I had been left behind by a woman who had greater intentions than me for her life. Ava had left me, deserted and alone after promising me she would come back. After telling me she would make sure to come visit me once she worked things out with her parents. Once again, a woman had promised me the world before leaving me in her dust, and it made me sick.
The property was eerily vacant. Like no one had been there to begin with.
I sped back to my cabin that same day and tried to erase all memories of her in my home. I washed all of my sheets, I vacuumed all the carpets, and I disinfected all of the surfaces I had taken her body against. I threw out the chair I had pulled up to her body that night when I feasted on the depths between her thighs and I bleached the shower she had cleaned herself in multiple times. I had someone come in and deep-clean all my furniture to try and rid her smell from the cabin.
I even scrubbed my skin red for days, trying to remove the memory of her lips upon my skin.
Nothing, however, could rid my mind of her memory when I closed my eyes.
She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. Just like I had stood at the altar, helpless and confused, I wandered around my cabin wallowing in my own self-pity. At least when I have been alone before, I had gotten used to it. Loneliness had become a way of life for me, and I had forced myself to make my bed in it. I had put enough time between myself and my ex-fiance for me to forget what it felt like to have someone at my side. I had nothing to compare the loneliness to, and that somehow made it easier to bear.
But having Ava in my arms, having her in my bed, having her in this cabin... it gave me something to compare it to. Gave me a juxtaposition that brought to light how lonely I had truly become. And now, her absence hurt. I laid down in my bed at night and would roll over to see if she was there, and my soul would be broken all over again. I knew it was ridiculous. I knew I was going crazy. I hardly knew anything about this woman. In the back of my mind, I knew I had only known her a few weeks at best. Maybe even a shorter time period than that. But she had touched a part of me I had allowed myself to ignore and forget for years.
And I didn’t know how to shut it off.
So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I threw myself into work. That was what I did when I was stood up at my own wedding and that was the only thing I had now. Breathline Energies was still breathing down our necks about the property we owned in Kettle, which meant I had more meetings with my lawyer to figure out what we can do. They had stopped the threats of government intervention, but they were bringing up valid points about the way we did business in the mountains. And they were points that had me worried.
Every year, my father wrote off our property in the mountains as a business expense. He could get away with that because we purchased it for environmental purposes and sometimes had to take a chunk of money from the company just to help with the property taxes. We took out licenses for the land and were working to get it permanently protected in the State of Washington. My father was trying to get it nationally recognized as a park because the mountains held a couple of species of animals that were closely considered to being extinct.
But, we did run a few seasonal businesses out of the mountains. Hunting and the camps, specifically.
Breathline Energies was threatening to sue us under the assumption that we were writing this land off wrong on our taxes. Which would bring the IRS down on our back. Even if the judge sided with us, we would be so inundated with paperwork to prove ourselves to the tax department, and I could see that mound of paperwork forcing my father to sell the land just to get rid of the headache. I was beginning to get nervous and I threw all my energy into making sure Breathline Energies didn’t strongarm my father into selling our land.
We pulled all the documents we could and did all of the research we knew we needed to. We began to build a case against Ava’s father’s company once they served us with official paperwork. They were taking us to court under the prospect of fraudulent tax write-offs, and I knew we had to prepare ourselves. And so far, our lawyer thought we had a strong case.
Because the licenses and the camps did not provide my father's company any sort of profit, the lawyer was going to argue that they were only set up to help us pay the yearly property taxes on owning the land. During some years, we could even prove that my father had to chip in money from the company just to make the tax payments as well as to make sure the camps were kept up to legal standards set forth by the state.
That gave us the ability to not only argue the environmental aspect of us owning the land, but it gave us an avenue to argue non-profitability.
The lawyer believed if we played our cards right and got in front of the right judge, they would not only favor our case, but they would push through the Environmental Protections we were seeking for the land. We could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak, so I set my sights on that goal. It was a lofty goal, yes, but it was a goal that helped to take my mind off Ava.
I knew she had been too good to be true. I knew that a woman like her, with the spunk and the fire she held in her soul, could never be confined to a lonely cabin like mine. I knew I would never be able to offer her the life she was dreaming of. The freedom and the exploration of the world she craved. She had fires that burned in her gut that had died in me long ago. I was content with staying on my mountain, only venturing into town when I had to. When it was necessary. When I had to interact with people to get food or supplies for my home.
But a woman like Ava could never be confined to a lifestyle like this.
No matter how hard I worked, there was always something reminding me of her. A voice that sounded like hers or someone walking around town that had her same hairstyle. Everywhere I turned, I could see her in something. I could hear her laughter echoing through the crowd of people in the grocery store. I could see her every time I picked up a bottle of dried spices. Memories of her would drown me whenever I drank a mug of coffee in the mornings, and soon I found myself not eating breakfast to rid my memory of her for just a moment.
Just a second’s peace without being inundated with a mesmerizing woman that had never been mine.
The case against my family’s company was mounting and tensions were rising. I was losing sleep and slipping on my duties to the company. My father and mother had to come back from Florida early to make sure the case was stable. And to make matters worse, Jasper and Leo started taking it upon themselves to check in on me. They knew something was wrong, even if I wasn’t talking, and that was never good. That meant Mom and Dad knew something was wrong, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.
I wasn’t ready to admit to them that I had made the same mistake twice.
Every once in awhile, my twin brothers would knock on my door and for a split second, my heart would slam in my chest. I would convince myself it was Ava until I opened the door, taking in the sight of my brothers standing there. Disappointment would pool in my chest as they peppered me with questions, and all it did was bring Ava back to the forefront of my mind.
I deserved better than this. I knew I did. And Ava did, too. She deserved better than the life I could have ever given her. This much I was sure of. But I wanted her. The selfish part of me wanted her more than I could understand. I was worried about her. I wanted to know what her father had done with her. I wanted to know if she was still making it okay. I wanted to know if her brothers were still standing at her side and if her mother had found her strength. I wanted to know if she was fighting her battles or if she had caved. Because if she caved and if she needed it, I had no issues knocking on her father's door and taking her away forever.
But I had no way of knowing anything. I had no way of contacting her. There was nothing. Only myself, my wandering thoughts, and my dreams. She was there one second and gone the next, like waking up from a nightmare and feeling the panic quickly wash from your veins.
I went from having hope to having nothing. And as I looked in the mirror and stared at the hagga
rd face of the man I’d become, I relinquished myself to the truth.
I had allowed myself to love Ava, even though she had never loved me back.
Twenty-Three
Travis
As I walked through the woods and ventured towards the edge of the mountain, I gazed out over the sight. I breathed in the freshly scented air and took in the birds and bugs chirping around me. The ground beneath my feet felt sweeter than ever. Like it was carrying me along my pain as the wind whipped around my body.
We had won the case. Breathline Energies put up an incredible fight, but our lawyer was more prepared than ever. My father appeared in court with all the documents he needed and took on Ava’s father head on. Not only did we win the lawsuit to keep our land, but we were also able to push through our protection paperwork. The judge had ruled in our favor to protect the mountains of Kettle we owned because of the endangered species that dwelled within these forests.
But then, the judge dealt a final blow to Breathline.
The judge ruled that Breathline Energies was, in fact, harassing us. The courts ordered them to pay a fine not only to the government, but to us as well. That money was then going to sit in an investment account my father could draw from to pay the property taxes on this land for the next ten years.
I smiled as the warm sunshine beat down upon my skin.
It had been three months since I’d seen Ava, but it wasn’t getting any easier to forget her. Now that this debacle with her father’s company was behind us, I was hoping I could get my life back to normal. No more meetings in town with the lawyer and no more mentioning of her father’s company. I knew once I could unload those reminders of her off my back it would be easy to forget her.
At least, I hoped it would be.
I stood at the edge of the mountain and looked out towards the horizon. As far as my eye could see, there were lush, rolling mountains. And we owned all of it outright. Putting protections on this land meant my father no longer had to deal with companies wanting to purchase it for their own personal gain. No longer would my father be harassed by other companies wanting to strongarm us into selling. Now, our family’s company could get on to bigger and better things.
Like my father handing it down to myself and my brothers.
The lawsuit took a great toll on my father. The stress and the late nights almost did him in, putting him in the hospital twice. My mother was insistent that he step down from the board of the company, but he wasn’t having it. He was determined to fight my mother every step of the way.
Until he had his heart attack.
After a double bypass surgery and many touch-and-go days in the hospital, my father made the decision to transfer ownership of the company to myself, Jasper, and Leo. It would take a couple of months to arrange everything, but it was time we all stepped up. The stress of this lawsuit almost buried our father, and our mother deserved better than this. She deserved her Florida lifestyle with my father at her side. They deserved fresh key lime pies and tangy margaritas and morning mimosas while sitting on the porch. The two of them had worked tirelessly to build up this company, and now it was time to rest.
As I stood there watching the sun set, I was reminded of that night. The night of the storm and how Ava came barreling into my world. How easily it could have been for her to die had I not been listening out that night for her father’s own land poachers. It was ironic, how her father’s devious wants had inevitably saved his daughter's life.
I drew in one last breath before I made my way back to the cabin. The walk was long and dark, and it gave me time to think. I wondered how Ava was doing. If she was okay and living the life she wanted. I swallowed my anger at the situation and forced myself to look at this from her perspective. To try and see all of this through her eyes. She only had so much control over her world, and if her father had forced her out of Kettle there was nothing she could do about it. There was nothing I could have done about it.
There was nothing anyone could have done about it.
I emerged from the woods and started down the path towards my cabin. The mountain was getting darker and the stars were beginning to twinkle. The nighttime air was growing colder and my toes were beginning to turn numb. No matter what time of the year it was, it always seemed like winter when the night blanketed my lonely mountain.
But nothing prepared me for the sight I saw when I approached my porch.
There, in all of her shivering glory, was Ava. Her long brown hair cascaded down her back as her legs shivered on the porch. Her arms were wrapped around her chest as she knocked again at my door, her car sitting in my driveway as it cooled down with its creaks and groans.
I stood there, just feet from the porch. Watching her as she knocked on my door again. I couldn’t believe it. After three months of worrying over her and wondering where the fuck she had gone… she was back.
“Travis? Are you in there? It’s me. Ava.”
“Hello, Ava,” I said.
She squealed and jumped, whipping her cold body around as her beautiful eyes landed on mine. I studied her body, looking for any signs of distress. Bruises or scratches. Bandages or limps. But the only hurt I saw was in her eyes.
Deep within her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I uh… came to find you,” she said.
“Well, you found me,” I said. “What do you want?”
I saw shock roll over her features as I stayed in my place.
“Well I… I told you I would come back,” she said.
“Uh huh,” I said gruffly. “You need something?”
“Are you okay, Travis?”
“Fine. You need anything?”
All of the anger I thought I had swallowed came bubbling back to the surface. What the fuck was she doing here after three fucking months? She had some nerve, showing up here thinking I would just let her back in. I wasn’t playing her game this time. I wasn’t eating out of her little hands. For all I knew, this was her father trying to pull some bullshit again. And I wasn’t going to have it.
Not after my family had finally gotten what they wanted.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said.
“Please. Just give me a chance to explain.”
I walked up onto the porch and side-stepped her as I opened my front door.
“No thanks.”
I went to shut the door, but Ava put her foot in the way. The door halted in its tracks, leaving only a crack separating Ava and myself. I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to talk with her. All I wanted was for her to leave me alone so I could live the life I needed to for my father’s company.
It was all I had, and it was all I deserved.
“My father sent me to live with my aunt,” Ava said.
I sighed as I closed my eyes.
“I got to my house that day and my uncle was pulling up into the driveway to follow me there. He sent me to Spokane to try and… straighten me out.”
It was the way she said it that caused me to open the door. Ava slowly came into view, her trembling body shaking with tremendous force. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she focused on my chest, refusing to meet my stare as I stood in front of her.
“Things didn’t work out?” I asked.
“I guess you could say that,” she said.
I gave her body a once over one last time before I threw the door open.
“Go sit on the couch. I’ll make us some coffee,” I said.
I heard her sigh as she scurried into my home. She sat on the couch, her back straight and her legs crossed at her ankles. She fluffed her hair back over her shoulders, giving me just a glance at her hands.
At the bruises and scratches that donned her knuckles.
It took every ounce of energy I had not to erupt. I slammed cupboard doors and tossed around mugs, brewing us a pot of very strong coffee. What the fuck had that woman done to Ava? What the hell was was wrong with her family? When the fuck were they going to understand j
ust how screwed up they were inside?
I poured us each a cup of coffee, fixing it the way I knew she liked before I went to sit down next to her.
“Here,” I said.
She fluttered her eyes down to the mug before she reached for it. I got a good look at her hands. How battered and bruised and swollen they were. I grabbed her wrist, setting my mug of coffee down as I slowly slipped her long-sleeved shirt up her arm. There were bruises ricocheting up her forearms. Lashes and welts that could only be dealt by a ruler or a stick of some sort.
My blood was boiling in my vision as I released her wrist.
“What happened?” I asked.
Ava was staring into her mug of coffee, but she wasn’t drinking it.
“You can have whatever you want here. You know that,” I said.
“I just don’t think it’s wise to be drinking it,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked. “Because your aunt said so?”
“No,” she said. “Because I’m pregnant.”
My entire world slowed down as her words punched me in the gut. Pregnant? Ava was pregnant?
“You’re… how far…?”
“Four months,” she said as she looked over at me. “I’m four months pregnant, Travis.”
The gravity of the situation left me light-headed. Ava was pregnant. With my child. This beautiful young woman who had opened herself up to me and given me a part of her she could never give to anyone else was…
“Pregnant?” I asked.
“I know things didn’t turn out well between us, but I couldn’t get rid of this child,” she said. “I just couldn’t. The thought just… made me cry. I concealed it from my Aunt as long as I could, but once she tried to put me in a corset the secret came out.”
“Where did those marks on your arms come from?” I asked.
“That was just her way of punishing me. Corporal punishment when I didn’t fall in line with what she wanted.”
I would never hit a woman, but I’d kill her Aunt if I ever got the chance to meet her.
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