“I turned out okay.” Marissa’s smile vanished as quickly as it came, like she wasn’t at all convinced. “Whatever you decide, you have my support. I bet your parents will end up being more supportive than you think too.”
Kaitlyn motioned to her belly. “But this wasn’t how I was raised, and I know they’ll be disappointed.”
Seconds ticked by before Marissa spoke. “They’ll be more disappointed the longer you wait.”
The truth hit her square in the conscience. She nodded while pretending anxiety wasn’t swarming her gut. “I guess I’ll need to go to Mountainside soon. Maybe I can hang out with my friend Sydney while I’m there, so that’ll be something to look forward to.”
Marissa swung around behind her and grabbed the cordless phone off the wall. She smiled broadly. “No time like the present to make plans.”
Kaitlyn scrubbed her eyes while silently counting the cost. She took the phone and dialed. Waited for it to ring once, twice, three times, as her heart quick-stepped inside her chest. Really, that couldn’t be good for the baby.
“Hello?” Mom’s voice nearly brought Kaitlyn to tears.
“Hi, it’s me.” Flashes of the last time they spoke caused a swell of apprehension. Her grades—they’d fought over grades. How mundane that seemed right now. Kaitlyn fumbled through the not-so-pleasant pleasantries and finally mustered the courage to say she was coming home next Sunday. They needed to talk. Her somber tone must’ve said plenty since Mom agreed and kept the conversation short.
Marissa smiled too brightly for the occasion. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” She hung the phone back on the wall.
“That wasn’t the hard part.”
“Baby steps.” Marissa offered a reassuring smile.
It was just like her newfound friend to push her further than she wanted to go, but in a necessary direction. And with humor—Kaitlyn liked that about Marissa. She was like a boss, a friend, and a big sister all rolled into one.
But there was still no way she could tell Marissa that she’d been dumb enough to fall for a married man.
CHAPTER 24
Colin
Throwing himself into his work and baseball practice was the only way Colin knew to run from the truth.
Or was it the truth?
Relief trickled through him every time he allowed himself to think that Kaitlyn was mistaken. That the baby wasn’t his. But then he’d remember the sincerity in her eyes and the steadiness of her gaze when they spoke in the parking lot at that rinky-dink coffee shop she worked at.
After a taxing day at the university, Colin was excited to hit the field with the boys. Fresh air, sunshine, rowdy kids—exactly what he needed. Only it ended up as just another distraction in a line of useless distractions.
Was the child Kaitlyn carried a boy? He’d always wanted a son. Then they’d be out here on the field together, along with football and camping and hiking. It was how he’d always imagined his life … except he had to consider Marissa. Like it or not, he was still married, and he wasn’t giving up.
Somehow he was going to have to tell her, unless Kaitlyn decided to give up the baby, in which case his life could go back to normal. Was she even considering the possibility? If she wasn’t, she was going to need his help. A wave of resentment swelled inside him but quickly ebbed.
It was his fault too. Kaitlyn hadn’t done it to herself.
What if … what if Kaitlyn went to Marissa’s office? The idea sat like a cannonball on his chest. No—the odds were small. Marissa helped teens who were pregnant and in trouble, not people like Kaitlyn, adults who had their lives together.
A ball whizzed past his head, jolting him from his thoughts. “I think that’s enough for today.” He brought the boys into the huddle and halfheartedly led the team cheer.
“Great practice, Coach.” Tommy’s mom sidled up to him, reeking of hair spray and desperation.
“Thanks.” He kept his head down, eyes on the equipment he was packing. He should’ve always kept his head down—then he wouldn’t be in this mess. “Make sure Tommy stays hydrated before the game this weekend.” He turned his back, effectively ending the conversation. He was relieved when she walked away.
“That’s a little harsh, man,” Adam said once they were alone.
Colin dropped the bases, creating a plume of dust when they hit the ground. “The last thing I need is Tommy’s mom hanging around. I have enough problems.” He met Adam’s stare head-on. “As I’m sure you well know.”
Adam threw his hands up. “You haven’t heard any judgment from me.”
And that was the problem—his best friend’s silence condemned him with the same intensity as any words spoken aloud. Colin wiped sweat from his forehead as the sun beat down harder now than when practice began.
“I take it you haven’t told Marissa.”
“All things considered, that’s kind of a dumb question,” Colin snapped.
“Dude, just checking.” A flash of annoyance lit across Adam’s face then dissipated just as quickly. “Lani’s been wanting to get together with you guys, and I have to say, there’s no way I can face Marissa with what I know.”
Colin resumed packing equipment. “Sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
“I can’t apologize for something she doesn’t know about.” Colin popped open his trunk.
“So you’re never going to say anything? It’s really over with the other woman?”
The words other woman rang loudly in Colin’s head. He’d actually become that man, the one everyone hated, the one who couldn’t keep his pants zipped. The one who actually went for it the moment the opportunity presented itself.
He stopped. Scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “You want the truth? Because it’s ugly, and our friendship is as good as over if I tell you.”
Adam paused, his neck bobbing in a hard swallow. “Hit me with it.”
“Yes, it’s over with her but I wish it wasn’t. No, I haven’t told Marissa and wasn’t planning to—but now I don’t have a choice.” Adrenaline slammed through his veins as he glanced around to ensure their privacy. Once he told Adam, there was no going back. No pretending it wasn’t real, and no more putting off telling his wife.
“Go on. I already knew all that.”
“It’s worse.”
“What could be worse than—” Adam’s eyes took on a hard glint.
“She’s pregnant, and yes, it’s mine.”
Adam’s face went slack. Moments ticked by before he spoke. “I don’t even know what to say.”
Colin looked away and focused on rearranging the gear in his trunk. “Join the club.”
“Not a club I want any part of. I mean—I’m still here for you, but you have to come clean with Marissa.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” Colin swiped a grimy hand through his hair. The secret that weighed so heavily on him was finally out—at least to one person. But the relief he’d been hoping for didn’t materialize. If anything, he felt exposed.
“Dude, I’m here to be your friend and help you any way I can, but you have to man up and do the right thing.”
Colin agreed, except at this point he had no idea what the right thing was.
CHAPTER 25
Marissa
Catastrophize—a fancy word for my tendency to float the worst-case scenario as the most logical outcome.
“I’m telling you, you have to quit doing that.” Tristan slowed his pace, trying to force me to match his stride on our daily walk. But the last thing I wanted to do was stop and look into his eyes and see pity.
I hated pity. The problem was, I needed to stop being pitiful in order to stop receiving it. I added Stop being pitiful to my mental checklist.
“I’m not catastrophizing. I really think it is that bad.” I quickened my steps but he didn’t match me. Now that we were no longer talking about the change in weather and our influx of new clients, I was
ready to get back to New Heights.
Tristan stopped and spun me to face him, his warm hands firm on my bare shoulders. The chilly breeze ruffled his hair and carried along the scent of freshly baked bread from the bakery a few doors down. “You’re killing yourself with worry. This obsession you have with what Colin may or may not be doing isn’t healthy. And yet …” His dark eyes crinkled at the corners and his mouth tightened. “You refuse to come right out and ask. It’s hard to watch you self-destruct like this. Tell me why you won’t confront your husband.”
“Because I’m afraid, all right? I’m afraid of being right.” I stepped out of his grip and rubbed the speckles of rain from my bare arms. “There, I said it.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere.” He resumed our walk, tossing a casual wave at the elderly man who’d been faithfully baking bread longer than I’d been alive.
I added my greeting before catching up to Tristan. “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. You have your own issues, like why you can’t keep a girlfriend and commit.”
“Hmm … classic deflection.”
Having a psychologist for a best friend definitely had its downside.
Tristan stepped around a caterpillar inching its way toward a crack in the sidewalk. Dark clouds hung low, and thunder rumbled in the distance. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“He could be having an affair.”
“And …”
I hated his leading tone, but I still played along. “And he could want to leave me for her because she’s better than me, and prettier and younger.”
“And …”
“Then I’d be alone.”
“And …”
My voice rose an octave. “And I’d grow old, eating cat food and watching soap operas on a lumpy couch!”
Tristan sat on a low stone fence that bordered the animal clinic. A simper played on his lips. “See? It’s not so bad.”
“I just said I’d be eating cat food.” I drilled him with a glare.
A wide grin creased his face as he ignored the fat raindrops that began to fall around us. “I guess since I’m a commitment-phobe, I’ll be sitting next to you, on said lumpy couch. Except …” His eyes softened, drawing me into their chocolatey goodness. “I’ll be eating takeout.”
I whacked his shoulder. He caught my hand and gave it a playful squeeze before locking me into his reassuring gaze. “Trust me, even if the worst turns out to be true—and it rarely does—the actual event isn’t nearly as bad as the idea of it.”
A surprise awaited us when we arrived back at New Heights.
The tiny mewl of a newborn baby was like music—and a buzz saw—to my heart. But I couldn’t help myself. I crossed the lobby swiftly and reached out for the tiny bundle. “Marjorie—I had no idea you’d delivered.”
The young mother placed the burrito-wrapped infant into my arms. “Two days ago, and it was way harder than I thought. I wish I’d taken a birthing class or something.”
Her words reminded me to look into scheduling a birthing class as I cooed. “You’re just a handsome little fellow.”
“You’re the first person I wanted to see my son. This is Jacob.”
Tristan gave a cursory nod to Marjorie and her newborn before heading to his office for his afternoon appointments.
A blue knit hat covered Jacob’s tiny head, and his eyes remained closed with wispy lashes feathering his skin. His rosebud lips puckered and loosened, as though he was dreaming of warm milk. I held back tears as I whispered to him. “You are so beautiful, little man. I bet your mama is the proudest mother ever.”
Kaitlyn peered over my shoulder. “Look at his cheeks. So adorable.”
The feel of this tiny life pressed against my body stirred a longing so deep inside me that I began to ache. Still, I didn’t hand him back—I couldn’t. Instead, I closed my eyes and breathed in the newborn smell that offered both peace and pain.
Marjorie sat in the rocking chair across from the reception desk. A weary, mother-of-a-newborn smile spread across her face. “If it wasn’t for you, I never could’ve gotten through my pregnancy.”
Warmth seeped into my heart and soothed the raw places. “I’m really glad we could help you, but don’t discount your own strength.”
“Trust me,” Marjorie said to Kaitlyn, “you’re in good hands with Marissa. She’ll get you set up with everything you need to be a good mom.”
Kaitlyn drew back, not meeting anyone’s gaze. “I haven’t actually decided yet, you know, whether or not I’m keeping it. It’s all so scary.”
Marjorie flashed me a knowing look. Silently, I moved to Kaitlyn and handed her little Jacob.
“No … I …,” she protested.
“Shh. You’ll wake him.” With a gentle hand, I completed the transfer.
Jacob settled into the crook of Kaitlyn’s arm. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears in what I could only call a Baby Magic Moment. Soon her rigidity softened into a natural cradle.
“No matter what you decide, it won’t be long before your little one is here.” I palmed her arm, hoping she’d realize how crucial it was to start making preparations, one way or another.
Marjorie smiled mirthlessly. “Boy, ain’t that the truth. It might seem like a long time off, but it comes around quicker than you think.”
A pained expression flashed across Kaitlyn’s delicate face. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
It seemed fear was making a visit to all of us, without discretion. I offered what I hoped was a comforting hug. “We’re here to back you up. Have confidence that you’ll make the right decision.” I had to remember to pray more diligently for her and trust that God would answer. Trust that He had this.
“I can’t put it off anymore.” Kaitlyn’s shoulders heaved. “I’m going to talk to my parents. Waiting for the weekend is the same as chickening out.”
We gave her a round of “atta girls” and continued to coo at Jacob until my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I excused myself and closed the door to my office before pulling the phone out. Tentatively, I answered the unknown caller.
“This is Kelly from Dr. Lopez’s office. We had a last-minute cancellation for this afternoon, and you’re at the top of the wait list. Would you be available to come in at four o’clock?”
My heart rapid-fired. I clutched the cross dangling around my neck and considered the implications of finally seeing the fertility specialist. Once I started the process, there was no looking back. And if it didn’t work out and there was nothing they could do for me, then I was at the end of the road. I cleared my throat to steady my voice. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
CHAPTER 26
Kaitlyn
Alone. There was no other way to describe the hollowed-out, empty space in Kaitlyn’s heart that her parents’ love used to occupy.
She climbed inside her car and pressed her fist to her mouth, determined to keep a neutral expression. What a letdown. After talking with Marissa and Marjorie, she’d been so sure that her conversation with her parents would turn out fine, or at least not bad. She straightened her back and swallowed her tears. No way was she going to have a breakdown in their driveway, not with her mom peeking out from the blinds and reporting back to her dad.
Dad.
The word took on a new meaning after today. She’d expected the disappointment and even a smidgen of judgment. What she hadn’t expected was the raised voice and purpling face, then being told to leave and not come back while her mother stood silently by.
Now Kaitlyn was at odds with the man who’d loved and protected her, who’d raised her to think for herself and be true to that person. Evidently he didn’t love that person as much as he thought.
Kaitlyn refused to look back. She eased out of the driveway and headed home, desolate. She cranked the music in an effort to stop herself from replaying the ugly scene over and over, each time ending up the same—with her on the road … and on her own. Rain began to splatter against the windshield, blurring the view. She
changed the radio station, searching for something upbeat and cheerful, but she ended up settling for boring talk radio. It helped steady her nerves as she drove through the storm back to Elden Springs.
Without her parents’ involvement, she was going to have to rely on Marissa and New Heights more than she’d ever planned. She’d been watching the young women who came through the doors, each one with a different life story, most of them painful. Several were planning to give their babies up for adoption, and an equal number were ready to take on the challenge of single parenting. A few couples came in, teens who were young and unprepared for the realities facing them, but they seemed to have the most bravado, as though by being young and in love they could conquer anything.
Emotion welled inside her as she considered for the thousandth time what would be best for her baby. Would she be enough for a child to rely on? Sure, she was resourceful, but she’d always believed that a child needed both parents. Why should she cheat the kid out of the joy of having a mother and a father? Although, judging by what happened to her tonight, that didn’t always work out either. Life offered no guarantees. Just look at Marjorie who had lost her husband overseas, yet she was facing parenting with courage and hope.
Courage and hope. It would take a heavy dose of both, but it wasn’t impossible. She was reasonably competent and hardworking, and she had a lot of love to give.
At that moment, it became clear to Kaitlyn what she had to do: she had to keep the baby.
This life growing in her belly was hers to love. Hers to cherish. Hers to protect.
She paused to give thanks to God—whether or not He was actually listening. A whisper of joy stirred inside her, sustaining her until she arrived home.
She hadn’t even kicked off her flip-flops and set down her soaking wet purse when the doorbell rang. Unusual since it was almost dark, and she rarely had visitors.
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