by Tiffany King
His hand reached out in the dark to cup my face. "Marriage wasn't in the cards for me with Candace. That doesn't mean I never want to get married. I want a family for Lily, like you have, with lots of siblings," he said huskily, stroking a thumb across my cheekbone.
One of the things I had learned about Alec since we'd been together was that he was an only child. His mother was no longer able to have children after he was born due to some kind of complications during his delivery. Alec's biggest wish growing up had been to have a brother or sister. I tried convincing him how good he had it as an only child. I had to fight for everything while growing up in a sports-crazed house with three brothers. I had to fight for my dinner before they ate everything in sight. I had to fight for the TV just to watch something other than ESPN. And don't get me started on sharing one bathroom with three disgusting slobs, none of which had any sense of aim near the toilet.
In spite of my negative spin on siblings and the madness he had witnessed during dinner earlier, Alec still insisted that a big family would be his idea of heaven. The thought of carrying his baby created a warm feeling of joy that spread through my veins. I was far from ready to have children, but the promise of one day raising a houseful of kids was appealing. Snuggling closer to Alec's hard body, I suddenly felt more turned on than I probably should have been. The mere talk of babies should have had me scurrying away to double up on birth control with my knees sewn together.
"You don't want a big family?" he asked, gliding his hand over my hip to cup my ass. He dragged the lower part of my body toward him so that I was pressed flush against him.
"Yes," I whispered as his hands began tugging off my pajamas, distracting me from any further conversation.
***
Before I could blink we were halfway into December. My mind was in a constant haze, trying to plan for Christmas and my upcoming trip. It was a stressful effort to organize and prepare for two and a half months away from home. I practically broke down in tears one afternoon over the idea of leaving Severus for that long. Alec eased my mind, if only slightly, by promising that he wouldn't let anything happen to him.
My publisher was handling the bus tour side of the trip, which would be taking the other authors and me from one side of the country to the other, and that was after spending two weeks in New York first. Going over my itinerary with Olivia was as frightening as it was exciting. I had no idea how I would take to riding on the bus. Sometimes I was prone to motion sickness when I tried to look at my cell phone while riding in a car. We would be spending a lot of hours driving from one city to the next. What if I spent the entire time slumped over the toilet?
The only thing keeping me sane was the fact that Olivia would be with me during the first leg of the trip, and Mom volunteered to fly to the West Coast for the latter part of the trip to spend some time with me. Her college roommate lived in San Francisco, and she thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up. My agent lived in Northern California, so we would be getting together as well. If I could make it that long.
I tried to keep my apprehensions to myself as much as possible, not wanting Alec to worry. It was no secret that he was battling his own demons over my trip. He came home one day with four canisters of pepper spray, which I was pretty sure wouldn't make it through airport security, but I kept that tidbit to myself.
Somehow during the next couple of weeks, we managed to finish all the preparations for the trip and made it to Christmas Eve without any meltdowns. Lily had come over to spend the evening with us, and we laid out cookies and milk for Santa, along with a sprinkle of glitter on the patio for his reindeer.
"Are you sure he'll know I'm here?" Lily asked as we arranged the last of the cookies she had baked earlier with Mom on the special Santa plate we picked out together at the store.
"Positive. He's smart that way. One time my family was on vacation in Hawaii during Christmas and he found us, even there. That's what the glitter is for," I answered. Lily had been excited after hearing the news that she would be spending Christmas Eve with us, but the idea that Santa wouldn't know where to leave her gifts was a big worry on her mind. A call to her mom, Candace, helped reassure her, especially after Candace told her she'd leave a note for Santa, just in case.
Lily nibbled on her lip as she weighed my words. "He really found you?"
I ruffled her hair. "Yep, and he brought me the doll I wanted so badly."
"I want an American Girl doll," she reminded me. "I've been a really good girl." As usual, she sounded older than her five years.
"You have been," I agreed. I knew for a fact that the doll would be waiting under my tree for her in the morning. Alec had special ordered it months ago after studying the catalog for days. We finally settled on one that had blue eyes and long blond ringlets like Lily's. I even ordered matching outfits for the two of them. I joked with Olivia that the doll outfits were almost as expensive as Lily's, but I couldn't resist ordering a few. Candace bought the doll bed and wardrobe. My family even got into the action and bought every accessory she could want from the catalog. Dad ended up having to reel Mom in when she got a little too out of hand. Needless to say, Lily was going to have a very merry Christmas, and I was thankful I was going to be a part of it.
"Who wants cookies and hot cocoa?" Alec asked, carrying a tray of goodies from the kitchen. His hair was still wet from his shower, and he was wearing the Simpsons Christmas pajama bottoms I'd bought him a couple weeks ago. They were intended to be a joke, but Alec instantly took to them and wore them all the time.
"Me!" Lily jumped up and down with excitement. She laced her fingers through mine and dragged me toward the coffee table where Alec sat with a plate of cookies. "Me too," I said with equal amounts of excitement. Lily plunked herself on my lap when I sat cross-legged in front of the table. I wrapped my arms around her in a squishy hug. In the few months since I met her, I'd grown quite fond of the three-foot-nothing bundle of activity. She was too adorable.
Alec switched on the television and found a station that was showing classic Christmas cartoons. Lily and I made our way through our share of cookies and then climbed up on the couch with Alec to snuggle after he turned all the lights off but the Christmas tree. Lily held out as long as she could, continuing to chatter away until she fell into an exhausted slumber.
"Is it wrong that I'm almost as excited for tomorrow morning as she is?" I whispered over her head since she was still lying in my lap.
Alec grinned. "Excited about the presents Santa is going to bring you? You've been a bit naughty, so you might want to prepare yourself for some coal."
I swatted at him. "You're the naughty one. Not me. Matter of fact, coal might not be enough for you. You deserve a spanking."
"Now you're talking," he said, winking. "That's a gift that keeps on giving."
I snorted loudly. Lily shifted in my lap and I covered my mouth. "You're such a perv. Back on topic. I'm excited to see what she thinks of all her presents. I can't remember the last time I anticipated Christmas morning so much. Is it always like this?"
His flirtatious look turned to warmth as he beamed down at Lily's feet that were resting in his lap. "Each year gets better and better. When she was a baby she didn't get it, obviously. Last year was the first time she made a list for Santa, and the first time we got her to sit on his lap at the mall, but this year she totally gets it. I think that's what makes it so much fun. We get to live vicariously through her excitement." He reached over and laced his fingers through mine.
I smiled at him. "She's going to be so excited," I agreed happily. This was definitely my happy place. The idea that we could have years and years of this same night made me all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside.
The next morning it took a little work and a hot cup of coffee to generate the same level of excitement. Lily woke us at the crack of dawn by jumping up and down on the bed. Her shrieks of joy penetrated my slumber better than any alarm clock.
I yawned widely. "Remind me why we were l
ooking forward to this?"
"No one told you that you needed to stay up late," Alec said, pulling me toward the living room.
I rolled my eyes. "That's right. I should have just rolled over and ignored you."
"Well, there is access from that side too."
"You're such a perv," I said, slapping him on the arm.
"Merry Christmas!" Lily yelled, holding her arms outstretched as we entered the room. She began tearing through her presents even before Alec could sit and help her sort through them. When she finally got to the American Girl doll, I thought she was going to take off like a rocket she was so excited.
Hours later the living room looked like a cyclone had landed. There wasn't an inch of floor to be seen under the wrapping paper, empty boxes, and wrappers. Lily sat happily amongst the mess, putting her doll in the dress that matched the one she was wearing.
Alec and I sat on the sofa, drinking coffee while she played. The moment seemed so domestic and so adult-like. Watching Lily sitting on the floor, my throat began to feel like it was being squeezed. My heart, which just moments ago had felt satisfied, started to beat uncomfortably. Lily was the most precious thing in Alec's life. Hell, she was quickly becoming important to me, but the sudden weight of responsibility felt scary. This wasn't the first time Lily had stayed over, but it was the first time it felt like we were a family unit. A unit I was ill prepared to handle. My parents were equipped in that category. Not me. I was lucky Severus was vocal when it came to reminding me when he needed to be fed or that his cat box needed cleaning out. A child was a completely different story. Could I handle the responsibility of a child's happiness and well-being? Was I really mature enough?
Chapter 5
The week following Christmas was no less chaotic. I spent the time packing and making endless lists for Alec. Even though he said he would take care of Severus, I found myself leaving reminder notes on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, any place I knew he would see them. The plant he bought me officially bit the dust and ended up in the dumpster that morning, so that was one less thing he had to worry about. The sad thing was that tossing it only added to the insecurity I had been feeling the past week. If I couldn't even keep a plant alive, how could I help raise Alec's daughter? For the first time since being given the news, I was almost grateful for my impending trip.
Alec looked at me with concern. "You okay?" We were headed to my mom and dad's house for their annual New Year's Eve party, but I was still stewing over the damn plant.
I shifted the Crockpot on my lap. Alec's world-famous chili, or so he claimed, was inside. "I'm fine." I smiled halfheartedly, wondering if it looked as weak as it felt.
Obviously my smile wasn't masking anything, especially from Alec, who didn't look fooled. "Are you worried about your trip? I'll take care of Severus. Scout's honor," he said, holding up his hand.
"Promise?" I asked, letting him believe he was on the right track. How could I tell him the real reason I was freaking was because I was having cold feet? And we weren't even married. That the trip was coming at a perfect time because I needed some time to gather myself? There was no way he would understand.
"I swear. By the time you get home, that cat and I will be old friends," he said, pulling behind Tony's pickup. Mom and Dad's driveway was packed with cars, forcing us to park in the street.
I juggled the Crockpot with one hand while opening the door of my jeep. Alec rounded the vehicle and plucked it from my hands. "Was I right? Are you just worried about leaving, or is it something else?" he asked, blocking my way.
I nodded, not wanting to open a huge can of worms the night before leaving for two and a half months. I was being silly anyway. It wasn't like Alec had asked me to step in as Lily's mother. She already had Candace. I was probably simply stressing over the trip. Nothing more. "I'm just sad that tomorrow I'll be hundreds and hundreds of miles from you. I'm going to miss you," I said honestly, lacing my fingers through his.
"Ditto, babe." He dropped a lingering kiss on my lips.
"Aren't you supposed to be happy? You're getting rid of the old ball and chain for ten weeks. Shouldn't you be making a list of strip clubs and bars you plan on hitting up?" I asked, pressed against his lips.
"Well, that's a given, but I'll miss you when Severus is waking me up at seven a.m. sprinting through the house like a complete wacko. Seriously though, we'll make it work. Okay?"
"Okay." He was right. Things would work out. I'd survive the trip. My misgivings about sudden parenthood would fade and the burden of responsibility would become tolerable. This was what being an adult was about. I only wish it wasn't happening so quickly.
Practically everyone I knew was shoved into Mom and Dad's spacious living room, making it feel tight on every side. Any other time, I might have felt claustrophobic, but since I was familiar with all the people in the room, it was bearable.
Alec and I circulated around, stopping to chat with Mom and Dad and some of their friends first. Mom's friend and coworker, Trina, acted like I was some sort of celebrity, asking about the bus and all the cities I would be visiting. Some of her and Mom's excitement rubbed off on me as we discussed the museums and other landmarks I should visit. Tony dragged Alec away to help set up fireworks out back on the basketball court. Years ago, Dad and the guys poured the court behind the screened-in porch. Mom claimed he did it so he wouldn't have to mow the backyard, but in reality the guys spent countless hours there. Even I developed a pretty decent jump shot over the years. When they weren't playing basketball, my brothers would set up homemade skateboard ramps or in Riley's case, he used it to work on his street art.
The court didn't get much use now that all the guys no longer lived at home, but New Year's Eve fireworks were still a tradition.
Watching their retreating backs, I wondered what fruit they planned to blow up this time. Thankfully, watermelon wasn't in season like it was during the summer. I thought Mom was going to have a coronary when they blew up her watermelon centerpiece during the Fourth of July.
"I've always dreamed of going to Seattle," Trina said, dragging my attention back to the conversation.
"So have I," Mom agreed. "Maybe we can take a road trip to Forks," she added, winking at me. Mom and I got into the whole Twilight fandom together—reading the books, sitting through more Twilight marathons than I could count, and collecting all the memorabilia imaginable.
Truthfully, it was the Twilight series that sparked my interest in writing. Despite all the haters, no other book grabbed my attention like that one had at that time. It was the gateway to many other amazing books I probably would have never picked up.
"We can visit Forks High and La Push."
"And maybe Edward will climb all creepy-like through your window," Zachary chimed in, clutching his heart dramatically. "I hope he watches me sleep all night," he cooed, earning an elbow in the gut from me.
"Shouldn't you be outside with the guys getting ready to blow crap up?"
"It's not time yet. Besides, if I was outside I'd be missing out on who's the biggest pussy—Team Edward or Team Jacob." He batted his eyelashes at me.
Mom intervened before I could violently hurt him. "Do I need to get some soap, young man? You better check that language at the door."
He looked appropriately chastised for about half a second. "Okay, wait. Have you heard this one? What's the difference between Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen?" He paused a moment for effect. "Voldemort stopped Cedric before he could sparkle."
"You're an ass."
"You gonna let her talk about your son like that?" Zachary asked, trying to look wounded as he smirked at me.
"You know, for someone who claims to dislike the series so much, you sure know an awful lot about it," Mom said, patting his head.
"It's because he secretly has a thing for Edward," I interjected.
Ashley joined us, catching the tail end of our conversation. "Babe, you never told me you swing from that tree. I always thought you seemed partial to spa
rkly things." She winked at me.
"He used to try on Mom's earrings when we were kids," I provided, tongue-in-cheek.
"That was for a school play," he said as we all laughed.
Ashley patted him on the arm. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, babe. Sparkly things make all our hearts go pitter-patter."
"Whatever. I'm going to go blow shit up," Zachary grumbled. "Sorry, Mom," he added as stalked away.
Ashley and I high-fived. "I'm so glad you're going to be a part of this family. We need some estrogen to balance all the testosterone in this house."
"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Mom asked, looking as if I had insulted her womanhood.
"Oh please. We all know you're not allowed to pick sides. Plus, it's common knowledge that Riley is your favorite since he's always sucking up."
Mom was hailed to the backyard before she could defend herself. Apparently someone knocked over the birdbath she had gotten for Christmas. Assuming my brothers had something to do with the accident, we could hear her threatening their lives as she made her way through the house.
Mom's birdbath turned out to be broken, the details of which were still under investigation. None of my brothers would fess up, and yet they all offered to replace it.
After a couple more hours of making my rounds to talk to everyone, and hearing over and over again how excited they were for me, it was nearly time for the big fireworks show to begin. My brothers liked to start at eleven forty-five, leaving the grand finale for the stroke of midnight. Each year the finale became more and more elaborate. I was actually surprised no one called the cops. Dad claimed the neighbors looked forward to the free show.
I'm sure he was right. After years of practice, my brothers could put together a fairly spectacular display. If they didn't burn the house down, or themselves for that matter. The backyard was already littered with charred apple chunks from Dad's tree in the backyard. Mom had warned him that he would regret planting that tree. Judging by the way he frowned at the apple guts splattered all over his gas grill, that day had come.