“I bet Lexie didn’t get hazed like this.”
Fitch jumped in. “Well, she proved she could catch a long pass, bake phenomenal red velvet cupcakes, and mend a busted up hand before the tour even started. So, yeah, she was exempt.”
I took a dramatic bow at the praise.
“She even managed to tame this wild man,” Ric teased. “I think it’s going to be a different tour from here on out. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. I don’t think I’m going to get laid as much, but my liver will probably be happy.”
All eyes swung our way. The silence was deafening as the entire group waited for our response.
Chapter 40
I shrunk away from all of the attention turned on us now, but Jackson pulled me onto his lap, sharing his lawn chair, as he finished his beer and set it on the ground.
“Y’all might as well know. We are together. It’s for real. There won’t be as much after-show partying, there won’t be any more Jell-O wrestling or wet t-shirt contests on tour. But, hell, there’s going to be plenty of beer and some really kick ass music and dancing.” Jackson stated it matter of fact, in his strong voice, not the least bit shy.
“Woohoo! Thank goodness we won’t see as many skanky groupies around here. Way to go, Lexie. You’ve done the impossible, and we thank you!” Jessica raised her bottle in the air, and I raised mine back in cheers.
Lee piped up next. “Damn, Jack’s settled down, Andy’s settled down, maybe I just need to go ahead and find me a woman.” He grabbed Jill as she walked by and pulled her into a bear hug.
We all cracked up as she elbowed him hard in the ribs and sauntered away saying, “Dream on, drummer boy.”
“On that note … I’ve got some plans tonight that don’t include y’all.” Jackson stood up, sliding me to my feet and guiding me back toward the black bus.
We heard Theo yelling after us, “Don’t worry, if the bus is a-rockin,’ we won’t come a-knockin.’”
I blushed crimson and entered as quickly as possible, shutting the door tight and drawing all the shades. He laughed at my modesty and teased me, “So, Doc, how should we finally break this place in?”
“Hmm … your kitchen table idea has me intrigued.” I walked over casually, kicking of my shoes on the way and hopped up to sit on the table, summoning him to me. He stepped between my legs and pulled me close as he kissed me fiercely.
“I swear you have some spell on me. I’ve never been so turned on by anyone in my life. I could hardly think straight all day long just waiting to kiss you from head to toe.”
“That sounds wonderful. You should start on that right away.”
And he did.
Show day went off without a hitch, even with the change in bass player and the auditorium style of the casino. We even managed to sneak around, under the radar, and play blackjack for almost an hour before fans discovered Jack. The scene resolved much smoother than the debacle in Louisville. Jack and I hid behind Joe and Johnny, and we immediately left the floor, returning to the bus. He no longer felt the need to sacrifice his personal life to please each fan. Instead, we spent our downtime having way more fun.
The tour continued with the usually hurry-up-and-wait schedule as we headed onto Asheville for two shows over the weekend. Then, onto Greenville, Columbia and Charleston, South Carolina all by mid-July. We snuck out for our favorite kind of casual dates from time to time, and Jackson insisted we spend one night in Charleston at a historic bed and breakfast instead of the bus. It was an amazing night, in what I found to be my favorite city of the entire tour. We had a view of King Street, the market, and the best shrimp and grits I’ve ever tasted.
It crossed my mind that it would be the perfect city for a destination wedding, which made me wonder when I’d become that girl. Still, I couldn’t help but picture the future as we got closer every day and shared so many conversations and so many firsts together. He made me more confident in myself every day, and he claimed I made him into the best version of himself. Isn’t that what you look for in your spouse? I had to remind myself that tour life was not real life.
“Can I even go back to my life?” I asked Ashley on one of our long phone calls while Jackson worked out on the gray bus after we arrived in Charlotte, North Carolina. “I mean, how do I just go back to the hospital and spin class and pretend it’s what I want to be doing?”
“What do you want to be doing?”
“Well, Jackson of course.” I snickered at my bad joke. “I don’t know. I want to be a physical therapist, I want to dance, I want to see you every day, and I want to be with this man!”
“Okay, prioritize those. And please, don’t worry about me. You will be my best friend, and I will see you often no matter what. Plus, you’ll set me up with Kenny Chesney in the future, so don’t factor me in too much for now, okay?”
“Oh, Ash. I want to move our apartment to Nashville, and we could work at a hospital together and live together and I could see Jackson every single day. Maybe I could work four days a week and save a day to work with choreography clients. That sounds good. And when he had to travel, I would take vacation days and go with him.”
“Maybe you should work as a PRN therapist, so you can pick and choose your days. There are many of those jobs out there, and it would free you up as much as you want to travel, dance, or tour. You’d be able to keep up your license and continuing education that way but not have a schedule set in stone.”
I chewed on my lip. “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. But, if I went to Nashville, I would have Jack but lose you.”
“Are you an f-ing lunatic? Lexie, you’ve met the love of your life, and he lives two freaking hours from me. I will visit you so much, you’ll be sick of me. I can find another roommate if I need to. I could always move out there near you if I liked it there enough during my many visits. There are endless possibilities. I may fall in love tomorrow, elope, and kick you out of the apartment anyway. Please, do what feels right as far as your soul mate and nothing else, okay? Remember the sweet, elderly couple from the hospital? The Morrisons? What was it they told you?”
I took a deep, calming breath. “That there are many you could live with, but only one you can’t live without.”
I heard the smile in her voice. “Well, then, if he’s that one, you need to make it happen.”
“Thanks, Ash. Lots to think about, but I feel better. You’re the best, and I promise to work on Kenny for you. Love you. Mean it.”
The first show in Charlotte that night went smooth as usual, with a sold-out crowd at Time Warner Cable arena. Jackson incorporated more movement around the stage now, completely free of the stool, except two slow songs for which he liked to sit. He was able to walk the stage perimeter better and shake more hands, which always gave me the irrational fear that overzealous fans would pull him off stage. I became more comfortable as each concert passed and disaster didn’t strike.
He kept more security lined around the stage than anyone else in country music, according to Rolling Stone’s July issue, which had a nice page devoted to a phone interview they did with Jackson, along with several live concert photos.
At the first show, there were three NASCAR driver VIPs with wives and families, so we stayed extra late in the lounge. The band and Jackson became enraptured by stories of the racing life, and I had to admit, I loved talking to a few of the wives. They dealt with celebrity husbands and groupies themselves, and it made me realize I wasn’t the only one out there with issues. I took several pieces of advice to heart and filed away the fact that groupies shouldn’t personally offend me, as they were equally offensive to lots of other people out there, too.
I filled Jackson in on parts of my conversations with the ladies over our pancake breakfast the next day when my mom called. I almost let it go to voicemail, knowing how hard it could be to get back off the phone with her, but finally decided to answer.
“Hey sweetie,” she started. “Listen, I wanted to tell you I needed a little trip away, so I w
ent to visit my oldest friend Pam. Remember her?”
Of course I did, Mom’s best friend from childhood who moved all over the world with her husband’s military job and visited every few years. “Sure, Mom, that’s great—”
“Well, she lives in Charlotte now. So, here I am, and here you are, too! Will just reminded me of where your tour was, and I realized what a coincidence.”
My jaw hit the table and I literally couldn’t find words as she rambled on a few minutes about how she had arrived at bedtime last night, and they planned to shop this morning. “But, I thought, maybe if you weren’t too busy, we could come by and see you, maybe meet this boyfriend of yours?”
I shook my head, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. “Mom, really? You expect me to believe you didn’t plan this? Why didn’t you tell me last week when we talked? We could have got you tickets and passes. You bombarded me on purpose, didn’t you?”
She sighed. “Honey, I just knew if I told you I wanted to come, you would probably have an excuse or put me off ’til another time. I didn’t want to cause you more work, I just thought I would swing by. Ever since Will showed us that concert footage …” She trailed off with a crack in her voice, and I immediately felt bad.
My parents were not up to date on social media, but Will thought it was awesome, so he showed them one of the YouTube videos of “Shameless” in Murfreesboro. They realized things had become very serious for Jack and I, and they both started acting like protective parents who “needed to meet this boy.”
“I’m sorry, Mom, you’re right. It’s just weird for me to think of y’all meeting Jackson formally—as if I’m back in high school or something. And, our situation is so unconventional, I’m afraid you won’t understand.”
She sniffed and her voice wavered. “I need to see that my girl is okay and make sure this tour isn’t what I see in the terrible movies sometimes. I know I’m being silly, but you’ll understand one day. Will says Jack is a wonderful guy, but I’d like the chance to say that, too.”
“Okay.” I waved to get Jackson’s attention, since he’d given me privacy and gone to work at his computer. “When would you want to come by? You and Pam could hang out and watch us get prepped today and stay for the show?”
Jackson’s eyes widened as he listened to my question, and then he bobbed his head slowly, realization sinking in that he’d meet my mom today.
Mom agreed to the plan with excitement, and Andy would have a pass waiting for her to get into our garage floor at noon. I filled Jackson in on her covert mission while we had a therapy session, and he began to laugh, rolling easily with the surprise.
“She sounds like a really great mom, Lex. She cares about you a lot, and that makes me like her already. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine … though, we may want to keep my bedroom door shut for the tour of the bus and tell them you still occupy the bunk.”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “If she believes that, she really is delusional. But, I guess it’s best to let her pretend.”
When they arrived, I was glad to lay eyes on her and receive her familiar hug. Pam was laid back and gregarious, so there was easy conversation as we gave them a tour of the buses and introduced them to our friends. Jackson had initially let me greet them and spend a few minutes before he emerged from the bus and came to shake hands. I watched the two women’s eyebrows rise with appreciation and toothy smiles plaster on their faces as they took in my extremely handsome boyfriend.
When they had me alone later on, they both giggled like schoolgirls. “You hit the jackpot, Lexie,” Pam squealed.
My mom laughed. “Ha, ha. The jack-pot, good one! He should be in magazines, he’s just gorgeous.”
“Oh, he is,” Pam informed her. “I saw him in People’s Hottest Bachelor issue.”
My neck and cheeks flushed, but I enjoyed all of their praise, especially when they told me they could see and feel how much he cared for me, and they noticed his eyes follow me around a room. Jackson even gave them a shout out during the show, to which I thought they would faint right there side stage with me.
Mom had tears of pride when I came off stage after my dance, and she whispered, “My little girl has really seen all of her dreams come true.”
Graciously, Pam and Mom didn’t stay for the lounge. They were beat from the long day with us by the show’s end. I was grateful she got the chance to know him, and they liked each other immediately. It felt good to be over the anxiety of a first meeting.
The icing on the cake of such a great day was finally breaking in that office chair with Jackson before falling asleep in his arms.
The next morning, Jackson was up and gone from the bus when I pulled myself out of a dreamless sleep. I slipped on sweats and went to look for him in the common area, where others were eating breakfast. Natalie saw him head into the arena doors from the garage, which was strange, since the tour was moving soon. I wandered into the massive hallway, using my tour pass to get by two sets of security as I looked in his dressing room, the lounge, and finally heard soft guitar music from the stage. I found him sitting on the edge of the dark stage, legs dangling, where last night screaming fans had filled the space. His guitar was in his lap, and he was strumming a melancholy tune with his head down.
I sat next to him wordlessly and listened for several minutes while he continued, not acknowledging me. He finally opened his eyes and set the guitar aside. He still didn’t look at me right away and a new fear began to blossom in my belly.
“Sorry if I’m interrupting. I just couldn’t find you this morning, and I was a little worried.” I hated that my voice betrayed my anxiety with a shaky whisper.
He turned his eyes to lock on mine, and I saw clear pain that made me take a sharp breath. “Sometimes I just need space, Lexie.”
He looked tortured, and I reached out to stroke his face. He flinched slightly, and I dropped my hand away. Tears sprung to my eyes. I felt betrayed by his shutting me out.
“Okay, I should have left you alone. I, um, I’ll just go. I’m sorry for whatever you’re going through.”
He rubbed his face, frustrated. As I stood up to leave, he completely avoided my eyes. I walked slowly off the stage, hoping for him to call after me, but instead, I heard the guitar start its lonely melody again. I had no clue what was on his mind, but I prayed it wasn’t second thoughts about me.
Chapter 41
I stood aimlessly, back in the bus, trying to find something to occupy my mind so I wouldn’t lose it. I reverted to the only way I knew to completely distract myself and put the high-level yoga video into the player and blasted my iPod. I prayed that he’d be back soon, or I would go crazy trying to analyze every action and every word. Why had he avoided me?
The cool-down portion of the video started when he came through the door. I jumped up from the floor and watched him from across the room, where he stopped inside the door and stared at me. I wiped sweat from my forehead with my sleeve and tapped my foot nervously as he continued to look me over.
Finally, I moved toward the music to turn it down in case he wanted to say something, but he moved faster and grabbed the iPod. I watched him silently as he scrolled down the songs and selected one. “Wonderful Tonight” burst into the room at the same loud volume, and he completely surprised me by stepping forward and pulling me into his arms for a slow dance. It took me back to dancing on the riverboat months ago with a man I was just getting to know and for whom I was trying desperately not to fall.
All of my anxiety and questions faded away as I melted into his arms. He led me in slow circles with strong arms holding me tight, gripping for dear life. He nestled his head on top of mine and stroked my back, not caring that I really needed a shower. I had my Jackson back. He had a past, he had some issues, but he was mine. I loved him; that was all that mattered.
When the song ended, he turned off the music and led me to the couch, where we sat facing each other. His expression showed a different pain this time, and his forehead wrinkl
ed with worry.
“Oh, the look in your eyes when you left the stage … I’m so sorry. Please don’t think my bad mood had anything to do with you. Please don’t doubt how I feel about you.”
I cleared my throat and said honestly, “I did, for a moment. I hoped it wasn’t me that you were conflicted about.” I glanced away.
He grabbed my chin and pulled it back so I would look at him. “I want to see those green eyes, baby.”
“Hazel,” I whispered, and he chuckled before sighing.
“Never. It would never be about how I feel for you, okay? Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I shut down and need some time.”
“Is it because you met my mom and you were freaked out?”
“No.” He grabbed my hands. “It doesn’t scare me a bit to meet your mom, or to think about things being more serious with you. But, it probably did start with your mom being here.”
Now I was confused and raised one eyebrow.
“It reminded me of how much I miss my mom. How I won’t get to introduce you to her. How unfair life is sometimes. She would adore you.”
Realization dawned. He’d been thinking of Caroline. I nodded, trying to gauge if he needed me to talk or listen.
He continued, “I know its bullshit and I’m blessed in so many ways, and I need to be thankful for what I do have. I know that. But, part of me is still angry that she was taken away. Angry that she suffered so long. Angry for the things we continue to miss sharing with her. It never goes away completely. I try to hide it, until it boils over. And then, I act like an ass.”
“It is not bullshit, Jackson. It’s how you feel, and you have that right. No one can judge your pain or what you went through. You’re allowed to be angry, to be moody sometimes, and to ask for space.”
He looked at me, stunned. “You’re defending me? After the way I acted?”
Muse: ( Groupie Volume 2 of 2) Page 25