Colin rerouted and pulled the car to a stop at the front door just as Kaitlyn released a guttural moan. He leaned over and laid his hand on her shoulder. “Breathe,” he said in his lowest, most soothing tone. For all the good it would do. From the sounds she emitted and the way her eyes pinched shut, she wasn’t listening.
A moment later her moan subsided and her breathing slowed. The first thing she did was look at her phone and bite her lip. “Go inside and get me a wheelchair while I text my backup person.”
CHAPTER 47
Marissa
Playing hostess wore me out more than I’d wanted to admit. But it was emotional exhaustion, and I was slowly learning to deal with that in a healthy way. Tonight I considered flipping through mindless television healthy, at least compared to overeating, undereating, or crying my eyes out. I hadn’t done that in a while, and I didn’t plan on going back to such a dark place.
The clock struck nine and the television programming started to change. There was still no sign of Colin, and he hadn’t told me he’d be coming home late—actually he hadn’t bothered to fill me in at all.
Acid pooled in my stomach, and I hated that I cared that much. But like it or not, he was still my husband and I was bound to him. The ties between us weren’t strong anymore, but maybe that was what had given me the space I needed to forgive him and let go of his mistakes. At least I was trying.
I turned off the TV and hunted for my phone to see if he’d called. It was silly of me not to have kept it by me, just in case.
But when I found it lying on the kitchen counter next to a pile of bills, I saw he hadn’t called or left a message. I staved off the flash of disappointment and instead focused on the text message from Kaitlyn. She was at the hospital and going into labor and she wanted me there.
Panic lit through me as I calculated how far along she was in my head. It was early but not too early. Babies were born a month early all the time and turned out just fine.
I grabbed my coat and keys and rushed to the car.
Despite the slick roads, I drove faster than I should. Kaitlyn had texted almost a half hour before I’d seen it. Snow whipped against the windshield, obscuring the view. Had Kaitlyn driven herself in this awful weather? My heart broke for her. No woman in labor should be alone, not for the drive, not for the delivery, and certainly not afterward to raise the baby.
I skidded to a stop in the parking lot and hoped I landed in an actual parking space, though it was hard to tell under the blanket of ice and snow. Moisture leaked into my shoes as I picked my way through the slush. No wonder she’d contacted me. There was no way Sydney could get here from Mountainside in this weather.
Lord, be there for Kaitlyn and the baby. Be her strength.
Typically women labored with their first baby longer than subsequent children, and I prayed that was the case for Kaitlyn. A wrong prayer, to be sure, but I wanted to be there in time. I wanted for her not to be scared and alone during the most important event of her life.
A sign on the front door announced it was locked for the night. I could either press the buzzer and wait for assistance or drive to the other side of the hospital and enter through the Emergency Department. Considering the condition of my shoes, I opted for the buzzer.
I stood back and waited, heart pounding. My unkempt reflection in the glass door mocked me. Disheveled hair, baggy sweatpants, no makeup—I hadn’t even thought to get a bra on. Thank goodness for thick sweatshirts.
Finally a woman appeared at the door and directed me to the second floor. Rather than wait for the elevator, I bounded up the stairs in record time, probably thanks to the workout classes Kaitlyn had gotten me hooked on.
My wet shoes squeaked across the tiled floor. “What room is Kaitlyn Farrows in?”
“What’s your name? I just need to check the list.” A nurse wearing rubber ducky scrubs slowly brought the computer to life.
“Marissa Moreau.”
“Just a moment.” The nurse perused the screen, muttering as she scrolled. “Ah, here you are. We just got Kaitlyn set up in room 205.”
“So I’m not too late?” I grabbed my chest.
The nurse smiled and winked. “She’s still got a little ways to go.”
Relief swam through me for a brief moment until I remembered what I was there for. How hard it would be on me emotionally. I clutched the desk, unwilling to walk into her room just yet. Not until I composed myself and put Kaitlyn first.
Lord, help me through these next moments.
“You’ll be okay. Just breathe.” The nurse offered a knowing chuckle.
“You’re right.” I took a large gulp of air to ease my mounting anxiety. “God’s got this.” I laughed nervously at what had become my go-to phrase. Who cared what Dr. Graves had meant by it? God’s strength would sustain me at all times.
It had to.
In spite of my efforts to remain calm, my heart rate skyrocketed. This was a big deal, but I could do this. I could be there for my friend, just like I’d promised.
I straightened my spine and willed myself down the hall. Muffled voices emanated from the room.
At least she wasn’t alone.
Though the door was open, a privacy curtain separated her bed from view. I hated to interrupt.
But I wasn’t interrupting. She had called me. She wanted me here.
Deep breath.
I entered the room and pulled the curtain aside. “I’m here—” My eyes landed on Kaitlyn then skipped to the man beside her.
The man beside her, holding her hand.
Colin.
Perplexed, my mouth opened. Closed. Opened.
No words—no coherent thoughts.
“Marissa.” Colin’s eyes, startled and uncertain, met mine. His jaw flexed. “Why are you here?”
Kaitlyn’s face reddened, and her gaze volleyed between me … and my husband.
Her baby’s father.
Angry words, punishing words, accusations—all jammed inside my throat, caught between shock and a sense of stupidity, as though I was being played the fool.
My legs froze, feet rooted to the ground. A familiar tingle began to prickle down my arms and my shallow breaths came faster. “I have to … have to …”
By sheer will, I found the strength to turn. To take one step then another, stumbling and catching myself against the doorway.
Faster, I had to move faster.
“Marissa!” Kaitlyn’s voice echoed down the hallway, but it was too late.
My wobbly legs moved more quickly, down the stairs and through the lobby. “Let me out. Let me go,” I called to the desk attendant as I moved past.
She jumped up and spoke words of concern that I couldn’t decipher until finally the door opened and a cold gust of wind slapped my face as I ran into the night.
CHAPTER 48
Kaitlyn
This was what perfection looked like. Tiny round face, wispy eyelashes fanning delicate cheeks, and pink lips shaped like a bow. Her daughter was wrapped like a burrito, her little head covered by a thin knit cap. She had yet to wail, but instead she emitted a faint mewl.
“She’s perfect,” Colin said, echoing Kaitlyn’s thoughts. He feathered the baby’s chin with his finger, seemingly unbothered by what had happened.
Now that the baby was born, they needed to talk about it.
Unease pooled in Kaitlyn’s stomach. The realization and surprise on Marissa’s face. The betrayal in her eyes. The way she’d fled from the room without giving Kaitlyn a chance.
Had Marissa believed Kaitlyn already knew? Nothing could be further from the truth, not with the way Colin had kept her totally separate from his real life. But Marissa didn’t know that. How could she?
A tear slid down Kaitlyn’s cheek, and she tried to swipe it away without Colin noticing.
Somehow, he placed his arm between the pillows and her back and squeezed. “This is the most amazing moment of my life too.”
Rather than answer, she nodded to avoid
the conflict. That wasn’t at all why she was crying. She was crying because what should have been the most amazing moment of her life was marred by what happened before, though Colin seemed unfazed.
What kind of man would completely blow off the fact that his wife and his former girlfriend had come face-to-face and actually knew one another? Not the kind of man she would ever want to be with, that’s for sure.
Sydney parted the curtain and strode to her bedside, releasing a sense of calm inside Kaitlyn. Her friend had arrived about ten minutes after Marissa had fled, in plenty of time for the birth. Sydney had even firmly told Colin when it was time for him to leave the room and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Still, even with Colin gone her attention had been divided between laboring and wanting to get Marissa back and figure out exactly what was going on—until the contractions made her feel like her body was ripping in half. Pain like that had a way of sharpening one’s focus.
“Sorry, I had to take that call.” Sydney tucked her phone inside her back pocket and resumed her post at the bedside. “So have you guys decided on a name yet?” The way she narrowed her eyes at Colin showed she wasn’t really looking for an answer from him.
“We haven’t had a chance.” Colin made it clear he intended for Sydney to feel like an intruder.
Kaitlyn nestled the baby closer, too tired to broker peace. “I have a few ideas. I’ve always thought Daphne was pretty.”
Sydney tilted her head to get a better view. “She looks like she could be a Daphne. I’ve always liked Brielle. Remember that movie we saw with that character named Brielle? She was brilliant.”
“My daughter will definitely be brilliant.” Kaitlyn laughed, thinking back to their girls’ movie night and all the popcorn they’d consumed.
Sydney cooed at the baby before speaking. “Do you have a favorite family member you’d like to name her after?”
“My grandmother, Violet. But it’s pretty old-fashioned.”
Colin cleared his throat. “I hear old-fashioned names are coming back in style.”
Kaitlyn bristled at his nearness, but she was determined to be polite. She didn’t need to pick a fight with her baby’s father, a man who probably had some kind of right to speak up about naming their daughter. “Interesting.” It was the only word she could think to say without getting snippy. Tangled emotions surged inside her, but she was too exhausted to sort through them. Too exhausted to say what she really wanted.
Too exhausted to completely tell Colin off and strike out on her own.
“I hope I’m not too late,” a meek voice murmered before the curtain parted.
“Mom.” Tears instantly blurred her sight as hope and astonishment mixed inside her. “How did you know?”
“I called her.” Sydney stood. “And now it’s time for me and Colin to step out.”
“I, uh …” Colin eased away from the baby.
Sydney folded her arms. “I’m sure we can find something to do.”
“Right, of course.” His gaze swung between Sydney, Kaitlyn, the baby, and Kaitlyn’s mother, whose pointed look seemed to prod him right out of the room.
Kaitlyn held her breath, unsure what had made her mother decide to come. “You’re here.”
“I’m here.” Mom sat next to her and gazed at the baby, her eyes soft and misty.
“Would you like to hold her?” She angled toward her mother, offering her most precious treasure.
“I’d love to.” Her mother’s voice hitched as she held out her arms and received the baby. Granddaughter in hand, her forehead curled with emotion and her eyebrows peaked as though she were trying to widen her view to take it all in. “She’s beautiful. So small.”
“She’s early, but she still weighed in at five and a half pounds.” She recalled the most strenuous moments of the birth, the searing pain and the pushing. “I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if she’d waited until Christmas.”
“She’s perfect just as she is.” Her mother glanced up and met Kaitlyn’s eyes. “She reminds me of you.”
Kaitlyn gave in to the swell of emotions. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t come that I didn’t call you myself. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Mom shook her head, careful not to move too much and wake the sleeping baby. “I should’ve been here for you all along. It’s just … the shock … But it was wrong for us to turn you away when you needed us the most. So wrong.” Color filled her face. “Can you forgive me?”
Kaitlyn nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“I want to be a family, and I want this little one to always know that she’s loved no matter what.” Concern tinged her eyes. “Just like you’re loved … no matter what.”
“What about Dad?” Kaitlyn shifted, afraid to hope.
Mom’s eyes sagged at the corners. “He’ll come around. This isn’t one of his finer moments, but he’s a decent man. We’ll just have to give him time.”
She wasn’t quite as sure as Mom was, but it was a start. Maybe she could work on forgiving him before she saw him next, though the rawness of his rejection still burned. The hypocrisy, the lack of concern for her …
No, she couldn’t go there or she’d be just as guilty. And wasn’t that what she’d wanted all along, to become a better person?
“So.” Mom punctuated the silence. “I assume that was him?”
Shame leaked through Kaitlyn, a culmination of realizing what she’d done combined with learning just tonight who else she’d hurt. She cast her gaze to the clinical hospital blanket that covered her. “Yes.”
“Do you have plans?”
“No.” She didn’t know what else to say without ruining the tenuous bond with her mom. “He plans to be here for the baby, but we’re not together. And I don’t want to be.”
Mom’s lips tightened as though holding back all the things she really wanted to say about Colin. Things Kaitlyn completely agreed with, finally.
She checked her spirit, remorseful for what she’d done. “It’s better this way.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Mom’s flat tone said so much.
“I guess I realize what all your warnings were for when I was growing up. You were right. I should’ve made better choices.” Her throat constricted. “Now I’ve hurt other people, and I feel so guilty.”
“No, honey. No guilt.” Tears slipped down Mom’s face. “And for whatever part I played in making you feel that way, I apologize. We all sin; we all fall short of God’s glory. Me most of all.”
Mom, who had lived so perfectly? At least until rejecting Kaitlyn. She couldn’t imagine what her mom sinning would even look like.
“The thing is,” Mom began as she stroked the baby’s cheek, “after you told us you were going to have a baby, it shook us up, badly.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We needed it. I needed it.” Her mother took a moment to compose herself. “It forced me to examine my own life, my own shortcomings. My own sins. I needed to get to that place and see what I really was.”
Kaitlyn looked up. “And what’s that?”
“A woman in need of God’s grace.”
“But you never did anything like me.”
“We all have our own issues to deal with, or rather, to let God deal with.” Mom’s smile was full of hope. “All we have to do is ask.”
Colin
It was after midnight when Colin left the hospital. Thankfully, the snow had subsided and the roads were clear of traffic.
Weariness saturated him as he slowly made his way across town. The drive was long. Too long. Enough time to stir up the stress of seeing Marissa.
The jolt of adrenaline that shot through him when she walked into the hospital room nearly gave him a heart attack. At first he’d thought she’d followed him, determined to wreck the moment. But to discover she knew Kaitlyn … nothing could’ve prepared him for the shock.
Had it really been that unrealistic, though? It had crossed his mind a time
or two during Kaitlyn’s pregnancy that they might know each other, but the odds were so low he’d convinced himself there was no way. Kaitlyn wasn’t like the other women who needed New Heights, at least that’s what he’d told himself.
Unreal.
He shook his head and turned off the heater. He was already sweating—and it had nothing to do with the temperature.
What would Marissa say? The last thing he wanted was to see her dissolve into tears, hiding away in her bedroom for days on end. Trying to coax her out of her dark places always took more energy than he had, and right now he wanted to focus his attention on his daughter. She was the one who mattered now.
To be fair, though, Marissa mattered too. She didn’t ask for him to cheat and have a child with someone else—the one and only thing she herself had ever wanted. It probably hurt her in ways he could no longer understand now that he had a baby.
Joy surged inside him as he considered his daughter. So tiny and vulnerable. She’d felt like a feather in his arms when Kaitlyn had finally let him hold her. He’d wanted to spend the night in the hospital, but from the moment Kaitlyn’s mother got there, that option was out the door. The way she’d scrutinized him really ticked him off, but she probably had her reasons. Plus, he needed to get home and smooth things over.
Which brought him back to Marissa.
One day she’d get over the hurt and mellow out. Maybe even come to accept his child, especially since she was already friends with Kaitlyn. It would take some getting used to, but it wasn’t a situation that couldn’t be worked out between reasonable people.
Colin rounded the corner and pulled into the empty driveway. Thankfully Marissa had parked in the garage, which would make shoveling a little easier in the morning. He turned off the ignition and paused to consider what to say, how best to smooth his wife’s ruffled feathers.
If he were a praying man, he’d ask God for no tears and dramatics tonight.
Cool and rational. That would be the best approach.
He climbed out of the car, locked it, and cringed at the noise when it chirped. He stomped his feet on the mat outside the door before entering the house. Marissa hated a wet floor. The dim light was on in the foyer, but his wife wasn’t waiting in the living room as he’d anticipated.
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