by LP Lovell
I wake up the next morning and I’m on the sofa. There’s a warm body next to me, and I immediately know it’s Harry. The smell of Joop and mint fill my senses, a combination that is all Harry. The scent wraps around me like a comfortable blanket. Although I hate to admit it, I’m a tiny bit disappointed it’s not Theo. Theo hurt me, and Harry will want to hunt him down and kill him, regardless of whether he helped me last night. Harry does not forgive when it comes to me, he’s so over protective. Harry and I have a bond built on this fierce need to protect me. As much as I wish he’d let me deal with Theo, it’s a pointless argument. Harry is Harry and he’ll never change. I wouldn’t want him to. Theo may be my safe place, but Harry is my safe place that will never leave me, ever. I can be fragile around Harry, because he’ll never break me like Theo did. When we were kids, Harry always used to come sleep in my bed if I was upset. As we got older, he used to come and sleep in my bed to protect me. Of course it never worked. Harry said he’d rather take the beatings if it meant keeping Shane away from me. I felt exactly the same way. Of all the things he did to me, beating Harry was the worst. That was what broke me time after time. I would sooner have taken the physical abuse of being hurt over the mental abuse of seeing the person you love most in the world hurt time and time again.
Harry and I have been through hell together. With Harry I can be weak, because he is the only person who knows the real me. The thing is though, where I can be weak around my brother, I don’t want to be. Theo may have the power to break me, but he also has the power to make me unbreakably strong. I’d like to think I don’t need anyone and that the little emotional support I need I get from my brother, I like to think that because it’s easier than looking at the fact that a man who hurt me, who left me open and exposed, is also the source of true strength. What can you do? Life’s a bitch.
“Hey sleeping beauty. How’s that hangover going?” Harry says far too brightly. He’s sprawled next to me on the sofa watching TV with the volume on low. My head is resting on his bicep. I move and my stomach feels queasy. I wasn’t drunk when I came home last night, but Theo did give me an enormous glass of vodka, plus the champagne and the triple vodka. I groan as the light streaming through the window hurts my eyes.
Harry laughs. “That bad huh?”
“When did Theo leave?” My voice is thick from sleep. My mouth is like a camel’s arsehole. I reach for Harry’s cup of coffee and take a sip.
“I came back as soon as I’d made some calls, but he wouldn’t leave. Said he promised you. He eventually left at around midnight.” He grumbles.
“Did you talk to him?” In other words did you try to kill him.
When he doesn’t respond I glance up at him. His jaw is clenched tight. “He wanted to know what’s going on.”
“You didn’t tell him anything did you?”
He glances down at me. “Of course not Lill’s, but he saw a lot. He’s going to start figuring it out soon.” He tilts his head back and looks at the ceiling. “Look, I think the guy is an arse and if I had my way he’d be six feet under, but I see the way you look at him. I see the way he looks at you. If you want any sort of future with him…maybe you should tell him.”
I shake my head. “No way. I don’t want a future with him anyway. He’s having a baby.” I close my eyes and swallow hard. “He should have a baby.”
“Lill’s, you need to talk to him. I don’t like the guy. He’s a fucking dick.” He takes a deep breath. “But you’re miserable without him. He made you happy. I know what you’re doing. You’re pushing him away because you assume he can’t handle your shit. I know it’s tough with the whole baby thing. You think she’s giving him something you can’t. You need to remember baby girl, you give him you, and that’s priceless and incomparable.”
“I think you’re biased.” I offer him a small smile. “He wouldn’t want me if he knew.”
His green eyes, identical to mine, bare into me. “I think you underestimate him… or rather you underestimate the hold you have over him. The guy is a total sucker for you.”
I sit up. “I need to take a shower.” I stand and head towards the hallway.
“Don’t run baby girl. Remember what I always tell you?”
I glance over my shoulder and a small smile forms on my lips. “Live without fear, and treat every day like it’s your last.” I say quietly. It’s not that I don’t agree with him. I do. If you constantly live in the past then you’ll never have a future. I want to live in the moment, to live as though it is my last day every day. Usually I do, but these last few weeks it just feels as though I’m walking through cement. More and more shit just keeps adding to the pile. How much can one person take before they break? How long can you keep running until the past finally catches up to you?
“What are we going to do about her Harry?” I ask.
“You’re not going to do anything. I’ll handle it.” I nod and go to my room. I could argue with him but there would be no point. Harry likes to deal with these things. I know it costs him more than he lets on, but he’d sooner face it than have me go anywhere near that woman. Although he’s putting on a calm front, he’s bubbling just under the surface. She turned up on my doorstep and that does not sit well. There was a reason we ran, I just never thought I’d see her again to have to explain it. I assumed she would be dead by now. There’s only so much alcohol one body can take before it gives out. Judging from the look in Harry’s eyes earlier, I won’t be seeing her again. My brother may be sweet to me. I know him as the fun loving guy who would do anything for me, but I’ve always known that he has another side to him.
I let the hot water of the shower soothe my tense muscles. My neck hurts from sleeping on the sofa. My nerves feel fried. This whole situation is such a mess. A surprise visit from mummy dearest may not be a big deal for most people, but when you’ve been running for eight years, not to mention the fact that she shouldn’t be able to find us…well then it’s a big fucking deal. Does she know what we did? Surely she would have said something? Is that why she came looking? Fuck, the questions pound the inside of my skull over and over. I turn the water off and get out of the shower. I need out of here before I drive myself insane.
I pass Harry as I head toward the front door. “Where are you going?” He barks.
I spin on my heal and gesture to my gym clothes. “To the dance studio, obviously.”
“No. You’re not going anywhere, you’re going to stay here.” His eyes are hard, his lips set in a grim line.
“Are you fucking serious? She’s one woman Harry. She won’t be stupid enough to approach again. I’m pretty sure Theo scared her off.”
He paces back and forth in front of me. He stops and stares me down. “We don’t know what she wants. Despite what she said, she sure as shit did not turn up here for a happy fucking reunion.” He sighs and drags his hands through his hair. “I’m going to find out okay? I’m going to track her down and see if I can pay her off. It must be money she’s after.”
“That’s all well and good, but that could take days. London is a big city, and even if you do find her, what’s to say that she’ll take what you offer. I’m not going to hide here. I have a life Harry. We ran so we could have a life. Don’t let her take it away just by showing her face.” I plead.
“Fine.” His green eyes meet mine. “You go out, you go with someone. Preferably either me or George.”
“Fine. So take me to the dance studio.” I growl. Jesus, I can take care of myself better than some men.
“I can’t. I have to try and find her…”
“I just want to leave the house.” I interrupt him.
He steps up close to me. “Lilly, don’t be difficult. For once, just do as you’re told. George will be back later. Don’t answer the door to anyone. If I find out you went out alone I’m going to be seriously fucking pissed.” God, I love my brother, but he takes this protective shit way to far sometimes. I want to challenge him, I mean seriously, this is such macho bullshit. The
look on his face stops me. This is a glimpse of his other side, the side I never see. “Are we clear?” He says quietly. I nod my head. “Good. I’ll be back later.” With that he turns and walks out the front door, slamming it behind him. I release the breath I’ve been holding. Okay, so clearly I’m not the only one effected by this. Hell, Harry has everything to lose if our little hornet’s nest of secrets gets kicked. I have just as much to lose though, because if the secrets come out I’ll lose Harry, and he’s everything.
“Fuck. I need to do something. I can’t just sit here.” I mutter to myself. I think through my options over and over again, and each time there seems to only be one answer, and it means involving the one person I never wanted to know about this.
I stare at the screen of the phone for a long time, his name sitting there, just waiting. I inhale, exhale and press the green button. It rings twice before he picks up.
“Lilly.” He breathes.
I say the three words I never thought I would say to anyone, and least of all him. “I need you.”
Chapter Nineteen
Theo
Lilly opens the door and smiles at me. It’s a small smile, but a smile none the less. There are dark circles under her eyes from what looks like weeks of no sleep. Her usually beautiful and vibrant hair has lost its shine. I would never tell her, but she looks like shit. “Are you okay sugar?” Her phone call scared the shit out of me. Lilly needs nobody, and we both know it. She must be pretty desperate to say those words to me.
She nods. “I’m fine. I need your help.”
I frown as I watch her tired eyes. “Anything. You know that.”
She swallows and glances at the floor. She suddenly looks unsure about her next words. Her eyes flick up to meet mine, that vibrant green ensnaring me as always. “I’m going to tell you a snippet of a much larger story, but I need you to not ask questions about that larger story. Okay?” Her eyes are begging me, and I know it’s because she really doesn’t want me to ask questions. I’ve always respected Lilly’s past and have never asked questions, but I find myself wondering if I’ll ever really know her. Will I ever know who hurt her, who made her the way she is? Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s best that I never know. I can’t change it, and knowing may just kill me, because I love her, and the idea of being able to do nothing hurts me now. What would it be like if I knew the full story? I know it’s not a pretty one. But part of me wants to bare the burden with her, as though perhaps sharing it may lighten her load. Who knows? To be honest this is all pointless anyway. She’ll never tell me, that girl is locked down tighter than Fort Knox. There is no getting inside her walls.
“Okay.” I find myself saying. She takes my hand and leads me to the sofa, ignoring the familiar zing of electricity that thrums between us. She sits and pulls me down next to her. I wait patiently as she says nothing for a while. A little crease forms between her eyebrows. I want to touch her, but I resist. She’s about to tell me something about her, however small, and I feel like a starving animal, just waiting for her to throw me a scrap.
She takes a deep breath. “That woman you saw yesterday was my mother.” I nod. She looks away from me and stares at a spot on the coffee table in front of us. I watch her carefully, but say nothing for fear that she might stop talking. “Harry and I ran from her a long time ago, and we haven’t seen her since. Until now.” She stares at me intently, trying to gage a reaction. There’s nothing to react to. I’ve always known it’s her and her brother against the world. This doesn’t surprise me. His protectiveness of her, though irritating, is something I respect. I feel the same way toward Cat. Hell, if my sister had been through some of the shit I know Lilly has, I’d lock her up permanently.
“What does she want?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. She said she wanted to see me, but well, let’s just say that’s definitely a load of shit.” She closes her eyes and sets her shoulders. “You know I would never ask for your help if I had any other choice, but I’m worried Harry will do something stupid.”
I reach out and touch her, my fingers grab her chin forcing her to meet my eyes. “I want to be your first choice, always. Now what do you need?”
Her eyes soften. “I need you to help me find her and get rid of her before Harry does. You have more resources. You should be able to get me to her quicker. Look, if Harry finds her, I’m not sure what he’ll do. Let’s just say she’s not a nice person. He’s not rational when it comes to her. You saw how I reacted to her. Harry’s just as bad, only with a temper and an extra sixty pounds of muscle.” I sigh. “He has his resources, and he told me he’s going to pay her off, but she hates him as much as he hates her. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. She’ll turn it down if it comes from him, I know it.”
I frown. “When you say get rid of her?” Jesus, I’d do a lot for her, but would I kill for her?
She smiles a little. “Oh believe me, I’d love nothing more than to see the woman dead, but no. She said that she found me because she saw me in the paper. My guess? She thinks I’m still with you. Surely it’s money motivated? Harry has the money to pay her off, but I need to find her first.”
“Is she a danger to you?”
“No.” She says too quickly.
“Lilly, don’t lie to me.” I growl.
“Look, I don’t know what she wants, but she’s never really hurt me.” I don’t believe her, the hatred the pair of them have for the woman is too strong. “Please Theo, I can’t lose Harry, and if he hurts her, I will lose him.” Her eyes are begging me and it breaks my resolve. “He’s all I have left.” Ah, fuck.
“Okay. I’ll find her, but I’m not happy with you talking to her…”
“Theo.”
I lift my hand and cut her off. “You didn’t see how you looked the last time Lilly.” I take a deep breath and then lift my hand to her face, stroking my thumb gently over her cheek. “Look, I know that you have some serious fucking demons Lilly. I don’t know the details of it, but I can guess from what I’ve heard and seen.” She looks away from me. I grab her hand. “Hey, I’m not asking questions. I’m just calling it as I see it. I don’t think it’s good for you to see her okay? It would make me feel better about it if you just leave it to me.”
She shakes her head, an almost panicked look in her eye. “No, it needs to be me.”
She doesn’t want me speaking to her. “Will it help if I have my people deal with it? Just a simple pay off.” I offer.
She sighs. “You won’t talk to her?”
“No.” I say quietly. She doesn’t want me involved in her business, that’s all.
“Theo, you have to understand, the woman is poison. She needs to stay in the past. I don’t want her tainting any of my future.”
I smile. “So I’m in your future am I?”
She stands and moves to the kitchen. I follow. “You’ve been a good friend to me.” What the hell does that even mean? I get fucking whiplash around this woman. She hates me, she loves me, she wants to slap me, she wants to kiss me. Jesus. “Look, I’m really grateful for your help, but can we not do this now?”
“Okay, but we will be doing this at some point. I haven’t got a fucking clue what is going on half the time with you.”
“You and I both.” She murmurs.
I clear my throat. “Well, I need you to write down everything you know about her. Name, age, former addresses, partners. Then I’ll ring my security guy and he’ll put a team on it.
She scribbles down some details on a piece of paper and hands it to me. “This is everything I know about her, but of course I don’t have the last eight years. She could have married or skipped the country for all I know.”
“That’s fine. I’ll make the call.” Her fingers brush mine as she hands me the paper, her eyes hold mine and I don’t miss the spark of heat in them. I should be focused on helping her, not fucking her, but well… try telling that to my other head which is currently trying to fight it’s way through my fly. Every ti
me I’m around her it becomes a battle of mind over matter. I take the paper quickly and go through to the front room again before she notices my fucking jeans tenting. I reach down and adjust myself. She does this to me, and yet another woman could strip down and lap dance me and nothing, not even a twitch. She’s ruined me in the cruellest of ways.
Miles is my security guy. He mostly over see’s software, security and personnel, but he’s ex-military and when needed is a very useful guy to have.
The phone rings once. “Miles Scott.” He answers abruptly.
“Hey. I need a favour.”
“Ah, he lives. Long time no speak.” He says cheerfully.
“Well, when it comes to you I find myself lucky not to have to speak to you. It means no-one is planning to kidnap or kill me.” I’ve had a few threats over the years. You have to expect it when you’re as high profile and wealthy as I am. Miles organises body guards and is good at discreetly getting rid of people. I don’t ask about the why’s or how’s.
“Tell me you’ve got something good for me. This software shit is making me twitchy. It’s almost not worth the stupid amount of money you pay me.” He laughs. “Almost.”
I smile. “Nothing too interesting, but I need you to track someone. She’s in London, but I have no idea where. Do you think you can find her?”
“Can you find a needle in a haystack?”
“Um…”
He laughs. “The answer is yes, you just burn the haystack. You can find anything if you’re prepared to use any and all resources.”
“Okay, you scare me. Find her, but no burning.”
“Okay, you got the details?” He asks.
“I’ll email them across now.”
“Cool, later.” He hangs up.
If anyone can find her its Miles. I don’t even ask questions when it comes to him. I pay him money and he produces results.
When I step into the kitchen Lilly is leaning against the side, her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. Her eyes are vacant and far away.