by JL Davis
He continues on, giving me more of him and exactly how I need it. At one point I open my mouth expecting a scream to ring out and nothing came. He’s fucked me into silence. The calm before the storm. I’m looking forward to it and feel it building deep inside. I cling to the sheets to brace myself.
“Brooke,” Cole says. By his tone I know what he’s going to ask.
“Go. Don’t stop,” I blurt out. Don’t ever stop. I tried to tell myself the other day that it had just been a while and that’s why I felt somewhat attached after Cole and I had sex. That wasn’t it at all, though. I know that now. I feel something for him. It’s more than just the amazing sex, more than just the connection that comes from it. I feel that we could connect on another level if given the opportunity.
Cole pumps faster as I scream into the pillow when my orgasm slams through me. I spasm around him. “You’re so tight,” he groans. “Brooke,” he says through clenched teeth. “I’m coming,” he growls out.
I glance over my shoulder just as he throws his head back, his neck straining toward the ceiling as he erupts. His head falls forward on a loud sigh. “You feel so good,” he rasps, and rests on my back without putting all his weight on me.
“Thanks, I guess. I can’t really take any credit for that.” I giggle. I guess I can, though. I’m not one to sleep around and Cole very much approves.
He pulls out slowly, we lay on the bed panting and attempting to catch our breath as we look at the ceiling.
So many thoughts are going through my mind right now. So many things I want to say. I just don’t know how, or if I should. I have to do something. I roll onto my side, now able to fully see him.
I grab his attention when I sigh, bracing myself for what’s to come. I’m not sure how Cole will feel about what I’m about to say. “This isn’t working out so well for me, Cole. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I need more. I know what I said and what we both agreed upon, but I need more than just sex.” I trail off, afraid to look him in the eyes. I’m afraid of what I’ll see staring back at me. I know he’s not capable of giving me more with our current situation.
“I feel the same way, Brooke.” Cole swallows hard. “Look at me please.” He lifts my chin. “I don’t want us to be over, though. We can figure something out. Can’t we? I enjoy being with you, and I want it to be longer than it takes to have sex. I want to get to know you better.”
“I enjoy being with you too. What if we go away for the weekend? No one has to know and as long as we go far enough away, I shouldn’t be recognized by anyone.” That was a bold idea, a big step even, but what other choice do we have? I don’t have another place that we can run away to. I can’t afford hotel stays all the time. I’d never go to motels. They’re just gross, usually filled with drug dealers and prostitutes working.
Cole stands, pondering the idea. He walks to the bathroom to clean up. “Okay, but what if you decide you aren’t having fun, you don’t want to be with me, and what if you want to leave?” He won’t shut up to even give me a chance to answer the first question.
“Cole!” I yell over him with no other choice. I hurry to the bathroom to calm him. “We can take separate vehicles,” I say with wide eyes as I stare at him. He’s now the irrational one of the two of us.
Cole considers my suggestion and nods. “Your rubbing off on me, I think. I’m sorry.” He kisses me. “Where could we go? I can’t afford to go on trips all the time, Brooke,” he mumbles and walks back into the bedroom without so much as a glance.
“What’s wrong?” I follow behind him, now confused.
“Not only do we have to hide our relationship, but I can’t give you all the things you deserve, all the things you’re used to.” He focuses on anything other than me as he puts his jeans back on and then his shirt.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m not high maintenance,” I scoff.
“I can’t afford to take you out like you deserve. I can’t do much of anything other than a chicken basket at the chicken shack food chain restaurant in town.” His eyes falter between mine and the wall, I’m guessing.
“Do you think because I wear pantsuits and drive a Land Rover that I’m better than you?” I frown. “You’re no less than I am, Cole.” I squeeze his biceps and that throws me off what I was going to say. It was good too. I pull him in for a rough kiss but have much more to say.
“That Land Rover outside was bought for me by my grandfather when I graduated college. It’s not even new, Cole. And I dress the part for work.”
“It’s not that I think you’re better than me, even though you most certainly are, Brooke. You deserve better and so much more than I can offer you.”
I pull away, breaking every connection with him. He’s not the only one with issues. He’s testing my anger issues right now. “I won’t do this.” I shake my head as I motion between us. “This is something that could ruin my career, Cole. Don’t you get that? With every risk, I think you’re worth it. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“I’m doing the best I can. Please be patient with me.” He steps closer and fidgets with my hand nervously. “I have something for you. I was going to give it to you tomorrow at our meeting.” He walks over to a pair of jeans on the floor. He pulls out a balled up napkin and hands it to me. “Here.” He smiles.
Another bottle. I’m not sure that he truly knows how much I love them and the sentiment behind them. “Thank you.” I unwrap it carefully and he takes the napkin. “If you continue giving me these, I’ll need a new shelf to display them all.” I smile adoringly at him. He seems to have calmed down and I’m relieved.
“Are you sure you aren’t just saying that to be nice?” He fidgets with the napkin, not making eye contact.
“I love them, Cole, and the little notes inside.” I try to reassure him. “I need to go.” I sigh. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I hesitate, unsure of leaving. I want to stay. I want his arms around me while we sleep.
Cole smiles. I can tell it’s fake. He doesn’t want me to go either. “If you must go, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sighs. “I’ll try to think of something for this weekend.” He kisses me before opening the front door.
“I will too.” I pull him in for one more kiss; a kiss that has to last until tomorrow afternoon. I walk to my SUV out of breath, flushed, and sexually frustrated. I just can’t get enough of Cole Ferguson.
I close the door and go over to the window. I watch as Brooke walks to her car and gets inside safely. I watch as she pulls away and I sigh not knowing what to do next. I’m in this mess because of my anger. The most wonderful woman has been brought into my life because of my anger and the mistake I made. I wouldn’t take it back, though, because I would never have met her otherwise.
I’m no longer in prison, but I’m still very much isolated. I can’t go out with my girl wrapped around my arm. I can’t let the world know that she’s even mine. I can’t touch her, kiss her, or talk to her in any other way than as my parole officer. I have to think of a way we can be together more often.
After some crunches, push-ups, and pull-ups, I take a shower and settle in for bed. I thought of something my therapist said and am attempting to use it. I thought about the positives in the situation. What Brooke and I have isn’t ideal, but I think we can make it work until I’m off parole or get a new parole officer. Why the hell hasn’t she thought of that yet? That would solve all our problems. Now, I have to wait until we meet tomorrow to tell her my genius plan, if it’s even an option.
Work has been dragging ass all day. I feel like I’ve looked at the clock over a million times already. I’m to the point I want to walk into the office and tell Jim I feel sick, that I need to go home, and then I could call Brooke. I could tell her I’m sick. She’ll come to my house again.
“Cole! What the hell, man?” Jim yells and I realize I’ve done it again.
“I’m so sorry.” My bottle count is quickly growing. “I’ll pay for them.”
“Is ever
ything okay, Cole?” Jim asks, “You’ve been off the last few weeks.” He isn’t angry, more concerned.
“Yes, sir. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. I’ll replace them. I could even work extra, if you want.” I feel terrible. I need to be focused when I’m here. This isn’t fair to Jim.
“How about you take the rest of the day off. Pick your check up on your way out.” Jim walks toward the office.
Do I still have a job? What the hell just happened? I walk into the office and see Maggie standing in the doorway with her back to me. I bolt into the men’s bathroom to avoid her. I’m not sure why, because I can’t hide in here all day. I need to get out of here and see if I still have a job, grab my check, and then be on my way to Brooke’s office. I don’t have time for this shit.
After several minutes, I no longer hear her annoying voice. I open the door slightly and poke my head out. I don’t see anyone at all. It’s kind of strange. Where did everyone go? I take a deep breath and brace myself as I come out of hiding in the men’s room.
I round the corner and see Jim standing outside with his slutty sister, Maggie. If she didn’t try so desperately hard with the pound of make-up, bleach blonde hair, and clothing that is two sizes two small, she’d be pretty. It’s all so unattractive paired with the wedding ring she’s wearing.
“Jim, can I speak with you in your office?” I walk past her as she attempts to give me a hug. Why the hell would I hug this woman? She has enough perfume on to last a month in that blouse that reveals too much.
“What’s up, Cole? I thought you’d gone home already.” He narrows his eyes.
“Well, I’m concerned. Do I still have a job here?” I brace myself.
“Of course, you do, Cole. I’ve said accidents happen. Just try not to have so many of them, okay?” He chuckles and pats me on the back. “Now go home and get your head on straight. I’ll distract my sister.” He nods, rolling his eyes as he opens the door for me. “Go.”
I nod my respect and rush past him, bolting for the door. I hear her say something, but I’d left too quickly to catch it. Jim’s a good guy and I have to do better for him. I get in my truck and consider calling Brooke to let her know I’m coming in early. I decide to surprise her instead. I’m hoping she doesn’t have any more meetings, other than me.
As I pull into the parking lot, I barely get it in park before I’m rushing inside as if I’m late to see my parole officer. I’ll go with that. As I get into the elevator, I become more excited the closer I get to being with her. I’m about an hour and fifteen minutes early. I can’t wait to give her my suggestion. She’s a terrible parole officer and I need to make a complaint for a new one.
The elevator dings and I walk out. I can see Brooke at the end of the hall speaking to a man. I see them hug before he walks down the other hall toward the therapy rooms. I know because I walk down that hall often. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to run down that hall and break the arms that were touching my girl, but I know that would be wrong. It would be my anger getting the best of me and ultimately lead to another prison vacation.
I reach her door, but I’m not ready to knock. I need to regain my composure before she sees me. I need to get my bearings right. I can’t outright accuse her of anything. It was just a hug. At least that’s what I saw. I take a deep breath and release it slowly. Repeating this a few times, I finally knock.
“Cole?” Her eyes light up when she sees me. “You’re early.” She opens the door for me to walk past her. “Is everything okay?”
“No. Not really.” I turn waiting for the door to close. “I missed you and was kind of sent home early.” I shrug.
Brooke assesses me. “Why were you sent home, Cole?” A flicker of irritation flashes across her face.
“Well, Jim thought I was distracted. We’re good, though. I still have my job. I swear.” I assure her.
She eyes me skeptically. “Okay. That’s good. Why are you distracted?”
“Honestly, I was checking the clock and bottles hit the floor, again.” I shrug. “I couldn’t wait to see you. Time was going by so slowly.” I step closer to her, unsure if I can touch her or maybe even kiss her.
“I missed you too,” she whispers, looking behind me toward the door. She brings her arms around my neck. “A friend said we could stay at her family’s lake house for the entire weekend.” Her eyes brighten as she smiles at me before her lips lightly press against mine. “I’m so nervous. We could be caught at any moment,” she whispers.
I pull her in against my chest. “Doesn’t it the slightest bit turn you on?” I stare into her now widened eyes.
“Cole!” she whispers, giggling as she pushes me away. “You’re crazy.”
“Crazy for you.” I fumble with her slacks, looking to see if she’s wearing panties, clearly to torture myself. “So, who was the guy?” I hope that was nonchalant enough.
Brooke giggles but then pulls away. “What?” Her brows furrow.
“As I got off the elevator, I saw you hugging someone. I just asked who it was is all.” I breathe through my nose attempting to keep my cool.
“That’s funny. Am I sensing some anger, maybe even jealousy?” She steps back into me, placing her hand on my heart. I’m sure she can feel that it’s about to burst from my chest. “That is a parolee’s husband. His wife relapsed and got a DWI and is back in jail for the second time since being released from prison. I shouldn’t be telling you this.” She pecks my cheek before walking over to her desk. She writes something onto a post-it from her phone and hands it to me.
“I’ll be heading there as soon as I get off work. I hope to see you there.” She winks.
I take it from her. As I glance at the address, I realize it’s only about an hour from here. “Is there a different parole officer I could switch to, so we don’t have to do this?” I glance up at her. “You’re horrible to me.” I grab my chest dramatically.
She swats at me just as someone knocks on the door and her eyes widen.
“Come in.” Brooke straightens her blouse.
“Mr. Ferguson, what’s going on here?” My counselor, Ms. Wells, says with a serious tone. My eyes dart to Brooke’s as she stares at her behind me.
“What do you mean, ma’am? I’m here for my weekly meeting.” I stumble over my words. That wasn’t good at all. No academy award for me.
She takes the chair beside me. “What time are y’all heading out?”
What the hell! “She knows?” I stand up. This makes sense now. “I don’t feel comfortable with this.” I look at Brooke for an explanation.
“It’s her parents’ lake house we’re staying in. She’s my best friend, Cole. I do have those.” She raises a brow.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why I’m still around.” Mya shrugs with a smile.
“No. I’m talking about the fact that you’re my counselor and if you’re friends, you talk?” They all do it and so do men, just not as detailed as women. Women are some big pervs, just as much so as men.
“I’ll assure you Mr. Ferg.. Cole. May I call you Cole? Okay, thanks,” she says before giving me a chance to open my mouth. “Confidentiality is number one with me. I, unlike other people, take my career very seriously.” She gives Brooke a cheeky grin. She’s a funny one. We may get along fine, but I need a new counselor for sure. I don’t want her knowing everything about me. It’s just weird.
“I promise Mya is telling you the truth. We’ve never spoken about your sessions, other than your progression.” Brooke’s eyes soften. “I understand you wanting to change, and I’ll see what I can do. Changing parole officers isn’t an option, though. I’m it.” She winks.
“I’ll get out of here. I have a date with Phillipe tonight.” She winks on her way out the door.
“I feel a little railroaded here. Why didn’t you tell me?” I wait.
“I didn’t think about it like that is all. It’s not like I’m used to this sort of thing, Cole. I don’t have
‘this’ mastered.” Her eyes search mine.
“I get it.” I nod and walk over to her. “I’ll go home, pack a bag, and see you soon, okay?” I lean in as she nods. I kiss her softly and walk toward the door. “Drive safe.” I add before I open the door.
“You too.” Brooke smiles kindly and I close the door behind me.
That was fun. I felt like a joke to Mya. I will call her Mya, being as she’s first naming me. She seems nice but I don’t know her and didn’t appreciate the way she acted toward me. Like I’m a secret, even though that’s exactly what I am. I’m on my way to a strange house to be with my new secret girlfriend. It’s not the story I want to tell my grandchildren someday.
I have my bag in the back seat and excitement bursting at the seams. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m a bit nervous as well. I know a lot about Cole’s history, at least what’s on paper. I don’t truly know him as much I would like to before staying the weekend with him, but risks must be taken in some relationships. I’m learning that not every relationship is a true love story at the beginning, some aren’t even halfway through. The ending is where it counts. If through all odds you make it, that’s what matters most.
I stop at a grocery store that’s fairly close to the lake house for a few things like wine, meat, cheese, bread, eggs, and some junk food. We can get out at some point when we need more.
As I come down the gravel driveaway with trees all around me, I feel relieved. The house can’t be seen from the road. We’re completely secluded. We can be ourselves and not have to worry about a thing other than enjoying being with each other.
Cole is sitting on the steps as I arrive at the house. He comes right over with a big smile on his face. When he smiles, it lights up his whole face. His dimples are delicious and his eyes shimmer in the bit of sun that’s shining from behind me through the trees as it hides for the night.
“Hey, roomie!” He chuckles and grabs my bag from the passenger seat. “What is in here?” He chuckles again and walks over to me.