugged and looked down, poking my food with my fork. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Look at me, Bry.” I did as he ordered. “Explain your confusion. Let it out. I’m not judging you, and you shouldn’t judge yourself.”
I sighed. “I don’t know if I’m gay. I know that I’ve been attracted to Corbin for about a year. I also know that scared me.”
“Why?” he pressed.
“I don’t know if I have an answer. I know I was attracted to him. Then, I was positive I shouldn’t feel that way. I would start wondering what people would think, and then, I’d get mad at myself for caring about what people thought.”
“Here’s what I’ll tell you, Bry. Don’t worry about everyone else. Do what’s best for you.”
I nodded. “I want to and then, I wake up and remember that Corbin is gone. Then, he’s not. Then, he’s telling me there is someone else, and I can’t even imagine that. I haven’t even wrapped my head around Corbin and me. I’m confused.” My thoughts raced. My mouth spit out thought after thought so fast that I was certain Bennett hadn’t followed me at all.
“Bro, you are special. Don’t underestimate that. If Corbin is telling you there is someone else, then you need to keep an open mind.”
“I know you’re right, but at the same time, I can’t imagine loving anyone else.”
Bennett nodded. “Take whatever time you get with Corbin, and then, worry about what happens after Corbin.”
I nodded and then went back to my food. Bennett had given me what I needed, something to think about. I didn’t know how long I’d get to have Corbin, so I needed to focus on that for the moment.
CORBIN
I was waiting for him at his parking spot at school. I was hoping he’d drive himself since he had to stay for practice. I smiled as Bryson pulled into his spot.
Bryson climbed out of the car and looked around anxiously. “No one can see me, Bry. Only you and Bennett.”
“Good morning.” Bryson sighed before scooping me into a hug that startled me.
I squeezed him tight and felt his hold tighten as well. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I knew I needed to confess something to him. “Can we talk?” Bryson pulled back and looked at his phone.
“At lunch?” he questioned back.
I nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll meet you in our usual spot.” He smiled brightly and nodded. The bell rang, and he planted a quick kiss against my mouth before jogging inside.
“Are you prepared for the downfall of this secret?”
I shook my head at Leroy’s voice, knowing nothing whatsoever could prepare me for what was about to occur.
BRYSON
As I neared my locker, I saw something that got under my skin. That was Kenedy.
“Kenedy, not now.” Corbin appeared. I wanted Kenedy gone, and more than anything, I wanted him gone so that I could talk with Corbin. He had said we’d talk at lunch, but here he was again. That was when a thought hit me. Something had been bothering me about that night.
“What’s wrong with Mercer?” Bennett asked, standing beside me, Kimber at his side.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
Kimber huffed, drawing my attention. “He seems intoxicated.” My eyes widened and I looked back toward the race.
Corbin’s eyes met mine and he spoke. “I’m so sorry, Bry.” I looked his way, aware that Kenedy was still there. He looked down and then Kenedy spoke.
“Answer something for me, Trevino?”
“What?” I snapped.
“What did Mercer take that night?” My eyes flashed behind him to where Corbin had been, but he was gone.
“He wasn’t on anything,” I defended, knowing deep inside that it wasn’t true.
“You sure about that?” Kenedy cackled.
“He wouldn’t have...,” I paused, “he was reckless, but he wouldn’t have put his life in danger.” I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince.
Kenedy shook his head. “Keep telling yourself that,” he hissed, stomping away.
Corbin reappeared, and my eyes met his and I saw the truth reflected at me. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
“Bry, don’t,” he pleaded.
“You took something before the race?”
“Not now,” he begged.
I shook my head. “How could you?” I stopped and gathered my words, but nothing came. “You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know.” I got my items from the locker and walked away. I was disgusted. I was angry. I was hurt. Corbin had literally thrown his life away. Thrown our life away. I was done.
Chapter 6
CORBIN
I slammed my fist into my locker, successfully denting it. “Cheap,” I muttered.
“Dang, Mercer, what did the locker do to you?”
“Save it, Ben,” I huffed, feeling the sting of defeat.
“What happened?” His voice was kind, and the dam burst. I needed to tell someone.
“I was nervous about the race.”
“Yeah.”
“I screwed up.”
“We all make mistakes, Corbin.”
I shook my head. “Not like this. This one cost me my life.”
Realization flashed in his eyes. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah, that was Bryson’s reaction.” I closed my eyes. “I just needed the chance to explain, and now, I have lost it.”
“Why can Bryson and I see you?”
“Bryson can so we can get our chance and so I can help him move on when it’s time.”
“And me?” he pressed.
“So Bryson has someone to talk to.”
“I see.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll talk to Bry.”
“Thanks, Bennett.” He smiled and walked away. When the first Trevino walked away from me, I was crushed, but now, as the second one walked away, I felt better. Lighter. Freer. If there was anyone on Earth that could get through to Bryson, it would be Bennett.
BRYSON
Bennett was leaning against my car as I came around the corner. What did he want? Bennett didn’t have a seventh period, and he never hung around the school. This was about Corbin.
I opened my passenger door and tossed my backpack in. “I don’t have time, Ben. I have practice.”
“Make time,” he hissed.
“Yeah
, no. Not going to do five laps around the field because Corbin is a moron.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my upper arm.
“You need to listen.”
“Let go!” I bit out, trying to pull away.
“Nope, I don’t think so.” His grip tightened.
“I don’t want to discuss it.”
“I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to hear the guy out before it’s too late.”
I gave up my fight, and he loosened his grip enough for me to pull free. “Fine, I’ll listen.” I stomped away, knowing I would be late for practice.
CORBIN
I stood back, watching the varsity baseball team practice. The more I watched, the worse I felt. “Trevino!” That was the fifth time the coach had yelled his name.
“Yes, Coach,” Bryson answered, looking completely defeated.
“What’s the problem?”
“I’m sorry, Coach, I’m distracted, I suppose.”
Bryson never got distracted, especially when it came to baseball. He was the only sophomore on the varsity team, and the first to receive the honor of everyday catcher.
“Look, I know things have been rough lately,” the coach began, and I held my breath.
“Yeah,” he muttered.
The coach sighed. “We need you Friday night, Trevino. Whatever it is that’s eating you, solve it or sit on the bench.”
I swallowed; the coach couldn’t bench him. Bryson had worked hard to become the everyday catcher. I wouldn’t let him risk that. Not because of me.
“I’ll be okay, Coach.”
“Make certain you are. Hit the shower, kid.”
He nodded and started toward the locker room. Now was my chance.
“After my shower, Corbin,” he said, not looking back toward me. His words stopped me dead in my tracks, and he disappeared into the locker room. I had no choice. I had to wait him out.
BRYSON
I allowed the hot water to scald my skin as I tried to regain my composure. After the first ten minutes, my anger subsided. After fifteen, I wanted to hear him out. After twenty minutes, I needed to be near him. After thirty minutes, I shut off the water, feeling more like myself. I got dressed and hoped he was still waiting for me. As I left the locker room, I saw him right where I imagined he had stopped when I told him I would talk to him after my shower. I stopped and stared at him for a moment. He looked scared, shaken, lost, and it had been a long time since I saw that side of him. Nervous, I saw the night of the race, but all these emotions were something I hadn’t seen since the sixth grade.
I ran to him and wrapped him in my arms. “I’m here, Corbin. I’m always here.” His arms tightened around me.
“Been a long time since I’ve needed to hear those words, Bry.” I pulled back and cupped his face in my hands, kissing him. Melting into him. Allowing him to melt into me.
“I love you, Bryson,” he whispered against my lips, and then sighed.
“What is it?”
He looked down. “You aren’t mine. I gave you up.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
“The beach?”
“Sounds perfect.”
I ran my hand along his cheek. “I need to go home first. I’m under strict rules since the race.” I glanced at the time on my phone, knowing I was going to have to convince Mom to let me stay out later or get Bennett to cover for me.
Arriving home, I went in search of Bennett first. “Hey, man, can we talk?”
“That depends…”
“On?” I pressed.
“Did you talk to Corbin?”
I frowned. “Sort of.”
“Then I sort of don’t have time to talk,” he tossed my way.
“Ben, knock it off. We agreed to talk.” He looked my way, willing me to continue. “We kissed, and it wasn’t the first time.” His eyes widened. “I had practice tonight, I have homework. I need help so I can sneak out of here at ten.”
He sighed. “I’ll help, but you can’t sneak out of here.”
“And I can’t tell Mom exactly what I’m doing, either. You’re the only other one who knows Corbin is here.”
“Yeah, he told me that.”
“Bennett, Mom won’t let me out that late with my car.”
“I’ll tell her you’re coming out with me.”
“You’re going out with Kimber,” I retorted.
“We can say we’re meeting Kimber and a friend. Where are you meeting Corbin?”
“The beach.”
“I have to drop Kimber off by midnight.”
“Understood, thanks, Ben.” I turned to leave, but his voice stopped me.
“Bry?” I turned around again and met his concerned gaze.
“What?”
“Are you gay?” His question knocked me off balance. We had only discussed this a little bit, and I was still uncertain. How did I answer this? I didn’t think I was, but then again, I had only ever been attracted to Corbin.
“I honestly don’t know.”
He frowned. “But you’ve kissed Corbin.”
I looked down. “Yes, but I have never been attracted to anyone other than Corbin. Not another guy and not any girl. I told you that at breakfast.” I felt my temperature rise. “Would it be a bad thing if I was?” I asked, not certain I wanted the answer.
“Of course not, Bry. You’re my little brother, I’ll love you no matter what.”
“What will everyone else say?”
“Who the hell cares about everyone else?”
I swallowed. “Corbin and I did.”
“Is that why you weren’t together when he was alive?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“More things the two of you need to discuss.” He walked to me and rested his hands on my shoulders, staring at me. “I think the reason Corbin is still here is because the two of you have unfinished business.”
“I think you might be right.”
He laughed. “Of course, I am. I’m the oldest.”
I laughed. “Jerk.”
“Go do your homework. I’ll go work on Mom.”
I nodded. “Again, thanks, Ben.”
He squeezed my shoulder before I stepped out the door. “That’s what I’m here for.”
CORBIN
We didn’t have a set meeting time, but it was nearing ten, and something told me he was close by. “You can feel him because you’re connected to him.”
“How?”
“You made poor choices. The past can’t be erased, but you are going to need to help Bryson so that the past doesn’t repeat itself.”
I shook my head. “It won’t. Bryson isn’t the dumb one.”
“Neither were you, Corbin.”
“I was reckless.”
“I don’t disagree, but there are others who are worse.”
“Caiden?” I whispered, knowing that Leroy was referring to his grandson, the one who belonged to Bryson. The person who Bryson belonged to.
“Yes, Caiden. The hand he was dealt was worse, and he didn’t have Bryson in his life at a young age like you did.”
“And I still screwed up,” I mumbled.
“We all screw up. We all make mistakes. It’s up to us to then make sure we learn from them.”
“But I’m dead, so how can I learn from it?”
“By setting Bryson on the right path.”
“What if the Past is destined to repeat itself? What if I fail him again?”
“I have faith in you, Corbin.”
“I’m glad someone has faith in me, because I’m not sure I have faith in myself.” I stared out at the ocean, watching the waves crash against the shore.
“I have faith in you, Corbin.” His voice. His voice always grounded me.
“Hey, Bry.”
“Hey, yourself,” he said, taking a seat next to me.
“So, you managed to get out.” He laughed and shoved my shoulder at my dig.
“Don’t be an arse.”
>
“Thought I was a cocky arse,” I tossed back.
“You are, but you’re also sweet, funny, shy. You’re my best friend, and that’s never going to change.”
I swallowed. “You’re my best friend too, Bry.” I took his hand in mine and continued to stare out at the ocean. “You saved me.”
He squeezed my hand. “Well, I did a lousy job of that then.”
I looked toward him. “No, you didn’t. My mistakes are mine and mine alone.”
“I should’ve fought harder to convince you not to race.”
“There was nothing you could’ve done, Bry. They all were expecting Kenedy to wipe the floor with me. I had to prove them wrong.”
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t have to prove anything to those jerks. Including Bennett.”
“Bennett’s not a jerk.”
“No, he’s not.”
A silence fell over us. I was content in just letting the silence be, but there was a bunch of things we needed to talk about.
BRYSON
“So, what did you take?” I asked. I knew we should start with a different question, but I wanted this answer first.
He sighed. “Some of my mom’s anxiety medication.”
“How much is some, Corbin?”
I watched him close his eyes. “I lost count.”
“Corbin! Are your serious right now?”
He cupped my cheeks in his hands, “I’m so sorry, Bry. I had taken them before. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I didn’t realize I was becoming addicted.”
“Oh, Corbin.” I stroked his cheek. “Why? You could’ve called me. We could’ve skipped out long before the race. You could’ve told me you were having issues. I would’ve helped.”
“The easiest answer was, I didn’t want to hurt my pride.”
“So, you decided to throw your life away?” I grumbled, turning back toward the ocean.
“It wasn’t like that, Bry. I just needed to settle my mind. I’ve taken a pill here or there for years. My mom never noticed any pills missing, and I didn’t know how much trouble I was getting myself into.”
I shook my head. “Stop talking, Corbin.”
“Please?” I shook my head again and slid away from him, needing some distance. “Bry, don’t.”