“This doesn’t seem real.” Kaitlyn sat up and squeezed the tissues.
“It’ll take some time to sink in. Every day will get a little easier, until finally you realize a whole day has gone by without worrying, and instead you’re making plans and preparing for your little bundle.”
“That’s just it—I can’t make plans.”
“You don’t have to right now.” Marissa paused while she resumed her position behind her desk. “You still have a few months.”
Kaitlyn chuckled. “Really, I can’t. I know this sounds awful, but the baby’s father …” She stopped speaking before she revealed too much. Colin wouldn’t want her to say anything, and if they got back together and he found out …
“What?” A question without judgment. “Is he in the picture?”
She never thought she’d be in this position, especially at her age. She wasn’t a young teen who didn’t know better, who came from a broken home where no one cared or had concern for her life. Quite the opposite. And things like this just weren’t supposed to happen.
Kaitlyn pulled back and dabbed her nose. “He’s not, at least not at the moment.”
“I hope things work out for you.” The sincerity in Marissa’s eyes nearly extracted the truth from Kaitlyn—about everything. But logic prevailed.
“It’s possible. We haven’t been together very long, but it was going well.” She worked the tissue between nervous fingers. “I know that kids do better with both parents in the home.”
“Generally, yes.”
“This wasn’t the kind of situation I was hoping for. None of this is. I’m not … like this.” She caught herself standing in judgment of the women who had come to New Heights before her then thought better of it. She glanced around the office that was decorated more like a nineteenth-century parlor with frilly lace curtains and delicate furniture. Like they should be having tea instead of discussing the fatherless future of her unborn child. She drew a fortifying breath. “What I mean is, I’d never …”
Understanding illuminated Marissa’s eyes. “It still might work out.”
“Only if I could get ahold of him to talk. He won’t return my calls.” The embarrassment stung, as did the realization that perhaps their relationship wasn’t what she’d assumed. What if he really had used her? What if she was one of dozens of students he’d had a relationship with over the years and that’s why it was so important to him to keep it quiet?
No. She couldn’t go there. That wasn’t who Colin was. He was a professor at the university, for crying out loud. Men in his position just didn’t do things like that. When she finally saw him again face-to-face, he’d come to his senses.
Besides, once she had the conversation with her parents—if something so unsettling could even be called that—she was probably going to have to drop out of school. They’d already threatened to cut her off when her grades had slipped. Just like when she’d quit school the first time. Honestly, she was glad for it because their financial support had always made her uncomfortably obligated.
At this point it didn’t matter. What mattered was appealing to Colin’s responsible side—only that wasn’t how she wanted to win him back. She wanted him to be with her because he wanted to be, not because he had to be. Knowing him, that was exactly how he’d feel. Then she’d never know if he was with her for their relationship or just for the baby.
Kaitlyn chided herself for allowing her thoughts to skip ahead. First, she just needed him to return her texts and get together.
“Are you saying he doesn’t know he’s going to be a father?” For the first time since Kaitlyn had entered the office, Marissa looked worried.
“No. I was going to tell him last night, but he never came.”
“I’m sorry.” Marissa’s hand covered hers in a comforting gesture.
Kaitlyn smiled bravely. She wanted to think of Marissa as more of a friend than someone who had to coddle her. Besides, a woman like Marissa probably didn’t know how hard it was to hold a relationship together. Every day she saw Marissa and her husband at The Bean, always looking perfectly happy. In fact, she was pretty sure she saw him working in the next room when she came in.
That must be what real love looked like.
And it forced her to realize that she’d given herself to a man who apparently didn’t care for her at all.
Marissa walked back to her desk and glanced at her computer screen. Her face lit with excitement. “Look at this—according to the date you gave me, you’re going to have a Christmas baby!”
CHAPTER 13
Marissa
Over the next few weeks Colin was home more often, sometimes engaging with me and sometimes not. But he was always sullen and more than a little testy. Every time I spoke, he snapped at me then quickly apologized and tried to make up. It didn’t matter that he was physically present and trying to behave like a husband, because his moodiness raised my suspicion infinitely more than his long absences and secretive texting.
I marched into Tristan’s office and stuck out my hand. “Give me your keys.”
He slid his reading glasses off his nose. “No please or thank you?”
I snapped my fingers and motioned for his keys. This was something I had to do before I lost my nerve.
Tristan’s eyes slivered, and he raked me with his gaze. “If you need to go somewhere, I’d be happy to take you.”
“Not likely.”
“What’s wrong with your car?”
“Besides the fact that it’s barely chugging along, you know exactly what’s wrong with it—Colin will recognize it. But I like your offer, so let’s go.” I loved that I didn’t have to remind him what this was about. At least I was spared that indignity.
He remained motionless. The tick of the clock on the mantel more than measured the time—it measured the depth of our friendship. The way he scrutinized me revealed his conflict. Was he being a better friend by reeling me back from the cliff? Or was he being a better friend by driving off the cliff with me? I appreciated his thoughtfulness, but what I really wanted was his cooperation.
“Is there any way I can talk you out of it?” He shifted, causing his swivel chair to squeal.
I folded my arms. “Are you new here?” My bravado was a sham, but at this moment it was all I had. How far had I sunk that I had to resort to high school tactics to keep tabs on my husband?
Tristan stood, and not for the first time did I wish that my husband was as responsive as my best friend. “Wait for me in the lobby. I’ll just be a minute.”
I went out and fluffed the decorative pillows on the couch while I waited.
Christina stuffed her phone inside her school bag, shut off the computer, and closed the blinds. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to clean the boutique today.”
“Busier than usual around here.” I fanned the magazines on the coffee table.
“I know, right? We have new moms coming out our ears.” Christina chuckled, her red curls bouncing. “Must be something in the water.”
I stopped cold. Caught my breath.
Clearly I’d been drinking the wrong water.
“Is everything okay?” Christina paused, hand on the doorknob.
“Fine.” I forced the lie. Usually I was so good at smiling through the disappointment, but today my cycle started again along with the predictable riptide of emotions. Hope and disappointment, the evil twins that haunted me monthly.
“Cool.” She opened the door but paused. “By the way, is there any chance you’ll be hiring again soon? We sort of need the help. I didn’t really want to ask because I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t keeping up.”
“No—you’re doing great. Don’t be afraid to come to me when you have concerns.”
She brightened. “Thanks. So … will we be hiring? One of the clients was mentioning she needs a second job.”
“Who’s that?”
“Kaitlyn. She didn’t ask for a job here, but I was just thinking she’d be a good fit, that is, if
you’re hiring.”
Kaitlyn hadn’t mentioned to me that she needed a second job, but it made sense that she wouldn’t want me to think she was fishing around. I really admired that. “You’re right, we do need help.” I grabbed my purse and keys. “Tristan and I will talk it over.”
“Did someone call my name?” Tristan emerged from his office just as Christina left the house.
“Let’s go.” I ushered him out the door.
“Where are we heading?” he asked after we situated ourselves in his nondescript beige car, which was perfect for my purposes.
“The baseball fields.” I slid on my sunglasses.
“On second thought, take a walk with me.” He climbed out of the car and waited for me on the sidewalk. I could see he wasn’t going to make this easy, so I complied. “You know he’ll still recognize you,” Tristan said as we started on our usual route down the sidewalk.
“Funny.”
“No, dead serious.” He picked up the pace and forced me to keep up. “You do realize, don’t you, that this will only make things worse.”
“Only if he sees us.”
“No guarantees that he won’t.”
I scoffed. “There are no guarantees about anything.” Including marriage, children, and happily ever after.
“You seem a little upset.” His tone left the door wide open for a lengthy explanation.
But despite the fact he was my oldest friend, offering more information on what was really bothering me would be oversharing.
“Look, a squirrel.” I pointed.
He shot me a look of patient disbelief. “Let me get this straight. You’ve been a little tetchy all day and now you want me to help you spy on your husband, all because nothing is bothering you?”
I uttered a sound that neither confirmed nor denied his statement. I was good at that.
“If there’s nothing wrong, then why would we go to the field to spy on your husband?”
“Because the sky is clear. It’s a perfect day to see him. Please, it won’t take long.” I slowed down in front of the dentist’s office and ignored the fact that if my best friend was a woman, we’d already be at the field. “Practice ends sometime between six and seven, then you can get home and do whatever it is you do at night.” We turned the corner onto a street that afforded us more privacy.
“What exactly are you looking for?”
“I’m not sure. But I’ll know it when I see it.”
“Do you think some mysterious woman will suddenly wrap her arms around him right there in broad daylight?” He shoulder-bumped me.
“That sure would make it easier.”
“Humor—your coping mechanism of choice.”
“You should try it sometime. It works pretty well.” I wrinkled my nose at him, both frustrated and comfortable that he knew me so well. “Look, I’m not sure how I’ll know. When I see her—I’ll feel it.”
“It only happens that way in movies.”
I stopped in front of the bakery just as they were closing shop. The concern that radiated from him nearly melted me. Why couldn’t my own husband care for me like this? Tristan pulled me into a gentle embrace, full of strength and comfort.
“It’ll be okay. One way or another—you’ll work through this.” His soothing tone crushed my barriers, and in that moment I felt way more for him than I ever should. Was that what happened to Colin? Did he have a close female confidant who got carried away? My heart stung at the thought.
Funny thing was, I knew Tristan felt too much and always had. Though our friendship never crossed the line—not even with a peck on the cheek—the way he thought highly of me and took care of me and tried to warn me off Colin in the first place all pointed to his true feelings. Even the fact he never settled down with anyone told me what I needed to know. The signs were there, but for years I’d ignored them. Just as I would now.
I wanted his friendship—needed it, actually—but without complications.
Slowly, I pulled away feeling suddenly colder than I had in his arms. But the summer breeze soon warmed me as we resumed our walk. I couldn’t look Tristan in the eyes, knowing what it might cost me. Instead I focused on the sidewalk and the weeds springing through the cracks. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to go?” He shoved his hands into his pockets and jangled his keys.
“My mind is made up. I’m tired of being a wimp. I want to take action, and this is the only way I know how.” My shoulders drew tight as I tried to anticipate what would come next. “I’d still like it if you came with me.”
“Do you really believe he’s having an affair?”
“No.” Yes. I grimaced. “I don’t know. And before you bag on me for not just talking to him, let it be known that I’ve tried. More times than I can count.”
“You asked him straight out if he’s seeing someone.” Tristan flashed me a knowing look.
I ignored the intensity of his gaze. “Of course not.”
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid of his answer,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
Several beats passed in silence. We rounded the corner and approached New Heights before he spoke. “If he is, won’t it hurt just as badly to find out this way?”
“No,” I said, searching my heart for truth. “Because I’d have you with me.”
With sadness tingeing his eyes, Tristan shook his head, handed me his keys, and walked away.
It was just as well that Tristan didn’t go with me because as much as I trusted him, I really didn’t want him to see me at my worst. If my suspicions proved right, that was exactly how this mission would end.
I parked behind the boulders on the west side of the field. The blinding sun would hide me in the shadows if anyone should happen to look my direction, which was unlikely. The baseball fields were alive with kids and coaches, parents and pets.
Sunlight glinted off Colin’s hair, the color of rick, dark chocolate. His sturdy shoulders and powerful muscles worked beneath his dress shirt. It appeared he hadn’t had time to change after work. He loosened his tie, clearly aggravated at the way the last play went down, but his stern expression along with the whiskers dusting his face suited him.
With a pang in my chest I remembered the powerful attraction that first brought us together.
Even now I could watch him all day, the way he explained the proper stance to one of his players with his legs splayed and his bottom pressed against his slacks.
I scanned the faces of the women near the field. A cute redhead, a slightly overweight blond, and a curvaceous brunette wearing just enough to keep her from being arrested were the ones who seemed the most interested. They had to be mothers of the boys.
This seemed like a logical place for Colin to meet and interact with other women in our age group. Unease settled in the core of my stomach. It had never occurred to me when he signed up to coach that I’d need to look out for the mothers.
Maybe he was attracted to women he knew could conceive.
Lord, help me to quit comparing. Help me know Your peace. I know You’ve got this.
After watching Colin interact with the kids, an ache formed in my stomach. He reminded me of the old Colin, the man I fell in love with. The man who was surprisingly romantic, a scientist who recited sonnets and frolicked with me at the beach. But more than that it made me realize how long it had been since he’d been this way at home.
I was determined to change that, starting as soon as I knew he wasn’t dallying with one of these women.
None of the mothers appeared overly suspicious during the rest of practice. Tristan was right—no one threw themselves at my husband in broad daylight. The brunette, however, made a point of tossing her hair and giggling loudly enough to catch everyone’s attention from here to Phoenix. I searched Colin’s face and posture for a reaction.
Oddly enough, he didn’t have one.
Everyone started clearing off the field by six fifteen, mo
re than an hour earlier than my husband ever appeared at home. My suspicions peaked. Where did he go after practice three times a week? Did he usually leave the field with someone? Did I really want to know?
The brunette was the last parent there, and as I could’ve predicted, she cornered my husband. But she didn’t stop there—she moved on to Adam and continued to make animated conversation, hands gesticulating wildly.
Adam stonewalled her, and then she drifted back to Colin while her son kicked at the dirt, seemingly embarrassed by his flirtatious mother. Colin stood closer to her, mirroring a few of her gestures. She tossed her hair then laughed.
I leaned forward and swallowed hard. Would Colin be so bold as to leave with this woman and her son … in front of Adam? Surely not. Adam and his wife, Lani, were friends of ours, and there was no way he would keep that kind of secret from me.
I held my breath, scared to see what came next but too afraid to look away.
Suddenly, Adam glanced up and caught sight of me despite the glaring sunlight I’d hoped would keep me hidden. He froze, and his gaze bounced between me and Colin.
My heart slid down my spine. I put my finger to my lips, and Adam silently acknowledged me. I slid back into the shadows and debated my next move.
The last thing I needed was for Adam to out me. But he was Colin’s best friend, and as honorable as he was, I knew where his loyalty lay. How would I explain to my husband why I was lurking in the forest above his practice? There was no reasonable explanation. Even in my desperate state, I knew that much.
I slunk back to Tristan’s car and backed out of the cramped space. I prayed no one else saw me and that Adam would keep my secret.
As much as I wanted to see where Colin was going, I didn’t have the fortitude to follow. Instead, I drove to Tristan’s house and traded cars, and mercifully he didn’t ask what happened.
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