by JL Davis
“I’m so sorry.” She sits up beside me. I try to suck in a deep breath and fail as I start to cough. “Your face is so red!” She caresses my cheeks.
“It’s okay,” I cough. “Not a bad way to go, though.” I shrug with a grin.
Brooke giggles and crawls over to me and then jumps at the banging that has just started at my front door. What the hell is going on? “I’ll be right back. Stay here, okay?” I struggle to get my jeans on as I rush to the door just as the banging starts again.
I open the door, shocked to see blue lights out front and two cops standing in front of me. They do not look happy; not one bit.
I’d love to lay in Cole’s bed and enjoy the orgasm I was just given, but instead I’m sneaking out of the bedroom window like a teenager whose parents came home early. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this, and it feels different than I remember. I have no idea what’s going on, but the police are at Cole’s front door and I can’t stick around and chance being caught in his bed.
I look around the side of the house and no longer see the police. I sprint across the yard to my SUV. Cole’s house sits on a corner of a four-way stop. The road goes along the left side and front of his house. Luckily, I parked on the left side, and with the police parked in front of his house I decide to sit and wait it out for the call from one of the officers with the report. I have no earthly idea why they’d be here.
A few minutes later, the police drive away. I get out and walk down the sidewalk to his house. I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame for some reason. As I walk up the steps the door flies open.
“Where did you go? You’re like a freaking magician.” Cole jokes as he rushes me inside.
“That was a prime example of why we shouldn’t do this, Cole.” I continue walking down the hall to his bedroom. I also can’t look at him after saying what I just did to him.
Cole follows behind me. He stands beside the bed in only his jeans that are hanging just right, just low enough to show me that ‘V’ that directs to what I want, what I need, and what I shouldn’t have. He watches me carefully as I search for my bra. “Brooke,” he says as I look under the bed. “Brooke.” He touches my arm to get my attention.
I stop and turn to him. I basically screwed myself the moment I looked into those brown eyes. The hope that’s staring back at me, I can’t. I lunge for him, wrapping my legs around his waist and plastering my lips against his as we fall backward onto his bed.
Cole grabs my wrists, stopping me from unzipping his jeans. “Are you sure this is what you want, Brooke? I don’t want you having regrets. I also don’t want you hooked once you’ve had a piece of this.” He tried. He really did. He rolls over laughing hysterically. He recovers quickly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t joke. I couldn’t help myself, though. In all seriousness, I don’t want to be strung along or anything. I’m not looking to be a fuck boy or to be someone’s pathetic side piece.”
I am shocked at his use of words. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation while I’m currently sitting on top of him. “I don’t want any of those things either, Cole. Can we please go back to the ‘not thinking’ that was working so well before we were interrupted?” I almost forgot. “Why were the officers here anyway?”
“It’s funny you should ask. One of the neighbors heard screaming coming from the house and were concerned, so they called 9-1-1.” He looks at me smugly, the corners of his mouth turned upward slightly.
I fall forward against his chest. “That’s so embarrassing. What did you say once everyone realized you were the only one in the house?”
“I walked them through the house and told them I had no idea what the neighbors must have heard. They didn’t have an issue and left.” He kisses the top of my head.
“They didn’t try to hassle you in any way?” I lift my head and rest my chin on his chest, so I can see his face.
Cole shakes his head. “No. They were very nice, actually. I was kind of surprised considering I’m a criminal,” he trails off.
“Stop saying things like that about yourself. In my eyes, I don’t see you as a criminal. I see you as someone who got caught up in a fit of rage and acted on it. You made a mistake, Cole. Let it go. Forgive yourself. You’ve done your time.” I pull myself up enough to kiss him.
He sweeps me into his arms. “I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” He kisses me with more urgency and rolls us with him now on top. He runs his hands down my sides and pulls my leggings down for the second time tonight.
“I feel like we’ve done this before.” I giggle.
Cole glances up as he kisses the inside of my thighs. “I’m not complaining one bit.” He gives no warning before his mouth clamps over my clit and he sucks lightly as he flicks his tongue in just the right spot. I grab a pillow to smother my cries this time.
Moments later, Cole crawls up my body and tosses the pillow to the floor. “I want to see you when you come. I want to see your beautiful face as you unravel beneath me.”
I nod and have no words. I watch as he reaches into his drawer for a condom. He brings the package to his mouth and rips it open.
“May I?” I ask hesitantly.
He hands it to me, and I roll it down his length. He positions himself above me. Just before he enters me, he stops. “Brooke, I won’t last long. Please forgive me. It’s been a-” I press my lips against his to shut him up.
“I don’t care, Cole. Are we only allowed to do this the one time?” I ask, attempting to be sarcastic, and by the look on his face, I delivered.
Cole pins my wrists to his bed. “We can do this as much as you want.” He hovers over me, finally he dips down and kisses me passionately as he slowly enters me. His eyebrows draw together as if it pains him to continue.
grip his shoulders and bite my lip to get past the pain myself. It’s sadly been almost two years since I’ve had sex as well. It’s like we’re both virgins again. I wonder what he’d think if I said this bit of truth. I decide against it and instead I tighten around him as he pushes further inside. I try not to scream, as much as I want to. I smother a moan into his neck because I’m so worried the neighbor will call the police again.
Cole slows himself and gazes down into my eyes. “Are you okay?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I whisper, and he pulls my hair gently to the right to give him access to my neck. “I’m close, Brooke.” He fights the urge to continue. I can feel him pulsing inside me. I tighten around him as I stare up into his eyes.
“Brooke, don’t move,” he whimpers. “Please. You feel so good. I don’t want it to end.” His eyes search mine for assurance.
“It’s okay. Touch me, please.” I beg and bring his hand between my legs. I was so very close myself and don’t want it to fade away. He circles my clit with the pad of his thumb.
“I’m sorry. It won’t always be like this,” he says.
“Please stop apologizing. I said I understand, and I meant it. Now just shut up. You’re ruining the moment.” I roll us slightly and bring myself on top. I begin to rock back and forth, wrap my hair in one hand so I can see what I’m doing to him, and balance myself on his chest with the other.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Cole’s voice is raw with emotion as his eyes roam over my body while I rock on top of him.
As my orgasm builds, I begin to bounce, losing all control and giving in to him. I cry out and Cole sits up quickly, silencing me with a rough, possessive kiss. He flips me over quickly onto my knees and pushes back inside. I bury my face into the pillow as Cole slams into me. His fingers dig into my hips as he loses control himself.
I scream into the pillow as the pleasure bursts through every nerve ending in my body. The spasms around him send Cole into ecstasy. He slows and I can feel him throbbing inside of me before he gently pulls out. I feel so empty inside all of a sudden. I’m not sure what to do now, what to say. I lay here panting into the pillow.
Cole runs his fingers down my back, sending a shiver down my spi
ne. “That was amazing,” he breathes. “Brooke, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, my voice muffled. I’m not fine. That felt like more than sex. It was meant to be just meaningless sex. It wasn’t just an escape, though. When I lost control, I forgot about everything and that opened up feelings I didn’t know I had for Cole.
“Will you look at me when you say that?” He runs his fingers down my back once more for a reaction. This time I feel him leaving goose bumps in their place.
I roll over and glance up at his just fucked face. He’s even more gorgeous with his disheveled hair and hard stare. “I’m okay. I’m better than okay. It had also been a long time for me,” I say nonchalantly.
“I could tell.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. I can feel myself blush. “You were amazing,” he says as he stands. “I need to go clean up. I’ll be right back.” He winks.
What exactly happens when he comes back to bed? Are we going to watch TV, eat a snack, and cuddle like normal couples would do? Is he going to expect me to leave, or does he want me to stay? I have no idea what to do next.
As I wash my hands, I can see her reflection in the mirror, her laying on my bed. She looks so beautiful and thoroughly fucked, but something’s bothering her. I hope she doesn’t regret what we just did, because I definitely don’t. It felt - she felt - so good. I want so much more of her.
Brooke tries to be a hard-ass. I get it. With her job she has to be, or she won’t be taken seriously. Underneath, there’s a woman with feelings; feelings she’s trying so desperately to avoid. I know she’s laying there thinking of all the reasons she should leave. I’m sure there are many. There are many reasons to stay as well.
I walk back into the bedroom and Brooke looks at me, watching as I get back into the bed beside her.
“Do you want me to leave now?” she mumbles and doesn’t look over at me.
I wrap my arm around her, sad that she feels this way. “Why would you think I would want you to leave?” I don’t force her to look at me, hoping she’ll possibly open up.
“Cole, I honestly have no idea what the hell to do. This is like nothing I’ve ever done before. It’s against everything I believe in because of the aspect of my career, but in the same breath, none of that seems to matter.”
“I don’t have an answer or an easy solution, Brooke. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to continue to see you, other than as my parole officer,” I clarify. I want more than to see her once a week. I want all of her.
“I’m so scared. I’ve never even gotten a speeding ticket, Cole. If this were to come out, I’d be ruined,” she explains, her eyes tearing up.
I squeeze her against me. “For as long as we’d have to, I think we could pull it off,” I offer. Brooke had no problem getting away earlier. I’m not going to make the mistake and remind her of that, though. “I think you’re damning us before we ever have a chance, Brooke.” I reach for her chin. I need to see her face. She hasn’t looked at me since I went to the bathroom.
“I wish we’d met in another way. Why couldn’t it have been in the grocery store?” She sighs and lowers her head, defeated. “It would all be so much easier.”
“That’s true, it would, but it might be fun sneaking around. It wouldn’t be for that long.” I grin.
Brooke’s eyes dart to mine and she bites her lip, hopeful in what I’ve just said. “We do meet once a week in my office and I try to make home visits once a week. That’s about the same thing as dating. Right? See where things go from there, maybe?” She’s attempting to see it for more, for what it could be, that it could potentially work. That’s definitely a start. She could even be on to something.
“That could work for now,” I trail off, unsure, and nervously clear my throat. “Would that be something you’d consider?” I hold my breath, waiting for her response.
“Let’s take it one day at a time. I’m not rushing or jumping into anything. This can’t be… anything more.” Brooke struggles to find the words. “I think it would be too risky staying over. I should probably go.” She gets up in search of her clothes.
“You’re probably right.” I sigh. I don’t want her to go. I’d love nothing more than to have her stay, to hold her in my arms through the night in my bed, but she’s right. Someone could recognize her car and see that it’s been here for hours now. That is not in Brooke’s job description. A home visit would never take this long. For any reason it did, the police would have already been called for a problem.
Not sure exactly what to do, I get up from the bed and help her collect her things. I watch as she dresses, her skin still a rosy, flushed tone. Her hair is a mess and it looks so sexy. My dick twitches at the sight of her standing in her bra while she looks for her shirt.
I should say something, but if she’d acknowledge me, she’d see it dangling from my fingertips. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the way women think or what exactly is going through her mind at times. “Brooke?”
She turns to me, sighs and then walks over to me. “Thank you.” She glances at the floor as she takes it from my hand.
Just as she thinks she’s gotten it from me, I snatch it and pull back, pulling her with it. I stare down at her; her beautiful eyes are filled with worry. “Talk to me, Brooke. What’s bothering you? What are you thinking?” I plead with her.
Brooke has a frenzied look in her eyes. I thought we were okay. I don’t know what’s going through her head now. She sits on the edge of my bed, head in her hands, and struggling for the words. “As much as I want this,” she motions between us, “It’s wrong, Cole. I’m so worried what this could do to us. I feel horrible. I should be so happy, relaxed, and satisfied when I leave. Instead, I’ll have to scan my surroundings. It’s like the walk of shame or something. I don’t know. That’s just how this feels.” She sighs her frustration.
“Are you embarrassed?” I mumble. I’m the one who can’t look at her, now. I’m afraid at what I’ll see looking back. It has to disappoint her that I’m a convicted felon. I wish it were different. I wish I’d done things differently back then. There’s nothing I can do now. I’ve served my time. What else can I do? What should I do to prove to her that I’m worthy of her time, her trust, maybe even her love?
Brooke nudges my chin to grab my attention. “I’ve asked myself that very question, Cole. I’m not embarrassed at all. Everyone makes mistakes. I’ve already told you that. You’re a good man. You need to realize that. You’re not who you once were. You’re working through it.” She glares at me, irritated.
Brooke begins to pace in front of me. “I am terrified of getting caught. You think you aren’t good enough for me. How can we help each other through those things?” She taps her bottom lip as she looks to the ceiling, for guidance, I guess.
I just stand here; I don’t dare distract her. I want her to know I’m here. I’m trying to be supportive, even though I have no idea how to reassure her that everything will be okay, that we can do this and not get caught. I feel that I should say something.
“Brooke, I think you’re overthinking this. You already know everything that I’m doing, right? You know I’m not out committing crimes or wreaking havoc over the city. When we have our meetings and home visits, we’ll be able to spend valuable time together instead.” I bring her in for a kiss. She melts under my touch.
“I guess you’re right.” She nods, thinking it over. “You mean my job may actually be enjoyable? I now have something to look forward to.”
“Exactly.” I smile, relieved that she’s thinking rationally. “I need your guidance, Ms. Hartford,” I whisper before nipping her ear lobe.
“Okay.” She pulls away with a shiver. “I need to get going, unfortunately.” She frowns as she pulls her leggings on. “Who knows, there may be a surprise visit.” She shrugs as we walk to the front door.
“I’m looking forward to these surprise visits.” I chuckle and bring her in for one more kiss before she leaves for the night. “This was amazing, being wit
h you.”
“It was. I’ll see you soon, okay?” she whispers and kisses me before she opens the door.
“Bye.” I smile as I watch her walk down the steps before I close the door.
On my drive home, I replay tonight’s events through my mind. Did I make the right decisions? Hell no! Do I regret them? Hell yes. Will I make them again? Hell yes. The only thing at risk is my career. I think Cole Ferguson might possibly be worth that risk.
Our night together was wonderful until it wasn’t. His hands, his tongue, everything. Even with it being two years, Cole is skilled. He seems to be so much more than the man I thought he was when he walked into my office that first day.
Every parolee that walks into my office has the potential to be more than who they once were and do more than they did before they got where they are. Everyone can change, even me.
I’ve been extremely hypocritical over the years. I can’t help it. In my line of work, I associate with criminals and I find it hard to trust most of them. There have been a few throughout the years who have gotten jobs, finished school, or rebuilt their lives with families and loved ones.
Cole Ferguson allowed his anger to get the better of him. I don’t judge him for that. I wish he’d let it go and forgive himself. He still beats himself up about it as if he’s less of a man. Mya needs to focus on self-esteem in their next session. I’ll be sure to make a note in his chart for her. I can’t do more than that. Professionally, or personally.
The next morning, I’m getting ready to take a shower before work. I’m standing in front of the mirror naked, half asleep, and waiting for the water to heat up. I notice some marks Cole left behind on my hips. I daydream of us from the night before. While we were being intimate, I had none of the fears that I now have. All I thought about was us. The only worry that I had at the time was the thought of not coming. I want to feel like that every time I’m with Cole. I don’t want to look behind me every time we’re together, or when we are together, everything we do will be premeditated. That’s not how a relationship should be, but when I’m with him it doesn’t seem to matter at all. Any of it. I hope I can continue to feel that way when we’re together. I feel free when I’m with Cole. I don’t have to act a certain way; I can be me, the real me. Not the hard, bitch because of my job, or the perfect, stuck-up bitch my parents love. I’m just Brooke. It feels so good. I’m not sure I even really know who the real Brooke is anymore.