by Amanda Kay
CAIDEN: See you at ten.
“Hey, man, you okay?” I jumped at his voice, and looked his way, trying to remember his name. “Kenedy,” he said with a sly smile.
“Right. I’m Caiden.”
“I know. Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I smirked. “A ghost would be welcomed right now.”
“You’re not okay. Do you want me to get Trevino?”
“No!” I shouted loud enough that Bryson’s focus turned to me. “Shit,” I muttered. “I don’t want to distract him.” I looked down but I could still feel both Bryson and Kenedy staring at me.
I looked up and Bryson was still looking my way, a concerned look spread across his face. I flipped my gaze toward the parking lot and then headed for his car.
“Be right back, Coach.” I heard him say but I didn’t stop moving. I couldn’t.
BRYSON
I was concerned for him and I was going to find out what had happened. “What did you say, Ken?” I snapped.
“Just asked if he was okay.”
I exhaled and chased after someone I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to save. “Caiden!” I hollered as he continued to walk toward my car.
“I’m okay,” he said so quietly I almost didn’t hear him, but he stopped walking and allowed me to reach him.
“Look at me, Caiden.” When he didn’t, I pulled him toward me and turned him around myself. I cupped his face in my hands, “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”
“I wish you could. I’m not going to abandon you. This secret isn’t going to drive me away. I know it has to do with Mark, and I know you feel as though you are protecting your mom, but if you just told me what’s going on, we could figure it out together.”
He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, I felt as though I had won. “He’s blackmailing me.”
“How?”
“He found out about the daredevil thing. He told them I was underage.”
“That’s not so bad. You promised you weren’t going to work for them anymore anyway.”
“Yeah, I promised.” His voice was flat, and my hands fell away from his face.
“Are you saying you are going to do another stunt?” I knew there was distain in my voice.
“I’m saying I don’t have a choice.”
“What does that mean?”
“Trevino, get back out here!”
I looked over at Coach. “In a minute.” I refocused on Caiden, “What is it, Caiden?”
He shook his head, “Go, we can talk later.”
I didn’t want to leave him. “Trevino!”
“Later, promise me.”
He nodded. “Later.” As I trotted back toward the field, I looked back his way, he had slowly begun to follow me.
CAIDEN
Maybe Corbin would cut me some slack since I had told Bryson a little bit. “No chance. One month and he must know it all.”
“Give me a break!” I shouted, glad that Bryson had gotten far enough away.
“Why are you afraid of the truth?”
“Why were you?” I hissed back.
“Because Bryson was too important to me.” I shook my head at his response.
“Hypocrite much?” Why was everyone in my life being so hypocritical? Well, not Bryson. He wanted to help. I could feel it.
“Yes, but I’m doing it because I don’t want you to make my mistakes. Bryson would’ve been in my corner, no matter what. I didn’t trust myself, though.”
“Is that why Bryson thinks he failed you?”
“Yes, partly. He feels that if I had trusted him the way I said I did, I wouldn’t have hid things from him. And he’s right, to a point.”
“Only to a point?” He appeared in front of me and walked me away from everything.
“Yes, only to a point. I meant what I said; I trusted Bry with my life, but I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust my feelings. I didn’t trust the strength he gave me. I was afraid that if I admitted the truth, everything would slip away. I had been bullied. I didn’t want to go through that again.”
“Bryson bullied you?” I couldn’t imagine that.
He chuckled. “No, not Bryson, never. Before I met him and then things seemingly changed overnight for me, but not really. The truth is, there were still whispers about me when they thought I wasn’t around. I was hoping the race would cement my place. I had been riding Bry’s coattails. I wanted my own.”
“To feel deserving of the strength he gave you?”
“Yes. Bryson heard the talk too but had never really said anything except to me. He wanted me to know that no matter what was said, I was his best friend.”
“Something changed the night of the race?”
Corbin nodded. “Yes, Kenedy started talking smack, and Bry decked him.”
“I need time, Corbin.” I couldn’t do this, not yet.
“One month.”
I nodded my agreement and he vanished. I walked toward the bleachers again, and Bryson’s eyes were on me instantly. He was worried, and that felt good. I hadn’t had anyone worry about me in a long time. But it was the depth of his worry that concerned me the most. What if I couldn’t make him understand?
Chapter 28
BRYSON
As we road home together, I could see that something was clearly still bothering him, despite what he had said. I reached for his hand as I focused on my driving. I wasn’t planning on speaking. I was going to let him lead.
“I have to get a tattoo.”
“Why?”
“The daredevil company wants to do a web series. Mark was monitoring my emails. He ratted me out to them but agreed to let me continue. They agreed but the money would go to him for the sake of appearances.”
“You could go to the cops, Caiden,” I suggested, but he shook his head. “Why not?” I tightened my grip on his hand as we rounded the corner onto our street.
“The simple answer. Mom. He threatened to turn her against me again. And he’d be able to. We’d move away again, and I don’t want that.”
“Did she accept that you were gay before Mark?”
“Yes. I was afraid she wouldn’t, but Grandpa convinced me otherwise.”
“What happened to your grandpa?”
“It was my fault.”
“How was it your fault?” My heart hammered in my chest because we were about to be connected in another way, of this, I was certain.
“We were playing catch with a football. It got away from me. I didn’t even think before I ran into the road...,” he paused as I put the car in park. “A car barreled around the corner. He jumped into the road and shoved me away.” He slumped in the passenger seat.
“Ironic,” I muttered.
“What is?”
“The way we each lost someone we cared about.” He stared at me. “A car,” I whispered.
CAIDEN
I kissed his cheek and got out of the car. I needed time to process what he had just said. I hoped and prayed he’d understand, and when he didn’t follow me, I felt relief.
“Well, you’ve confessed part of it to him.”
“Not now, Corbin.” I steadied myself, hoping Mom was in the apartment and not downstairs in the house. “Mom,” I called.
She came out of the only bedroom. I had been relished to sleep on couch. “Is everything okay?”
“I need to ask you something.” I stood near the door, a firm grip on my backpack straps.
“Okay. Do you want to sit?”
I shook my head. “I need to stand.”
She nodded and walked toward me, but I took a step back. “Caiden?”
“Please, I need space.” She nodded. “Do you blame me for Grandpa’s death?”
“How could you think that?” she asked, surprised.
“Mark told me you did. Mark told me you’d never forgive me. That I had so much sin in my life. I blamed myself. I still blame myself.”
“Caiden..
.,” she swallowed, “I’m going to hug you, okay?” I nodded and she stepped forward, embracing me. “I never blamed you for that. I’m sorry you thought that. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to break through his manipulation.” She pulled back and led me to the couch.
“Why him?”
“Mark was in my life about a month before Grandpa’s death.” I stayed silent; I knew this, but she hadn’t brought him home. “When he died, I felt as though I was going to lose everything, but he picked me up. He told me we could live with him. Told me to sell the house. I did and then he turned everything around on me. With our bank accounts joined, he ended up taking everything, and I didn’t know what to do.”
“That money was ours. We could’ve fought him.”
She shook her head. “I was in a low place, he had me convinced I’d never win. The pills, the booze, had my head so messed up. Then he used my weakness further when he turned on me for you being gay. I wish I had been stronger, Caiden, and I’m sorry I’m not.”
I squeezed her to me and sighed. “I’ll protect you always.”
“It’s time I start protecting you again.”
“I’m strong, Mom.” She pulled back and smiled.
“I have no doubts about that.” She patted my leg. “How was Bryson’s practice? You did stay today, right?”
“Yeah, I stayed. It was good. He’s amazing. It’s hard to believe the team was unsure about him after he came out.”
“They were?” Her eyes widened.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not sure who he wanted to know that.”
“I won’t say anything. Do you have homework?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll leave you to it.” She got up and went back to the bedroom, leaving me on the couch. The coffee table pulled up, creating the perfect desk for me. I took out my math book, but my phone beckoned me. I needed him to know what I had done.
CAIDEN: I think I just did something bad.
BRYSON: I doubt that.
CAIDEN: Mom and I were talking, and I let it slip that the team was unsure about things after you told them you were gay.
BRYSON: As I said, I doubt that.
CAIDEN: Does that mean you aren’t mad?
BRYSON: That’s exactly what I mean. I don’t mind in the slightest.
CAIDEN: I should do my homework. See you for dinner?
BRYSON: See you for dinner.
I still couldn’t concentrate on my homework for the day; I wasn’t sure why. “Because he’s still missing the facts.”
“Grandpa, why is it so important that he knows what Mark is doing?”
“Because only then can he decide if you’re worth him saving.”
“But that’s what I’m afraid of. What if he decides I’m not?”
“That’s where trust comes into play. You need to trust what you two are building.”
“I’m not ready yet.”
“That’s why you have a month.”
“Then Corbin tells him.”
“Exactly.”
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to finish any of this tonight. So much weighed me down.
CAIDEN: Can we talk?
BENNETT: Sure.
CAIDEN: Can you come to the apartment? And don’t tell Bryson.
BENNETT: Give me a few minutes.
CAIDEN: Okay.
I knew he was going to tell Bryson. That was the relationship they had, but I just needed someone else to talk to, and Bennett seemed like the logical choice.
BRYSON
I focused on my homework and tried to calm myself when Bennett peeked into my room. “Did something happen with you and Caiden?”
I frowned. “No, we’re back on track.” Granted, I wasn’t sure if the track we were on was broken at the end, but I felt like we had reached a good place today. He’d tell me, when he was ready, what was going on with Mark, because I knew it wasn’t just the daredevil thing.
“He wants to talk.” I looked down at my phone, but I didn’t have another message from him.
“Must be a glitch, I don’t have a message.”
“To me,” he clarified.
I looked up, confused. “Why?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know, but I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Let me talk with him and maybe I can then give you some context.”
When he left, I went to the bed and laid across it. I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to talk to me. “He’s just figuring out when to tell you.”
“When to tell me what?”
“You have to be ready.”
“Ready?”
“Ready to make a choice.”
“What choice? Come on, Corbin.”
“I can’t, Bry. I’ve said too much already.”
“Corbin!” I hollered, but I could feel he was gone.
I scrambled up and raced down the steps in search of my mom. “Mom?”
“In my office.” I walked in, knowing my shoulders were slumped. “What’s going on?”
“Do you have a spare notebook or journal?”
“Do you need it for school?” I shook my head.
“It’s personal.”
Her lips pursed, but she went to a filing cabinet and pulled it open. She pulled a small, leather-bound journal out. “I always have extra for notes.”
“Do you need it?” She smiled and shook her head.
“I have more.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, taking the journal, and heading back to my room.
I sat down at my desk. “What’s your plan, Bry?”
“I need to get my head in order. I need to settle my heart. I thought writing things down would help.”
“I agree.”
I looked down and jotted down the date. “I need to do this alone, Corbin,” I whispered because I could still feel his presence. He didn’t speak, but I knew when he left me to my thoughts.
CAIDEN
I was pacing when he knocked. “Come in.”
The door opened and I couldn’t look at him. “What’s going on, Caiden?” he said, closing the door.
“I’m terrified. I trust Bryson, but there is so much going on, and I don’t want him to be disgusted with me.”
“Are you seeing someone else?” His concern laced his words. I knew he’d protect Bryson from heartache at all costs. After all, he was Bryson’s big brother and the bond they shared did not go unnoticed.
“No, nothing like that.” Well, exactly like that, but was it? “Not really. It’s complicated.”
“What’s going on?” he demanded.
“Mark, he’s blackmailing me.”
“Okay, how?”
“I can’t talk about it, but I know I need to tell Bryson and I don’t know how.”
“Be honest with him,” Bennett declared.
“It’s not that simple,” I admitted.
“Only if you say it’s not.” He turned and left before I could say anything else. I knew he was right, but I was terrified. My phone buzzed and I hoped it was Bennett with more advice, but instead, my blood boiled.
MARK: I’m back. Have you picked your tattoo?
CAIDEN: Yes.
Mark wasn’t going to like the tattoo I chose, but if I had to do this, I was going to get something that meant something to me.
MARK: Good boy.
My skin crawled at his words. I wasn’t sure if I could survive until my eighteenth birthday when he would walk away, leaving us alone.
“Then tell Bryson.”
“I can’t, Grandpa,” I said, falling onto the couch. My life was impossible. I would be impossible to love.
“You have no faith in anyone.”
“Yeah, well, there hasn’t been a reason to,” I snarked back.
“Except now.” I closed my eyes, knowing he meant Bryson.
Chapter 29
The Final Month of School
BRYSON
Caiden and I had fallen into a routine. A routine I was growing to hate. If Mark was in town, he went t
here for the night, and that disturbed me more than I could express to anyone, so I wrote in my journal. Tonight was the Spring Sports Banquet and Caiden was my guest of honor. Mom and Bennett would be there, too, for the awards, but the dance and reception that followed would just be Caiden and me.
Where do I begin today? As I’ve written in the past, Caiden and I have fallen into a routine that I love but hate as well. We’re friends and so much more, and I know myself enough to know I can honestly say I love him, but I haven’t said it yet, and it’s the ‘why’ that terrifies me. Is it because he’s hiding something from me? He’s supposed to race tonight. Part of the daredevil web series that Mark has blackmailed him into. Since that first bungee jump, he’s gotten a tattoo that he won’t show me. He’s gone skydiving, which had me sitting on the step outside, waiting for his return. And now, he was racing Kenedy. I couldn’t stand the parallels, and I hoped I could keep him long enough to make him forget he had to race. We could deal with Mark together. I wouldn’t allow Caiden to suffer any more under his hand. There wasn’t anything wrong with being gay. There wasn’t anything wrong with being in love with someone, even if they were the same sex as you. Tonight, I hoped I could prove that to Caiden.
I closed my journal and checked myself in the mirror. I had on black dress pants and my baseball polo that we were expected to wear. I walked downstairs to where my mom was with Caiden. “Don’t you look handsome, my boy.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I chuckled, my face heating with embarrassment.
“She’s right.” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. I walked to him and wrapped him in a hug.
“Looking pretty handsome yourself,” I whispered to him.
“Bryson, I have the race tonight,” he reminded me.
“I know, let’s not think about that right now.”
“Okay,” he said, pulling away from our hug but taking my hand. I could feel my mom’s cautious stare. She knew things weren’t perfect between us. She wanted me happy. I knew she feared I was going to get my heart broken, but I had faith in Caiden and me. We were going to prove everyone wrong.
CAIDEN
Once we were seated around our assigned banquet table, I started to relax. My time was running out. One more stunt, I reminded myself, then I’d tell him the truth. The money from racing was huge, and even though Mark was still planning on keeping me under his thumb, he had promised I could stop the web series. This was their last episode anyway; their online hits weren’t what they had expected. They were high, but not high enough. They didn’t see a reason to continue. Which freed me from half of Mark’s blackmail, and I had decided, a week ago, I’d trust Bryson to help free me from the other half, because I had fallen head over heels in love with him, and I didn’t want to continue to feel as though I was betraying him. I wanted our label. Bryson’s actions over the last month had proven to me that he was ready, and everything inside of me screamed that it was time for me to be ready too, and ready, I was.