“Oh, did he?” Jessica asked nonchalantly. She tried to hold the disappointment from her voice. She hated that she had missed his visit.
“Yes, he did,” Mama replied, turning to Jessica, her bad mood lifting and her eyes twinkling. “That man is as sweet on you as a bee is on making honey.”
Jessica laughed, “I wouldn’t go that far, Mama.” She looked at the baby sleeping in the bassinet in the next room. “I think he just got attached to Evan.”
Mama raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think Evan’s the only one that Ray is attached to, Jessica. I declare I haven’t seen that ol’ bachelor smile this much,” Mama paused to contemplate, “well, ever.”
Finished unpacking, Jessica went into the living room to check on Evan. “We’re just friends. I’m sure of it.”
Evan began to stir. “I think someone’s getting hungry,” Mama said.
Taking Evan into her arms, Jessica beamed. The baby smiled back in recognition, then hungrily nuzzled against her chest. Jessica sat down on the couch with her baby and got situated to feed him.
“I’ll go so you can get some rest.” Mama began to collect her things.
“No, stay, if you can, that is,” Jessica urged. Something had been on her mind lately and Mama was the perfect person to ask advice from.
Mama smiled her gentle smile. “All right, then.” She settled back down into the rocking chair.
Jessica had known Mama all her life. There was time for small talk and there was time to get down to reality. She didn’t want to waste the precious minutes she had with chitchat. Jessica got right down to business. “What if Ray is, wanting something more? What happens then?”
Mama thought the question over for a minute. The chair made a soothing noise as Mama gently rocked it back and forth. “Then, it would matter what you wanted.”
Sighing, Jessica leaned her head back on the couch. “I don’t know what I want.”
Ma looked at her curiously. “Don’t you?” she smiled. “You looked a little disappointed that you missed his visit earlier. Do you enjoy his company?”
“Yes.”
“And you miss him when he leaves?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think about him when he’s not right in front of you?”
“Maybe,” Jessica answered, feeling heat rise into her cheeks.
Leaning in on her rocker, a knowing look crossed Mama’s face. “Jessica, answer me honestly. Besides Evan, when you go to bed at night, and wake up in the morning, who’s on your mind?”
Jessica answered without hesitation, “Ray.”
“Then you have your answer,” Mama said firmly, continuing to rock. “You want Ray.”
Jessica buried her head further into the couch behind her. She wanted Ray. She had known that since the first time he had come to the cottage, giving his visits a permanence. But what if he wanted something she couldn’t give him? “Mama,”
“Yes, sweetie.”
“I think Ray is looking for an old-fashioned relationship.”
“Tell me what you mean, Jessica.”
“In the past, I’ve usually been the one in control. I’ve always liked it that way. I think Ray wants to be in charge and I think I want that too, but it scares me.”
“Do you mean you think Ray would want a submissive woman, and you fear you can’t be that for him?”
“Exactly.”
“Jessica, submissive is not a synonym for a doormat. And letting a man lead in the relationship is hardly an old-fashioned notion. Lots of ladies your age run their own businesses, are successful in the world and are submissive at home. Sometimes a woman just enjoys being with a strong man who wants to take care of them. It’s not a crime, you know, Jessica.”
“What’s not a crime?”
“To let a man, take care of you.”
Jessica snorted in a half-hearted denial.
“Ray’s a good man, Jessica. And you’re a good, strong woman. Let him take care of you.”
Jessica answered softly, “I just don’t know how long I could before I go back to my old ways.”
Still rocking, Mama chuckled softly. “Sometimes motherhood changes us, or life circumstances change us.” She looked directly at Jessica, “And sometimes we just don’t know who we really are until someone’s love shows us. Now, I am going to get going so you can take a nap.” Evan had drifted back to sleep, mid meal, in Jessica’s arms. “I should get back and see how Wes is doing with, well, never mind about that.”
Jessica just smiled. She didn’t want to include Mama in her anger at Garrett. As far as she knew, he had left town as mysteriously as he had appeared, not even bothering to get in touch with Jessica. Garrett would come around when he wanted to. That was just how he was.
“Take care, Miss Jessica,” Mama said with a teasing smile, knowing she was using Ray’s nickname for Jessica, gently closing the door behind her.
As Jessica lay on the couch, feeling the weight of her son in her arms and drifting off to sleep, her thoughts barely touched on the father of her child. Instead, the bearded man with the big heart was the one on her mind.
The next morning was Sunday and the salon was closed. Jessica was looking forward to a morning at home with Evan, hoping that Ray would stop by as he did each Sunday, then Sunday lunch with Mama and the not yet newlyweds. Jessica hadn’t seen Wes or Carrie since they had returned from their ‘honeymoon’, as she had been avoiding the ranch and its unwanted visitor.
As she bustled around the house getting ready, she couldn’t help but laugh at herself. Jessica had put on a full face of makeup, curled her hair, and even changed out her comfy black sweat pants for a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans that she could just about button up, using her hair tie method to stretch them around her waist the extra inch that she needed.
Just as she was finishing cleaning up the kitchen, Jessica heard a knock on the door. Again, she laughed at herself as her grin spread from ear to ear just from hearing the three little raps on wood. Trying not to look too eager, Jessica opened the door.
There stood Ray, his huge build filling up her tiny front porch. His bright smile made her smile even wider.
“Hey there, Miss Jessica,” Ray said, bending down and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek.
“Hey there, yourself, Ray.” She looked down at his hands and saw that he carried two grocery bags from the store in Clinton, again making the several hours round trip for her. She guessed that one of the bags held her favorite coffee beans, the ones that she had mentioned off hand she hadn’t had time to go and pick up since Evan had been born.
Ray smiled at her assessment of his packages.
Out of nowhere, Jessica blurted out, “Ray, why are you taking such good care of us?”
Not looking a bit surprised by the question, Ray answered the question in his comforting, deep voice, “Because I want to. I have groceries to put away, may I come in?” His smile was playful as he held out the bags.
“Oh, yes, sorry,” Jessica answered sheepishly, realizing she had not yet invited him while he stood on her porch with the heavy load. Jessica stepped aside so that Ray could enter the house.
Ray went straight to the kitchen and began to unpack, already knowing every inch of the room.
“I got the coffee that you like, in decaf of course, but I got the whole bean so it will be fresher. I also got you this,” Ray held up a cute little red gadget. “It’s a coffee bean grinder.”
“I’ve never seen one so small. It’s adorable.”
“Yes, it’s very cute, isn’t it,” Ray said with a wink. “But I didn’t buy it for its looks. Although, I did think you would like the red. I got this one because the saleswoman said it was the quietest model and I didn’t want you to be afraid to use it in the morning because it would wake up Evan.”
What had Jessica ever done to deserve a man like this in her life? Nothing, that was the answer. Leaning against the doorway, Jessica watched as Ray moved around the kitchen gracefully, unpacking items he had care
fully picked out for her and her son. As she continued to look on, she made a promise to herself. She would not mess this up. Not for her, not for Evan, and not for Ray. Tears were starting to form in her eyes and she was grateful to hear Evan’s sudden cries, giving her time to step away and compose herself while she fed him.
She settled down with Evan on her favorite spot on the couch and began to nurse.
“Hungry?” Ray’s booming voice called from the other room.
“Always,” Jessica answered honestly, her voice cracking a bit. Resting, she stroked her baby’s soft hair as he ate and listened to the sound of Ray gathering pots and pans and opening and closing doors. Smells of garlic and onion frying made her stomach rumble. The sound disturbed Evan and he stopped eating momentarily to look at her curiously with a furrowed brow. Jessica smiled and his frown quickly turned into a heartbreakingly cute grin of his own, then he went back to his meal.
Jessica guessed Ray was making her favorite breakfast, a frittata, and he would be brewing her favorite coffee, which he had driven quite a few miles to get for her. Then, he would hold her baby in his arms while she ate every bite of the food that he served her. If there was such a thing as the perfect man, here he was, in her kitchen, had been right under her nose all these years, and she had done nothing to deserve him.
A sweat broke over Jessica’s brow and her stomach roiled with nausea. Garrett was finally coming here. To her happy little cottage, her retreat from the world. And he was going to meet his son for the first time. There were so many emotions tumbling around inside of her, but the only one she could peg down was total dread.
The clock told her that the completely absent father of her child would be here in a little over an hour. Jessica stood pacing the floor. It was quite a favor to ask of someone, but Ray had always said he would be there for her. Shaking her head with wonderment, Jessica still couldn’t figure out what she had ever done to earn the care of that man.
Quickly she dialed the number with trembling fingers.
“Ray’s.”
“Hi, Ray.”
“Miss Jessica,” she could hear the smile in his voice. “How are you doing, honey?”
“Not so great, Ray. Um, you think you could stop by in a bit?”
“Sure, Jess. I’ll just close the bar for a while this afternoon. It’ll do all the drunks in this town some good.”
Jessica would have normally laughed, but instead, she sat quietly on the other line.
Ray’s voice turned to that daddy tone Carrie had informed Jessica of. “Jessica, tell me what is wrong, honey.”
Feeling sick, she answered, “Garrett is on his way over here, Ray, and I hate to ask it of you, but I just can’t face him alone.”
“I’m on the way,” Ray said, as there was a sound of car keys being grabbed off the bar in the background. “Sit tight.”
A few minutes of pacing later, the doorbell rang. Opening the door, Jessica was shocked to see the man that she had one time lusted over so badly that she had broken up a marriage. He looked awful. Garrett was covered in dry Texas dirt, blood was smeared on his jacket, and his fancy fitted shirt was almost torn in two.
“Garrett. You look like hell.”
“Thanks, Jessica,” he replied with a sheepish smile. “I apologize if I smell like someone who’s slept in their car the past three nights. It’s probably because, well, I’ve been sleeping in my car the past three nights,” he said with a sheepish grin. “I was trying to get up the courage to come here before I leave town.”
“Um, I think there’s some clothes in the back if you want to shower.”
“Thanks. I would love to,” Garrett replied gratefully. Garrett headed back to her room to shower and dress. Jessica was glad she had Evan in the kitchen when Garrett arrived. She didn’t want her baby to meet his father for the first time when Garrett was in such a state.
Quickly she headed back to the kitchen to gather Evan out of his highchair and clean him up before Ray’s arrival. “Hey, pretty baby,” she cooed as she wiped his chubby cheeks clean from strained carrots. Seeing Garrett hadn’t rattled her the way she had thought it would. It didn’t even bother her that he was showering in her bathroom, right now. It felt like hosting an old friend, one you didn’t like very much, who was down on their luck. Jessica was just excited to see Ray’s face.
The three gentle raps on the door made her smile, as always. Smoothing her hair and balancing her baby on her hip, Jessica went to greet Ray.
“You okay?” he asked before she even had the door all the way open.
Jessica laughed. “I’m fine, I promise. I thought I’d be shaken up, but I’m not.” Shyly placing a gentle kiss on his bearded cheek, she said, “But I’m glad you came over, all the same.”
“Where is Garrett?” Ray asked, smiling and tickling Evan under his giggling chin. Evan reached out his arms and jumped into Ray’s hands. “Hey, big guy,” Ray cooed as he held the baby.
“He’s showering.”
Ray lifted an eyebrow to Jessica in surprise. A look of shock and displeasure crossed his face.
“Oh God, not like that,” Jessica said quickly, then laughed. “Oh, no. Not what you are thinking, Ray. He looked like absolute, cover your ears, Evan, hell. I think he and Wes got into it. His clothes were ripped and everything. He said he’d been sleeping in his car the past few nights, I felt bad for him and told him to take a shower and change.”
“Of course,” Ray said, relief visibly washing over his face. The relieved look wasn’t enough for Jessica, she wanted things to be perfectly clear.
“You need to know, Ray, that ship has sailed.”
Looking her over with his dark eyes, Ray gave her a nod of acceptance. His eyes left hers as he gazed over her shoulder at the bedroom doorway.
“Oh, good, you’ve got back up,” Garrett attempted to joke, clearly unsettled by Ray’s presence.
“No, I’ve got company,” she contradicted, taking Evan from Ray’s arms.
Ray walked past Jessica and held his hand out to shake Garrett’s. “Garrett,” he said cordially, in his deep baritone.
“Hey, Ray,” Garrett replied. “Long time no see.” Ray stepped back and gave Jessica and Garrett some space while keeping a close eye on them from the other end of the room.
“Sit down,” Jessica said. Garrett sat down on her couch, his eyes did not leave the baby that she held in her arms. Holding Evan out to him, Jessica helped to settle the baby comfortably into Garrett’s arms.
Looking awkward and holding Evan as if he would break him if he moved, Garrett gently whispered, “Hey, buddy.” Taking in his features, Garrett looked the baby over. Evan gave Garrett his curious brow furrowed stare that he gave Jessica when her stomach rumbled while he was nursing. Slowly, a grin spread on Evan’s face, matching Garrett’s own.
“He looks like Kevin,” Garrett whispered in amazement.
Jessica had thought the same since the moment they had handed her the baby in the hospital, but she never knew if it was her brain trying to give her solace in her grief or protect her from the image of the fiancé that had left.
“I think so, too,” she answered quietly.
“Does he have everything he needs?” Garrett asked, looking at Jessica, and then at Ray, standing in the background. “Of course, he does,” he answered for them before they could reply. “Jessica, I’m really, really sorry. About Kevin, about how I left you at Christmas.” He looked down at the baby and whispered, “And I apologize to you too, Evan.”
Jessica sat down on the edge of the couch a little distance from Garrett. “We forgive you, Garrett.”
Garrett’s surprised eyes looked at her hopefully. “Really?”
“Yes. You and I have both made mistakes, we’ve both hurt people. All that matters now is we do our best moving forward.”
Garrett stared at Evan for a few moments. Speaking to Jessica, but eyes never leaving the baby, Garrett confessed, “I want to be a part of his life. I just know that I’m too much
of a mess right now to be a father. Everyone on the ranch is unsettled with me there.” He looked at Jessica, his eyes filled with sadness. “I’m going back to New York, today.”
Ray stepped towards them and quietly said to Garrett, “Sometimes the best gift a father can give his child is to leave them with those who can care for him.”
“That’s right,” Jessica added. “You get your life together, and then we will talk.”
Garrett nodded, solemnly, then said, “All right. Thank you for understanding and not judging me, Jessica. I won’t take up any more of your time.” Garrett looked at Evan, “Bye, little buddy,” he said, hesitating momentarily before putting Evan back into Jessica’s arms. She snuggled into the couch, cuddling her precious son.
Garrett stood and walked over to Ray, shaking his hand once again. “You’re a good man, Ray. Thank you.”
Nodding, Ray said, “You take care of yourself, Garrett.”
Ray walked Garrett to the door. With one final look over his shoulder, Garrett left and Ray closed the door behind him. Jessica breathed a sigh of relief.
Ray sat next to Jessica on the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“Well, that went better than I could have expected. He’s the one that left, but I feel sorry for him. I would have thought I’d be angry.”
“We all make choices. Maybe one day he can be a part of Evan’s life.”
At the sound of his name, Evan looked up and gurgled at Ray, making both Ray and Jessica laugh.
Looking over the handsome, rugged, kind man, Jessica blurted out, “Seriously, Ray, I don’t understand why you keep taking care of me and Evan.”
“I told you, because I want to.”
“But why?”
His sincere brown eyes locked on hers. “Because, I want you.”
Jessica had known this. She had been aware of the fact for a long time, it wasn’t a new revelation. And yet, hearing Ray say the words to her, himself, a furious blush crept up her face and a curious melting feeling started from her stomach and flowed downward.
Forever Daddy (Sweet Texas Love Book 2) Page 12