by Dana Mason
“I understand…” Mark said. “But I hope you work it out. I’d hate for you both to lose what you have together.”
“We don’t have anything together anymore, it’s over,” Johnny muttered. “Just keep an eye on her for me, will you?”
“I’ll try,” Mark said before saying goodbye and hanging up.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“You should take him to school tomorrow,” Mark said as Ali cradled the phone, trying to talk and do dishes at the same time.
“What about Sarah? Can she take him?”
“Neither of us are too busy, Ali. You need to stop hiding in your house and go outside. I’m not being your enabler.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Bullshit. Why have we been taking Jamie to school all week? When was the last time you stepped outside your house?”
“Thursday,” she said.
“Last Thursday—with Johnny. So you haven’t left the house in a week.”
“Can you just do this for me?”
“No, you need to get over it. It’s been over a month since the kidnapping—”
Ali’s phone beeped. “Can you hold? I have another call.”
“Go ahead,” Mark said.
“Hello,” Ali said drying her hands on her towel.
“Hey, it’s Brian.”
“Hi, Bri—“
“Have you heard from Bennett?” Brian said before she got her greeting out.
“No, I haven’t in several days…why?”
“What are you talking about? Aren’t you like—together?”
“Ah…no, not anymore. I haven’t seen him since last week. Is something wrong?”
“Shit! I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I guess that explains why he hasn’t mentioned you all week.”
“What do you mean…have you been hanging out with him?”
“He’s my new partner. You didn’t know?”
“No, wow…really,” she said surprised then remembered that Johnny started work that Monday.
“All right, forget it. I’ll go over there myself,” Brian said.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?”
“I’m not sure. He skipped out after our shift tonight and he seemed pretty messed up about something. I just don’t know what.”
“What happened on your shift?”
“Usual stuff…we’re investigating some drug activity downtown. We had to check out that murder scene over on Hopper.”
“Murder scene…ugh, I thought it was an apartment fire.” Ali grimaced and her stomach did flip-flops.
“Yeah, some asshole set his apartment on fire after he caught his wife in bed with some other guy.”
“Oh hell, Brian…was she killed?”
“Yeah, they both were.”
“Oh my god, that’s awful.” Ali sighed heavily into the phone. “I think I know what the problem is.”
“Enlighten me so I know what I’m walking into when I go over there.”
“Johnny’s family was killed in a house fire when he was a kid.”
“What!” Brian jostled the phone and said, “His family? You mean his parents?”
“Yeah, and his brother.”
“I had no idea.”
“That’s why his aunt and uncle raised him.”
“Damn,” Brian said.
“I know.” Ali sighed. “I think I should go over there. He might not want everyone to know about it.”
“Are you sure? I can call Sarah, she knows, right?”
“Yeah, she knows, but I’d rather go.”
“Thanks, Al. Call me if you need me.”
“I will.” She hung up the phone then jumped when it rang in her hand. “Hello.”
“Did you forget about me?” Mark asked.
“Sorry, that was Brian. Can you come over and stay with Jamie and Micah for a while? I need to go over to Johnny’s house.”
“You’re leaving the house?”
“I have to. Can you come over or not?”
“Bring them here.” She heard the smile in his voice.
“Mark, why are you being an asshole?”
“Just bring them here, Ali, it’s a good test for you. Actually, if you leave them overnight, I’ll take Jamie to school tomorrow.
“God, you’re such a jerk sometimes.” She brushed the hair off her forehead and rushed from the kitchen to throw some shoes on. “I don’t want to be away from Micah for an entire night.”
“Then forget it, I can’t babysit.”
“I don’t have time to argue about this. I need to go check on Johnny.”
“Why? I thought you weren’t speaking to Johnny right now.”
“He had a really bad shift. Brian said I should go check on him.”
“Oh…” Mark understood exactly what “a bad shift” meant for a cop. “What happened?”
“It’s a long story and I don’t have time.” She huffed and headed upstairs to pack a bag for Micah. “Call Brian if you want the details.”
“When should I expect you to get here?” Again with the freaking smile, damn she hated when he acted all arrogant like that.
“Just—fine, Mark. Give me a few, jerk.” He laughed as she hung up.
Ali quickly packed a bag for Micah and loaded the car. Once everyone was strapped in, the familiar panic set in as she backed out of the driveway. Only now she wasn’t sure if she was nervous about leaving the house or about seeing Johnny. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in several, very miserable days. She hoped and wished he’d show up unannounced and surprise her, but he never came and Ali couldn’t build up the nerve to go to him.
Besides not having the nerve, she kept reminding herself that he had walked out on her—walked out without hesitation.
What did it matter now, she was going to him because he needed her and she didn’t care about the rest. She missed the hell out of him and he needed her. She’d walk through glass if she had to at this point just to have another hour with him.
When Ali knocked on Johnny’s door, he didn’t answer. She waited and wondered if he ignored her knock on purpose. She knocked again. “Johnny, I know you’re home,” she said through the door crack. After a moment, she walked back to her car and sat for a minute. “Maybe he went for a walk?” She threw her hands in the air and muttered, “Or…maybe he hates me and won’t open the door.”
Ali glanced at the dark house and noticed the stream of smoke rising from the backyard. “Or maybe he’s in the backyard and can’t hear the door.” She walked over to the side of the house and stood on her tiptoes to peer over the fence. She didn’t see him, but she saw the roaring fire in the fire pit, which meant he wouldn’t be too far. She pulled the lever to open the gate and quietly walked through, closing the gate behind her.
She followed the brick trail around to the back of the house and saw him sitting on the furthest bench. His long legs stretched out in front of him and his hands laced behind his head. He was leaning back as if to look at the sky, but his eyes were closed. Empty beer bottles littered the lawn, a few smashed against the fence. She lost count at eight bottles.
After staring at him for several minutes she swallowed back the lump in her throat and said, “Drowning your problems, Detective?” His body gave a slight jerk and his eyes popped open.
He sat upright slowly, reaching over and taking another beer from the half empty case next to him. “So what if I am?”
“Would you rather talk to a friend?”
“I don’t have any of those.”
“Wow, I’ve really been demoted haven’t I?” she said trying not to show the hurt she felt.
“What are you doing here?”
“One of those…non-friends called me looki
ng for you. He said you had a bad shift and he wanted to check on you,” Ali said. “The asshole, I can see why you’re not friends with him either.”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about me.” His accent was thick from the beer and he gave her a sarcastic sideways look.
“I know you’re mad at me, but you don’t have to be mean.”
He gestured to her and said, “Where’s your sidekick?”
“He is staying the night at Mark and Sarah’s.”
He sat up straighter. “You left him overnight?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Baby steps…and Mark blackmailed me. He said he’d keep him overnight or not at all. I didn’t know what kind of mood you were in so I didn’t want to bring him with me.”
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice returning to the cold distant one he’d had when he first spoke to her.
She took a few steps closer. “Are you going to talk to me or continue to sit there and pout?”
“I didn’t ask you to come here. If I’m not being a good enough host then you can leave.”
Ali stepped between him and the fire, shadowing him from the light. “I’m sorry for what happened at work…that must have been hard for you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me,” he said with a slight slur in his voice.
“How many of those have you had?”
“Not enough,” he said taking another swig and standing up. He locked eyes with her for a moment, then turned and stepped up to the fire. Worry lined his face so clearly, it was all she could do not to place her finger between his brows and rub them away.
They stood quietly for a moment then he lifted the bottle to his mouth before throwing it into the fence.
It took everything she had not to jump in surprise. She reached out to touch his arm. “Will you talk to me?”
“Just go—just leave me the hell alone.”
“I can’t leave you when you’re like this.”
“Why not?” he asked in a raised voice.
“Why do you think? I love you. I’m worried about you.”
“Shut up,” he muttered. “I don’t have the strength for this tonight.”
“Strength for what? Talking to me?” she said. “I didn’t realize conversation with me was such a challenge.”
Johnny slowly moved over to the case of beer and grabbed another one and opened it, throwing the cap into the fire. “Well it is”—he slurred—“just go away.” He turned and walked into the shadows of the back yard, out of the reach of the firelight.
Ali tried not to be hurt by his attitude. He’d had a rough night; the reminder of how he’d lost his parents couldn’t have been easy to swallow. She thought about what Mark had said about Johnny losing her and the kids, and realized how right he was. Johnny certainly did have much more to lose than she. He had already lost one family, and here she was dangling another one over his head like a carrot. Of course he’d leave…self preservation. She slid down on the bench and stared at the fire, trying to will away her tears before facing him again.
Stop being a coward…go face him. She rubbed a hand over her face and stood back up, walking into the darkness to find him.
“No,” he said, stepping away from her when she came up behind him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, you already said that.”
“I’m sorry for all the other stuff.” Her voice sounded nasally, and for a moment she wished she had one of his beers. “I’m sorry for what happened.”
“No…I don’t believe you are.” He laughed without the slightest bit of humor and said, “You’re not here for that. You’re here to make sure I don’t put my pistol in my mouth.”
Her hand immediately shot to her chest. She gasped as all the air left her lungs, but she managed to stutter out, “Don’t say that.”
“I’m fine. You can go without the guilt. I’ll get up in the morning and go to work and Brian will never be the wiser.”
“Stop, damn it!”
He started to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and tried to turn him around.
“Don’t,” he said in a warning tone.
“Don’t what?” She pushed his shoulder. “Don’t what, Johnny?” She pushed him again out of frustration. “Don’t care about you? Don’t love you? Don’t miss you—don’t what?”
“Don’t touch me,” he said.
“Why?” she asked pushing him again. “At least it gets a reaction out of you.”
“I told you I can’t do this now.” He sounded so defeated and that pissed her off even more.
“I want to help you. I love you.”
He spun around to face her. “I don’t need your help! I needed your honesty, I needed you to have my back, and I needed you to trust me and second guess him, not the other way around”—he threw his hands up—“forget it!”
“Is that what you think?” she shouted back at him, grabbing his arm as he stalked away from her.
He looked down at her hand. “You’re pushing your luck, woman.”
“What are you going to do?” She shoved him again. “Fucking talk to me!” Her voice shook in anger and fear, so much so that she had trouble taking a deep breath.
Johnny turned around and she wished she could see his eyes in the dark. She didn’t know how to read him without being able to really see him.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
Ouch. She no longer needed to see him to understand. His voice gave him away. He’d never sounded so weary and broken down. And as bad as it made her feel, it also made her angrier. “Why did you leave me without fighting?” She removed her hand from his arm and placed it on her hip. “Am I not worth a fight to you?”
“You said it yourself, he is Micah’s father. I can’t compete with biology. Why stay and fight if I don’t have a chance.”
He should have been a lawyer, with his ability to twist her words. Angry tears flowed now, and her hands shook so hard she could hardly control them.
When he turned to walk away she said, “How did I fall in love with someone so weak?”
He turned back. “What did you say?”
“You’re a fucking coward.” She lunged forward and hit him in the chest with both hands as a sob broke from her chest. He tried to grab her hands but she turned and started running.
Johnny grabbed her and spun her back around.
“No! I’m leaving!” she shouted as she swung out at him again, making contact with his face this time.
The contact fueled her fire and she slapped him a second time. Johnny scooped her legs out from under her, sending her to the ground and landing on top of her. It happened too fast for her to react, but then he grinded against her and covered her mouth with his, parting her lips with his tongue.
Heat rushed her face, and slowly flushed her entire body.
“I told you you’re pushing your luck, woman.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Johnny arched against her, forcing out a cry of relief. “Johnny…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He gripped her hands above her head and she tried to free herself. She wanted to touch him. “I love you…just…let me.”
He bit her jaw and pushed against her. Ali’s mind went blank and she felt nothing but his body pressed hard on hers. Nothing else mattered, the cool grass, the darkness, his painful moans as he moved against her, the strong grip on her hands, it all felt like relief to her.
When she cried his name again, he abruptly let her go. “I’m sorry!” He lifted up and moved to her side. “Fucking—shit! I’m sorry!” he said holding his hands out.
“No!” She grabbed him and pulled him back down on top of her. Now her hands were all over him, his face, his hair, neck, arms, chest, and then buttons. “I missed you so much,�
� she cried, trying not to sob at how incredible he felt. Ali finally got tired of tugging at his buttons so she grabbed his shirt and ripped it open then tugged it down passed his shoulders.
Johnny yanked his shirt off and came at her full force again. Before Ali realized what was happening, she was free of her shirt and bra. “I need you,” he breathed taking her mouth again as he unbuttoned her jeans. “I need you right now…” His mouth locked on her nipple and she arched up, loving the feel of his hot tongue on her skin. She tried to squirm out of her pants, but her hands were shaking so bad she couldn’t do it. Johnny gripped them and tugged them off in one swipe then kicked his jeans off before pushing his fingers inside her.
She writhed on the grass, her very soul screaming in relief at his touch, but wanting so much more of him. The days without him had been miserable. She never wanted to go through that again.
“How’s that for fighting—are you convinced I love you now,” Johnny grunted.
Ali nodded unable to find her voice.
“You know who you belong to?” He bit down on her shoulder, then her lobe.
“Johnny…” She cried gripping his shoulders with her eyes squeezed shut.
“That’s right, my sweet Alison.” When he pushed inside her, she wasn’t expecting it. She tightened instantly and lifted up against his force.
He pounded her, grinding madly. Ali couldn’t get close enough to him. She wanted to crawl inside him, and become a part of him. “John… Johnny,” she cried. “I missed you so much.”
“Prove it,” he said. “Open your eyes. I want you to see me when you come and know who’s inside you.”
She did as he said and opened her eyes. Johnny pushed harder and she lost it in a long wave of fire that left her shuddering, almost sobbing. His intense eyes never faltered and she fought to keep their gazes locked—to prove her love and show him how much he meant to her. Another wave washed over her in a surge of pleasure so intense she thought she’d come undone. He pounded again and kept pounding her until the tension built in his hips. He jutted forward one last time hard enough to force another cry from her. Then he lost it, grunting and pulsing until he collapsed on top of her.