by RJ Blain
“Told you.”
“I can’t bolt like this, Quinn. I don’t think I can even crawl right now. I got smited at my own wedding.” I giggled. “We started our marriage with a bang.”
“And my wife’s first act as a married woman is to pun me. I haven’t even gotten a kiss yet.”
I was a wife. Huh. How had that happened? “I’m going to need a few minutes on this one. I wasn’t even used to being someone’s girlfriend yet. I don’t know how to be a wife.”
“Tip: have sex with me, and only me, often.”
“And there’s the rest of my life, having sex with a sinfully hot man. However will I cope?”
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Now that we’re married, shall we get a non-petrified copy to take to Clemmends? Actually, two extra copies. I’m going to need to shove the first one down his throat. Then I’m going to have to actually look at the laws regarding surrogates and figure out how we got played, because I’m pretty sure we got played, Bailey.”
“You can’t attack the head of the CDC. He might have a real job for me.”
“I’m not sure I can obey that order. What if I want to? I need to protest his bullshit bogus bureaucracy.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be thanking him? He’s why we’re here. I’m on top of you, married to you, while your relatives brawl in a courthouse.”
Quinn scowled. “Can I thank him at the same time I shove the certificate down his throat?”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Quinn.”
Listening to him sigh in frustration made me unreasonably happy. “Can you walk yet?”
“If it means escaping without having to be the one to clean up this war zone, I can manage.” I needed the help of the witness stand to get to my feet, but I pulled it off, huffing my triumph. Quinn hopped up without any sign the angelic smiting had affected him. He dusted his clothes off, and I spotted a shining, golden tattoo circling his wrist. I pointed at it. “What the hell is that?”
Quinn lifted his left arm, and his gaze locked onto his wrist. His eyes widened. “He didn’t.”
“He didn’t what?”
“Damn it. Grandpa either doesn’t trust us, doesn’t trust my idiot cousin, or just wanted to be a jerk and remind us our marriage is written in stone—permanently. There’s good news: I’d like to watch someone who isn’t me try to get into your pants. These things will be entertaining should that happen.”
I checked my wrist, and sure enough, I had one, too. “What are these things?” I couldn’t tell if writing or meaningless patterns circled my wrist. “It’s a tattoo. An angel smited me and slapped a tattoo onto my wrist. Oh! Is this the mystical ball and chain I keep hearing about? It’s prettier than I expected. Wait. If a woman starts pawing all over you…”
“She’ll get zapped.”
“Someone invented woman repellent.” I hugged my wrist to my chest. “And to think I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life beating off the competition.”
“And now I’m thinking Grandpa may have realized your self-esteem issues are actually coupled with jealousy-induced anxiety.”
I scowled at him. “Have you checked your reflection in the mirror? I’m pretty sure there’s a disproportionate number of men who’d sleep with you given half a chance. You’re not allowed to give those men a chance, either.”
Hanging his head, he sighed. “This is all my grandfather’s fault.”
“Which one? Because seriously, Quinn, there are three realistic options. Four if you count your great-grandfather. For a non-human, Anubis is pretty handsome. I’m also pretty sure your centaur grandmother played a significant role in your sexiness factor. She’s gorgeous.”
Quinn sighed again, louder and longer. “Anubis is packing divinity. Of course he’s handsome. Just be glad my great-grandmother showed up looking like a cat. She’s the one who taught the succubi their tricks. Let’s get out of here before it gets anymore awkward—and trust me, it will.”
“You know what? I’m not going to ask. Let’s bail before the cops show up.”
With a quiet laugh, Quinn grabbed hold of my hand. “You learn fast.”
I pointed at the brawl, snorted, and headed for the wall, dodging the writhing mass of bodies on my way out the door, pausing long enough to snag Perky and Nilman so they wouldn’t be left to face the terrors of Quinn’s family.
Chapter Seventeen
I stole the keys from Perky because I could, but I drove because everyone else passed out the instant they got inside his SUV. Nilman managed to get his seatbelt buckled before he started snoring from his prized spot in the front passenger seat. The other two barely made it all the way into their seats before they decided they had no more interest in being conscious.
Stealing Quinn’s new phone out of his pocket, I scowled at the device’s locked screen. How could a piece of technology thwart me? All I wanted was a single picture for blackmail.
A flash of gold warned me of the angel’s arrival, and my new grandfather-in-law manifested behind me, reached over my shoulder, and tapped the screen. “You need a phone of your own. And yes, I agree. This blackmail opportunity is too good to pass up.”
Sylvester vanished.
Damned angels. I wrinkled my nose, decided I appreciated the chance to capture pictures of all three peaceful sleepers, and took several photos before buckling Quinn and Perky in. I covered them both with the blanket, took one final picture of them together, and hit the road.
It was a good thing Nilman had taken the front seat; had Quinn been seated there, I doubted we would have reached Washington. The urge to pull over and drag my new husband off to somewhere private to prove I could be a good wife bordered on the excessive and insane.
It took a gargantuan amount of effort and patience to drive the two hours to Washington without making a pitstop for wicked, kinky purposes. The effort involved in dragging Quinn somewhere no one would spot us discouraged my plotting. After an epic battle with morning rush hour traffic, I pulled up to the CDC headquarter’s guarded gate. My CDC card and a brief introduction of my sleeping passengers got me into the visitors’ lot, where I parked and killed the engine.
A slow smile spread over my lips, and I twisted around in my seat to watch my new husband sleep. Growing up without any real friends, I’d never had a sleepover party or been around many people napping before. He looked so defenseless and peaceful.
One little scream wouldn’t scare too many years off his life. It would, however, let me enjoy some pandemonium while the three men figured out where they were, what had happened, and who was screaming. I drew in a deep breath and pretended I had a promising career as an extra in a horror flick.
Their startled cries and attempts to get up only to be thwarted by their seatbelts amused me so much. “We’re here,” I announced in my best sing-song voice.
Quinn glared at me, and I couldn’t tell if the gleam in his eyes was the fires of hell about to incinerate me or a lot of lust. I hoped for the latter but expected the former. “You bitch.”
Oh, how I loved that growl. I beamed at him. “Good morning.”
While he made scowling sexy, the narrowing of his eyes promised retribution in some form later. “It’s too early in the morning for you to be in such a good mood without sex being involved.”
Perky and Nilman choked. The older cop turned his head and coughed.
It took a great deal of effort, but I swallowed my laughter. “Quinn.”
“What?”
“You’re embarrassing the cops.”
“Cops? What cops? I don’t see any cops here. I see two hitchhikers and my beautiful wife.” Quinn stifled a yawn and looked Perky and Nilman over. “We didn’t leave you at the courthouse?”
Perky smacked the back of my husband’s head. “Mrs. Quinn, can you control him? It’s too early in the morning to put up with him being a smart ass when I’m not being paid for it.”
Maybe I should have left them sleeping in the SUV while I dealt with the CDC. “Just
get out of the damned car so we can head back to New York sometime today. And Quinn, you may not kill anyone with our wedding certificate. Actually, don’t kill anyone at all.”
“If they hurt you, I’m killing them.”
Oh boy. We hadn’t been married for even a day, and we were going to need to have a long talk about when—if—killing someone was appropriate. “Don’t kill anyone. I mean it.”
“Why not?”
Losing my temper and breaking my own rule by killing Quinn wouldn’t help anything, and I needed to keep him around for a long time. I sighed. “Perky, explain this to him in small words he can easily understand.”
“She wants you for your body. You should be grateful she’s willing to put up with you. That said, I don’t want a new boss. If we make it out of here without excessive violence, I won’t tell anyone at the station you married Gardener during a courtroom brawl.”
I frowned and leveled a glare at Perky. “Is there a reason my enslavement of Chief Quinn needs to be kept a secret? Am I a closet wife or something? I’m pretty sure I should be offended.”
“No. I’m concerned everyone at the station will die of shock if you spring the news on them without warning. I was prepared since I saw you two in the hospital. Nilman almost choked to death on his coffee when your husband told him we were headed to Virginia so you two could get married. We need to acclimate the others to the idea.” Flashing a grin at me, Perky freed himself from his seatbelt and the blanket.
Nilman chuckled. “It was pretty obvious once I stopped to think about it.”
Shaking my head over the trio of police officers, I got out of Perky’s SUV and tossed him his keys. “I’m going to be clear on something right now, Mr. Chief of Police Quinn. Suzy still dies. I will not tolerate any competition or bad coffee. We clear?”
Quinn scowled. “Crystal. Fine, no more bad coffee. Poor Suzy.”
I chuckled, and to soften the blow to his poor abused pride, I said, “Hey. Do you have any transformative pills on you? I’m thinking I’ll go up as a unicorn and light his hair on fire.”
“No, Bailey. If I can’t assault him, neither can you.”
“Damn.”
It took some snarling at the receptionist to get an appointment with Marshal Clemmends, and she made us wait for an hour and a half to see him. I spent it drinking coffee and cursing under my breath while Quinn, Perky, and Nilman used their phones to work. As far as I could tell, Quinn issued the orders, Perky hunted down information, and Nilman relayed messages. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought they were at their desks rather than inside the CDC’s cafeteria.
An hour into the wait, I decided they’d probably forgive me for sneaking off to deal with Clemmends on my own—maybe. If Quinn had been paying a little more attention to me, he would’ve noticed me slipping away. I tiptoed my way to the elevators and finished the rest of my wait in the reception.
The secretary glared at me when she thought I wasn’t watching. Her phone rang, and she answered in a murmur. When she hung up, she sighed. “He’ll see you now.”
I considered myself lucky she bothered to gesture to the huge oak door leading into the man’s office. While I understood I had probably made her life difficult demanding to see him, Clemmends had caused the whole situation in the first place. I got up, lifted my chin, and let myself inside.
For some reason, I had expected a fat slob of a man. Instead, I got a thin, older man in a classic suit seated behind a sleek black desk. He had company, and I grimaced when I recognized two of the three gorgons.
Yippee. Quinn wouldn’t get mad at me if I beat up his cousin a second time, would he? While I thought about it, I turned my attention to my new grandfather-in-law, noting he was the only gorgon who wasn’t wearing sunglasses. “Oh, look. It’s the old man.”
My stupid mouth was going to get me in trouble again.
Every last one of his coral snakes hissed at me. I hissed back. Quinn’s grandfather relaxed and chuckled, and his snakes settled and quieted. “Good morning, Bailey. How was the drive?”
“The babies fell asleep the instant they got into the car and didn’t budge until we got here. I left them in the cafeteria doing cop stuff. You?”
“Uneventful. This is my brother, Barnabus. The whelp is Darrel. He’d apologize for his crude behavior, but I’m afraid he won’t be saying anything at all today. I petrified his tongue for daring to be rude and smearing the family name.”
I still didn’t know my grandfather-in-law’s name, but at least I knew the name of the gorgon king. Sweet. Maybe I’d survive the meeting. “Pleased to meet you, Your Majesty.”
Was Your Majesty the appropriate title? No one seemed offended, so I added a tally to my score of being polite like a good adult.
“Miss,” Barnabus greeted. “I appreciate you coming here today.”
Signing the papers in the courthouse moved me from Miss to Mrs.; I frowned, glancing at Quinn’s grandfather. “You didn’t tell them, did you?”
“And ruin your chance to tell them yourself? I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Who knew I could like a gorgon so much? “You’re so sweet.”
His coral snakes cooed at me, and my grandfather-in-law winked. “Don’t tell them that. I have them fooled.”
Okay, maybe the sweetness was a bit much. “I will still kill you if you make me clean up after you.”
“Miss Gardener!” Clemmends bellowed, rising from his seat and slapping his hands against his desk. “You are in the presence of gorgon royalty. Remember your place.”
I was going to have so, so much fun with Clemmends. If he didn’t cry by the time I finished with him, I’d be disappointed. Stepping to his desk, I dug out my folded marriage certificate, made a show of opening it, and slammed it on his desk. “Mrs. Quinn. I’m pretty sure this stunt robbed me of dating, a proper proposal, and a nice wedding. While I have nothing against a good brawl, I didn’t even have a chance to get a wedding dress.”
Being tired and cranky made it easy to fake watery eyes. I even got my lip to tremble. “Sir.”
Clemmends sat down and tried to pick up the marriage certificate. Straightening, I lifted my hand so he could read it. His brow furrowed. “Quinn? You don’t mean Chief Quinn.”
All three gorgons turned their glares on the head of the CDC, and I considered it a miracle he didn’t end up petrified. A few of my grandfather-in-law’s snakes hissed their displeasure.
“Yes, Chief Quinn. Once he finished laughing and could get off the floor of his office, he grabbed me, tossed me into an SUV, and carted me to Virginia. He refused to allow me out of the courthouse until I married him. He didn’t think a mere license was sufficient to convince you I was off-limits.”
“You married Chief Quinn.”
I really couldn’t blame the man for his incredulous tone and doubtful expression. After a trip to Virginia, two hours driving to Washington, and waiting in a cafeteria for an hour, my white shirt had turned gray, my jacket had new scuffs and leather wrinkles, and my jeans needed a good washing. “Is it that hard to believe?”
It was, but I fully intended to be a bitch to the man after having to endure his stupid phone call at the station.
“Yes. It’s on file you have a terrible relationship. Actually, it’s on file you have a terrible relationship with everyone, but Chief Quinn is able to make you do your job with minimal struggle.”
I turned to my grandfather-in-law. “Can I really say whatever I want?”
He chuckled. “Be my guest.”
“You might want to cover the whelp’s virgin ears. I’m not sure if gorgon kings have delicate sensibilities, but if they do, maybe your brother better cover his ears, too.”
Barnabus cleared his throat and hid his mouth behind his hand. “Excuse me. By all means. I’m sure my son could use the education. While it would be tragic if he didn’t survive the experience, I would enjoy whelping more children to replace him.”
Ouch. I almost felt bad for the gorgon prin
ce—almost.
I smiled at Clemmends. “My relationship with Chief Quinn is so terrible we’ve had sex in every room of his home. Absolutely miserable, our relationship. Oh dear. I forgot to ask Sylvester to confirm I am most certainly not a virgin.” With a dramatic sigh, I fluttered my lashes at my grandfather-in-law. “Quinn must have gotten his charm from you.”
My grandfather-in-law chuckled. “You’re such a gem. I’m sorry, Barnabus. Little Samuel has been after her for years. Once I found out about her altercation with your whelp, I may have called in a few favors.” Every one of his coral snakes rose from his head and turned to Quinn’s cousin. “As for you. You made a very poor choice. If I ever catch wind of you even thinking of forcing a woman, I will castrate you myself. Being my nephew will not save you. Once your tongue softens, you will apologize to your cousin and his bride in a sincere fashion. Give them a wedding gift while you’re at it. You’re fortunate he wasn’t present. A courting prince is well within his rights to safeguard his future bride, and I’m sure he wouldn’t have had any problem with petrifying you and bashing your statue into tiny fragments.”
It would take some time to get used to anyone referring to me as someone’s bride, let alone as someone’s wife. How had that happened? I’m not sure I would ever understand the nature of miracles, which was what I thought had been required to have someone like me marry someone like Quinn.
Quinn’s cousin cringed and stared at the floor.
Later, I’d have to ask who would be doing the petrifying and how Quinn would go about bashing his cousin’s statue to pieces.
“Excuse me?” Clemmends choked, cleared his throat, and shot looks at my grandfather-in-law and his brother. “A courting prince? Did I hear you correctly?”
Clemmends didn’t realize my Quinn was related to the three gorgons in his office? My grandfather-in-law had even referred to the prince as Quinn’s cousin.
Idiot.
With a slow, sly smirk, my grandfather-in-law sank onto on one of the room’s three guest chairs and propped his feet up on Clemmends’s desk. “Gorgon society is complex, but I’ll focus on the local gorgons. We have two kings and two princes born of the same line. My brother is a gorgon king. My eldest human son is also a gorgon king. I gave my rank to my eldest male offspring, as is proper. I have whelped many girls, and they are the pride of my life. My son’s eldest child is Samuel Quinn, and as his father is a king, he is a prince. While there are other gorgon clans in the area, only ours has the right to rule.”