by J Bree
Angel turns to me and I lean back against the seat of my hog, watching her carefully.
"I'm fine."
I scoff. "Sweetness, you're never fucking fine. I need to start tanning that sweet ass of yours every time it comes outta your mouth."
She sighs and tips her head back to look up at the early morning sky, the colors of the sunrise still bright. I wait her out. I’ve learned enough about this fierce and fragile girl of mine to know that’s exactly what she needs.
"She knew. She knew what was going on long before I ran away. She didn't want to give up her grief for my dad for long enough to help me… to leave Paul and figure this shit out on our own.”
I blow out a breath and tug her into my arms until she’s staring up at the sky again with me wrapped around her like a shield.
I decide that life is too fucking short to keep shit from her. “Listen to me, Angel. I love you and I’d die for you. I’ve given you my patch so that if I do have to lay down my life for you, my club will protect you too. She’s fucking nothing to you now. You have me and my family, my mom is yours now too. Forget about some weak bitch who never deserved you in the first place.”
She moves to bury her tears into my chest, her hands clutching at my cut. “Tomi, I didn’t know I could love someone like I love you. I’m not sad about my life anymore. I'm not happy about that shit and there's a lot of shit I'd go back and change but I'm not sad about it anymore either. I had to get through it to get to you so… I can live with that.”
I hold her tight enough that her demons can’t come to play until she’s ready to move.
It’s the least I can do.
Chapter Thirty Five
Angel
When we finally get into Tomi’s room at the clubhouse I feel fucking fried.
I’m not sure why we’re here instead of my house but when I ask he shrugs at me, “I had to move the bed for the carpets and I just wanna pass out. Plus, there’s food already here and I just want you to fucking relax for a bit.”
Seems reasonable enough, I can’t argue with that.
The room is much cleaner than it usually is, no dirty clothes anywhere and all of the computer stuff is piled neatly on his desk. When he notices me looking he grins at me.
“I’ve gotta start packing. Keely came and saw the mess it was in and chewed me out.”
Oh.
Right, he’s moving in with me because we’re a couple and he loves me. Jesus, it still sounds so fucking strange to me. I sit down on his bed and fall back on the pillows. The nap at The Boulevard barely took the edge off of my exhaustion.
“Angel, I need you to tell me about why you ran away. I wanna hear it from you.”
Oh God.
My eyes immediately well up and I almost choke on my tears because it’s been a long time since I tried to tell someone, and that had gone so fucking badly I swore never to speak of it again.
His eyes are piercing and true on mine as he sits on the bed with me, clearly there’s no getting out of this. “My dad died. He had cancer, he was a cop for fifteen years back in Maryland. The good type too, everyone respected him and he did what he could for people.”
Tomi nods and pours me a drink. This time, I don’t choke on the taste as I down it in one go, handing it back to him for a refill. I need the courage. “Paul was his partner. His best friend, my so-called uncle, and when my dad got the terminal diagnosis he asked Paul to take care of me and my mom.”
My fingers fuss with the the edge the the blanket on the bed, my mind a fucking mess as I try to distract myself from not only the horror of my words but the very real chance that he’ll leave me the second I’ve poured the story out.
“He stayed at the house and I loved him being there. He always called me princess and would do my hair for me with ribbons before school. My mom was a shell of herself after my dad and she wouldn’t get out of the bed. Eventually, Paul stopped going home and just moved his stuff into the house. My mom started doing better and they fell in love. Got married, the whole deal. I was happy about it. I missed my dad like nothing else but at least I had Paul right?”
Tomi’s face hasn’t changed once and that gives me just a little courage. Like maybe if this is just ancient history, a sad story he wants to know, then maybe we can just fucking forget about it. I mean, I’m not stupid. I know it’s going to change things but if I think about it too much I’ll fucking run.
“So after the wedding, Paul sends my mom on a nice holiday with her friends. He tells her that he’ll take care of me so she can just let her hair down. After the year she’s had she deserves some time to herself. She’s so fucking grateful to him, doesn’t think twice about it.”
I can’t say the words, I can’t describe any of it, but I’m well-versed on talking about it without mentioning the details. “Two years later, I got what I thought was my period and passed out at school. Woke up in hospital with police officers and a social worker. Turns out I was pregnant without even knowing about it and the bleeding was a miscarriage. There’s a lot of questions when that shit goes down with an eleven-year-old. I tell them everything, every little fucking detail of it, and you know what they did?”
Tomi shakes his head and I take one last mouthful of the whiskey and push the glass away from myself. Anymore and I’ll spend the rest of the night puking my guts up.
“Nothing. They did fucking nothing about it. Paul told them I was a willful, disobedient whore of a child. Acting out about my dead daddy. A disappointment to the family. My mom backed him up.”
I see it.
I see the moment the cracks start to form in Tomi and his entire opinion of me changes. I try not to let him see just as clearly my heart breaking.
I have to finish it now. “He started beating me after that. He didn’t just… yeah, it was a lot worse. So I learned to keep my mouth shut, keep my head down, and the moment I could, I ran.”
Silence falls between us and I can’t be the one to break it this time. I can’t give him anything else, I’ve run dry.
“Who did the fake ID for you? It was fucking good.”
I rub at my neck. “I met a guy at my school. He wanted me but everyone knew I was the baby killing whore… yeah, rumor was I threw myself down a flight of stairs to kill the baby and make sure no one found out about my secret boyfriend. Middle school was a fucking lovely place. Anyway, the guy wanted me but not enough to deal with being the guy with the whore so he would invite me around after hours and try to fuck me. Well, his older brother was a forger and I somehow managed to convince him to give me the ID to get into clubs and then I ran. I’m not sure he even knew how good his fakes were.”
Tomi nods and opens the bottle of whiskey, drinking it straight and as though he needs to forget the whole thing.
“I’ll head home. I mean, it’s probably best if I do,” I mumble and his eyes narrow at me.
“You walk out that door and I’ll be on your ass, dragging you back. You’re here for the night and then in the morning we’ll go home and finish the cladding on the house. We’ll get the bed set back up and go pick out a new oven. We’ll pick the fucking tiles too. You can have a shower and I’ll go get us food. I think it’s pizza night. Pick a movie, I just wanna lie around for a few hours before we sleep so you don’t have your nightmares. Go on, go get clean.”
It makes no sense.
I shower and scrub every inch of myself that I can, struggling with the cast that I’ve had to wrap in plastic. Next time I'll have to ask Tomi for help but he’s being very… careful with me.
I can’t argue with the fact that I need it.
Tomi yells through the door that the pizza is cold but I like it best that way. When I step out of the bathroom, clean and ready for bed, he’s stripped down to his boxers and lounges back on his bed like some sort of cover model, a fucking living god, and I feel so freaking unworthy in my dad’s old sweatshirt and a pair of his boxers that I’ve rolled the waist on until they fit.
He glances up from his
phone at me and looks at me like I’m wearing lingerie, his eyes hot as they drag over me. I feel self-conscious but not uncomfortable.
I know exactly what to expect from him.
“Get your ass over here, I’m hungry and I don’t know which type you want.”
I shrug and stumble a little over my own feet as I make my way over to him and I pick up a piece of the pepperoni. He grunts and shoves half a slice in his face at once. “Pick a movie, I’ll text Rue and make sure he’s coming tomorrow to help out.”
I nod and mess around on Netflix until I put something on. Jurassic Park is an old favorite of mine, something my dad used to watch with me because he loved it and he’d make me swear not to tell my mom about it. I haven’t been able to watch it since he died but… sitting around at the clubhouse with Tomi, eating takeout and drinking a little whiskey, this is kind of my safe place now.
I can’t believe that is even possible but here I am.
“Stop with that face, Angel.”
I smile at him and kneel on the bed to fix the pillows, to make a nice little cocoon for us both. He watches me carefully and when we’re finally tucked up together I pull off the last plaster from my heart.
“My name isn’t Angel. Not really. My dad used to call me that so when Derrick made the ID I asked him to use that name.”
Tomi’s chest rumbles under my ear and he moves the empty plate to the floor, flicking the lamp off and leaving us in the dark. “It suits you.”
I think it’s precisely because he doesn’t ask me what my name is that I tell him, even though he heard my mom call out to me I want him to hear it from me.. “It’s Jazmin. Jazmin Vaughn. I… don’t want to go back to being called that.”
He nods and strokes back my hair, his fingers trailing over my shoulder. “Nothing has to change, sweetness.”
I fall asleep on him before the movie ends and I don’t have my nightmares, as if the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear is enough to keep my demons at bay.
I never want anything to change.
When we leave that night, the bikers all tip their heads at me or clap Tomi on the back as we pass but none of the girls try to talk to me. It’s not exactly a bad thing but they all stare at me with hatred. I ignore it.
It’s not like it’s new.
“I’m about to gouge some eyeballs the fuck out,” Tomi growls and I squeeze his hand a little.
“Please don’t. I’m fine.”
There’s a scrape of boots on the carpet behind us and then Rue says, “Fine never means fine. Tomi, you better lay down the law before it bites you in the ass. Shoulda done it months ago.”
I glance back at him with a smile and he smirks back, the type he gives Tomi and Trink all the time.
The type he gives his family.
“Fuck them. We’ll meet you back at the house tomorrow morning. We have something to do tonight.”
The tattoo shop is sleek and clean, lots of black marble surfaces and gothic art on the walls. I feel extremely uncomfortable even walking in but Tomi is as relaxed as ever. I guess with all of his tattoos he's spent a lot of time here before, and when I thread my fingers through his he gives them a squeeze.
"What the fuck are you doing here? I didn't think there was an inch of you left to tattoo."
I peer around Tomi to look at where the voice has come from only to find the tattoo artist standing a few feet away from us and snapping off a pair of black gloves.
I gulp.
He's huge. Like, freaking huge and his body is even more densely covered than Tomi's. His eyes are... weird, too intense for his face and the smile on his face makes me feel super uncomfortable.
"My old lady needs a patch and I need her name on me. Clear your evening."
The tattoo guy laughs and when Tomi doesn't join him he finally notices me standing behind him. "You're serious? Fuck. I didn't think I'd see the day. 'Struck or just the regular sort of romance."
Am I the only one who didn't know about this curse?
Doesn't matter, Tomi answers, "'Struck. Just know that if you try your usual brand of shit I’ll happily deal with the club's consequences to put a bullet in you."
Okay.
Now I’m scared.
The tattoo guy chuckles and motions us into the back room. Tomi leads but he keeps a firm hold of my hand.
"How big is this patch gonna be and where am I putting it? Pretty little thing like her shouldn't be tramp stamped."
I hear Tomi's teeth grind together. "Shut your fucking face up and just do the job, Onyx."
He explains the whole thing, where it's going and how big, but I still don't know what this tattoo entails. Onyx obviously does because he has it all drawn up and the stencil on me in under a minute. When he directs me to lay down on the chair Tomi sits close enough to choke him out if he needs to and then he holds my hand the whole way through it.
It doesn't hurt all that much but I would do just about anything to get the guy to stop touching me. Just because I can take it from Tomi and his family now doesn't mean I like other people touching me. Nope, I'd still rather stick pins in my eyeballs.
"Speck wants to learn how to tattoo. Maybe I should vouch for him when he finishes up prospecting, just in case you want something else,” Tomi mumbles, bringing my hand up to his lips to kiss my knuckles when Onyx finally finishes. He offers to show it to me with a mirror and I shake my head.
I don't want to spend any extra time here and to be honest, it doesn't really matter to me what the tattoo looks like. It matters to me that Tomi's eyes flare when he looks at it, that he loves it, and that it'll mark me as someone the Unseen protect.
That's what I care about.
"Right. What do you want then?" Onyx says as he cleans up his station and starts pulling out sterilized equipment.
"I want Angel tattooed on my throat. And I want Jazmin tattooed in the patch on my back. Put it in the skull."
My heart kind of stops beating a little, just skips along a little before it recovers.
"Two names? Your old lady is fine with that?" Onyx says, scoffing and inking up the gun.
Tomi doesn't explain it. He just strips off his cut and his shirt, handing them both over to me, and then sits through both of the tattoos. The one on his throat stands out, stark against the patterns he has there already, and the one on his back blends in a little more.
When we leave together, hand in hand, he huffs at my curious look. “Jazmin is still your name. It's what you signed for your house as. If you wanna change your name again I'll get that too. Whatever you need, sweetness."
I blush. "I'm sticking with Angel.”
He pulls his jacket off and slings it over my shoulders before we climb back onto his bike, marking me as his and protected by the Unseen. He waits until my arms are tight around him before we speed back down the highway towards Coldstone, one of his hands holding my cast steady now I can’t get as good a grip on him.
When he stops and pulls his motorcycle up alongside my old Chevy everything just feels fucking… right in my life now.
Mrs. Farley is on her porch, glaring at us both and I wave at her with a bright smile, channeling Poe just a little because I know it’ll piss the old bitch off. She’s already made her displeasure at having bikers living on her street well-known.
I’m killing her with kindness.
Tomi just wants to plain kill her.
“Angel, you need to stop playing with her and get inside before I bend you over your porch railing and fuck you out here in front of the old bitch.”
My mouth snaps shut at his command and my legs get moving even as a giggle bursts out of me. Tomi chuckles and stalks up behind me, flipping the bird at my neighbor and laughing at her gasps of horror.
I get the front door unlocked and throw my keys down onto the countertop in the kitchen. When I move to turn around Tomi grabs my hips, kicking the door shut behind himself and pulling my hips back into the heat of his body before sliding a palm down my stomach to my pussy. �
��Did you wear something pretty for your old man, sweetness?”
My legs start to shake.
He leans down to bite me where the soft skin of my neck and shoulder meets and grinds up on my ass like he can get off on that alone.
Fuck maybe he can.
I turn into jello in his arms, my whole body melting back into him as a moan rips out of my throat. I feel desperate, achy and needy to have him, like there’s no other way to relieve the pressure building up inside of me.
When I’m sure there’s a nice big hickey on my neck he finally lets me go, spinning me around and slamming his lips down on mine like he wants to eat me whole, as if the taste of my lips on his is a drug he can’t get enough of.
Everything feels different this time.
I don’t know if it’s because he’s told me I belong to him or if it’s something to do with him, like he’s changed his mind about me and so now he’s treating me like I’m his everything, but I choke on a sob.
I never expected to feel this way.
“Fuck. The bed’s still in pieces,” he says, his voice a low rasp over my lips as he breathes the words into our kiss.
I groan at the thought of stopping but he doesn’t hesitate to hike me up into his arms and walk us both over to the living room. I wriggle to get down, both because I think I’m too heavy and because I need to make up the fold-out bed before we can fit together, but his arms tighten around me.
“Don’t fucking move. I don’t care about where we fuck, Angel.”
I bite his lip in retaliation but it backfires on me, a low groan rumbling out of his chest as his hands drop down to squeeze my ass, pushing me further into his body like he’s trying to fuse us together.
“Can I at least set up the bed? This can’t be comfortable for you and I don’t want to get a rug burn on the floor.”
He grunts at me like I’m insulting him and he lowers me to the couch, his lips never leaving mine as he kisses me so deep I’m not sure where I end and he starts.
Then he drops to his knees, his hands steady and sure as he undoes my jeans, tugging them down my legs and groaning at the sight of the tiny black silk triangle between my thighs as he pulls away from me to get a good look.