by Nikki Ash
When I shoot a path of banana peels at her, Bowser goes flying all over and Charlie huffs in annoyance. It’s adorable how serious she’s taking this game. With only one lap to go, I know I have her beat, and she must know it too, because she leans over and tries to swipe the controller out of my hand. I’m too quick, though, and she falls to the side, her controller dropping to the ground. I let go of mine, and grabbing her by the waist, I start tickling her ribs.
“Tristan, stop!” she tries to say but it comes out muffled from her laughing so hard. I continue tickling her. Her laughter is loud and melodic and it has me grinning at how fucking beautiful she looks right now—happy and carefree as if she doesn’t have a single worry in the world.
“Oh my god! Please!” her laughter continues and I finally stop.
“You’re a damn cheater!” I chuckle while she struggles to catch her breath. I quickly grab my controller to finish the race and she does the same.
We get to the finish line and I consider slowing down to let her win, but my competitive side wins out and I cross the line slightly before her. Charlie dramatically drops her head in defeat and says, “Damn it. I was so close.” I glance over at her and she looks genuinely upset, and the kiss I was excited for minutes ago doesn’t feel much like a prize anymore. It does, however, answer my question as to whether she feels the way I do, which is clearly a big fat no.
“Umm…I need some more to drink.” She grabs her glass and hightails it out of the room before I can even tell her I’m not about to make her pay up. I shouldn’t have made that bet in the first place. I should only want Charlie to kiss me because she wants to, not because of some elementary school style bet we made.
While she’s in there, my mind shifts to the last woman I wanted who didn’t want me back. I never pushed Bella to be with me, but I know she knew how I felt. She knew I wanted more but she didn’t reciprocate those feelings. Then thoughts of Gina pop into my head. The way she begged and pleaded for something I wanted no part of. I have learned over the years you can’t make someone want you. There’s nothing Gina could’ve done that would’ve changed my mind. And as far as Bella goes, I never begged her to be with me and I’m sure as hell not going to beg this woman for anything. She’s already all over the place as it is. The last thing I need is to get involved with someone who isn’t all in and in the end hurting my daughter.
When Charlie returns a few minutes later, her glass is filled back up. She doesn’t make eye contact with me and it confirms my decision to let the bet go. I shoot a text to Mason asking him how late he’ll be so I can get Charlie home. His response is immediate.
Mason: I know it’s been awhile but don’t worry, your dick will come back up soon and you’ll last longer the next time.
Fucking asshole.
Me: It’s not like that. Lexi fell asleep and I don’t want Charlie taking a cab back to her place.
Mason: I’ll try to make it quick but I can’t make any promises. Great stamina and all that.
“Mason said he should be home in a little bit. Want to watch something on the television?” I’m already grabbing the remote and flipping through the channels before Charlie answers.
“Sure.” She takes another sip of her drink and then gets situated on the couch. Note to self: This is why I don’t bring women here around Lexi. Because it’s awkward as fuck when I can’t take them home.
It’s Saturday night so of course there’s nothing on but reruns of crap television. I find an old episode of Vampire Diaries on, and leave it there. My sisters love this stupid show. Charlie drinks some more of her screwdriver while silently watching the show for a few minutes when I feel the couch sink next to me, Charlie scooting closer.
“Did I do something wrong, Tristan?” she whispers softly. I turn to face her, and she has a look of dejection in her eyes I want to take away. I want to worship her body until she knows just how wanted she is. How could she even think that? She was the one upset about the prospect of having to kiss me. Jesus, I sound like a fucking whiny kid right now.
“No.” I shake my head. “You didn’t do anything. I shouldn’t have made that bet.”
Charlie frowns then shocks the shit out of me when she slowly climbs into my lap. Her thick lashes hide her gorgeous eyes as she looks down shyly. “Because you don’t really want to kiss me?”
Has she lost her fucking mind? Who the fuck wouldn’t want to kiss her? My eyes dart to her plump lips wondering how delicious they would taste. Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe she does want me.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to kiss you.” My thumb rubs across her bottom lip feeling the softness. I haven’t even touched her and my dick is already hard. She parts her lips, darting her tongue out to lick my thumb, taking it into her mouth and sucking on it softly before releasing it. I smell the alcohol on her breath, sweet and cold like lemonade on a hot summer day. It would be so easy to drink her up, savoring every last drop, but no matter how badly I want this woman to hydrate me, nothing can happen. The alcohol on her breath confirms that. It’s more than likely giving her false confidence she wouldn’t have if she was sober.
“I wanted to paint Lexi’s room for her,” she pouts. I’m not sure why the hell she wants to paint my daughter’s room so badly but with the look she’s giving me right now, she can paint this whole damn house if it means she’ll never have that look of disappointment on her face again.
“Kiss me, Tristan,” she murmurs, “Please.” Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, forcing me to lose all resolve.
Pulling her close, my lips brush hers once, twice. They’re soft and sugary just like I knew they would be. She sighs in contentment, her lips parting just enough for my tongue to push into her open mouth. My tongue swirling with hers, sending me on a sugar high from her taste alone. Her hands come up to my neck and she breaks the kiss, her lips moving to place open-mouthed kisses along my jawline and down my neck. My hands move down, squeezing the globes of her ass through her denim and pulling her in closer. Needing more contact. One damn taste and this woman already has me addicted.
The door swings open and Charlie jumps—my hands holding her in place.
“Did I misunderstand the text? Was it an invitation? If you wanted to have a threesome you should’ve told me. I would have come back a hell of a lot sooner.”
Groaning, I drop my head to Charlie’s chest. I can’t see her but I can feel her silent laughter shaking throughout her body.
“Let’s get you home.”
Charlie climbs off me—her cheeks tinted pink from the embarrassment of Mason walking in on us—and grabs her sweater from the chair, throwing it back on.
“I’ll be back,” I tell Mason, closing the door behind us, thankful I stopped drinking after my first large sip. Otherwise, Mason would have to take her home for me.
The quick drive to Charlie’s apartment is silent. The sexual tension palpable. It would be so easy to get wrapped up in this woman—in her warmth. But then what? She has secrets she doesn’t trust me with yet. Now that she’s no longer in my house, on my lap, I’m able to think with the right head—and I can’t let a woman in my life—into my daughter’s life—who isn’t all in. But at the same time, I can’t be with her with no strings attached. Most red-blooded males would throw caution to the wind, but that’s not who I am. It’s not how I was raised, and I can’t in good conscience allow this woman to become some notch on my belt, no matter how much I want her. I meant it when I said she needs to be handled with care. I don’t care what her occupation is, I’m not about to treat her like a piece of ass. I need to proceed slowly and hope over time she’ll trust me enough to let me in.
I pull up to her loft and she gives me a quick smile then opens the door. This time I grab her hand, not letting her get away. “Can I walk you up?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She frowns slightly and I want to argue as the image of her in my lap, us kissing, then her kissing down my face and neck, runs on replay. And fuck, do I want
her. Now that I’ve had a preview of what it could be between us, I need the full-length version.
“Okay.” I nod in understanding. Then I add, “Go out with me.”
She looks at me incredulously. “Are you serious?” She’s asking me a question but the way she asks feels like she’s not really asking.
“Umm…yeah?”
“Are you not sure?”
“No…I mean…yes! I’m sure. Fuck! You’re driving me crazy.” I shake my head completely lost in this conversation, chuckling under my breath.
“Go out with me,” I say again. “I want to get to know you. Please. One date.”
She takes a deep breath, looking torn.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“You asked me to keep my occupation away from Lexi. Then you invite me over. You bet me for a kiss. And when we pulled up here you asked to walk me up. Now you’re asking me out. If you are hoping for a quick lay, I’m not that woman, Tristan. I can’t be that woman, but at the same time I can’t be anything more.” The last part comes out in a whisper. This woman isn’t making any sense. She doesn’t want to be a quick lay, yet she can’t be more?
“I never should’ve said what I said to you. I told you I wasn’t judging you while I was judging you. I’m sorry. I don’t care that you’re a stripper. I know there’s more to you than that, and I don’t want you for a quick fuck.” She flinches at the word fuck. “I know we just met but I want to get to know you.”
Charlie bites down on her bottom lip, slowly releasing it. “You would seriously be okay with dating a woman who takes her clothes off”—I’m liking that visual—“and gives guys lap dances for money?” Jesus! Now I have a visual of her dancing topless for other men. And then a sobering thought hits me…how would I ever compete with all of those guys she meets every night? I can’t…I won’t…and I’ll just end up in the same situation I was in with Bella and Gina.
She doesn’t even let me answer before she says, “It was really great hanging out with you and Lexi today, but I don’t think us taking this…whatever this is…any further is a good idea.” She leans over and gives me a chaste kiss on my cheek before jumping out of my truck and running up to her loft, not once looking back, and I think to myself that maybe it’s for the best. But somewhere deep inside of me, thinks the opposite, like I just missed out on something that could’ve been amazing.
I get back to the apartment and Mason is in the living room playing Mario Cart. “I forgot all about this game. I used to play this when I was little, but when it was on the Super Nintendo. Remember that one?”
“Yeah, I do. I used to go over to Bella’s and play.” I grab the controller and Mason starts the game over again.
“How’d it go? You two looked hot and heavy when I walked in. Your text made it sound like it was a dud.” Instead of playing the racing game, he chooses battle mode and selects the course.
“She’s all over the place, man. Hot and cold. I don’t know. Maybe it’s me.” I shoot off a red turtle and it pops one of Mason’s balloons.
“How would you even know it’s you? You’ve never given a woman the time of day. Every few months, you meet a woman, fuck her, then never call her again. The only women you talk to on a regular basis are Bella, your sisters, and your mom.” Mason’s guy shoots three green turtles at me and my balloon pops.
“Coming from the ultimate manwhore himself.” I pop another one of his balloons.
“I didn’t say you were a manwhore. I know what I am and I own up to that shit. I don’t want to settle down. I don’t want a family.” He pops another one of my balloons. “I don’t want kids or the white picket fence or any of that bullshit. But that’s me. You, on the other hand—” My last balloon pops and my guy wipes out in defeat. I chuck the controller to the floor, suddenly feeling way too annoyed over a stupid video game. Mason turns to face me and he looks more serious than I’ve ever seen him. “You want that shit. You wanted it with Bella, and you wanted it with Gina.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I stand up and Mason does as well.
“Before you made the decision to play hero with Bella, you were dating Gina. The words ‘I love you’ were used. The only reason why you pushed her away was because she was heavy into drugs and then she got caught on her knees giving her dealer a blow job. Everyone has a hard limit and yours is betrayal. She betrayed you.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is, you love with all your goddamned heart. You loved Gina and you loved Bella, both of which didn’t deserve you. You moved me in with you even though I’m a pain in your ass, and you give Lexi every part of you. You love with every piece of you and you got fucked! Bella fucked you over and so did Gina. It’s easy to love Lexi because she can’t hurt you, and me, I’m just your best friend. We’re safe.”
Mason stares at me and I don’t know what to say. He’s right. I’ve spent the last five years acting like I don’t care but I do. Bella apologized and I took her back as my friend but I never really got over how deep her betrayal cut me. Gina walked away from Lexi and I pretended to shake it off, all the while hating her for hurting my daughter. I never imagined this is how my life would end up. I want everything Mason says he doesn’t. I want the family and the kids and the white picket fucking fence. I want what my parents have, but both women I gave my heart to didn’t give a fuck about anyone but their damn selves.
I don’t blame Bella. She never asked for my heart. But it still fucking hurt. And Gina…fuck! I would’ve forgiven her for running to Marco, telling him he was the father of Bella’s baby, but then she had to go and fuck her dealer. After not being enough for Bella, Gina choosing her drug dealer over me was just too much. I thought maybe she would get it together once she found out she was pregnant, but in the end she chose drugs over her own kid. What mother does that? A selfish one who doesn’t deserve to have her daughter in her life. And I got my wish, her the fuck out of Lexi’s life, but at what cost? What happens one day when Lexi asks about her mom? How do I explain the woman who gave birth to her didn’t love her enough to stick around?
“I don’t want Gina or Bella.”
Mason chuckles, shaking his head. “Thank fuck because that’s not where I was going with this. My point is, you keeping women at arm’s length at the chance it could be more will never get you and Lexi that family you want. You’re so scared you guys will get hurt, you don’t even give a woman a chance to show you she won’t hurt you. You’re always one step ahead waiting for it to happen.”
“Because it did happen!”
“Yeah, it did. About time you admit it.”
“I let Charlie in today.”
“Yeah, after you treated her like shit because she’s a dancer and then giving her crap for showing up late. Then you let her run away when the ice cream place was closed. I bet you didn’t even get her number when you dropped her off.” Mason lifts a knowing brow.
Fuck, he’s right. “No, I didn’t. And you know why? I wasn’t enough for Bella. I wasn’t enough for Gina. Both of them turned to someone else. And Charlie spends every day entertaining a variety of men. I would never be enough for her! She’ll eventually turn to someone else as well. And on top of that, she’s hiding shit. I can’t fucking deal with another woman fucking me over!”
“You’ve known the woman for like a minute. And instead of giving her a chance to open up to you, you’d rather condemn her now. Stick her into the box with Bella and Gina. And who the fuck cares if she’s a stripper! Everyone needs to pay their bills. Stop making excuses. She could be the one and you aren’t even giving her a chance. Give her a fucking chance.”
“So, does all this advice mean you’re considering settling down?” I laugh, dropping down to the couch and scrubbing my hands over my face. Mason drops down next to me.
“Nah, it’s not for me, man. Relationships mean trusting someone else to make you happy. You have to compromise and sacrifice a piece of yourself to give to someone else in order for t
hem to be happy. I just don’t have it in me.” Mason shrugs. “I can’t be in charge of someone else’s happiness.”
He stands up and heads down the hallway. As I watch him walk away, I wonder if he has any idea how many times he’s taken from himself to give to Lexi and me. How many days he’s made plans but changed them because of me and my daughter. I wonder if he has any idea how much he’s contributed to my daughter’s and my happiness. I consider pointing it out to him but don’t. One day the right woman will come along and he will give himself to her freely and it won’t be called compromise or sacrifice…it will be called love.
Nine
Charlie
It’s been three days since I drowned my sorrows in alcohol at Tristan’s house, tried to jump his bones, and then told him us going on a date wouldn’t be a good idea. The man probably thinks I’m freaking nuts, and I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest. I’m off Sundays and Mondays from the club so I’ve had plenty of time on my hands to fantasize about the man. Only in every fantasy, I give us the ending I wish we would’ve had. The one where Mason doesn’t walk in and Tristan takes me right there on the couch. Okay, if I’m honest, I might have had one…maybe two fantasies where Mason walks in and they both take me. What? I’m a woman who has had subpar sex my entire life. Let me live through my fantasies at least.
I spoke to my therapist about what happened during our session yesterday and she seems pleased with my progress. Eight months ago, I sat in her office swearing I would never be sexual with a man ever again. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting sex. Justin was the second guy I was with. The first was the cliché prom night hook up with my boyfriend of three months. He had no idea what he was doing and neither did I. He took my virginity, the entire exchange lasting five minutes at most, and two weeks later we parted ways to go off to college.
My senior year of college I met Justin. Six months later, we had sex and it was okay but not something a girl would write home about…if her parents were alive…and wanted to hear about her sex life. I’ve never orgasmed during sex but I read that’s normal. I looked it up and several articles state over seventy percent of women don’t orgasm through penetration alone. I know I can orgasm through masturbation since I’ve done it myself, but Justin never cared enough to bring me to an orgasm. Sex with my husband went from okay to robotic and eventually it was so bad, I would just tune it out completely. Most of the time we had sex, he would finish in mere minutes not even caring if I came.