From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

  “Why are you only pairing up with Jasmine for a year?” she asked with that creepy-calm smile.

  I snorted, which made the bread in my mouth fly to the back of my throat, and I started choking as Ruby hissed, “Mom!”

  I choked some more, the wet grain stuck right fucking there in my windpipe or wherever the hell it was and not going anywhere. Something heavy and big slapped me on the back hard, loosening up the bread. Grabbing the paper towel Ivan had just handed me, I spit the clump of food into it and wheezed, then coughed. My eyes watered just as someone shoved a glass of water into my chest, and I took it almost blindly, gulping it down then coughing into my hand some more until I had it under control.

  What had to be Ivan’s big-ass hand smacked me on the back again, just as hard as he had the first time. “I’m fine,” I coughed out.

  I wasn’t surprised when he gave my back another hard smack.

  “You okay?” Ruby asked beside me.

  Taking another sip of water, I nodded, blinking away the tears that had popped into them while I’d been choking.

  “So?” my mom asked, with that way of hers that didn’t surprise me.

  “Ahh—” Ivan started to say before I held up my hand and shook my head.

  Did I want to hear the answer? As much of a coward as it made me, no, I didn’t, at least sure as hell not in front of my family. “Nope, you don’t have to answer that.” I glanced at my mom and shrugged my shoulders. “No, woman. It’s his business.”

  Mom made the same face she always did when she thought I was being a chicken. Turning her head back to face forward, she decided to go a different route. “How are your parents then, Ivan? I haven’t seen them since their Christmas party a few months ago.”

  “They’re visiting family in Moscow, but they’re doing great,” he answered.

  “Your grandfather is doing better? Your mother had mentioned that he’d had a heart attack last fall.”

  Those wide shoulders went up half an inch. “He’s doing better, but he’s a stubborn old man who refuses to accept he’s in his eighties and has people that run his companies for him now. He isn’t supposed to be under stressful situations anymore but—” The warmest smile came over his face, and I didn’t know what to do with that either. “—no one can really tell him what to do.”

  Across the table, I heard Jojo mutter, “We have one of those in the family,” which was followed by James turning to him and shaking his head to get him to shut up.

  Me, on the other hand, I just let the comment go. We had more than one of those in the family, and he damn well knew it. Starting with the woman asking all the questions.

  “Some people don’t know how to retire or take it easy, that doesn’t surprise me,” my mom responded.

  Ivan nodded.

  “They told me he wanted you to move to Russia,” she threw out.

  And I stopped the cutting motion I was doing with my knife to take in her words.

  Ivan move to Russia? My mom hadn’t told me about that.

  Then again, why would she? Before all this, there had been no reason for us to bring Ivan up. She knew I wasn’t his greatest fan. She also knew he wasn’t my biggest fan.

  But…

  Ivan move to Russia? He’d been born in the United States. His sister had told me the story once years ago, about how her parents had immigrated because of threats against their family because of Karina’s grandfather’s businesses. The couple hadn’t been married that long, but they didn’t want their children in danger and decided to start over, far away from one of the wealthiest men in Russia.

  Once, and only once, Karina had mentioned how disappointed her grandfather had been that his gold-medal-winning grandson hadn’t competed for the country the older man had lived in his entire life. She had brought up how he had tried to bribe Ivan to move and how it hadn’t worked. Meanwhile, Karina had laughed and said she would take the money and go if he offered it to her… but he hadn’t. Because Karina wasn’t a talented athlete who could make her country proud. All she was was a smart person with a big heart who wanted to be a doctor. No big deal.

  “He asks me every other year to move,” Ivan let her know, his tone unfailingly polite.

  But I could tell it sounded off.

  And maybe he was the last person in the world that I thought needed to be babied or protected, but if anyone knew what it was like to be forced to talk about something that you would absolutely rather not, it was me. And these people were my family. So, in a move that I wasn’t going to overthink, I decided to get them to pay attention to me even though I was more than likely going to regret it.

  “We’re doing a photo shoot in a couple of days,” I dropped vaguely, already regretting trying to be nice.

  It was James that asked, “For a website or the paper?”

  I shoved another piece of lasagna into my mouth and waited until I’d chewed most of it before replying with, “A magazine.”

  “Which magazine?” he asked. “I’ll make everyone I know buy one.”

  Everyone he knew? Fuck it. What did I have to be ashamed about? Not a goddamn thing. “TSN,” I replied, referring to The Sports Network’s magazine.

  It was my sister’s husband that spoke up next. “Rubes got me a subscription to it for Christmas.”

  I closed my eye, reminding myself about the same fact that had gotten me to agree to do the shoot in the first place: everyone had butt cheeks. It wasn’t like they were going to make me bend over and spread them wide.

  But…

  “Yeah, you might want to skip the page we’ll be on,” I said to my brother-in-law, mostly because, while I didn’t care if James saw my ass—because he obviously didn’t put a lot of weight into looks since he was married to Dumbo—Aaron seeing it felt different to me. Maybe because he was straight. And really, really handsome. And I wasn’t sure how Ruby would feel about it.

  And like the way that was my mom, she suspiciously asked, “Why’s that?”

  I shoved some more lasagna into my mouth before telling them all the truth. “Because I’m going to be butt-ass naked, and so is Ivan.”

  I saw Ivan glance at me, and I thought I might have seen a partial smile come on his face.

  “For the Anatomy issue?” Aaron asked, apparently knowing exactly what it would be for.

  I nodded at him before biting off another piece of garlic bread.

  “That’s great, Jas,” James piped up after a second. “Do you care if I get it?”

  Beside him, my brother snorted. “That pervert won’t care.”

  Oh, here we went. “Just because I’m not a shy little shit, doesn’t mean I’m a pervert.” Then moving my attention to James, I added, “And no, I don’t care. The worst they’ll show is my butt….” At least that’s what I assumed. There was no way they were going to show my nipples on a magazine. Would they? I thought Coach Lee had confirmed they wouldn’t, but now I couldn’t remember for sure. I turned to Ivan and asked, “Right?”

  “See how she sounds disappointed that the most they’ll show on the magazine is her booty?” Jojo asked James, making a face.

  I ignored him. Everyone knew my brother, for all the things he was, was very self-conscious. He had scars from an injury back when he’d been a marine. For all I knew, he might have always been a prude, but I wasn’t sure. Mom and I thought it was cute he was so conservative, but I sure as hell would never tell him that.

  Ivan made a face that told me he wanted to make a joke but was going to keep it to himself. “Do you want them to show more?” the idiot beside me asked.

  I blinked at him.

  “It’s pretty PG-13 from what I’ve seen,” he said. “No one other than the photographer and staff will see… everything.”

  Besides him.

  I wasn’t ashamed of my body at all. Maybe I wasn’t as lean as I would get closer to competition, but I’d been watching what I ate since we’d gotten into this, and I wasn’t embarrassed about what genes I’d been given. I was v
ain, but not that vain.

  I still wasn’t sure about this idiot beside me seeing me naked regardless of the conversation we’d had weeks ago when Coach Lee had brought it up to me.

  “Mom, you’re not going to tell her not to do it?” my brother asked.

  “Why would I do that?” Mom raised an eyebrow as she took a sip from the giant glass of wine she had pulled out of nowhere like a magician.

  “Because.” Jojo shrugged. “Your daughter is going to be naked on a magazine where millions of people can see her in her birthday suit.”

  “So?” was a response that didn’t totally surprise me. Mom still wore bikinis, stretch marks and sixty-year-old skin be damned. “What’s the problem with that?”

  Jojo’s dark brown eyes slid from side to side before he said, “She’s going to be naked?”

  Mom’s blink made me wonder if that was what mine looked like. “Don’t you get naked?”

  Jojo groaned, leaning back against his stool. “Not for millions of people to see and jerk off to!”

  Something about his words clicked.

  And I remembered what would be the problem with “millions of people” seeing me naked.

  Shit.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “Are you saying there’s something wrong with your sister’s body?”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

  “If it was Sebastian doing the photo shoot, would you tell me anything?” Mom asked, taking another sip or five of her wine, but I was too busy still thinking about Jojo’s comment. About the people I wouldn’t want to see me in my birthday suit.

  You already said yes, I reminded myself. I had already said yes. What was I going to do? Stop living my life because of some assholes?

  No. But I wanted to.

  But I couldn’t. I shoved my worries aside for later. I didn’t need anyone reading my face and noticing I was worried about something I didn’t want them to know about.

  Jojo sighed, then mumbled, “No.”

  That had Mom winking. “Then don’t be a hypocrite or sexist. The human body is a natural thing. What she’s doing isn’t going to be sexualized… is it, Ivan?”

  Ivan’s leg beneath the island hit mine, but he got out, “No, ma’am. It’s for art.”

  “See? It’s for art. David is naked. The Venus de Milo is almost naked. In my younger days, I had a boyfriend that was an artist. I sat for him once or twice. Naked as the day I was born, Jojo.” She smiled. “Do you think your sister isn’t as good as Ivan? You think she doesn’t deserve—”

  “Oh God. I’m sorry,” Jonathan rushed out, shaking his head, like he finally remembered who the hell he was talking to. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Your sister is a beautiful, strong woman who has done things millions of other people can’t do. Her body is honed from thousands of hours of practice. She has nothing to be ashamed of. We all have nipples. I breastfed you and you didn’t complain then.”

  About halfway through, Jojo had started shaking his head quickly like no, please no. That’s what he got.

  “I’m sorry, I said I was sorry. Pretend I didn’t say anything…,” he said.

  “There’s nothing to be ashamed of—”

  “Mom, I said I’m sorry.”

  Ivan’s leg hit mine again, but I was too busy trying not to laugh at Jojo’s facial expression to react.

  My mom ignored my brother. “Breasts are natural—”

  “I know, Mom. I know they are. I love and respect women. Breasts. I just don’t want them in my face—”

  “They represent womanhood, beauty—”

  I’m pretty sure Jojo started choking. “Mom, please—”

  “It’s close-minded, sexist mentalities that think just because we have vaginas and breasts that women are the weaker sex—”

  “You’re not weak. None of you are weak, I swear—”

  “Do you know what it’s like—”

  Ivan’s leg hit mine, and I couldn’t help but twist my upper body enough to face him, pressing my lips together so that I wouldn’t start laughing. Two glassy gray-blue eyes met mine, and it was obvious he was trying not to laugh too. Especially not when my mom went off on how degrading it was to not be seen as an equal.

  “Women marched, rallied, and were assaulted to make your mother and your sister human beings that weren’t their husbands’ properties.” Mom eventually reared back the conversation after a couple of minutes. “If your sister wants to show off her God given body, she can, and I’m not going to stop her, and you’re not going to stop her, and nobody is going to stop her.”

  She then pointed her fork and blinked. “I taught you better than that, Jonathan Arvin.”

  I almost lost it at her busting out his middle name.

  Jojo had tipped his head up minutes ago, and it still hadn’t moved as he moaned, “You did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Mom smirked and shot me a wink that made me laugh. “That’s what I thought. We can buy every issue around and make sure it sells out. I’ll frame it and put it on the mantle.”

  I didn’t know about all that, but I kept my mouth shut.

  Aaron chuckled. “I don’t think there’s going to be a problem making it sell out. It usually does well.”

  “See? Everyone appreciates nudity. There’s nothing wrong with it. It isn’t like you didn’t watch pornography when you thought I didn’t know.”

  That had all of us moaning.

  “Don’t ever say pornography again,” I told her, trying to erase that word coming out of my mom’s mouth from my memory.

  “You be quiet,” Mom said. “Jasmine Imelda.”

  And I kept quiet before she turned it around on me even more and brought up something I’d done or said in the past. On that note, I jumped on the opening to change the subject or risk her going on another rant that I secretly loved but wanted to spare everyone else that wasn’t used to it from.

  “Do you want to call Karina and spill the beans?” I asked Ivan all of a sudden.

  Jojo made a gasping, squeaking sound from across the island, like he was now revived.

  Ivan on the other hand, made a weird face like he didn’t get why I changed the subject all of a sudden. Maybe he wouldn’t give me any credit or realize what I’d done, but it wouldn’t be the first time. “Sure?”

  His “sures” always felt more like “I guess,” but that was just part of him.

  I wasn’t going to die from cold lasagna and garlic bread, I told myself, eyeing what was left of my food regretfully. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I set it on the island and went to my contacts icon, finding Karina’s name at close to the top; I hit the call button.

  “What are you doing?” Mom asked.

  “No one has told Karina that Ivan and Jas are partners,” my brother replied, setting his fork and knife on top of his plate, following it by lacing his fingers together and shoving his hands under his chin with his elbows propped on the counter, back to normal.

  I put the phone on speaker just as it started dialing. Chances were, she might not answer. But chances were she might. I didn’t know her schedule anymore. The last time we had talked, she’d called me.

  “Call Karina! Call Karina!” Jojo started chanting quietly, followed up by my mom throwing in her voice too.

  “Call her!” Tali’s nosey ass piped up with her mouth full.

  “I am,” I whispered, watching the screen as it showed the call was still connecting.

  I could see Ivan glance at me, but he didn’t say anything.

  Just as the phone made one last dialing attempt, one second before it would have given the last beep it needed before I could leave a voice mail…

  “Hello?” a panting voice came over the line.

  Ivan and I definitely eyed each other then. Why the hell was she breathing like that?

  “Jasmine, you there?” Karina’s familiar voice came over the line.

  “Yeah. Is this a bad time?”

  “I
was on the treadmill and hopped off as fast as I could,” she explained, still breathing hard. “I’m sorry. One second.”

  My brown eyes met Ivan’s blue ones in what I figured was relief that she hadn’t been doing other shit that brothers and sisters shouldn’t know about.

  “Okay, I’m back. Sorry. I had to get some water. What’s going on? You finally remembered you used to have a best friend or what?” she teased, still breathing hard.

  “You have my number too.”

  She made a tsking sound. “I’ve been so busy—”

  “Whatever you say. Look, I’m having dinner with my family right now—”

  “Am I on speakerphone?”

  I paused. “Yes.”

  Then she paused. “Are you pregnant?”

  Across the table, Tali snorted, and I gave her a nasty look. “Why the hell would you think that?”

  “Why else would you have me on speakerphone?” she demanded before adding, “And hello, my other family. I miss you all.”

  “Hi, Karina!” Tali, my mom, and Jojo each called out, with Ruby adding in a lower greeting.

  “Hi!” she cried happily before her voice went back to normal. “But, Jas, no kidding, are you pregnant?”

  “No,” I snapped. “Of course not.”

  “Oh, blessed Jesus. I thought your life was about to be over. Phew.”

  “I have five kids,” my mom chipped in.

  “Not you, Mom,” Karina replied, calling my mom the same thing she always had: Mom. “But Jasmine’s would. Anyway, why are you calling then if it isn’t just to tell your best friend hi and that you haven’t forgotten she’s alive?”

  I rolled my eyes and mouthed to Ivan, that’s your sister. “I’ve been busy and forgot to tell you something,” I started.

  There was a moment before, “Go on.”

  “So did Ivan from what I learned today.”

  There was another moment. “Ivan? My brother, Ivan?”

  “The only one, genius,” I said. “In March, he asked me to pair up with him to be his new partner.”

  She didn’t respond. Not for ten seconds, not for twenty or thirty. It might have even been a whole minute of silence with Ivan and me sharing a look before Karina’s loud-ass laugh came through the speaker.