by LP Lovell
“Such a charmer.”
“Always.” He holds up his wine glass. “A toast to old slags.” He says as we clink glasses. I’m seriously considering just marrying George, and having casual sex for the rest of my life. I think this is a good call.
Our food comes and we talk about Georges show and how hard it’s been on him. He and TJ are no longer sleeping together. Apparently TJ wanted more and George isn’t prepared to settle down with one person yet. I can see why. His career is so up in the air at the moment that getting into anything serious is bound to get complicated and difficult. I hope that one day George commits to someone, he’d make such an awesome boyfriend. Of course that would ruin my marriage plans.
When we finish dinner George and I stroll down the pavement hand in hand as we make our way over to the West End for the show. To anyone looking at us we look like your average young couple. In a way George is just as damaged as I am. He finds it hard to get close to people. Somehow, despite both of us having a lack of trust in people, we managed to find an unbreakable trust in each other. Perhaps we sensed a certain need in each other that the other could fill. Whatever it is, George has been a rock to me on more than one occasion. Molly is the friend that gives you sensible, serious and sometimes brutally honest advice. George is the friend who takes you out and gets you trashed, holds your hair while you’re sick, and then spoons you through your hangover the next day. George speaks my language, which is that I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget about it. Not that I don’t love Molly, but she’s fighting a losing battle with her rational thoughts and explanations. If someone hurts me, I’m done, rational explanations or not. I am done.
George and I enter through a back door to the dressing rooms. He leads me through the chaotic area showing me around. There are rails of costumes and props everywhere. Dancers litter the corridors, some stand and talking, others are stretching. George shows me the stage which looks very daunting from here. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to wait here, and step out onto that stage knowing there are thousands of people watching you. Of course I’ve been to the West End to watch shows before, but from the stage the venue looks enormous.
The show is one of the smaller productions that are currently running at the venue. It runs Monday to Thursday evenings. The weekend performances are reserved for the bigger productions. That said, the tickets for tonight are sold out, which is great. The more popular the show is, the better it is for the careers of the performers in the show.
Curtain up is in an hour, and George has to get ready. I walk with him to his changing room which he shares with three other dancers, one of which, I quickly note is TJ. Awkward.
“Hey guys.” George says. “This is my friend Lilly.” A couple of the dancers wave briefly at me.
TJ looks up when we enter the room, only to glance away quickly when he sees George. I really like TJ, and I hate to see him hurt. It makes me want to grab George and shake him, but at the end of the day, he’s clearly not the right guy for George. If he was the ‘one’ then his career wouldn’t matter, there would be no excuse, he would make it work. Not that I really believe in this ‘one’ rubbish. But I do think that for people like me and George there will be one person who walks into your life and tears it off its hinges. That’s certainly what happened to me with Theo. That person has to be willing to fight tooth and nail to get to you, they have to have the tenacity to climb your walls, no matter how many times they may fall. Each time they fail, they have to get up and try harder. I watch the way TJ subtly glances at George and I can see straight away that he’s in love with him, but he’s not willing to keep climbing. He fell at the first hurdle and that means he will never have George. Part of me hopes that one day George finds that person, but the main bulk, the part that currently feels like it’s been shredded, hopes he is never that vulnerable to one person. That kind of vulnerability leaves you wide open. All you can do is try and trust that person not to hurt you. That vulnerability left me bleeding.
I go and sit on a stool next to TJ’s chair whilst George disappears to get some hair spray. “Hey TJ.” I greet him and offer a small smile.
“Hi Lilly. How are you?” He asks sadly.
I shrug. “Okay. You know how it goes. Men are shit.” I sigh. “Present company excluded of course.” I smile.
He returns it with a sad smile of his own. “Sometimes people are just shit, but you just have roll with it, dust yourself off and move on.”
“Nice speech. How’s that been working for you?” I bump shoulders with him playfully.
He sighs. “Yeah, not so great. I figure if I think it, then eventually I’ll feel it.”
I nod. “It’s a good theory. Perhaps I’ll try it.”
“I am sorry to hear about you and Theo. I really thought you guys would make it. The guy seemed so in love with you.” I frown and nod my head as the pain hammers at my chest with every heartbeat. He rubs my arm gently. “I’ve never seen anybody look at anyone the way he looked at you. It was as though the world began and ended with you.” He lowers his head to meet my gaze. His eyes are so dark they’re almost black. “Whatever happened with you guys, what you had was real, never doubt that.” I want to believe him, but it’s not that easy. Especially not when said guy tells you he loves you straight after fucking some random woman and conceiving a child. That’s a rather ropey foundation to build any relationship on.
His eyes move to the window, where the darkened sky leaves the silhouettes of a few trees stark against the indigo sky. “Some people will never experience that kind of love in their lifetime. It is true when they say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
“But if you’ve never loved at all then you don’t know what you’re missing.”
He smiles sadly. “The heart knows something is missing.” He whispers. I’m not a romantic person, and I’ve never been in the pursuit of love, but speaking to TJ, I’m in awe of his faith. He believes in love, the earth shattering, world changing type of love that can utterly make a person, or completely destroy them. TJ would risk destruction for that love, and it horrifies me at the same time as it inspires me.
George walks back into the room and TJ stands to leave.
“I’ll see you soon Lilly.” He says quietly as he leaves.
I immediately sit next to George. “What did you do to TJ?” I accuse.
He rolls his eyes. “Nothing. Usual story. I stated casual. He got attached.”
“Well, you could have been a bit more delicate. He’s heartbroken, George.” I frown at my hands. Maybe I’m just being over-sensitive and projecting my own emotions onto George and TJ.
He freezes midway through hair spraying and turns his head to me dramatically. “Seriously Lill’s? How many hearts do you think you’ve broken over the years?”
I shrug. “Not many.”
He snorts. “Well, seeing as you’re so oblivious, I’ll tell you. Almost every fuck buddy you’ve had was in love with you.” I blanch.
“That’s bullshit and you know it. It’s just sex.”
He shrugs and starts applying stage make up. “To you maybe, but not to them. I’ve watched many heart broken, rejected little faces leave your room.” He grins. “I even consoled one of them.”
“What?! Who?”
“Enrique. And yes he swung both ways.” He smiles. Enrique was a beautiful Spanish guy I spent a summer fucking whilst he was here studying for a year.
“Oh my god, we’ve like shared a guy.” That’s kind of gross. “Oh god, please tell me he wasn’t a giver, because if we’ve actually shared a cock, that would be fucking weird.” I shriek.
He laughs. “A gentleman never tells.” He does one last check in the mirror before leaving the room to get into costume.
Sneaky bastard totally managed to dodge my TJ probing.
Chapter Five
Theo
Lilly never did call to arrange an appointment. Why does that not surprise me? Well,
if that’s how she wants to play it, then I’ll play. I manage to pull a few strings with Simmons and book an appointment to see her. I have a feeling it won’t go down too well, but she should at least be expecting it. She should know that I won’t be dissuaded that easily.
I have a lot I need to say to her, and she’s going to listen. She doesn’t want to talk to me because she doesn’t want to face hard facts. It’s easier to just see me as a bastard and hate me. That’s the easy out though, and I’m not going to let her take it. I’m bracing myself for the wrath of Lilly. No-one does angry quite like her.
When I reach Circus House on Monday morning, it’s not without a good dose of apprehension. I’m led to a large conference room by a receptionist. She leaves me standing outside the door. I don’t know how I’m going to play this with her, but I know she’ll push me to crazy behaviour either way. I take a deep breath, push the door open and step inside. Lilly is sat on the enormous conference table. Her back is to me and she’s facing the windows. Her shoulders are rigid tense, her legs crossed elegantly.
“Lilly.” I breathe her name as if it’s my salvation. Truth be told, it may well be.
She sighs before standing and turning toward me. Her hair is pinned up, but a few loose tendrils fall around her face. Her eyes are a dulled version of their usual vibrant green, but are still captivating in a way that makes it hard to look away from them, and considering what the rest of her looks like that’s quite a statement. She’s wearing a navy blue dress that I vaguely recall stripping her out of once before. The v neckline exposes a subtle hint of her cleavage. The three quarter length sleeves almost lend it to being demure, but nothing looks demure on that body. Lilly is sin and seduction, just waiting to lure me into hell. She has the kind of curves that could corrupt a monk. Legs, that men would sell their soul for, just to have wrapped around them, and lips that were just made to suck cock. I squeeze my eyes shut and drop my head as though eradicating her from my vision will magically eliminate the monster boner currently trying to fight its way out of my trousers. This woman sends my brain screaming out the door, and my dick into a fucking frenzy. I see every kiss, every touch and every screaming orgasm play out across my vision. She kills me. I can’t help my reaction to her. She owns me without even knowing it.
I lift my eyes and watch her carefully. Her entire body is rigid tense. She looks uncomfortable, her eyes looking anywhere but at me.
“Mr Ellis.” She says coolly.
I smirk. “Really? We’re back to that?” I narrow my eyes at her.
“You wanted to meet with me in my place of work.” She glares at me. “Professionally. So we’ll keep it professional.”
I take slow steps around the table towards her. “I’d like to think we’re beyond professional. I certainly think we’re on a first name basis, seeing as I’ve had you on your back screaming it. That’s hardly what I would call professional.” Okay, I’ll admit that was a low blow, and the look she throws my way says she knows it. She drives me crazy though.
“If you aren’t here in a professional capacity, then we have nothing further to discuss.” She picks up the file on the desk.
“Actually I am here in a professional capacity.” I know better than to bait her at her work. I’m going to buy a company, not because I want or need it, but because it means she will be forced to spend time with me. I just need her to remember what we have.
“Fine.” She huffs. “Sit.” She gestures to the seat nearest to me. I sit and cross my ankle over my knee. “What is it you want?” She asks.
“Well isn’t that a loaded question.” I smirk.
She sighs and rolls her eyes. “I don’t have time…”
“I want to buy a company. I’ve been eyeing it up for a while.” I cut her off. “Hostile takeover more than likely. The old bastard won’t sell, even though the ship is sinking faster than the Titanic.”
She narrows her eyes and tilts her head thoughtfully. “Which company?”
“Wyatt Industries. It’s…”
She shakes her head and stands up. “I know what it is. I have a conflict of interest. I can’t talk any further about this.”
I freeze. “What do you mean you have a conflict of interest?”
She moves away to the window. “Exactly that.” She’s not going to tell me.
“You representing Wyatt? You’re a little green to be handling the big dogs don’t you think Lilly?”
I watch her expression, the anger bubbling. I know I’ve got her, hook, line and sinker. “Fuck you. I have a client who wants the same thing as you, and yes he’s a big dog, same as you.” She glares at me. “Don’t worry though Theo, you’ll always be the biggest dog of them all.” She smiles, but it’s really more of a grimace.
I can’t fight the grin that forces its way onto my lips. I lean back in my chair casually and fold my hands behind my head. “You really should learn to control that temper of yours.”
“Don’t think you can manipulate me Theo.”
“There’s no think about it.”
She takes a deep breath and places her index finger against her bottom lip. My eyes latch onto the movement. “You need to leave. I need to talk to Simmons about this. When I’ve spoken to him, I’ll call you.”
I switch on my business face, the intimidating arsehole that is Theodore Ellis. Sometimes I think she forgets that the person she sees is not what everyone else sees, and it’s certainly not who her boss sees. “Oh, there’s no need. I’ll tell you what he’ll say.” I meet those stunning eyes, her frame outlined by the London skyline. She presses her lips together but says nothing. “He’ll say that you need to represent me. I’m his best client. My businesses are worth nearly a billion pounds combined.” I slowly stand up. “You back the guaranteed winner Lilly, it’s just good business.”
“You don’t even know who the client is.” She says quietly. I move around the table.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shrug. “Haven’t you heard sugar, I’m Theodore Ellis. Nobody says no to me.” I walk slowly toward her, a restrained smile on my face. I’m only a few feet away from her now. Our eyes locked, and that static electricity that always seems to radiate from her crackles in the air.
“I did.” She gasps out. I take a slow step closer, she takes a step back. I smile wider.
“At first.” I watch her as she watches me. “You seem nervous sugar.” I say quietly.
“Call it cautious, or wise.” Her face is serious and unmoving.
Another step forward from me, another back for her. “I’ve never taken you for the cautious type.”
“When in the presence of danger, caution is generally advisable.”
“Are you in danger?” I raise an eyebrow at her.
“When it comes to you I’m always in danger.” She mumbles.
“Only of losing that tight grip of yours.”
She narrows her eyes. “If you recall rightly I lost that tight grip a long time ago. Turns out I should have held on tighter.” She cocks a perfectly arched eyebrow.
I take another step forward, she steps back again, only to back into the wall of windows. She flinches slightly as the glass touches her back. Her eyes flash to mine and she looks like a cornered animal.
“There’s nowhere left to run sugar. I know you like running.” I whisper.
“I’m not running, merely avoiding a fruitless and quite frankly time wasting conversation.” She says through gritted teeth. I can see her anger bubbling just below the surface.
“Really? I have to go through your boss just to get you in the same room as me. I’d call that running. I thought we were past all this shit Lilly.”
“You’re right.” She stares at the ground. “I don’t want to be in the same room as you. I told you, I’m done.” Her eyes meet mine, hard and unrelenting.
I step forward and place my hands against the glass either side of her head. She takes a deep breath, her eyes fixed on my chest, avoiding eye contact. I lean in until my lips are barely an inch
from her ear. “We will never be done.” I whisper.
I pull back and trace my fingers down her cheek. She closes her eyes as a small frown appears on her face. “Please don’t.” Her voice trembles slightly.
I want her so fucking badly. She pulls me in like a magnet. She’s like a drug I can’t deny because the high is so worth the come down, and there will be a come down because I will have to walk away from her. Fuck, I want her so badly. I lean in purely on instinct. My lips brush hers and she shivers.
I wind my fingers through her hair as I press my mouth to hers. She gasps and her lips part slightly. She kisses me back. She kisses me like it’s her last breath and her final goodbye. I kiss her harder, dominating her, eradicating her goodbyes. Her tongue skims gently across my bottom lip and her hands cling to my shoulders. I hold her close, one hand in her hair, the other at the small of her back. Every inch of her body is pressed to mine. The kiss becomes almost desperate. Her hands move to work under my shirt, tracing over my stomach. She bites my lip and I growl, pulling her tighter against me. I push my thigh between her legs and she moans, her nails scraping over my skin. I’m this close to snapping. I break the kiss before I lose all control and fuck her against this window. She pulls back, her hands dropping to her sides. My skin tingles at the loss of her touch. Our lips are still barely millimetres apart. Her breathing is ragged, her heaving chest is pressed against my stomach. Regret and pain flit across her features as her face crumples. She closes her eyes and pushes me away from her.
She covers her mouth with her hand and turns away from me. “I think you should go.” She whispers.
“Lilly, I love you.” It’s all I have to give. I need her to know how much she means, but this is all I have.
“Don’t.” She spits.
“Why not, because you want to pretend that there’s nothing between us?” She drives me fucking nuts. “That was not nothing. What we have is not nothing. Does pretending make it easier to walk away without a backward glance?” I snap. She’s so deluded.