Amanda's Hope

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by Indiana Wake


  “You are engaged to him?”

  “No. Nothing has been said.” She sighed and seemed to relax, maybe because the dreaded conversation had finally begun. “But I know my father well enough to know what’s coming. He wants to be a big wig in Oregon and some link to the Walton family will help him achieve that. I am no more than a chess piece. A pawn.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Now you understand why I have such sympathy for Thomas Graine.”

  “I think I already had some idea. An idea that went beyond you father’s interference in your choice of employment.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I know it’s none of my business and you certainly don’t owe me any explanations, but do you have any interest at all in this man?”

  “Garth Walton?” she said incredulously. “No. He is the dullest and rudest man I’ve met. He behaves like a pig unless he is in front of my father. Not that my father would care.”

  “Forgive me.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. And I would be glad to know that you thought it your business. I want it to be your business.”

  “I want it to be my business, too,” he said and reached out to take her hand. “I know we have only just met, but I can’t say we hardly know each other, because I believe we do, Amanda. I think I felt more in common with you in those few minutes after the play than I have felt with anybody before. That’s the kind of thing which shouldn’t be ignored.”

  “Apart from Bess, you are my only real friend. Please don’t turn away, will you?”

  “How could I?” he said and squeezed her hand.

  Despite the awfulness of her situation, to know that she felt for him what he felt for her lifted his spirits. The river babbled along, rushing over stones and creating its own little melody, and he closed his eyes briefly to enjoy the sudden feeling of harmony. He knew it was foolhardy, for if her circumstances really were as bad as they seemed, harmony for the two of them was going to be in short supply.

  “It won’t be easy to keep finding each other,” she said.

  “But it won’t be impossible either.” He looked up and down the riverbank before pulling her towards him. He embraced her, wanting to kiss her but knowing it was too soon. “Perhaps I could get messages to you through Bess?”

  “Oh yes, she is my most trusted ally.”

  “Then, you keep reading and I will keep writing for you. Even if we only see each other on Fridays, I will just be glad to know you’re in my life.” He wanted to do something rash; he wanted to drop down to one knee, propose, and whisk her away from Oregon without a backwards glance.

  But for the very reason he didn’t kiss her, he kept quiet; it was too soon. She would refuse him.

  “I’ll tell Bess to look out for you. Her family aren’t like mine; they aren’t watchful and mistrusting. They aren’t controlling. My dear friend is a free woman.”

  “I wish we could just stay here,” he murmured into her hair.

  “So do I, but I have to go now. If I don’t, my father will be wondering.”

  “I understand,” he said and released her, grasping her hand at the last moment, raising it to his lips and kissing the soft skin.

  She smiled at him, pleased for his affection, and he knew he would very soon be in love with her; if he wasn’t already, of course.

  “Friday,” he said firmly. “It is only two days away and I will come up with something. I’ll find Bess.”

  “Friday,” she said in a whisper before rising on tiptoes to gently kiss his cheek.

  And with that, she was gone, hurrying away down the riverbank as he stood staring after her, the feel of her lips still tingling on his cheek.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Walk with me, Bess. I don’t want to risk being seen and having no explanation. As far as my folks are concerned, I’m with you all day.”

  “It’s not a complete lie. You’re starting off here before you run away for your few minutes with Joe.” Bess chuckled wickedly. “Make your few minutes count.”

  “Don’t! You’ll make me blush, for goodness sake!” Amanda’s voice was shrill and full of excitement.

  “I am trying to,” Bess went on triumphantly before tucking a stray strand of shining chestnut hair behind Amanda’s ear. “You look lovely.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t want to overdo it. My mama can be a bit curious sometimes. And anyway, it’s only a walk in the woods.”

  “So romantic!” Bess was thoroughly enjoying herself.

  “Bess, behave!” Amanda couldn’t stop smiling. “Goodness, I feel like a silly girl instead of a fully-grown woman.”

  “Good, it’s about time you experienced that excitement,” Bess said firmly. “You really care for him, don’t you?” she went on in a gentler tone.

  “I really do. I’ve never felt this way before, and I know I’ll never feel anything for Garth Walton.”

  “Don’t ruin your day with any thoughts of that arrogant swine.” Ever since Amanda had told Bess about Garth’s behavior in the diner, her dear friend had denounced him entirely.

  He was no longer on Bess’ list of the handsome young men of Oregon, for his crude behavior had apparently made him ugly in every way. Amanda had almost cried with emotion; nobody in the world stood in her corner like Bess Lawler did. Handsome men could be declared ugly in the blink of an eye, and all for loyalty and friendship.

  “I just wish I had known Joe longer. Maybe I would know if he would ever want to…. Well….”

  “Marry you?” Bess said in a whisper.

  “Does that sound naïve?”

  “No.”

  “I only met him a few weeks ago and we’ve seen little enough of each other, but I can’t help the way I feel. I feel as if I have come to know him so quickly. Reading his work has made me feel so close to him.”

  “Have you fallen in love with him?”

  “Yes,” Amanda said, relieved somehow to have it known, if only to Bess. “At first I thought I was just looking for a savior; someone to take me away from the hell of having no choice. But now I know it’s so much more than that. Joe is a very special man and a very clever one. His work is beautiful, and I never thought I’d meet a man I could talk to the way we talk. He’s like a dream come true.”

  “I expect he feels the same way.”

  “Oh Bess, I do love you! But you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

  “That’s true, but I also mean it. Think about it, Amanda; who does he talk to about his book? About his old studies in Salem? His friends? His father? Any one of a hundred ranchers or farmers who have no interest in that kind of thing? No. I think he’s found his match as much as you’ve found yours. Now come on, or he will be standing alone in the middle of the woods thinking you’ve changed your mind,” Bess said, her hands on her hips throughout.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The approach to the woods was not far from Bess’ home and mercifully deserted. Still, Amanda was not entirely at her ease, since the woods was all that separated Bess Lawler’s household from her own. She hurried into the safety of the trees and breathed a sigh of relief; she’d made it without being seen. She was safe for a while.

  “Amanda.” When he looked up and saw her approaching, Joe smiled.

  He was so handsome to her now, even more than he had been on the night they first met, and she couldn’t help but wonder what exactly he thought of her. She was wearing a pale green gingham dress and had her thick chestnut hair in a long ponytail tied with a green ribbon. She was comfortable and, while not overdone, she looked pretty enough to have sparked a little suspicion in her family if she wasn’t careful.

  “Joe, it’s so nice to see you,” she said, realizing that she had no feelings of nerves anymore, only excitement.

  “You too. It feels like it’s been a very long two days.” He chuckled. “You’ve already read the next part?” He eyed the little cotton bag she was holding.

  “Yes, and it is wonderful. I hope you won’t be swayed by me, but I am
wishing very hard that Thomas Graine has a happy ending. A fair ending, even if life isn’t really like that.”

  “If you want a happy ending, I will give it to you,” he said and took a step toward her.

  His grey eyes looked intense and Amanda, studying them more closely than ever before, could see how each beautiful grey iris was outlined in black. Just a thin line around each, but it made the pale grey all the more ethereal and beautiful. She had never seen such eyes in all her life.

  “Not just to please me, Joe. The story has to run true to your own passion, not mine. It is just my wish, that’s all.” She smiled, unable to look away from those mesmerizing grey eyes as Joe took another step towards her. “It has to be your work, not mine. And however it ends, happily or sadly, it will still be just about the finest book I have ever read.”

  “If I can’t give Thomas Graine a happy ending, I sure would wish to give you one.”

  “That’s so kind, Joe.”

  “It’s not just kindness, Amanda. You deserve to be free. You have a right to be free.”

  “We all have a right to be free, but everywhere I look there is evidence that this right is overlooked; and overlooked in different ways. Freedom isn’t just the right over our own lives, it’s the right over our own choices whether they be marriage or the work we do.”

  “I have been thinking about my own circumstances ever since we walked down by the river and I realize now that I have so much to be thankful for. My father might be objecting to my choices in life, but that is as far as it goes. He hasn’t brought any pressure to bear and he most certainly hasn’t tried to stop me. I wish I’d known all about you, about your struggle, for I sure would not have been so complaining about my own life.”

  “Joe, you haven’t complained.” Amanda was the one to close the distance between them, taking that final step and reaching out to take his hand. “None of it is right. Being a part of a family is sometimes a double-edged sword; there is a point where their care and concern is used as a weapon whether it is gently wielded as in your father’s case or wrapped around an iron will as in the case of my own father.”

  “Amanda, are you safe there?”

  “Oh yes, I am safe from physical harm. My father has never raised a hand to me nor any of us in the household. His control is of the dismissive variety where my life only has worth insofar as it promotes the realization of his own ambitions.”

  “Do you really think he means to make you marry Garth Walton?”

  “I have no doubt of it.”

  “But he hasn’t said it out loud yet? And Garth Walton himself has never mentioned it?”

  “No, I think my father is still trying to win Garth Walton over.”

  “Then perhaps now is the time to tell your father that you have somebody else in your life,” Joe said and laid his large hand on her cheek. “To tell him that your heart runs in another direction, if it truly does.” He raised his eyebrows in question.

  “Of course, my heart runs in another direction, Joe. I have never met anybody like you in my life and I know that, as long as I live, I shall never meet so fine a man again.” Every fiber of Amanda’s being was urging her to tell Joe Macey that she had fallen in love with him.

  But it was too soon, she was sure of it. Even though they had become such fast friends, Amanda did not want to risk scaring Joe Macey away.

  “Then, you will tell him?”

  “I can’t, not yet. You don’t know him, Joe. He would either keep me in or cast me out. He is not a man who likes to have his own wants overturned. I would need to have a better plan before I did something so drastic. And believe me, Joe, it would be a drastic move.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” he said and suddenly she was in his arms.

  Amanda felt safe and warm in his firm embrace and, when he tilted her chin gently upwards and kissed her lips, she felt wanted, desired. It was everything in the world to her in that moment.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Joe walked her to the far edge of the woods. It felt wonderful to be hand in hand with the man she had fallen in love with. Even though there would be a hill to climb in her life, Amanda no longer felt so bad to be standing at the bottom of it looking up and wondering if she had the strength. She had Joe by her side now, a man who wanted her in his life in spite of the complications.

  “I’d better go the rest of the way on my own,” Amanda said, seeing her family’s farmhouse come into view through the now-sparse cover provided by the trees on the far edge of the woodland.

  She was beginning to wonder if she should have gone out the way she had come in and made her way back through the town instead. It would have added to her journey, but perhaps would have been safer.

  “All right, but let me kiss you again before you go. It will be a long wait until next Friday.” He grinned ruefully.

  They had already decided that any further meetings in the diner, however incidental they made them appear, were to be avoided. Amanda knew they were now waiting for something; something which depended entirely on themselves. She just hoped that they would both go in the same direction and at the same speed.

  “I’ll leave a message with Bess. The woods seem to be a good place to meet, but I’ll have a think about it and make sure.”

  “Good plan. Now….” He grinned again, sliding his arm around her waist and drawing her to him.

  When he kissed her this time, it was with a little more passion. His lips lingered longer on hers, moving a little and creating such a thrilling sensation that Amanda wanted it to go on forever. When he finally released her, Amanda was the one who leaned in again for yet another kiss. She was aware of the melodious birdsong and a little rustling of leaves as a warm breeze grazed through the woods, but nothing else. With her eyes closed, Amanda could have been anywhere on earth. The only thing she was certain of was the man standing before her, holding her and making her fall ever more in love with him.

  “If I don’t let go of you now, I never will,” Joe said in a hoarse whisper when he finally released her. “Although maybe……” he said and reached her again.

  “I really had better go,” Amanda said, trying to be the voice of reason even though it was the last thing she wanted. “Next Friday,” she said and gently kissed his cheek.

  “Next Friday,” he said, still holding her hands and gazing into her eyes.

  “And bring the next part of your manuscript.”

  Joe nodded, finally turning to leave. Amanda watched him for a few moments as he disappeared into the thicker part of the woods, turning only once to wave at her. She watched him until he was out of sight. She straightened her hair, which had become a little disarranged in their moments of passion, before turning to make her way out of the woods.

  However, a cry of surprise caught in her throat as she began to walk up the path towards the farmhouse; her mother was at the gate, lightly shielded by the shrubbery, glaring at her with the utmost disappointment. Amanda could do no other than continue to walk towards her, unsure of exactly how much her mother had seen from her vantage point. How long had she been there? Surely, not the whole time. But she had, of course, turned her back on the outer edge of the woods as she had become lost in her own desire for Joe Macey. With a heavy heart, Amanda was certain that her mother would have seen them kiss.

  By the time she reached the gate, Amanda could think of nothing to say. She looked at her mother almost pleadingly, but the woman’s face was impossible to read.

  “Who was that?” Caroline Hargreaves asked in a surprisingly calm and level voice.

  “Mama, please.” Amanda knew she had seen everything.

  “Then maybe I should tell your father to ask you.” It was a thinly veiled threat, something that seemed so wrong coming from her own mother.

  “His name is Joe Macey.”

  “Macey? The doctor’s son?”

  “Yes.”

  Caroline Hargreaves turned to walk back towards the farmhouse and Amanda could do no other than walk si
lently along by her side. Not another word was spoken between the two of them as they made their way and Amanda felt like a man on the steps to the gallows, still walking forward when every instinct in his body told him that everything was about to come to an end, that he should run, that he should escape.

  Her mother walked around the side of the house and entered through the door which led directly into the kitchen. As if in a trance, Amanda simply followed her.

  “Sit down,” Caroline Hargreaves said, pointing to one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

  Her mother did not sit down immediately but walked through another door into the sitting room. Amanda knew that her mother was checking to be sure that neither her father nor her brothers were in the house. Of course, they were probably out on the farm working or rather directing others to work, but it was something of a relief to Amanda to know that her mother seemed keen to keep the conversation between just the two of them; she hoped that secrecy would remain.

  “Mama, I know that Papa wants me to marry Garth Walton.”

  “He has said nothing of the…”

  “You know it, too.” Amanda cut her mother off, not wanting to hear any diversion; it was time for the truth to be told.

  “Your father wants what is best for you.”

  “No, Mama, my father wants to find a way into the good graces of Kirby Thornhill, and he sees Garth Walton as a good way of securing it. You needn’t look at me like that, Mama, you know it is true.”

  “Your father works hard, and he deserves his success.”

  “Of course, he does, but this is not about success, this is about his status. Papa is already a successful man, isn’t he? He has one of the largest farms in Oregon, he is a wealthy man.”

  “Do you not see that he does all of this for his family?”

  “For you, for his sons, but not his daughter. I am the one who will be given away and, whoever I marry in the end, Papa will not be keeping me. I will get nothing from this farm, nothing from this house, nothing at all. And as it stands, I do not even have my God-given choices.”

 

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