by Amanda Kay
BRYSON
Waking up for school the next morning, I felt lighter; maybe it was the reality of seeing Corbin. Maybe it was knowing that everyone would see what we had hidden from them and each other. I wasn’t sure. The game was tomorrow night, which meant it would be all over. Noise from outside distracted me, and I looked out the window.
“New neighbors,” my mom’s voice rang out.
“I can see that,” I snipped.
“Watch your tone, young man.”
I turned toward her and frowned. “Sorry, Mom. I’m a little stressed out.”
She nodded. “Coach called and said you’ve been all over the place.”
I cursed under my breath. “I’ll be okay.”
She smiled and walked toward me, pulling me into her arms. “Of that, I have no doubt, my special boy.” I sighed and hugged her.
“I need to go, Mom.” She pulled back and nodded.
“I need you back at work after the season is over.”
“Yes ma’am.” She patted my cheek like I was still a child, but in the moment, I wasn’t annoyed. Instead, it comforted me, and I needed that.
As she neared my door, she turned back toward me. “Hey, Bryson...”
“Yes, Mom,” I answered, my eyes locking onto her.
“I support any choice you make.” She winked my way and left me alone. Did she know? I know what I had said at Corbin’s funeral, but I hadn’t outright said I was gay.
CORBIN
Something felt a little off as I waited for Bryson. “Why am I feeling this way?”
“Because you know the stakes. Because you can feel a change.”
“So, what do I do, Leroy?”
“You make sure that nothing is left between you and Bryson.” I swallowed. “Something has changed for him.”
I nodded and looked toward Bryson’s parking spot in time to watch him pull in. I could feel the change even before he got out.
Parking, he jumped out and raced toward me. Knocking the wind out of me as he squeezed me. “Good morning, Bry.”
He pulled back and smiled. “Can everyone see you today?” I nodded, unsure about what was going on. “Good, let’s go.”
I laughed. “What is going on?”
“I want you to know I’m not ashamed.”
“What about the team?”
He shook his head. “It’s not important.” I went to speak again but he silenced me with a kiss.
Chapter 9
BRYSON
I walked into the locker room and everyone stopped talking. I had changed already, so I kept my eyes focused on my locker. “Just getting my catching gear.”
I heard a sigh but didn’t dare look up. “This is stupid. We’re behaving like a bunch of immature brats.” I wasn’t expecting Kenedy to stand up for me, but I was positive it was his voice.
I kept my head in my locker. “He’s the best catcher this school has ever seen,” someone else interjected, but the voice was muffled by my locker.
“I want to win,” someone else said, and I swallowed hard. “We need Trevino for that.” I chanced looking out at my team.
“I just want to play baseball,” I said.
“But you’re gay, right?” I closed my eyes. It was time I stood up for Corbin. It was time I stood up for myself. I had to admit the whole truth.
“Yes, Kel, I am.” It felt good to say that with confidence, but at the same time, I still wasn’t sure if it was the whole truth.
He shook his head. “I won’t be able to pitch tonight with him behind the plate.”
“Why not?” Kenedy tossed.
“Because I’m pitching, dude.”
“You really think I’d check you out in the middle of the damn game, Kel?”
“It’s hard to really know what’s going on under that mask.”
“Fine, I’ll sit the bench.” I grabbed my stuff and stormed out of the locker room. I heard a flurry of noises, but I ignored them.
“Coach!” I yelled, coming closer to the dugout.
“Yes, Trevino.”
“Put me on the bench.” His eyes widened.
“What?”
“Put me on the bench.”
“Trevino, have you lost your mind?” I shook my head.
“What are you doing, Bry?” I heard Bennett say.
“Stay out of it. Ben,” I snapped.
“Kenedy told me the guys were cool,” Coach said, still staring at me in shock.
“Not all of them,” I grumbled. “Kel’s afraid I’ll be looking at his junk while he’s pitching.”
“Now, wait one minute!” I heard Kel snap. “I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it,” I hissed.
“Bry, think about this,” Bennett warned.
“Stay out of it.” He grabbed me and pulled me away.
“Have you lost your mind?” he asked when we were away from them.
“I know who I am. I can’t change that. If it bothers him, I shouldn’t be catching while he’s on the mound.”
“Bryson, the team is here because of you.”
I shook my head. “We’re here because we played well as a team.”
“Yes, a team that you are part of. A team you’ve led since the moment they said you were going to play varsity. Don’t throw that away.”
I shrugged. “And if I don’t defend who I am, what does that say about me? What does that say to Corbin? He’s gone; I can’t change that, but I can make sure he knows I’m not ashamed of us.”
Bennett swallowed and looked over my shoulder. “Come.” He pulled me back toward my team.
“Are you really bothered by the fact that he’s gay?” he snapped.
Everyone but Kel shook their heads. “It was weird at first, Bennett, but we were behaving like brats.”
“You think, Kenedy?” Bennett snapped.
“Look, I haven’t been an active player since getting hurt last year. Bryson stepped into my shoes and he’s better than I ever was. I’ll be the first to admit that.”
“You agree, Kel?” Bennett turned his gaze toward my starting pitcher for the night.
He sighed. “Yeah, he’s good.”
“Then that should be all that matters,” Bennett stressed.
He nodded. “I’m sorry, Bry. Truth is, you’re the only one I want catching me and calling the shots.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had stood up for myself and won them over. My skills outweighed everything else.
“So, are you suiting up, Trevino?” Coach smirked.
“Let’s demolish them,” I said.
CORBIN
I had seen Bryson talking with the coach and then having a heated discussion with Bennett. I climbed into the bleachers, my question ready, although I was sure I knew already. “What happened?” I whispered as the first pitch was thrown and popped up behind the plate, a relatively easy play for Bryson.
Bennett whistled and then turned my direction. “You really want to know?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
“Kel didn’t want to pitch with Bryson behind the plate.”
“I knew this was going to happen. Bryson denied things between us, right?” He needed to play and to do that, he had to set their minds at ease.
“Do you really think Bryson would do that to you?”
I looked over at him. “He needed to set their minds at ease.”
“Bryson didn’t care about that. He cares about you, and that was all that mattered to him. He told Coach to bench him.”
“He did what?” I gasped right as the third out of the inning was recorded. It was a bunt that stopped right in front of home plate that Bryson fielded and threw to his first baseman.
Bryson looked over at me and winked, my eyes drifted toward him as he was jogging off the field, he shot me a smile that melted my heart. “He’s always cared about you, Corbin.”
“I know that, Bennett,” I sighed.
He was leading off, and I knew he was going to set the tone he always did.
The pitch left the pitcher’s hand and came right across the top of the zone. Bryson didn’t miss it. He crushed it over the right field fence for an opposite field leadoff home run. The crowd went wild. As he touched home plate, he blew me a kiss.
He was on fire; his second time at the plate, he hit a double, plating two more runs. “He’s on Fire.”
“I’d expect nothing less from my little brother,” Bennett said, the pride evident in his voice.
“Me neither,” I agreed.
“He has until midnight, Corbin.” I nodded.
“So do I.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “You’ll be missed, Mercer.”
I laughed. “You only put up with me because of Bry.”
“That’s not true, Corbin. You were my friend too.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say that, Ben.”
“Why do you doubt it? Sure, I didn’t feel the same way Bryson did, but I considered you a friend. I want you to know that.”
“Thanks, Ben.”
A silence fell over us as Bry got stranded at second. That was a bummer, especially since Kel had given up some runs. Even with the two-run double Bryson had hit, the team was still down by two.
BRYSON
It was the bottom of the ninth. We were still down; Sam was on third. If I plated him, then the game was tied. I was a triple shy of the cycle. No one in the school had ever gotten the cycle. I could do this. I took my spot in the box. The pitcher on the opposing team had pretty much owned me all season long. I was 0-12 against him. Not this time, though. I only needed to get the ball out of the infield. There were two outs, I had to keep us alive.
“Bryson...Bryson...Bry...” echoed from the seats, but it was Corbin’s voice that rang out for me.
I was ready. The pitcher was ready. The wind up. And then, my eye caught someone in the darkness near the opposing dugout.
“Strike one!” the umpire hollered.
I blinked and stepped out of the batter’s box. “Come on, Trevino!” my team yelled.
I exhaled and stepped back in the box. The pitch came and I fouled it off. I stepped out of the box again and looked up at Corbin, and he frowned. He knew I was distracted. I nodded my head toward the other dugout. He didn’t look that way.
“You need to get back in the box, son,” the umpire said, and I nodded.
Focus, Bryson. The pitcher got set, and then, the shadowy figured moved, ever so slowly, drawing my attention again.
“Strike three!” I looked back at the umpire as the other team celebrated on the field. My field. I had blown it. I looked back toward our dugout and the expressions on my team’s faces said it all. I had let them down.
“We lost,” I whispered; I fell onto home plate.
“Maybe if your head wasn’t so far up your ass, we would’ve won, Bry,” Sam sneered as he walked by me.
We had lost. My team was counting on me, and I had let them down. How did I let that happen?
We lost. We lost. I couldn’t believe we had lost.
CORBIN
I saw him standing in the shadows, and it was obvious that Bryson saw him too. “Wow,” Bennett whispered.
“He got distracted.”
“By what?”
“By whom, actually.”
Bennett stared at me, and I knew he wanted answers. “Corbin?” he pressed.
“Another guy, it’s complicated, but he’s Bryson’s forever.” God that hurt to say.
“Wow. I didn’t think Bryson would ever end up with anyone. I didn’t know about the attraction you two shared. I assumed he was just focused on baseball.”
I shrugged. “We both hid it well. So well one never knew how the other felt.” Deep down, I think I did know, I just was scared to feel that much. If we had gotten together and broke up, I’d have lost the most important person in my life.
He looked back at the field. Bryson hadn’t moved from home plate. “He needs you.” He walked down the bleachers. “Midnight, Corbin.”
I nodded. “Yes, Ben.” As he left, I was left alone in the stands, staring at my guy. My best friend. The person who never judged me, but always judged himself.
I took one last glance at the shadows near the visiting dugout, Caiden was still there. My time was nearly up, it was time Bryson knew all the stakes.
“Hey,” I said quietly, knowing that he had zoned out. I didn’t want to scare him.
“I failed.”
I sat down in the dirt facing him and lifted his face to mine. “No, you didn’t. You were the reason it was so close.”
“I got distracted. I let them down.”
I hugged him to me. “It’s okay, Bryson. It’s a team game. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“They we’re counting on me, Corbin!” he shouted, standing up to pace in the process.
“It can’t all rest on your shoulders, Bry. You did everything you could tonight. You were a triple away from the cycle. They can’t get mad at you for one at bat.”
“An at bat that cost us the game,” he stammered.
I grabbed him in a tight hug as he shook in my arms. “It’s okay, Bry. It’s okay.”
“It’ll never be okay.”
I rubbed his back. “This isn’t about the game, is it?”
He grabbed me tighter and sobbed into my shoulder. “How am I supposed to survive without you, Corbin?”
“You’ll have Caiden,” I whispered.
“And if I want you?” he tossed back at me.
“You can’t have me. After tonight, everything goes back to normal. No one remembers my presence this week.”
“Will I remember this time?” he asked, pulling back, his emerald eyes piercing my soul.
“I won’t let you forget. Bennett will remember too, for you. So, you’ll always have someone to talk to.”
“God, I’m going to miss you so much, Corbin. I’m so sorry we couldn’t have this time before the accident.”
“I’ll miss you too, but I’ll always be here for you. Always. You’re my forever, even if I’m not yours.”
“No one else, Corbin. No one,” I sighed. I couldn’t fail him. I had to make him understand.
“I gave you up when I raced. You aren’t mine. I’ll protect you always, but your life here on Earth belongs to Caiden. Promise me you’ll be for him what you were to me. A guiding light on a dark path.”
“It’s hard to imagine being with anyone else. Especially, another guy.”
I stroked his cheek. “I know but trust me on this one. Please, Caiden needs you. Don’t let the past repeat itself. We can’t change it; we can only learn from it.”
He squeezed me to him again tightly. “I promise, Corbin,” he rasped. I held him to me as long as I could and then I was pulled away.
I meant what I said, Bryson was mine to protect and I would do just that, but his heart belonged to someone else. “You’ll always be a part of him.”
“I know,” I whispered, afraid to say any more.
“He’ll never forget this time.”
“I know.”
“I know how hard it was to give him up.” I nodded into the darkness. “I can’t thank you enough for being strong enough to say goodbye.” Light suddenly began to creep into the darkness, and I could tell it was time.
“I did what I had to do. We can’t change the past, and I made my decision when I got into that car.”
His hands came to my shoulders. “Yes, you did, but you were also able to set Bryson down the right path. Caiden needs him, and Bryson will still need you. The journey doesn’t stop here, Corbin, not if we are going to save my grandson’s life.”
I swallowed. “Right, your grandson.”
He nodded. “My only grandson. The son of my only child. His life, my daughter’s life, is in danger.”
“But... Shouldn’t I have told Bryson this?” These stakes were even bigger than I imagined. He shook his head silencing me and my thoughts.
“It’s Caiden’s story to tell.” I closed my eye
s and processed everything. I was dead and being guided by the grandfather of the guy who would forever have my Bryson’s heart. It was a lot to take in, but I accepted my fate. I had chosen my path, and now, it was time to make sure the past couldn’t repeat itself.
II.
THE PRESENT
Bryson and Caiden
Finding a Path
Chapter 10
CAIDEN
I watched from the shadows, feeling guilty for distracting him during the game. I couldn’t place it, but I was drawn to him.
I saw him staring out his window this morning, and I noticed him at school when I went with Mark to get registered, even if he didn’t notice me. I saw the signs plastered around the school, as we toured it, announcing the district finals. His picture front and center on all of them.
I knew I needed to come tonight, despite how silly it seemed. I was a nobody. I knew that, and it was foolish to think I could be worthy of him. And now, as he hugged on the guy at home plate with him, my heart sank further.
“He’s saying goodbye.” I looked around but was alone.
“Who’s there?”
The voice seemed familiar, distant memories longing to come forward. Memories from a happier time. Memories I wished I could have back again, but that part of my life no longer existed. I was hollow inside.
“In time, you’ll understand, just know he’s saying goodbye. Corbin is dead.”
I frowned, “He’s dead?” How could he be dead? He was right there?
“The one facing us is Bryson.”
“The baseball guy?”
“Yes. Corbin was his best friend; he died in a street racing accident two weeks ago.”
I cocked my head as I studied them. “They’re more than friends,” I grumbled, still not knowing who I was talking to. Wishing I could place the voice that seemed so familiar.
“They are, but then, they aren’t.”
I looked around, confused, and then, back toward Corbin and Bryson. They were wrapped up in a tight hug now. “Look at him, his heart is breaking. How can I ever compete?”
“Just be you.”
I laughed. “Yeah, right. When has that ever been good enough?”
“It was once, Caiden.”
I looked down at my feet. “That was a long time ago.” I killed that person after my grandfather’s death. He didn’t exist. I wouldn’t bring him back. No, I was a sinner. I was a killer. I wasn’t worthy of anyone.