by Nora Cobb
I make it without an incident. The temptation to cut loose has to be ignored. My luck is too shitty to risk taking any more chances. I park in the driveway of Luna’s aunt’s split-level house. Dad and I have met Evangeline “Ghia” Ramos a few times, and she has been nice to me. Let’s hope she still likes me. I carry a cardboard box of Luna’s things toward the house. Stuff that Luna probably didn’t care if it was tossed or not, but I need an excuse to drop by. She is still skittish about visitors.
The front door opens, and I sail over the first hurdle with ease. Ghia beams when she sees me standing in her doorway. Ghia is a pixie, and she holds her chin up as if it will add a few inches to her height. The woman is in her forties, but she looks like she just turned twenty in her cute white shorts.
“Vicki, I’m so glad.” Air kisses near my cheek as I bend down for her to reach me. “She’s in here.”
I follow Ghia into a sunroom where Luna has her laptop set up. The sunroom is more of a greenhouse. Glass walls on three sides, comfy oversized seating, and plants in every spot, crowding the people out. Luna sits cross-legged in a chair that looks like a canvas cloud. She has on her comfy sweats from head to toe. Except for a little gloss, her face is clean of makeup. She looks serene but a tiny bit sad. I can see it in her eyes. I wonder if that sadness will ever go away.
I carefully squeeze past monster plants to the glass table as Luna’s glare burns into me. I keep my focus on the table, careful not to take a plant out with a box. I plop it down with a sigh of relief as they both watch me. Ironically, I may faceplant over this hurdle.
“How are you?” I ask her, sliding the box toward her.
Luna winces as if I asked her an indelicate question. She stands up and opens the box, pulling out a stupid zodiac desk calendar that didn’t predict half the shit we’re going through right now. She tosses it back in, and I feel silly for bringing this crap into her house.
“Okay. How are you?” Luna replies, gazing past me.
I can’t mention Marcy, though I’m thinking about it all the time. “Okay, I guess, just busy.”
It’s a start. Lame, but we’re talking. That awful moment when Dom and I pulled her out of that fucked-up studio half-naked flashes in my mind like a looping GIF. We can’t exactly compare notes. Her bad experience of being tricked into a porno versus me almost being raped by a deranged teacher. It’s not a contest, but it would bring us together. Not today, if ever. I have to keep my worst moment at Redwood a secret from my on-and-off-again best friend.
Ghia walks into the room, smiling with delight, and then Dom walks in behind her. My expression must look less than welcoming because he frowns at me, then focuses on Luna. I didn’t want to see him here. The bumps in my friendship with Luna aren’t smoothing out now that we’re living apart. We need time alone. How am I going to talk to her with him distracting us?
Luna speaks to her aunt, and I can’t understand a word of it. Ghia offers Dom refreshments and a seat. I try not to be offended, but his greeting is obviously better than mine. It makes me feel like I’m intruding on their relationship again. If I wasn’t here, it might go somewhere. I sit down cross-legged in a chair, out of the way, as Ghia hurries out of the room.
Luna looks at Dom. “We were talking about school.” That’s her excuse for me.
Whatever is going on is what it’s going to be. I shrug my shoulders, and it’s all right. Let it happen. I just wish I wasn’t the fly on the wall. I gaze outside the patio window at the pristine pool outside and wonder if anyone ever swims in it. It’s so clean it looks like decoration. Random thoughts distract me, but Dom misinterprets my stoic mood completely. And it kills their conversation that’s barely started.
“I didn’t know he was coming,” Luna explains to me as if I deserve an explanation.
My eyes dart between them as my attention is dragged back to what’s going on in the room. I thought I was acting cool with it. “Look, it’s not my business.” I shrug like I really don’t care, but I’m pretending. If Dom wants to date Luna, I’m just going to have to be okay with it. After all, he saved her. That’s a hard aphrodisiac to ignore.
Ghia enters the room again, carrying a tray of iced tea in tall glasses with lemon. She chatters, unaware of the tension. “Fresh lemons from the farmers market, and I used simple syrup. No nasty sugar in the bottom.” She smiles at Dom with a tilt of the head. “Are you staying to study?”
Ghia barely looks at me as she hands me a glass. When I don’t take it fast enough, she presses her lips together. “Vicki.” She holds the glass out and eyes me as if I’m going to give her lip.
She smiles at Dom, who chose the chair by Luna. Ghia places his glass down on the table with a paper napkin underneath it. I get it. She’s playing matchmaker, and I’m the nasty troll ruining the mood.
“You let me know if you need anything,” she beams, walking to the door.
“I’m good, Ghia.” Dom takes a sip of his tea. “Sun-brewed is the best.”
Ghia giggles her approval and leaves the room. I want to go with her. I’m that wonky wheel on the shopping cart. I unfold my legs and check my phone for the time.
“Do you have somewhere to go?” Luna asks me.
“It’s a long drive back, so maybe…” I look at Luna and then Dom. Christ, they look like a couple. “Maybe, I should…” My face flushes. So uncool. Why can’t someone invent a way to disappear into thin air and sell it? “I’ve got a project.” I just want to get out of here. I’m such an idiot. But no more.
“Vicki, hang out a moment,” says Dom.
Luna gives me a judgy look. “Or is this a wave-and-run visit?”
I lean back stiffly in my chair with my legs stretched stiffly out in front of me. I haven’t felt this awkward since the time Maya dragged me to my distant cousin’s wedding in Connecticut. Dad refused to go. The stuffed cushion feels like a boulder against my back. I can’t spend the day watching them hook up. They can do whatever, but I don’t need to be here.
“Look,” my voice cracks, but I hold it together. “I’m cool if you two are together.”
“Is that why you showed up? Confirmation?” Luna sniffs then tosses her hair over her shoulder.
“No.” I scowl. “I feel like I’m intruding.” Now I wish I could tell her what happened. She’d understand.
Luna’s expression shifts to concern as if she senses something is up. “Vicki, the world doesn’t star you. And I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just that you’re so in your head. You’re too self-aware, and it’s painful to watch.”
Dom shifts in his chair and interrupts. “Luna, ease up.”
I wonder if Chase said something. I am in my head.
“Seriously?” Luna glares at Dom. “You’re defending her ego? I went through some real shit. I have a major life issue to deal with, but she’s the victim.” Luna looks at me and sighs out her frustration. “I’m frustrated, and trying to be honest about it. I don’t need drama delivered to my doorstep.”
“I get it,” I reply, barely looking up. “I come off self-centered even when I’m not trying to be. I overthink my life into a mess I couldn’t even imagine. But doesn’t everybody?” I look directly at Dom. “This is you, not me. I’m not the puppet master. One moment, I think it’s us, and then the next, I think I just interrupted something.”
“I like you,” she says to Dom, “and I will always be grateful with my whole heart for what you did.” Luna looks at me. “For what you both did. And no one will ever, ever talk shit about either of you when I’m around.” She looks at Dom and grimaces a little. “But kissing you is like making out with my cousin.”
Well, surprise us and shut it down. Luna makes a face, and the tension dissolves into laughter.
“Gross, girl.” Dom laughs and pulls a face. “You made out with your cousin?”
“Not like that,” Luna squeals, “We did it as a dare when we were little because we didn’t want to die virgins.”
“That makes no sense,” replies Dom
.
“We were eleven and lacking in common sense.” She tosses a throw pillow at Dom’s head and almost knocks over a plant. “Don’t be a dick brain.”
He grabs the pillow and threatens to toss it in her face. “Hey, I thought no one better pick on me.”
“I’m exempt,” Luna squeals, deflecting the pillow with her hands.
Dom lifts his chin with phony superiority. “I feel the same way about kissing you. It’s like kissing a hot girl, but she’s your sister, so it’s weird.”
Luna gawks then shakes her head. “You are a dick brain.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes from laughing. Now, I’m glad I stayed.
“He was trying to make you jealous, Vicki,” Luna admits. “I don’t think we would’ve become close friends if he hadn’t been playing a game.” She shoves Dom playfully. “Shame on you for playing the girl.”
Dom’s smile slips as he watches me. “Vicki understands that it’s business. Like when she goes out with Silas to flashy events in a limo, wearing a sexy dress.”
I keep it light, like hitting a ball back into the air. “Are you trying to make me squirm?” I ask him, grinning.
Dom grins. “Oh I will.”
Luna pushes him hard on the shoulder. “I’m still here, lover boy.”
“It’s complicated because you’re so perfect,” Dom purrs to her.
Luna grins, appreciating every word. She looks like she’s actually glad we came to visit.
“I’m sorry,” says Dom, “It wasn’t my initial intention to pit the two of you against each other. It was lame, but I was trying to make you jealous.” Dom stares at me. “My heart is with Vicki.”
Dom is grinning with a hazy gaze in his eyes. I believe him, and I also feel uncomfortable, like I’m on the spot. The moment when someone says I love you, and they wait for you to say it back. I can’t, not yet. I smirk instead. “Nice job, Romeo.”
Luna suddenly stands up. “Excuse me, but that was my fourth glass of iced tea.”
She leaves the room, and the lightness goes with her. Dom gets up and sits in the chair beside me. The two chairs are crammed next to one another with no space in between. He’s in my space and might as well sit on my lap. He leans in and gazes into my eyes, waiting. I catch my breath. I’m like a puppet on his string, obeying his commands when he tugs on my heart.
“I thought if I made you jealous,” he whispers, “it would drive you mad, and I’d have you to myself.”
“You’re so stupid,” I tell him. I grin helplessly, and my feelings are on display. The warmth of need rushes through my limbs as I lean in and kiss Dom. He cups my head in his hand and pulls me closer, and I sigh against his lips when we break apart. He pulls back, so close that I’m wrapped in his heat as my body craves more.
“You’re my only choice,” he whispers, “It’s only you. But have you made yours?”
I don’t answer him because Luna comes back into the room. She plops back down in her chair across from us and smirks like she enjoys catching people in the act.
“Please don’t let my auntie see you making out with my man, Vicki. She calls you the man-eater.”
Shocked, I laugh too loud and hard, though I should be mortified by my reputation.
“I’m sorry,” Dom sighs, leaning far away from me. “Luna, you deserve better than me.” He looks at me with a glimmer in his eyes. “But Vicki, you deserve me.”
He gets up and sits back down beside Luna. She drapes her arm over his shoulders in a silly hug and pecks his cheek with an exaggerated pucker.
“I love you,” she says, “the way I love a cute puppy that’s a complete derp.” She gives him a shove in the back. “It’s girl-chat time, and we need to do that alone.”
Smiling, Dom gets up to go. He gives us both a kiss on the forehead. His lips linger on my skin, and I shiver but move away. He pauses in the doorway, looks back at me, then leaves to say goodbye to Ghia.
Luna moves and hastily sits in the chair beside mine. She hugs my arm. “So, Dom carried me out, but you saved my ass. I know it. I’m not hard on you to be an ungrateful bitch. I care, and I don’t like to see you hurting.”
I sigh. “I wish I could spin the clock backward on our lives.”
Luna raises her hand and shushes me. “It could’ve been worse. And I know it has been for others. I feel violated, and I may always feel this way. But I remind myself daily that I had true friends there to save me. Thank you, Vicki. If I can ever do anything for you…”
“Could you forgive me one more time for being a jerk?” I ask.
Luna smiles as she tugs my arm. “You keep being a jerk, and I’ll keep being a nag. See how that works out. We need each other.”
“Thanks.” I want to give her a hug, but I’m still feeling shy. I may actually be shell-shocked. I wish I could tell her. But I can’t, for many reasons.
“I like Dom,” says Luna, “and you know in what way. Girl, he loves you more than the other two, I’m sure.”
I close my eyes and lean my head back on the cushion. The sunlight warms my face through the clear windows. I pretend I’m on a cloud, looking down on my life and making the right choices. I step back for a moment and pretend it’s happening to someone else. What would my life be like if I directed it like a movie?
I don’t know if I can choose one. I need them all. I want them all.
Chapter Five
Vicki
The days pass into a tiresome week of waiting as Marcy’s condition hasn’t changed. I don’t know how I feel about her. Do I care if she wakes up? Honestly, I hope she doesn’t—not after the pain she’s caused. Marcy won’t grasp as her own fault the damage she’s caused. She’ll only see what we’ve done to make her do it. Despite the fact I know I’m right for hating her, I don’t feel good about wishing anyone dead.
I don’t want to stay on campus, but I can’t go home. Dad will take one look at me and know something is way off. He won’t know what exactly, but he’ll stare at my poker face until I have to look away. He’s skilled at making people confess. I run the risk of telling him every fucked-up thing I can think while he stares into my eyes and says nothing. Nope, I love my dad, but I can’t go near him right now.
Eventually I return to my suite after class. I’m so close to the finish line; I can’t quit Redwood. My diploma is weeks away from being mine. My brain switches to autopilot as I inch forward, completing what I’m required to do to graduate on time. On my first day, I wanted to be the breakout star out of the crowd. Then later, I wanted it to make the bullies regret picking on me. I imagined the day when I would be too big for Hollywood and would tell everyone off while I clutched my Oscar to my chest. Fuck you, my two-faced friends, and go dig a hole and die in it.
Not anymore. I could give a fuck what these kids do now. I’m no longer one of them, and I simply don’t care. Every moment I’ve gone through since September has taken me out of their league. I just want to walk away and not look back. Light a match and let the flames burn my past into ashes, so there’s nothing left to remember.
Fuck, I’m so in my head.
After some alone time, I head over toward the student center. The basement in the film building is still closed off; yellow tape crisscrosses the door, but the door is locked. I try the knob just because I am curious. It’s doubtful it’ll be unlocked before graduation. Jagan had another editing studio set up in the admins’ building. I see him regularly now, and I know that’s not by accident.
My phone chimes, and I glance at it. The notification flashes, and I see Bait Shop before it disappears. I can’t concentrate, so I’ll hang with Chase, and then I’ll work on my projects. We talk daily, and this tragedy will always link us together. I need to talk about it. I’ll always need to talk about it because I’ll never be at peace with what I experienced. I drive to the Bait Shop and walk through the shop to the backyard after paying for my coffee. I almost spill it when I see Silas sitting at a picnic table. Chase isn’t anywhere around.
Silas sees me before I can duck, run, and hide. He waves me over to his table, and I drag my feet, but at the same time, seeing him gives me chills.
“You look surprised to see me,” he says. “Did you get my text?”
“I didn’t see your name.”
He frowns. “Expecting Chase or Dom?”
I don’t answer him, and his gaze is unforgiving, so why admit it? Even if my thoughts are apparent. I look away and sip my coffee as if I have to concentrate on drinking hot liquids. Silas’ gaze stays with me like he’s dissecting me into pieces. Of course, they talk, and now he knows. Silas refuses to look away until I meet his eyes again.