I didn’t know what to say. The truth was easy: I cared about nothing more than I cared about my country and my people and my Empress. I’d die for any one of the three, a thousand times over. I hated fucking faceless women every night.
But the truth had no place in the life I’d built for myself.
I wondered, not for the first time, if Quillane would love me were she to meet the man behind the mask.
‘All I have to say to that,’ I said bluntly, ‘is that I’d stop seeing every single one of them if you would come to my bed instead.’
Her gaze shifted russet with disgust and she turned angrily to climb down from the obstacle. In that moment I saw her foot slip.
I was moving before she’d even started to fall, no thought for the consequences. Her long limbs collided with me and I twisted myself beneath her, taking the weight of her fall and sparing her the impact that would have broken several bones, if it had not killed her. I hit the sand awkwardly and felt ribs splinter. Air left my lungs in a great rush and stars shimmered in the inky sky, woozy and dancing across my vision.
‘Falco!’ I heard her cry, scrambling to get off me. Her face swam above me; her eyes looked a brilliant aquamarine.
‘By Gods I love you,’ I heard myself say, and then I quite promptly passed out.
It must have been only moments before I opened my eyes again, as no one had yet arrived to help.
‘Fal?’
‘Yes, darling?’
‘Gods. I thought I’d lost you for a moment there.’
‘Please. You are heavier than you look, but you’re still not heavy enough to kill me.’
‘You’re a delicate flower,’ she pointed out. ‘Who knows what could be the end of you.’
‘I’ll try not to take offence to that.’ Slowly I sat up, pain slicing through my chest and side. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine. Thankful that you were clumsy enough to get in my way. Can you walk?’
I could have, but instead played it up. ‘The pain is terrible.’
‘Wait here then. I’ll get help.’
I watched her dash across the sand towards where our guards would be waiting at the entrance of the stadium, and then I allowed myself to lie back down and wallow in emasculation.
When the Sparrow is dead, I promised myself. When the Sparrow is dead, you can be everything she needs you to be. You can win her heart.
Quillane
After securing Falco comfortably in his bed with a warder’s magic healing his ribs, I snuck down the lonely stone tunnel to Radha.
She was curled on her bed and she looked very pale.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked quickly, sinking down beside her.
Her inky eyes opened wearily and she nodded.
‘You don’t look well, love.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t get any fresh air.’ Staring at her, I made up my mind. ‘I have an idea. Come with me.’
‘This is a mistake!’ Radha whispered as she snuck along the corridor behind me. Her eyes were covered with my blindfold so that if anyone spotted us, they would think I was taking my pleasure with her, and would not realise that her eyes turned gold for me. I would have to deal with the fact that someone knew I preferred the company of women later – a necessary risk in order to get Radha out of that cursed prison cell.
Grabbing some equipment, we crept out to the east wall gate that opened onto the cliffs. Radha was nimble and sure-footed, not needing any help to climb down to the small jetty at the very bottom of the cliff. It sat in a tiny abandoned inlet, this jetty, but had one single boat tethered in case of an emergency. We climbed into it and cast off, taking an oar each and striking out. I could feel her coming back to life surrounded by the sea. Salt was in our blood.
When we reached a calm stretch of ocean we threw our fishing lines in and sat back to wait for any nibbles. We’d fished every day in the first years of our bonding. Now I couldn’t remember the last time we’d gone.
‘You’re not really going to break the bond, are you?’ she asked softly.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. ‘I might have to.’
‘How could you even entertain the idea?’ Radha demanded incredulously.
‘For you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t need it. It’s you who is too frightened to make the change this country needs.’
I didn’t rise to the bait. We’d been fighting way too much of late, and I hated it.
‘You would sever what’s between us,’ she whispered, and I could hear the tears in her throat.
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of this idea settle upon me. The weight of all the bonded Kayans who would feel the grief of it, if I were indeed to order the bond broken. I’d been born with such ambition in my veins. Such a need to help. But the more choices I had to make that felt wrong, the wearier I grew of it all.
I found myself wishing, in the dark quiet of night, for a life in which all that was required of me was to love my mate. That was a big enough burden for one person, surely. An infinite enough joy. Instead I made impossible decisions and I had no one at all to help me.
Taking a breath, I looked at Radha.
‘I don’t need the bond to love you,’ I told her. ‘I will do that no matter what magic exists in the world.’
Something pulled on her line, and when she reeled it in there was a fat, wriggling fish on the end of it. We both burst into laughter for the sheer pleasure of it.
Finn
Around us as far as the eye could see was grass. Endless fields of yellow, waist-high grass. The five of us were spread out, wading through it under a hot sun. Isadora was a few hundred yards ahead, but even though she was short, there was no way we could lose sight of her, glowing under the sun as she was. Jonah watched her without blinking from where he walked beside me. Despite the fact that I had told her she wasn’t welcome to join our travelling party, I’d been out-voted. She’d offered us her swords for the journey, and the boys all thought it was wise after last night to have another who could fight in our party. They were right. I simply didn’t trust her.
Thorne was keeping pace out to the right, his neck on a constant swivel to check for any signs of danger. And Penn brought up the rear, trailing behind with a song on his breath, slashing a long stick through the grass.
My footsteps felt heavy today. I couldn’t seem to shake the remnants of last night from my skin. The idiocy of what I’d done. Of course Thorne wasn’t the right person to relieve my boredom with; he thought everything was a matter of gravest import. Yuck.
Sometimes the darkness that crept in felt like a physical sensation over my skin. It prickled, grew hot and sticky and sore. In my head there were whispers made of shadow, and as they brushed against me they sent revulsion down my spine.
For a few years I spent a lot of time letting this darkness build until it was so thick it felt like wading through tar. I would push myself to endure as much of it as I possibly could. I outgrew that, because as the years passed, the darkness became more frightening, and I now had no wish to toy with it.
‘Inney?’ Jonah said suddenly, pulling me to a halt. ‘You’re too full.’
‘I’m fine.’
He took both my hands and even though outwardly I sighed there was an immense relief blooming within me. I watched my brother as his eyes faded to milky white and he started draining the blackness inside me. With every passing second I felt lighter, more whole, more energised. A bubble of laughter escaped my lips, and Jonah let me go. He smiled at me, but I could see what he worked to keep hidden: the weary ache that all my fury and grief made him endure each time he took it from me.
I felt a moment of purest love for my brother. Of rapturous happiness. He was all I could ever need, he and Penn and my da. I didn’t need anything else but them, and sky, endless sky under which to run.
Thorne and Isadora had come to a stop a few yards away, watching us silently. Neither asked us what we were doi
ng, but I could tell they were curious and wary both. I didn’t want their eyes on me, dampening the brightness in my chest. So I leapt into a bound over the grass, weightless as I dashed forward, running and running and running.
Thorne
It was like seeing a shadow pass over something and then disappear, leaving it to shimmer in the sunlight. Finn had been different this morning. As if a sea had passed through her, threatening to drown her. It had preoccupied me, thinking it must have something to do with last night. I had been rude, and now regretted it terribly. Ma would be ashamed of me. Despite the fact that I disliked Finn’s character, I hated to think I’d made her uncomfortable – or anyone, for that matter. I had little experience with women, so perhaps I had.
But then I saw Jonah take her hands and she was lifted up and spun around like a leaf in a wind pocket. I stared in astonishment as she took off across the field, Penn dashing after her, the two of them laughing with an abrupt freedom.
Jonah approached Isadora and I. He, on the other hand, had dark hollows under his eyes and stood a little less straight.
‘What was that?’ I asked.
He looked between us, hesitating. We turned together and continued on our path. After a few long minutes, Jonah murmured, ‘She gets overwhelmed.’
‘By what?’
‘When we were taken as children to the warders for our tests, they took one look at Finn and declared her soul too big for her body.’
I waited for Jonah to explain, but that seemed to be all he was willing to say on the matter. I tried to process it. What did it even mean? I couldn’t grasp the implications. Somehow, though, when I thought of Finn and how she was … It made an odd kind of sense.
‘What must you do to help her?’ I asked.
‘I try to drain some of it. Lessen its power over her.’
‘Drain her soul?’ I stopped in my tracks.
‘Better than letting it incinerate her from within, wouldn’t you say, Highness?’
I reminded myself to keep walking. We covered about a mile without speaking, but my mind wouldn’t leave the conversation alone.
‘What of you?’ I pressed.
Jonah glanced at me. ‘What about me?’
‘When you drain her, Jonah. It harms you?’
The boy didn’t say anything. His jaw was clenched and he wouldn’t look at me. I cracked the knuckles on my left hand, hesitating. I didn’t really know how to express my thoughts, but for some reason couldn’t hold them in. ‘Your generosity of spirit humbles me,’ I blurted clumsily.
Jonah’s eyes flashed silver. He seemed lost. His mouth opened and then closed. Something hard flittered across his gaze. ‘Mind your business, Prince.’
‘Forgive me.’
It was around midday when Finn finally stopped running. She had literally been going all morning, much to my complete astonishment. She seemed perfectly happy, but something about the manic adrenalin she was exerting made me uneasy.
My head was tilted up to watch a lone hawk circle the sky when I heard her gasp.
‘There’s danger ahead.’ She shot off again towards the forest at the edge of the grasslands.
‘Then don’t run towards it!’ Jonah exclaimed as we all sprinted after her. The world grew dark as we entered the cover of trees and the sun was blotted out. I drew my axe from my back even though I wasn’t supposed to be armed while in Kaya.
A group of travellers were up ahead. I could see six of them, as well as another who’d scouted further ahead. Finn was approaching them as though she intended to barrel in there and attack them all without a moment’s thought. What was wrong with the girl?
I shared a glance with Isadora, whose eyes flicked to the trees pointedly. I nodded, splitting off from the others and making my way into the brush. I picked up the pace, curving around to the side of the group so I could watch as Finn arrived.
‘More pioneers to the holy city,’ she said with a brilliant smile. The six men turned swiftly, taking in the twins, Penn, and then Isadora. Their eyes all narrowed to see such a strange looking person. I couldn’t imagine what her life must be like. I hadn’t exactly been welcomed here, but at least in Pirenti I was safe from the hostile looks; Isadora was a pariah even in her home country.
‘No,’ said one of the men. He was short and slim like most Kayans, but he had eyes as cruel as anyone I’d ever met.
‘No? Then where are you headed?’
He gave a short laugh of disbelief. ‘Whose business do you think that is?’
‘They’re just kids, Sin,’ one of the others reminded him.
The scout had circled back and was doing exactly as I was – sticking to the cover of trees and watching. He had no idea I was directly behind him, and he wouldn’t know – not unless I wanted him to.
‘Not too friendly, are you?’ Finn pointed out mildly.
‘Not too friendly,’ Penn agreed like a cheerful little parrot.
Sin folded his arms. I could see him getting annoyed. ‘And you’ve got a big mouth, girl. Maybe I can use that big mouth for something.’
A few of the others chuckled.
Finn didn’t seem remotely bothered by their lewdness. Jonah, on the other hand, was growing angry. I could see it in the set of his shoulders, in the way his hands kept making small circular motions, as if to conjure something.
‘Where have you come from?’ Sin asked.
‘Limontae.’
‘Then tell me, kid. Have you seen any warders on the road?’
Finn tilted her head, curious now. ‘Hmm … That’s a tricky one. What do warders look like?’
Sin’s brows knitted, unable to tell if she was being serious or not.
‘She’s daft,’ another man muttered.
‘Don’t give me that,’ Sin snapped.
‘Well, I may have, but it’s hard to tell,’ Finn shrugged. ‘And when men aren’t friendly my feelings get hurt.’
‘You want me to be friendly?’ Sin asked softly, moving closer. She didn’t step back, but I saw Isadora’s knife glinting in her hand and knew Finn was relatively safe for the moment. There were seven of them, though. No one could take on that many single-handedly.
Unless that someone was a berserker.
I really, really didn’t want to deal with the blood fever again so soon. Not when it meant sending me to sleep for a good twelve hours afterwards and a body of aching bones.
My beast had a different point of view on the matter. He wanted out.
And as Sin reached out to touch Finn I found that for the first time in my life I agreed with my beast. I heard her say, just before their skin connected, ‘I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.’
‘And why is that, pretty one? I thought you wanted me to comfort your hurt feelings.’
‘The thing is … I have a friend who wouldn’t like it too much.’
Sin looked at her three friends – Penn was tiny, Jonah was a teen boy, and Isadora looked as harmless as a snowflake. The man grinned in amusement. ‘Is that right? What would this friend do to me, if I were to run my tongue down your neck?’
A great snarl erupted inside me; I was about to lose control. I was aching to lose control. Nothing mattered but the fact that he was about to touch her.
Finn smiled, and even from where I stood hidden in the bushes I could see the coldness in her eyes, the incredible, sparkling malice. It made something inside me hungry. ‘I think he might get rather angry,’ she purred. ‘He does that.’
Sin was getting impatient. ‘Have you seen any warders or not, girl?’
‘I see warders every day.’
‘Did you see any on the road?’ he clarified, as if she were a simpleton. ‘A group of them?’
‘Oh dear, you’re making me nervous and now I can’t remember.’
‘Are you all this idiotic?’ he snapped, looking at the other three, but they remained blessedly silent. Jonah actually looked like he was starting to enjoy himself. ‘I’ll ask an easier one then. Have you seen any bonded coupl
es travelling the road?’
‘Oh! Yes!’
Sin grabbed her upper arms. ‘When? How many?’
‘Oh,’ Finn murmured, looking down at his hands on her body. ‘You forgot.’
Sin followed her eyes, not understanding.
‘I warned you, didn’t I? Poor Sin.’
It appeared I was being summoned. Stepping forward, I plucked the scout by the back of the neck and carried his squirming form into the clearing. Everyone turned to look at me with various degrees of alarm. Sin’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. But Finn met my gaze with a smile, as if we’d all walked into her lovely little trap.
‘Step away from her,’ I ordered Sin, trying to remain calm.
‘You … you’re not allowed a weapon,’ he declared, panicked.
I dropped my axe onto the grass. ‘Does that make you feel better?’
Finn gave a trickle of laughter. Gods, let me be calm.
‘Let him go,’ Sin demanded. ‘We haven’t done anything. We’re just searching for –’
‘If you don’t stop touching her this second,’ I said slowly, ‘I’ll tear your fingers from your hands.’
Sin realised he was still gripping Finn and with a jolt of horror let her go. The five other men had drawn their swords.
‘That’s hardly fair,’ Jonah pointed out.
‘Bit hypocritical, really,’ Finn agreed with a sniff.
The twin idiots were going to get themselves killed one day. I tried to concentrate on Sin. ‘Stand your men down or I’ll tighten my hand and this neck breaks.’
He gave a quick wave and they all lowered their weapons.
‘Next time you meet travellers on the road,’ I warned, ‘be kind. You never know who’s hiding in the bushes.’
I dropped the scout and picked up my axe. The men scattered, leaving us. I waited until their scents drew far enough away that I knew they weren’t going to circle back for revenge, then I turned on Finn.
‘There’s danger ahead?’ I snapped. ‘You created the danger!’
She smiled beatifically. ‘Did I specify the source?’
Isadora had probably tired of the childishness, for she strode forward, picking up the path again. Penn was climbing trees and swinging from branches like a monkey. Jonah loitered by his sister, probably concerned about the level of my fury.
Thorne (Random Romance) Page 9