by C. A. Rene
What the hell is going on with me?
Chapter thirteen
Dixon
I think I’m fucked in the head. No, I know I’m seriously fucked in the head.
I bang the back of my head off my headrest and look out of my car window. His vehicle isn’t in the driveway and this is the second day in a row. Yes, I am sitting in my car outside of Sebastian’s house and I am hoping to talk to him about shit. Try to smooth out the waters further and maybe make this whole experience less tumultuous. But he hasn’t been home since Thursday and it’s now Friday night without any sight of him. Our first game is on Sunday.
I could ask Zeal for his number but then he’d have mine, and that’s not something I’m comfortable with. Besides, what the hell would I say? I’m stalking your house, where the fuck are you? Hey, I know you raped me not too long ago but I’m hoping we can talk? Yeah, see? I’m fucked in the head. I don’t like the fact that he hates me for no reason, I can’t seem to wrap my head around it, and there’s something in me that needs to fix that. That’s not to say I’ve forgotten about the rape but it’s something I work hard to forget and I don’t want to be reminded of it whenever I see him.
Is that typical victim shit? I don’t know. I just know myself and I’m over it, I’ve learned what I can from the situation. I won’t ever be taken advantage of again, not without killing someone, and that’s just facts. I don’t want to feel like a victim and I’m not weak because of what happened, I want to move on. Does he deserve consequences? Yes. Will I make sure he gets them? I don’t know.
I pull away from the curb and head back home. I wish there were something besides working out that could take my mind off shit. I haven’t taken the time to really get to know my teammates yet and my family is back in Baltimore. A heavy ache takes over and I feel the loneliness start to seep in, this is new. I’ve never been one to feel alone, I like being alone, and usually I have a hard time forming bonds. My life has been work on top of hard work, grind only to grind harder, and long-term relationships take time. Something I’ve never had much of.
I guess this all means I’m lonely and for once in my life I’m craving connections. It’s in this moment that I wonder what a relationship with my brother would’ve been like or if I did have that one best friend that lingered throughout high school until now. Danny also sees me as a threat, he despises my need to ensure he’s safe, and instead calls me out as a mama’s boy. My high school career consisted of me playing football, training for football, and sleeping. No time was spent on fostering lifelong friendships. Now that my life goal is resting in the palm of my hand, I realize I’ve done myself an injustice.
I pull into my driveway and pull out my cell phone, scrolling until I find Zeal’s name way down at the bottom of my list, and hitting send before I change my mind.
“North!” his voice booms, “what’s up, man?” I can hear voices in the background and it sounds a lot like a few of the players.
“Nothin’ really,” I swallow down my pride that’s begging me to hang up, “I just need to get out of my head about our first game.”
“Get your ass over to my place!” he laughs, “I would’ve sent you a text earlier but I didn’t get the vibe that you were a poker guy.”
“Poker?” I ask, “oh, no, I don’t play cards but fuck, I’ll watch.”
“Sounds good.” He chuckles, “grab beer, too!”
After grabbing the beer, I punch his address into the GPS, and head over to his place. Zeal’s house is a different scene than the party at Sebastian’s. I can hear the music, but it’s at a lower decibel, and there are no half-naked ladies falling out of the front door. I pull up on the street outside of his house and whistle low under my breath. The house is actually a mansion and about three times bigger than what I’m staying in right now. Fuck, it’s ten times bigger than what my mother and brother are living in right now and that’s after I got them out of the projects.
I get out of the vehicle and walk up the driveway, the beat of the music becoming louder with each step. The sun set about an hour earlier but the sky is still lined with the reds and oranges and it casts a nice glow over Zeal’s beige stucco exterior. The door opens before I even reach the top step and a grinning Dex stands there with a handful of cards.
“I told the fuckers to call you.”
“What’s up, man?” I clasp his free hand in mine, “you winning?”
“Nah,” he laughs, “I’m telling you Zeal and Alonso are fucking cheating.”
I laugh along with him and follow him to a large dining room, the table lined with football players. The tabletop is covered in chips and beer bottles, the center pot looking large.
“Whoever wins that,” I point at the pile, “is taking me out on a date.”
The guys laugh and catcall as I dump the beer into an iced cooler at Zeal’s feet. I pop one open for myself and watch as the guys scream at each other over bets. Finally, it comes down to Zeal and Dex, and I can see the three of a kind in Zeal’s hand. Zeal is sure of himself and shoves the rest of his chips into the center, keeping a smug grin on his face. Dex gnaws on his bottom lip and looks between his hand and the chips.
“Give it up, man.” Zeal taunts.
Dex slams down his cards and screams at the top of his lungs, “flush, motherfucker!”
This is exactly what I’ve been needing and I wipe the thought of Sebastian Avando out of my mind.
Sebastian
“That’s him?” I ask Delano sitting in the passenger seat. I point out the guy leaving the convenience store.
“Yeah,” he nods, his eyes hardening in anger, “that’s Johnny.”
When I got here, I heard Delano’s little sister was drugged and raped at this Johnny bitch’s house, and that shit doesn't fly around here. You don’t mess with our family and when you decide to ignore the warnings, you deal with the consequences.
“That guy, too?” I point to another guy sitting in the driver’s seat of a car Johnny is getting into.
“Yeah, that’s Carlos. He’s fresh out of the pen.”
“He’s gonna wish he stayed in.” I growl and pull off the curb to follow them.
The streets are quiet this late at night because people know once the sun goes down in Edgerton, they should stay in their homes. I grew up here, watched my mother suck dick on the streets here, and I was raised by those very streets here. There are only two rules to abide by: Mind your business and don’t disrespect. It’s easy.
Delano and I were brought in at the same time and both of us were real young. I decided I liked money and a lot of it, so I went off to make something of myself. Delano decided he liked dealing drugs and running the streets, I don’t judge him for that. It’s what I would be doing too if I didn’t have the skills to play football. Around here, you do what you can to survive and you make sure you’re never on the bottom.
Delano’s little sister just dropped out of high school. It’s a shame but it happens to many here, especially when there’s no prospect with a diploma, and money is needed more than reading a book. Jayla decided that becoming a prostitute was easy money and a great way to help her family out, again, no judgements. She worked a party for Johnny and he decided that she and another girl would be fun to rape.
Delano and his family are my family and these fuckers disrespected that. I have a reputation to uphold and I can’t let this slide. The streets of Edgerton know me well and they know I’m ruthless. This is my home and if these pieces of shit think they can come into it and disrespect me, they got another thing coming. The light ahead of their car turns red and the car stops as I bring mine up to a roll beside theirs. I roll down my window and lean my arm out, my gun tapping on the metal.
Johnny looks from my gun to me and I must give him credit, he barely flinches.
“Sup?” he juts out his chin.
He doesn’t know me, I know that, but it still pisses me off, these are my motherfucking streets.
“Shit,” Carlos leans over and
chuckles, “you’re that football player, from the Bills, right?”
“Yeah,” I smirk.
“We should get autographs,” Carlos says to Johnny who’s trying to see further into the interior of my car. If he spots Delano, he’ll know what’s up.
The light turns green and both cars stay still, we’re the only ones on the street anyway. I look at Johnny as I continue to tap my gun, waiting to see the move he makes, and hoping I get to see his blood tonight. The blow I had earlier is starting to wear off and I can feel the numbness receding, my anger taking its place. These two wannabe gangbangers think they look tough, they don’t know what it’s like to be chased down, and I would bet they have never had a gun held to their heads. That changes tonight.
Finally, Carlos points out a parking lot just beyond the light - which has turned red again - and he still has a weird goofy smile on his face. The fucker is not bright at all. I pull through the red, still no cars in sight, and Carlos follows suit. We pull into a plaza parking lot and I recognize the laundromat as one of the first places I ever robbed. I park across three spots and Carlos parks a space behind me. I roll up my tinted windows and look at Delano.
“Stay in here for about two minutes. If they see you right away, they’ll know what’s up, and ditch out.” He nods, his eyes wide and I snort at him, “you scared?”
“Nah,” he is.
“I want this done fast and clean, we got a party to get back to.”
He nods again and keeps an eye on his side view mirror as Carlos and Johnny get out of the car. Johnny is tucking something into the back waistband of his jeans and I grin knowing he’ll never get a chance to use it. The man is at least smarter than his friend by carrying a gun, but it won’t help him tonight.
I get out of the Hummer, tucking my own piece into my side, and pull my jacket closed to hide it. Both guys are sitting on the hood of their car and Carlos pops out a doobie, readying up for a chill session.
“What brings you back?” Johnny asks me and I can’t help but chuckle.
“You do know me.”
“Yeah,” I see his eyes shift to the side, he knows exactly who I am.
“Came back to see my boys,” I lean against the back of my vehicle, facing them. “It’s going to get busy soon.”
“You gonna win something this year?” Carlos laughs and the sound makes me want to cut his throat open.
“We’ll see,” I shrug.
It takes a few seconds, but I see the perfect moment when Carlos lights his joint and Johnny turns his head to watch. I snap forward, smashing my fist into Carlos’ face, and pulling my gun on Johnny in the same beat. Johnny’s eyes are wide as he begins to stand.
“Don’t move.” I snarl, “I have a few questions for you two.”
I hear my passenger door open and then Delano’s footsteps as he comes towards the back. Johnny watches him and his eyes narrow as Delano gets closer.
“You know my boy, Delano?” I ask Johnny while keeping an eye on a moaning Carlos. He’s clutching his bleeding nose and laying on the car’s hood.
“Yeah,” he sneers. “Why’d you guys put the jump on us?”
“You know his sister?” I cock my gun, “Jayla?”
“Nah,” he answers quickly, a little too quickly.
“You sure?” I nudge his temple with the barrel and watch him swallow, “I heard you threw a party for your boy here for getting out of the pen.” I jut my chin towards Carlos, “thought maybe he’d want some pussy, am I right?”
Johnny just shrugs but his pallor is a tad bit green.
“What were you inside for?” I kick Carlos’ foot and he glares at me.
“Aggravated rape.” His voice sounds nasally from his broken nose.
“Well, that’s interesting,” I look at Johnny with my brow raised. “Delano, tell them what you told me.”
“My sister Jayla was asked to do a job, a party at your place.” He stares at Johnny, “she told me that you held her down and let him,” he juts his chin towards Carlos, “and a few others rape her. Then you raped her after.”
Johnny’s jaw tightens but he keeps his mouth shut and eyes on my gun.
“Her face is bruised and she can barely walk!” Delano screams and his voice echoes around us. No matter what noises are heard tonight, no one will come to investigate, they know better.
“She’s alive, no?” Carlos yells back and that snaps my patience. I swing my gun to his head and pull the trigger. He falls backward onto the car hood, his chest not moving, and I exhale my tension. So much better.
Johnny hasn’t taken his eyes off me, he knows what’s about to happen, and I must say, he’s fucking braver than I gave him credit for. I toss my gun to Delano and fix my jacket.
“Quick and clean,” I remind him as I turn my back and walk to the driver’s door.
I can hear Johnny trying to talk Delano out of it but the sound of the gunshot has me smiling as I get inside the vehicle. Delano rushes inside and I can see sweat all over his forehead.
“Relax,” I tell him as I pull out of the parking lot, “give me my piece.”
He drops my gun into my hand and I drive us back to the party we were at when he told me what happened to his sister. I pull up to an old run-down building, the music loud, and people loitering around the place. It’s an old, abandoned school that we’ve turned into our party spot.
“We should’ve taken them somewhere else, I’ve never done that in the open before,” he says to me and I nod. I get it, he’s worried about going away.
“Everything is okay.” I roll my eyes and hit his shoulder, “have I ever lied to you?”
“No,” he smiles, “I owe you one, brother.”
“Nah, that’s what family’s for.” Then I remember there is something small he can do for me. “Do you know anyone from Baltimore?”
“Nah,” he shakes his head, “but Chappy might.” Chappy is better known as Roger Chapman and he’s a drug runner who operates between here and Detroit.
I reach into my pocket and pull out my wallet. I search through it until I find the scuffed-up card. “Can you ask him if he knows this kid?”
“Yeah,” he nods, “he looks tough.”
“He probably is. I need info by this week and don’t lose that, I’ll want it back.”
“No problem.” He tucks it into his pocket.
“A’ight,” I wave for him to get out, “I’ll be in in a bit.”
I watch as he gets out of the Hummer and walks up to the building, his shoulders a bit straighter. I handed him back his balls tonight; I knew he was starting to feel complacent here. Our turf is protected well and we haven’t had to do shit like we did tonight in a long time.
With my rage settled once again, I get out of the vehicle, and head to the party. I bet North is sitting at home and jacking himself off to the thought of me.
Chapter fourteen
Dixon
He went home to Rochester for the weekend. I heard him talking to Jameson and Ortiz about it and I couldn’t help but listen. He said he got some shit done and reminded people of who runs Edgerton’s streets. I’ve heard of Edgerton and how rough those streets are and I can see why Sebastian is the way he is. He needs to be the one running shit and he likes reminding people that he’s at the top. It makes me want to dig into his life and find out what he was like as a kid.
I’ve been watching him during warmups and practice but he has yet to look my way. I don’t know why I care, I shouldn’t, and even though I keep telling myself that, my eyes wander back to him.
“North!” Dex calls out and Sebastian’s eyes finally land on mine. I quickly look away and nod at Dex. “Poker tonight?”
“You know I can’t play that shit.” I laugh, “and you still owe me a steak dinner.”
I’ve been watching him all morning and wondering why he wasn’t looking at me, now I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.
“Tonight baby!” Dex hollers and claps his hands like he’s making it rain
.
There’s a nervous energy throughout the team but for the most part we’re calm and anticipating a good game. I know I’ll be tired as fuck tonight when the game is over but if we win, that adrenaline will take over, and a party will be great for morale. If we lose, it’ll be a great pick up.
“I’m in.” I laugh.
A breeze kicks up across the field and I can smell autumn coming in. It’s in the air like the smell of damp leaves and freshly mowed grass. I love autumn for the cooler weather and the football season. This was always my favorite time of the year because it got me out of my house and out of my troubles. I never focused on the rent being late, or Danny not turning up at home, and I never had to think of what we would be scraping together to eat that night; it was just me and the field every day.
Coach yells at us to begin our stretches so that we’re limber for this evening and I cross to center field. I need a bit of alone time to sink into the proper headspace for the game, I like to reach inside and grasp that need that’s always simmering just below the surface; and let it consume me for that short period. The crunch of grass sounding behind me has me pausing and looking over my shoulder to find Sebastian following close at my back.
He gives me a small smirk and I roll my eyes, continuing to center field. I can’t deny how my heart begins racing and my stomach is swirling, knowing he’s behind me. It’s silly and completely confusing, these feelings all so foreign to me. I’m not sure what it is, fear, uncertainty, wariness, and yes, even excitement. I don’t know how this one man can bring out so many emotions and I can’t fucking figure out what it means. It perplexes the shit out of me and when I’m in those lost, confused moments, I can’t seem to control my actions.
I sit down on the grass and stretch my legs out in front of me, I concentrate more on my legs considering how much they’re used throughout the game. Sebastian plops down beside me and mimics my stretch, bending forward to touch his toes. He long ditched his shirt halfway through practice and I watch as his back muscles - completely saturated in ink - stretch, the parts of his skin exposed are a dark terracotta.