Alone

by Abigail Wallace

  “I don’t think so Scarlet. She’s different. She’s not as cheerful. She’s been extremely cynical actually.”

  “I’m sure it’s just the exhaustion from your trip.” I reassure him. “I can try talking to her tomorrow.” I offer.

  Reluctantly, he nods.

  “You should get some sleep.”

  “Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Okay. Goodnight Scarlet.” He walks past me, towards the steps.

  I put my hand on his shoulder instinctively. He stops.

  “She’ll be okay Kevin.” I promise. “Give her time.” I drop my hand and watch him climb the steps. My hope for the situation quickly disappears once he’s out of sight.

  “They’ll be okay.” I whisper to myself. I hope I’m right.

  The night was long. I was alone, sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. No Alec to keep me company tonight. I was too tired to sleep, if that makes any sense. I spent most of the time stressing over everything. The attacks, Evan and Alec hating me, my crush on Shark.

  Finally, the sun rises in the sky. I watch as the living room becomes golden. Alec comes down the stairs and stops at the bottom, staring at me for a minute.

  “Did you sleep at all?” he asks. I shake my head rubbing my eyes. “Scarlet, you should go sleep now then.”

  I look at him, my eyes burning.

  “I should but I can’t.” I reply. “Haven’t been able to all night.”

  “Why not?” Shark asks.

  “Kat and Kevin returned last night…” I say, “but something’s wrong with Kat I guess.”

  “Is she hurt?” Alec asks.

  “No, not physically.” I reply.

  Alec lets out a relieved sigh.

  “I shouldn’t have made them do that, we could’ve waited and all gone together.” I say looking at Shark who’s standing behind Alec on the steps. “Anyway, I’m gonna let them sleep longer, but I need to talk to Kat after she gets up.”

  “You need sleep too.” Alec says. He actually seems concerned.

  “No, I’ll be fine.” I say. I force a smile and push myself up from the couch. I wobble slightly. I hope Alec doesn’t notice. “Worry about Kat. I don’t need her having a psychotic break.”

  “We don’t need you to have one either.” Alec argues. “And that’s what’s gonna happen. That seems to be what’s happening now.”

  I argue with him until the others come down the stairs and my eyes meet with Evan, and something in me shifts. I’m no longer tired. I’m scared and angry. I want him gone. I feel like I can’t breathe for some reason, I grab my chest. Shark raises his eyebrows and begins to open his mouth to say something.

  “Okay… I’m not fine. Maybe I am going crazy. I don’t know.” I say, I’m looking towards Evan but I’m talking more to myself than anyone else. “The world literally came crashing down and now I’m living with a guy who goes by the name of Shark because he won’t tell anyone his name and a guy who has genocide on his mind at all times and there’s you.” I say nodding at Alec. “You’re grumpy like all the time, and I get that I came in and stole your show or whatever, but can we get over that please?” I pause, “I’m right there with Kat, just waiting to lose my freaking mind. Cause I’m really scared right now.” Tears well up in my eyes as I feel my body begin to shake. My eyes are stuck on Evan at this point. He looks proud watching me spin out.

  “I don’t think you have to wait much longer.” Evan mumbles, probably not expecting me to hear him.

  “Now you’re telling me I’m the crazy one?” I glare at Evan. “I’m not the one who’s-”

  He shakes his head, warning me not to say another word.

  “Scarlet, you’re just tired.” Shark says, moving himself in between me and Evan.

  “I’m not tired,” I whine. “I’m not tired.” My voice fades. I’ll admit I feel like I’m five-years-old, throwing a temper tantrum. But I can’t help it. I can’t stop.

  Shark and Alec look at each other, completely at a loss.

  “I don’t know.” I mumble, feeling defeated.

  “We’re all going crazy. Literally everybody just died. I would be worried if you weren’t losing it a little.” Alec tries to get me to calm down, it doesn’t work. I begin to pace. The two of them come further into the living room. I know I’m being irrational, I know I’m not making sense. Seeing Evan did something to me.

  “Can you please tell me what the point of this is?” I finally ask. “What’s the point?!” I shout.

  Shark takes a small step back.

  “Am I just going to be this afraid of everything now? Am I just going to keep distracted myself until I can’t be distracted from the inevitable anymore? We’re all screwed guys. I don’t know what to do.”

  “I…I don’t know Scarlet.” Shark replies.

  “Calm down before you hurt yourself.” Alec says. He sounds more annoyed than ever before.

  “You’re worried I’m gonna hurt myself?” I laugh a bit. “You don’t even like me, you don’t care if I hurt myself.”

  “Yeah, I am.” He raises one eyebrow. “I’m lost Scarlet, why are you flipping out? What am I missing here?”

  Shark turns slightly and looks at Evan and then back at me.

  “I don’t know guys. I just don’t know what I’m feeling. I lost everyone in the attacks, we all did. Shouldn’t I be heartbroken? Shouldn’t I be depressed?” I back towards a wall, I know I’m being hysterical, I know I’m not making sense, I just…I don’t care. “It’s like I don’t care. I’m angry, that’s all I am, angry. I want them to pay. I want them to hurt.”

  “What are you doing?” Shark asks, stepping towards me.

  “I guess I’m just curious if Alec is actually all that concerned about me.” I say. I turn and punch the wall with a lot of force. I begin to laugh hysterically, confirming that I’ve gone nuts. Shark wraps me in his arms while Alec gets an ice pack. Oddly, I feel much better now. My chest remains tight. I feel calm now.

  “Seriously?” Shark grumbles.

  I shake as he holds me, beginning to sob into his shirt. Alec comes back and presses the ice pack against my knuckles.

  “Feel better now?” he asks.

  I nod my head.

  The three of us just sit there in the corner, my body trembling as Shark holds me. His eyes meet with Evan’s who is standing over us now.

  “Get out.” Shark growls.

  “What’d I do?”

  Shark rolls my sleeve up, revealing the bruising on my wrist. Alec sees them now for the first time, but waits to see what Shark does next. Shark gently pushes me off of him and grabs Evan’s wrist.

  “How’s that feel?” he asks him, making his grip tighter and tighter. I see the muscles in his forearm bulge slightly. He drags Evan outside. I can hear the two of them arguing about something even through the door, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.

  “The hell was all that about?” Alec asks. I had forgotten he was there.

  “Evan’s gotta go.” I tell him, pushing myself off the floor and quietly walking out the back door.

  I keep walking and walking, unable to think. The only thing I can feel is the throbbing of my knuckles as the adrenaline drains out of my system and I’m reminded that I’m injured.

  4

  Chapter 4

  I return a few hours later to a quiet room. Everyone is sitting in the living room staring at me as if they’re waiting for me to explode again.

  “What?” I ask calmly. I rub my thumb over my knuckles waiting for somebody to reply. Nobody says anything, they look around, pretending like they weren’t just staring at me. “Okay, well, I think we should all talk.” I say. “Has everyone met Reese and Ty?”

  Kevin nods.

  “Okay, good.” I smile, trying to make everyone feel comfortable with me again. “You guys wanna tell us about your trip?” I ask Kevin and Kat.

  “Sure.” Kevin replies. He stands up, offering me his seat. I take it gratefully. “So, we left a while ago on a
short trip to find survivors, and that’s what we did.” he began, nodding towards Ty and Reese. “But we didn’t just find other survivors. We found information about something else.”

  I sit up in my seat, noticing everyone else leaning slightly forward, awaiting the next bit of information. “Ty and Reese weren’t just hanging around the border between Nevada and New Mexico for the past month.” Kevin pauses, “When we met them, they took us to this bunker where we stayed for a few days.”

  My mouth drops open for a moment. I look around at everyone, watching the shock form and fade on the faces of those who were here when Evan was explaining everything. I watch Evan’s face, amazingly his expression stays neutral.

  I’m surprised he’s still here after the way Shark dragged him out of here earlier.

  “There’s actually a bunker.” I say under my breath. I watch as Shark and Alec look towards Evan. Shark’s expression is one I don’t know.

  “You guys look shocked.” Evan chuckles. I knew that was coming. “What an absurd idea.” He locks eyes with Alec. I hold my breath, waiting for one of them to tackle the other.

  “It is weird to think there might be people just hiding out in a bunker.” Alec says, breaking his gaze away from Evan’s. I let out a sigh of relief.

  “It’s fancy Scarlet,” Kevin continues, “they’ve got nice warm meals, soft beds, electricity and running water.”

  “So, what’re we supposed to do with this information?” Ally asks. All of us act as if Evan never told us about the bunker before.

  “Nothing right now.” Shark replies. I see Evan glaring at him.

  “We’ll keep doing things how we have been for now.” Alec agrees.

  “We can discuss it more another time. For now let’s get some rest.” I dismiss everyone. Everyone breaks off into their own group and begin having private conversations with each other.

  “Alec, can we talk in the garden?” I overhear Shark ask. I watch Shark lead him out the back door. The two of them have become close lately. It’s interesting watching Shark become more comfortable being a part of the group.

  Ty comes over to me

  “Hey, how’s your hand?” he asks.

  “Oh, it’s fine. Thanks.” I smile at him.

  “So you’re in charge of all this?” he asks.

  “Well kind of but Alec’s the real leader here.” I reply.

  “Eh, I think it may be a bit of a team effort. I was sure you were the leader last night.” he says.

  “Really?” I laugh. I don’t feel like one. I feel like a lunatic.

  “Yeah. I mean I’ve been here for less than a day, but so far it looks like you two are good co-captains.” He runs his hand through his dark hair “And apparently you throw a good punch.” he laughs looking to the dent I put in the wall.

  “Yeah, but it hurt so bad!” I say, starting to giggle. “Alec actually hates me. Stick around and you’ll learn all this stuff.”

  “Alec doesn’t hate you.” he chuckles a little.

  “Just wait and see.” I warn him.

  He offers a witty response and soon we’re both laughing, Ally comes over to see what was so funny. Reese, however, just stands at the back of the room leaning against the wall. I wonder if she’s like this all the time, or if she’s just shy. I guess that question will be answered in time.

  I interrupt Alec and Shark in the garden and immediately they stop talking.

  “Hey.” I greet them quietly.

  “Scarlet.” Alec acknowledges me as he walks past me and back into the house. I follow him with my eyes.

  “Is something wrong?” I ask looking at Shark.

  He avoids looking at me.

  “Okay, don’t do that.” I say.

  “What?” He shrugs.

  “Don’t avoid looking at me like everybody else.” I say. “I get it. I lost it a little bit, but like you said I was just tired and stressed out and all this stuff finally caught up to me. But I’m okay, I promise.”

  He shakes his head, “no you’re not.”

  “Okay, I’m not.” I agree. “But none of us are. What happened this morning will probably happen again because we’re all tired and sad and scared.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” he says, unable to argue.

  “It hasn’t been that long you know. I keep thinking it’s been six months, maybe even a year, but it hasn’t. Two months ago, I was with my parents, in D.C. Now they’re not even alive.”

  Shark doesn’t say a word, he just listens.

  “It hasn’t been that long, but I barely think about it anymore. I don’t know if I was ever truly sad.” I admit. I run my fingers through my hair. “And I feel like something in me is shifting, there’s this fury that wasn’t there before. And I’m always somewhere in between wanting to hunt these people down and kill them all and wanting to give up and kill myself.”

  “There’s a lot of that going around.” Shark finally speaks “I can’t comfort you. We all lost our families and it sucks. There’s no good comfort for that. However, the nine of us, while we just met each other, are becoming like family. We look out for each other. We worry about each other. All of us, even Alec, care about you.” I’m surprised at how comforting Shark is. I smile at him.

  “Thank you.” I say somewhat awkwardly. I’ve never been good at accepting comfort.

  The two of us change our heavy discussion to something lighter, we swap stories about our families. Hard to believe that he was rude and silent, not all that long ago and now he’s sitting out here, laughing with me. Now here I am trying not to fall in love with a guy I barely know.

  “Did Evan do that to your wrist?” he finally asks. I knew he’d been looking for the right time to bring it up. I look at my hands and back to him. He already knows the answer, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have drug Evan out the way he did earlier. I nod.

  “You’re afraid of him.” He studies me. “Did he threaten you?”

  I feel protected now. Safe from Evan. I nod again. I can’t look at Shark right now. I feel embarrassed. I should never have put myself in that position and now Shark and Alec know just how weak I am. I watch Shark drop his guard slightly as he gently reaches for my hand. Only a couple of seconds after, he pulls away, as if snapping out of a trance. His face hardens and he’s back to the mysterious man he was before. As if the last hour of talking and laughing hadn’t happened.

  I watch him walk back into the house. I feel completely confused.

  After sitting for a long time. I grab Kevin and the two of us go on a hunt for water bottles.

  “How’re you doing?” he asks me. We climb the stone stairs to our first house.

  “I’ve been better.” I answer honestly. I find myself squeezing my hand into a fist. It still burns from this morning. “What about you? How’re you and Kat holding up?”

  This is the real reason I took him with me. To ask about Kat.

  “I’m okay.” he replies. I watch as he searches through the cupboards. “I don’t know about Kat. I’m really worried about her Scarlet. I mean, she’s never sad. Well, she never was before. Now it seems like that’s all she is.” He stops what he’s doing, frozen for a moment. I can’t help but feel guilty. If I hadn’t sent them out there like that, she wouldn’t be going through this.

  “I’m sure she’ll be okay.” I tell him. It’s a stupid thing to say right now. I don’t know she’ll be okay. How would I be able to know something like that?

  “What if she’s not?” He looks over his shoulder at me. “I can’t watch her hurt like this.”

  “I know. It’s hard. We just have to hope that she’ll pull through.”

  “There’s gotta be somethin’ more we can do.” he replies. “I can’t just sit and hope Scarlet. I have to help her, somehow. Hope isn’t enough.” He turns back to the cupboard, pulling out a half empty case of bottled water. I feel stupid not knowing what to tell him. I know he’s right. Hope may not be enough if we want to help Kat. But, hope is all I know to do right now.


  “I don’t know.” He sighs. “Maybe she just needs some time. I just feel helpless. Ya know?”

  “I know. But Kev, you’re great at comforting people.” I remind him. “If anyone would be able to really help her through this, it’d be you.”

  “I hope you’re right.” He carries the water out of the house and heads to the next one. I follow him. Should I keep this conversation going? Was I helpful at all?

  “Are you sure you’re okay though?” He redirects the conversation once we’re inside the other house. “You kinda lost it this morning.”

  “Don’t remind me.” I groan. I feel embarrassed about it now. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  “If you need to talk.” He offers. “I’ve been told I’m good at comforting people.” He laughs lightly. And just like that, the goofy, lighthearted Kevin I know is back.

  “Well…” I consider what I’ll tell him. “If you really want to know.” I find myself venting to Kevin. About everything. Of course I don’t go into detail about everything with Evan. But I tell him that he threatened me. It’s good to admit that I’m terrified of him. We talk as we walk back to Alec’s.

  We join the others for dinner. I sit next to Shark. I look around the table and notice that Evan is missing, I think nothing of it since disappearing seems to be his thing. Not long after I notice this, he comes stumbling through the front door. Of course he’s drunk again. Why should we expect any different?

  Both Alec and I stand from the table and move towards Evan.

  “Scarlet,” Shark says, gently grabbing my arm. I flinch slightly, he lets go. “Don’t. Let Alec handle it.”

  I ignore him.

  “My turn.” Alec says. He grabs Evan and drags him up the stairs. I follow.

  “Where have you been?” I demand once we’re upstairs, even though I know where he was. My hope is that he’ll tell Alec where he’s been. I don’t feel as afraid of him as I did before.

  “Nowhere,” he replies, glaring at Alec.