Ronnie waited in the doorway, the light from the bathroom highlighting the smudges of makeup darkening her soft, tanned skin. It also gave a striking yellow glow to her deep green eyes, taking away from the unappealing dissolved makeup look.
They pleased my own eyes as I reached up, cupping the side of her small face. My hand covered her jaw, my thumb running along the top of her cheek bone. “Why are you so much trouble?” I huffed.
Weight leaned into my palm as Ronnie nuzzled against my skin. “Haven’t I always been trouble?” She smirked, but her voice was mumbled and sleepy for the first time all night. Her eyes closed against the warmth of my palm, and her dark lashes fluttered. I wondered if she had fallen asleep standing up, until I heard her soft mumbled sigh.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered. “I don’t want to let you go again.”
That same feeling hit me in the chest, but I expected it this time and clung to it. Clung to the raw emotion because the emptiness after felt lonely and I couldn’t bear it. I was also too tired to fight it and let in the pain and heartache. It must have shown on my expression as Ronnie’s eyes fluttered open and gazed up at my face.
Her own hand reached up and touched my face. “You know, when you left, I was scared.”
“Scared?” I breathed. “Of what?”
Was it something to with the farm? With Jacob? Something still didn’t sit right with Ronnie’s story about the accident, and although I had made a few calls here and there, I had been trying to push it to the back of my mind. That way I wouldn’t worry. I wouldn’t become invested. I could let her go without care.
“Scared you wouldn’t be happy,” she whispered. Her eyes dropped from my face, her hand slipping from my jaw and down to my neck. Her fingers felt like a soft buzz of electricity as they followed the trails of tattoos starting from my neck and down over my bare chest. Each loop and line carefully carved out in a grand work of art I had been working on for the last seven years.
“I’m glad you’ve found your home. I’m glad you don’t regret leaving,” she admitted, pausing at the empty place over my left pec. It was small, a barely noticeable hole in the canvas of my body, but her fingers paused on it. On the place over my heart where I hadn’t found the right thing to cover over it. “I’m glad you became Jax.” She looked up at me with that last word, that last breath of my name, and her voice sounded so wistful and indescribably full of something that it felt different from every time before. Every time she had struggled to call me Jax instead of Jackson. This time… it felt accepting. As if I finally became whole to her, not the split existence where she saw both past and present in me. She must have thought I didn’t notice. But I had.
“You’re only saying all this because you’re drunk,” I whispered, shaking my head. I wrapped my fingers around her hand and she looked up to me with drooping lids as I tugged her along with me as we headed toward the bed.
She climbed in like a toddler ready for naptime and scooted over so there was enough room for me to climb in beside her. I covered us in the sheets and looked over to Ronnie burying her head into the pillow trying to find comfort. The sunlight was cresting over her skin like a faint aura. Or perhaps that was just my tired mind as I let my eyes close.
“Maybe I am saying this because I’m drunk,” Ronnie’s voice caught my attention. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.”
I let her words sink in before turning to look at her. Like a switch, the girl was deep in slumber, the drool reappearing on her pillow with an unnatural speed and strand of hair stuck to her lip. She didn’t snore, but as her breathing slowed, I knew she was finally asleep.
My hand rested over my chest, over that empty gap where I felt my heart pound beneath it.
“I missed you too…,” I whispered into the air, hoping when I woke up, I would forget I ever said the words aloud, all the while knowing that that wouldn’t happen.
But I said them anyway.
Chapter Eighteen
Ronnie
“KILL IT!” I screeched, racing after the small blonde. Anna ducked around the table, the thing between us as we battled. She feinted left, and I jerked, but when she ducked right, I made a quick turn and ran. It was chaos. Both inside my mind and out in the room. But I didn’t care at that moment. I was out for blood!
“Want some sugar?” Bell sighed, pushing the tray of sugar cubes over to Mallory. The redhead gave the tray a curious look.
“Who even uses sugar cubes anymore?” she chided, taking two.
“Aren’t you offended?” Anna huffed, beginning to look out of breath.
“I would be, if I hadn’t been raised on them.” I chuckled, the sound coming out more menacing as I saw Anna slowing down. “‘If it’s good for the horses, it’s good for the kids,’ to quote my mom.”
I skipped around Mallory’s chair, making her long ponytail swish at the movement.
Anna gasped and ducked behind Bell, the girl rolling her eyes as Anna almost jerked the chair out from underneath her. “Jeez!” Bell snapped. “It’s just a video, V. It’s not even that bad!”
“I’m basically naked, giving body shots to men!” I screeched, the heat flushed across my cheeks as bright as a smacked ass. I would honestly want the spanking more than this.
“I’m so embarrassed,” I whined, dropping into the seat on the other side of Mallory, my head hitting the wood-chipped table, white flecks spraying into the air at the sudden force.
“I feel like I’ve been in a similar situation before,” Mallory pondered. I tilted my head just enough to see her eyes drifting deep into her coffee. “Mine was way worse, though.”
“Why? What happened?”
Before Mallory could answer, Anna chipped in, her voice like a hiss, as a smile I could only describe as evil took over her face. “She got arrested at the airport.”
“Arrested?” I jerked up, shooting the ginger a look. She turned and gave Anna a bitter glare.
“I still haven’t forgiven you.”
“You don’t have to.” Anna shrugged, tossing the short white strands of her hair. “I don’t feel the need to be forgiven.”
“This is the reason we’ve been banned from seeing each other all week,” Mallory hissed. “You always get us into trouble.”
“Very true. I got grounded.” Bell huffed. “At twenty.”
“Twenty might as well be two for a club princess.” Anna gave her a gentle shove as she took the chair up next to Bell after making sure I wasn’t going to jump up after her again. I honestly didn’t have the emotional energy to commit to that kind of chase for the second time. I had a feeling Anna had dirty tricks up her sleeves. Tricks I did not want to encounter.
Not to mention, the bruise from her fight at the club hadn’t yet faded, and after witnessing the hell she brought forth, I was convinced I didn’t want to end up her enemy.
“So… any clue as to why we’re not on probation anymore?” I pondered allowed, looking to the girls for insight.
“A run is coming up soon, I’m assuming. Boys like us girls kept tight together when they’re not all around.” Bell shrugged. “Men assume us women can’t handle ourselves.”
“You’re not a woman yet, baby girl,” Anna chipped, earning a glare from the flustered brunette that I couldn’t seem to read.
“Either way, the men are right,” Mallory conceded, a distant look seeming to glaze over her eyes as she exchanged glances with Anna. “We’re not strong enough by ourselves. Not if there are more enemies out there. Especially enemies of the club.”
“Who’s to say we have any?” Anna shrugged, rolling her eyes away from the redhead. “There ain’t been a threat since the boys cleared out the Black Jacks, anyway. I mean, nothing more than the usual at least.”
I glanced at Anna, frowning at her lie. She looked up, catching my expression before giving a small but obvious shake of her head.
There were things the women were better off not knowing.
I wasn’t okay with hiding t
he threat, but Anna seemed to be queen bee around here and being new to the club life, I didn’t feel as if I the right to interfere with her decision. Even if it didn’t sit well with me. I’d have to ask about it later…
“They may have gotten the Black Jacks, but who’s to say there aren’t anymore? I can’t repeat last time. Not again.” Mallory’s hands tightened around the cup, the faint squeak of her sweaty palm sliding against the exterior porcelain like the sharp whistle of a violin.
I looked up to Anna, to see her blonde hair falling a little in front of her eyes, casting a shadow over her baby blues that seemed too dark for me to touch.
I reached out, letting my hand wrap around Mallory’s wrist. She jumped at first, almost making me recoil my hand, but before I could, she recovered. Her smaller hand fitted over mine, soft and gentle as she returned my squeeze.
Nobody said anything. And after a moment, I let go.
I didn’t know how to comfort somebody I didn’t know all that well about something I had absolutely no clue about, but I couldn’t fight the stirring feeling of not wanting to leave her alone. I just hoped my small gesture helped comfort her somewhat.
“Well, I think I’m done with coffee.” I shoved my chair back, the aged thing creaking against the weak wood floor. “Anybody up for an adventure?”
“An adventure?” Bell scoffed. “I keep forgetting you’re from the boonies.”
“Not the boonies. Just the South.” I shrugged, unphased by the jibe. I didn’t deny it. There was no need to. As much as I didn’t much care for my history with the place, Texas was my home and there would never be anywhere else quite like it. “Care to join?”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure your definition of an adventure is a lot safer than hers.” Mallory gave Anna a pointed look, who didn’t have a single ounce of shame to show in return.
She didn’t regret it one single bit.
“I’m always up for a bit of trouble.” Anna winked, joining me in standing.
And my little knights, one by one fell in line behind me until we were all bouncing to get out the door. “An adventure it is!” I announced, waving a hand in the air like a classic film general.
“An adventure, huh?” The voice was deep and guttural in a way that made all us freeze at the sound of it.
“Wolf,” Anna raised a brow, arms crossed over her large chest.
With a quick flicker down to her tits, his eyes then held her blue ones. “Anna.”
The moment felt tense but not hostile as the two stared each other down.
I do not get their relationship whatsoever. Is it war? Is it love?
It would make a badass movie, though, I’m sure of it.
“Veronica.” Wolf turned to me, jerking me from my daydream. I was so shocked to hear my name out of his mouth that it stunned me. I had never heard myself be referred to as… well, anything when he was around. Not even a polite “you” or “Jax’s friend”—if I could even call us that at this point.
“Y- yes?” I stuttered, the eminence of his presence causing my tongue to stumble over itself.
“Come with me.” Without even waiting for my brain to catch up to his demand, he turned, ducked, and silently moved his way down the hall.
My eyes sought out an escape, or at least a sense of relief, but even the girls gave me a look of helpless caution.
Time to dig my grave.
With steady feet I forced myself over the kitchen threshold and followed him through the hallway and out of the open doorway. He was waiting for me at the bottom of the steps and upon my arrival, he slowed his stride to match mine until we were walking side by side.
We headed over to the barn in silence where I saw some of the other members of the club gathered. I recognized Mallory’s husband, the huge dark-haired man looming over the others. I saw Mint and Pretty both giving me a weary look as I was escorted by the giant man to what I assumed would be my end. Or something of a traumatizing nature.
The only person I didn’t see, however, was Jax.
“Um, where’s Jax?” I pulled the courage to ask.
At first, he didn’t react, and I thought he didn’t hear me.
“He’s waiting for you.”
Oh.
The walk felt like a lifetime and a single second both at the same time.
I jumped at the hand at my back, Wolf’s huge paw covering most of my shoulder blades and then some as he pushed me away from the ground and toward the huge door, not letting me stop in the group of boys that felt more like an oasis with every step he took me away from them.
My heart began to race as he led me into the barn. Max was out in the pasture, mowing on the shreds of grass growing around the edge of the fence. The only few bunches the glutton had yet to eat. She lifted her head for a moment, and I gave her a look of hope.
Save me!
I’d like to say that Max gave me a glance of concern, but she didn’t. She put her head back down and went back to rubbing her snout into the roots near the posts, not even giving me a passing thought. After everything I had done, I would have hoped to be more of a priority for that horse than her damn food.
Fat pig.
I heard a loud huff from the pasture.
I tutted, but the moment of annoyance was too little to break my nervousness as we stepped into the barn’s shade. My eyes adjusted from the bright sun to the dim barn, and I saw his silhouette over near the saddles.
“Jax,” Wolf barked, causing the six-foot man to jump out of his skin. He whipped around to face his president, eyes flickering from the man’s face to mine, confusion radiating from him.
“Get it done.” With that, Wolf gave me a shove, my feet stumbling forward, catching myself just before I hit the floor.
He then turned and walked out the door without looking back.
“What the hell?” I grumbled, watching his empty face.
This is not the adventure I signed up for….
I looked back to Jax, hoping he had some answers for me, even though I expected to see him just as confused as I was. Whatever Wolf had said when he left must have carried some meaning because Jax’s expression had changed.
He, too, was looking at the space Wolf had abandoned, the doorway filled with bright Oregon daylight, but unlike me, his face was one of resolution… of understanding.
“Jax…?” I muttered, taking a cautious, timid step toward him.
His gaze turned to me in a smooth sweep, hair flicking around his eyes causing his arm to brush it out of the way. He was wearing a white flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled all the way up to his elbows exposing the collective mandala of tattoos. These were Polynesian, Jax had told me before. They were symbolic and although he had told me what they meant, I couldn’t recall the words. It didn’t take from their steady beauty, however, and my eyes were caught by them at every one of his movements.
So much so, I didn’t notice how close they grew until the warm smell of crisp fall grass, and the slight stench of sweat caught my attention. He must have been doing something in the barn, unaware of his brothers’ gathering, as I noticed the worn rag tucked through one of the belt loops of his jeans.
“Ronnie,” Jax coaxed my eyes upwards. His hair, pushed back across the top of his head, was rebelling, falling forward as it swayed in front of my vision and his. Deep brown eyes looked past it, as if it wasn’t even there, wasn’t even a distraction, and he looked at my face.
“What?” I whispered, not sure why I did but unable to bring my voice any louder.
“That talk I promised you,” he said, his rough hand coming around my wrist. “We’re about to have it.”
“We are?”
That isn’t what I was expecting.
It had been almost four weeks now since Jax demanded we would talk about that night after the storm. It had been almost a month since then that Jax had rebutted my request for a talk. After two failed attempts, it wasn’t unsurprising that I had just accepted that the talk was never coming. Out of all the conversat
ions Wolf could have instigated between me and Jax, this was not the one I would have guessed. Maybe something more on the lines of “Go home” or “You’re no longer welcome here.”
“Come back to me, Ronnie.” Jax chuckled, earning my attention.
“What?”
“You drifted off a bit there.”
Jax looked more amused at my daydreaming than I was as I looked down to see us sitting on a bench made solely of hay bales.
“All right then.” I sat up straight, giving my body a jiggle, the very faint tightness over my chest nothing more than a mild nuisance nowadays as I settled myself in. “Let’s talk.”
“Right.” Jax took in a deep breath, brushing his hair back over his head for the third time since I walked in. Was he nervous? I wasn’t sure whether I found that endearing or unsettling. “Where do I even start?”
“Well, there’s the sex. The foreplay in the barn. The kiss before you went on that “run” as you call it. Not to mention when you woke up in bed with me after that night of drinking. Half-naked, I might add.”
“You’ve compiled quite a list there.” Jax chuckled, but it didn’t feel honest. “And looking at it now, it seems I’ve done everything in the wrong order.”
“Are you saying I should have gotten smashed and woken up half-naked with you first?”
“Well, it is a step down from the sex, that’s for sure.”
“You were never a conventional man,” I quipped, earning a small, sympathetic smirk.
“That’s true….” His voice drifted off, more of a mumble to himself than to me, and his head sunk forward a little.
I waited in the silence, just watching him as his frown deepened and lips twitched. He was organizing his thoughts, his face unable to stay still or placid as his mind ran in circles. It seemed to be a trait we both shared. Looked like we both weren’t thinking people.
“Okay,” Jax breathed, back straightening with a slap of his thighs. “I’m ready.”
“All right, Superman, hit me.”
Jax’s tongue peaked from his mouth as he licked his dry lips. My eyes were drawn to the movement and I didn’t notice he had moved his hands to mine until I felt the roughness of his fingers. With a gentle move, he slid his fingers under my palms and pulled my hands until he could wrap around them, the tips of his hands reaching all the way down to my wrist. “When I said I wanted to be friends with you, Ronnie, I meant it. I wanted to repair the relationship we had.”
Jax: Black Angels MC, #3 Page 22