by JL Davis
“As long as this decision isn’t about Cole and you think it will make you happy, I support you. You know that.”
I release a breath I’d been holding. “Thank you.” I sigh and grab us each a tray.
Mya takes hers. “So, when does this all happen?” She pouts.
“Seriously? You’re kidding right? I have to give my two-week notice still, so you’re stuck with me until then.”
“Yes, I’m just joking. But I will miss your stupid face,” she cracks and a giggle escapes.
“Thanks. I’ll miss you too. We can still have lunch together and I’ll still see you a lot. You’re my best friend.” I slug her in the arm.
“What’s your dad said about all this?” she asks, her eyes bugging out of her head.
“Well, I haven’t exactly told him yet.” I linger and then walk over to a table.
I can hear her snickering behind me. “Oh, I want to come to family dinner this week. Can I?” she squeals and takes the seat beside me.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying this so much. Maybe you could just tell him for me.” I shrug and give her the side-eye.
“I’m sorry, but you have to admit, he’s going to flip out, Brooke,” she says, sure of herself. I can see her fighting back a smile, but she fails miserably. “Your mother will have a field day with it.” She rolls her eyes. Mya can’t stand my mother because of the way she treats me.
“It will be an absolute disaster.” I sigh and bury my face in my hands. I still don’t want to disappoint my father, but it’s my life. He doesn’t have to live it, I do. His unhappiness won’t last when he sees how happy I will be. “I told them I have some news and they agreed to have dinner tonight. I’m ready to get it over with.”
“That makes sense for your sanity for sure. I can see this is really bothering you. You’ll get through it, though. You know you’re making the right decisions for you and that’s all that truly matters, Brooke,’’ she says comfortingly and gives my hand a squeeze. “You control your life and how you want to live it.”
Unfortunately, the rest of my day seems to fly by and I’m now at home dreading what’s to come. I’ve showered, and now I’m in my robe looking through my closet for something to wear for the dinner at my parents tonight. No matter what I choose it won’t be right for me in some way or another. I decide on a dress that I know my mother will disapprove of. Yes, it’s childish, but she will deserve this. I guarantee it. She hates it when I wear bright pink. She says it’s whorish. I don’t know where she gets her fashion intel, but it’s so last century.
I overthink what I’ll say, how I’ll say it, and when I should say it on the drive to my parents’ house. I’ve psyched myself up enough, and I think I’ll have no problem getting it out in the open. I am not prepared for the way my father will react, though. In a perfect world he’d be happy and supportive of me, but I live far from the perfect life. I’m about to be a bit farther from it in just a few minutes.
Once inside, I feel flush and as if I might faint. I claw at my neck. It feels so warm in here. I hear my father talking as I get closer to the dining room.
“Is that you, Brooke?” he calls out. His voice carrying down the hall.
“Yes.” I say as I round the corner.
My father looks me over and raises a brow. He knows exactly what I’m doing wearing this dress. “How’s life, sweetheart?” he asks, as I take a seat across from my mother, so I can see both of them when I tell them my news.
“What’s wrong, dear? Why aren’t you sitting beside me?” my mother questions with an irritated tone.
“I have a few things I need to tell you. I don’t really know how else to say it other than just being honest. That’s what you’ve always wanted from me and I intend on doing so.”
“Is everything okay, Brooke?” my father asks, concern etched in the deep lines across his crinkled forehead.
“I’m fine, Daddy.” I sigh. My courage to say what I came here to say is slowly dwindling. It feels like my throat’s slowly closing up. I clear my throat and sit up brave and tall, to get this over with. “I’m going back to school and I also put in my two-week notice at work.” I take a quick glance at my father and his face is as red as a beet. I look toward my mother and she has a strange, surprised look on her face. She might laugh, cry, or possibly scream. I’m not completely sure which personality she is right now.
“Brookelyn!” Dad says through gritted teeth. And he had to use my whole name. “I will not stand for this ignorance,” he roars, his voice blows past me like a heavy wind.
I stand to help give myself the confidence for this. I can’t bring myself to look at him. “Don’t you want me to be happy, Daddy? I’m not happy with where I am right now. I realized recently that any decision I’ve made up until now was to please you. No I was not going to cave on becoming a judge or lawyer back then, but I tried to find a middle ground that would make us both happy.” I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder.
He looks up at me and his face grimaces a bit. “What will you be going back to school for, Brooke?” He sighs and pulls the hem of my dress.
“Daddy, I want to help people, like really help them. People who actually want my help, and appreciate what I’m doing for them. I’m so judgmental because of my job and I don’t like it. Can’t you try to understand?” I search his eyes.
He sits, tight-lipped, and glares at me. Him not saying anything at all frightens me more than if he were screaming at me. I think I’d prefer that right now. His glare makes me feel like he’s hammering me into the floor beneath him.
“Are you ashamed of me?” I want to be happy, but I still don’t want him to be ashamed of me.
“I’d never be ashamed of you. I love you, sweetie. It drives me crazy at times that you have a mind of your own, but I raised you to be a strong woman, one who fights for what she believes in and for what she wants. I believe it’s being thrown back at me right about now.” He chuckles.
My mother clears her throat, grabbing our attention. I’d forgotten about her. I was so worried about what my father would think, I didn’t even glance at my mother. “You’re just going to be okay with this, Jeffery? You’re not angry with her?” She huffs. I can see her nostrils flaring from across the table. There should be fire coming out as she exhales.
“What do you propose we do?” he asks her. “Should we hold her hostage against her will in the basement?” He arches a brow.
She huffs, stands quickly, and storms off, but not before she’s said her piece. “How could you belittle yourself like that, Brookelyn? How?”
That’s it. I’ve had enough of her. I can’t take it anymore. “How should I be mother? You tell me. Should I have gotten pregnant by twenty and secluded myself in my house every day from the world? Should I have not accomplished anything outside of being married and having children? Should I be bitter, miserable, and narcissistic? That sounds like a shitty life to me and I see why you’re the way you are toward me. You’re envious of me. You should be proud of me like the mothers you try so hard to pretend to be like.”
She stands there, her mouth open, and every bit of color has left her face. She opens her mouth to say something, but turns and storms off instead.
“Brooke, that was extremely disrespectful toward your mother, and also way overdue. I wondered when you’d finally have enough of her. I expected it to be much sooner and delivered with much more aggression. You handled that okay.” He nods.
I stare at him a few moments. He’s completely shocked me in his reaction, or lack of. I expected him to be terrible to me and beat me down verbally, but he hasn’t. Finally, I giggle, unsure what to say exactly, so I’ll just wing it. “I honestly expected you to handle this totally differently than you have. Thank you, Daddy.” I lean down and hug him while he’s sitting in his chair.
“I only want the very best for you, Brooke. I know it and you know it. My choices would be more suitable for you to have a respectable, comfortable life, but I also kno
w that you would never be happy following in my footsteps. It’s taken me a long time, but I’m learning to accept that you’re a beautiful, strong woman capable of whatever you put your mind to and making the right decisions for you. It’s hard for me not to treat you like my little girl, because I’ll always see you as my little girl. I have faith that you’re following your heart to happiness.” He nods and slugs my shoulder once more.
I grab my arm and grimace. This day has been completely off anyway. He treats me like a son, I’ll treat him like one of the guys as well. I slug him in the arm. His mouth falls open. “I’m sorry.” I hold up my hands with fear in my eyes.
“You’ve got quite the arm, kid.” He laughs from deep down in his stomach. It’s been a while since I’ve heard my father’s real laugh.
It must be for mother as well because she rounds the corner quickly to investigate what has my father so tickled. She stands there and looks between us for a minute. “Brooke,” she says so softly, I barely hear her over my father who’s still chuckling.
I glance over and give her my attention. “Yes, mother?” I ask cautiously, and slowly walk over to her.
As I reach her, she breaks eye contact and her head falls in defeat. “You were right earlier, to an extent. I wish that I’d been able to do something more with myself before I started our family, but that wasn’t how my story was to play out. I don’t regret having you at all. I love you so much, Brooke. I have been envious of you when I should’ve been proud of the woman you’ve become. I wish I had the strength and confidence that you have.” She runs her hand through my hair, brushing a few strands from my face.
It was such a small gesture and coming from her, it’s a huge step forward. My mother is the most unaffectionate person I’ve ever known. I’ve always looked at her as if she were a man trapped in a woman’s body. Not that I want to, but I couldn’t even imagine them being intimate long enough to have conceived me
“I will try harder, Brooke. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I’ve been seeing a therapist for about six months now. I think it’s helping me with my demons.” She lowers her head nervously. “I’ve also just started a new medicine this week,” she mumbles.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Mom,” I say softly, looking into her eyes. It’s been a long time since I’ve looked into those eyes and seen anything but resentment or disapproval. But now, they reveal so much guilt and sadness. I have such sympathy for her and it doesn’t matter that she’d treated me badly my entire life. Everyone can change. Everyone deserves the chance to be better than the person they were, even my mother.
We hug briefly and it was quite awkward because she never hugs me, never touches me, and never kissed me as a child. It’s just uncomfortable. “I do love you, Brooke,” she says again, and kisses my cheek. “Let’s try this family dinner again, shall we?” she says positively and sits down at the table.
My father glances at me briefly before he takes a seat once again. I can see he’s pleasantly surprised with her sincerity while she talked with me. I’m still surprised myself.
Dinner was, oddly, a success. Everyone got along, made small talk, and we actually enjoyed our meal together as a family for a change. It’s been so long since that’s happened. I was a young girl when they used to get along like they have tonight. It’s been wonderful and I’m almost sad to leave, which is a first for sure.
I’m home and finally settled in for bed with a good book by one of my favorite authors, Marie Skye, but I can’t stop thinking of the way everything played out tonight. Both my father and my mother were totally different people. I now know my mother is seeing someone for help. I’d bet anything my father is too, by the way he spoke to me. I’m wondering if there’s more to what’s going on between them than they let on. They’re very private people and wouldn’t tell me if there were, so I won’t pry, but I pinched myself on the drive home just in case it was all a dream. I still can’t believe it. Reaching happiness may be a lot easier than I thought.
I am on fire today. I’ve made two big sales and it’s not even noon yet. It will take the other salesmen the rest of the day to make what I have. I’m currently tapping my pen on my desk, waiting for the phone to ring. I’m so bored. I feel like the smart kid that finishes his work before the other kids and who now wants to be disruptive.
I walk down the hall and into Jim’s office, sit in a chair across from him, and wait for him to finish his call. I’m not sure why I’m here, but I need more from this job.
Jim ends his call and grins at me. “Great job this morning, Cole. What can I do for you?”
“I’m not really sure. I want to do more. I need something more out of this job. I’ve surpassed what others make in a day by mid-morning.”
Jim nods with understanding. “I have talked with Maggie on a couple of occasions that you are a great asset to our company. You’ve worked your ass off since you’ve joined us and succeed in everything you’ve done. In a way, I feel like we’re holding you back.” He frowns.
“I love working for you and the company.” I smile.
“Thank you. You seem to be exactly like your grandfather. You have his work ethic and we want to keep you around. How would you feel about going out on the road with your sales?” He leans back in his chair, waiting for my response.
My eyes grow wide. “What would I think?” I pause. “I think, hell yes. I’d love the challenge.”
“How about I get you a list to look over and we can get you out the door next week. As long as your driving record is clean, we can get you one of the sales trucks as well.”
“Seriously? You don’t have to do that for me.”
“It comes with the job. You’ve proven yourself, your loyalty, and that you’re trustworthy. You deserve this, Cole. Don’t try and talk yourself into thinking you’re not good enough,” he says sternly.
“Thanks, man. I’ll do my best.” I nod and shake his hand before I walk back to my desk.
Jim’s right. I have felt like nothing for so long. Prison does that to you. I’m just surprised at how well things are going for me now. I know hard work pays off; I do. I just didn’t expect anyone to take a chance on me because of my past. It seems too good to be true. I feel like something bad is going to happen and ruin everything. Things just don’t go like this for me. Ever.
I have an extra anger management session this week because of some special guest speaker who’s flying in to talk with us this evening. I’m happy because I’ll get to see Brooke before she goes home for the day. I haven’t gotten to speak to her since I dropped her off a few days ago.
“Mr. Ferguson?” A rather large man asks Amy, the secretary, and she points him in my direction. I feel like I should stand and salute him as he approaches me.
“I’m Mr. Ferguson. How can I help you?” I stretch my arm out to shake his.
He looks me over, a bit reserved, but hesitantly shakes my hand. “I’m Griggs and I’ll be your new parole officer in a week or so. I spoke with Mr. Conrad yesterday and he vaguely filled me in on your progress here. I must say, I was very surprised with what he had to say. I wanted to see for myself.” He smirks.
“I hope it was all good, sir?” I ask, uncertain by the look on his face or lack of. He has resting douche face. Even as he smirks at me, he looks like he wants to pick a fight. If I were the old me, I might take my chances and lay him on his ass, but that’s not who I am anymore. I won’t risk my freedom, my happiness, and most importantly my future with Brooke.
“It was, but that doesn’t really matter too much to me. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.” He grins and walks toward the door. He turns back just as he opens the door. “I’ll be in touch.” The door then slams behind him.
I was a bit nervous about who I’d get stuck with once Brooke resigned. I’m not sure how I feel about Griggs. He seemed disappointed that I’m not like his typical Joe’s. I worry that he will be one to fish for things and give me a hard time when all I’m trying to do is better myself. I don’t remember
his name coming up from the other inmates when discussing horror stories about the parole officers. I wonder if Brooke knows him or has heard of him. I’ll ask her when I see her later.
I arrive a bit early for my session. I want to see Brooke for a few minutes, since I haven’t heard from her. I knock on her door in case she’s meeting with someone.
“Come in,” she yells, not sounding like herself.
I walk into utter chaos. “What happened?” I look around at the tornado that’s gone through her office.
“This is how it looked when I got here yesterday morning. The sheriff lifted several prints today and he left just about an hour ago and this has put me so behind.” She motions around the room. “I have so many people in and out of here daily. It will take forever to narrow it down and I have no idea what they were even looking for.” She sighs, defeated, looking at the mess.
“I’m sorry,” I say, not sure what else to say or what to do. There’s not much I can do with still being her parolee. “Want to go work out when you’re finished?” She can take that however she likes. She needs a distraction, and what better distraction than me.
She studies my face for a moment and then hers softens. “I’m sorry I haven’t called. Things have been crazy around here. I’d love to see you later, but I’ll be here for a while to catch up.”
“I understand. I wish I could be more help.” I scan the room and see her file cabinet on its side and I stand it back up for her. I remember a plant on top and see it knocked over on the floor. I scoop the dirt back into it and set it on top of the cabinet.
“Thank you. Some of this will come home with me, but most I will need to reorganize for the new parole officer that comes in.”
“He actually came to see me at work today.”
Brooke looks at me, confused. “I didn’t know they’d found one yet.”
I look at the clock on the wall. “I’m going to be late.”