He was silent for what felt like an eternity.
Say something. Anything!
“So you’re saying you want to wait for…”
“No! Maybe? I don’t know.” Anna covered her face with her hands, frustration driving her crazy.
“Because I gotta tell ya, sweetheart, I’m having a little bit of déjà vu here.” He pulled her hands from her eyes, a mischievous grin lighting his face. The crooked grin grew wide as his dimple joined the assault. “So what if I got down on one knee right now?”
She shook her head and laughed, finally feeling like the giant weight had moved from her chest and she could breathe.
He raised both eyebrows and jumped from the tailgate, the gravel crunching under his sneakers. “You don’t think I will? I know people. I can call up the judge right now. Have him meet us at the courthouse in fifteen minutes.” He grabbed both her hands, standing between her knees. “I would do it, you know. There isn’t a doubt in my mind you are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“I believe you,” she breathed, hoping he knew she believed so much more. “So you’re okay with…”
“Sure.” He threw his head back like it wasn’t a big deal. Two thirty year olds, with their ridiculous chemistry, not ripping each other’s clothes off. Apparently, his unwavering self-control was another thing that hadn’t changed over the years.
His hands ran playfully up her thighs, and his warm breath tickled her ear. “I will admit the thought has crossed my mind a few…thousand times.”
A thousand probably wouldn’t cover the number of fantasies she’d had about him. “I’ve sort of always wondered what it would be like, the two of us. My daydreams are pretty vivid. There was this one where you were hovering above me on home plate and…”
“Okay, if we’re not doing this,” he motioned between their bodies with a laugh, “then you can’t talk like that.”
She linked her fingers behind his neck. “I’ll do my best to behave.”
“Well, I didn’t say that.” He crawled back into the truck bed, laying them on their sides so they faced each other.
Drew sighed and touched his forehead to Anna’s. “I love you, and I would do anything for you.” He rolled them until his warmth held her to the truck. Those brown eyes melted her. “I can be good. I promise.”
She grabbed his face, pulling his lips to her. His kiss started tender and sweet but quickly grew hungry and demanding.
Drew sat back on his heels, gasping for air, eyes pinched shut and fighting for control. “So speaking in baseball terms, are there bases we can round? Or is a home run the only thing off the table here?”
She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “Don’t answer that. If I touch one more inch of you tonight, there’s no way I’ll be able to stop.”
Drew rolled onto his back. He pulled Anna’s cheek to his chest and heaved a deep calming breath. He kissed her temple softly, and they lay in comforting silence.
“I can’t believe you and Mason were broken up and I didn’t know,” Drew said. Anna wasn’t even sure he was speaking to her, more just voicing his inner thoughts.
“I had my chance,” he whispered. “Wait, was this the same night you called me and left all those drunk messages?”
Anna’s stomach churned with guilt. She didn’t know how to answer that question without spilling the one secret she couldn’t tell him. The mistake that would destroy them. She opened her mouth to speak. What she would say she hadn’t a clue, but he cut her off.
“Never mind. We can’t change what happened. But if I’d known, I would have fought for you.”
“There was no part of me that believed your message was anything but an old friend wanting to catch up. I had no idea you still had any feeling for me beyond friendship.” And there wasn’t. She’d thought he moved on, even if her heart never really had.
“I know,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wait,” she said into his chest. “For so many things.”
Drew ran his fingers through her hair. “I’d never judge you for your choices, Sunshine. All I ever wanted was to make every dream you had come true. Even when I wasn’t sure I could be the one to give it to you, I needed you to have your fairy tale. Your Prince Charming.”
Anna placed a kiss on his neck, closing her eyes and letting the restless murmur of the water lull her toward sleep.
“So we haven’t had the normal ‘talk’ new couples have.” His deep rumble against her ear startled her awake.
“Didn’t we just do that?”
She knew the question that would come next, and the guilty knot in her stomach grew tighter.
“So, your number? It’s one?” His voice was timid but still confident, like he knew the answer. He had no idea. “Earlier you said sex means people leave, like as in plural?”
How should she phrase it? To lie or tell the truth? “Actually, it’s two.”
“Two?” He leaned up on his elbow again. Lines formed between his eyes, and she imagined him running down a mental list of the guys she dated after they broke up, only coming up with Mason.
“What about you?” she cut him off, hoping for a distraction.
He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I couldn’t even date anyone after you…and my first time…I still thought it would be with you until…” He looked away, and she bit down on her quivering lip.
“I didn’t have sex with someone until I watched you marry him,” he blurted out, pulling in a lungful of breath and facing her. “After that, I was pissed at myself and upset and sort of didn’t care about anything but making the pain go away.”
Her heart stopped. He still loved her that much. He’d waited for her. But she didn’t know…
“So let’s get back to you,” he said, determination flaming in the brown depths of his eyes instead of the disappointment she’d expected.
“It was just…one night. I was really upset, had a lot to drink, and it happened. I don’t love talking about it. Can we please drop it?”
Wait for it…three…two…
“You had a one-night stand? Really?” The shock in his voice was expected but laced with only curiosity. The picture-perfect Anna in his mind didn’t have sex she could barely remember the next morning, though the events leading to it were still burned in her brain.
“It was a mistake. Can we please just leave both our numbers at that?”
“You’re right. It doesn’t matter anyway.” He hugged her close, zipping them up in the sleeping bag.
Dear God, if he only knew how much it would matter.
The beating of his heart relaxed her breathing until she drifted to sleep.
***
7 years earlier
I think we should see other people…
I love you, but I’m not ready for this…
You’re just too good for me…
And the best break-up line of all, from her boyfriend Mason Chambers:
I need to figure some things out…
All fancy, sugar-coated ways of saying I’m sick of your face and I want out.
Loving someone and watching them walk away ripped your heart out, stomped on it, then shoved it back in so you could pretend it was anywhere near functional.
Over the last week, she’d continued to ask herself the same two questions.
What was wrong with her?
Why did everyone leave?
But a few hours of drinking and dancing had restored her self-confidence. Or just numbed it all, which she’d take for now. She would give herself the rest of Christmas break to be angry and sad, then suck it up and focus on the hell that would be her next semester.
“Still wish you’d stayed home?” Layla shouted over the music when Anna returned to the table.
“You’re not always right, you know.”
“She isn’t?” Ryan teased with a laugh. Anna wanted to hate him by association. Layla’s boyfriend happened to also be Mason’s best friend and roommate. But da
mn him, Ryan kept being so nice, coming over every day to check on her. He’d even brought his cousin Cole out with them so she wouldn’t feel like the third wheel.
Layla’s brows suddenly narrowed, face contorted in anger as she stared over Anna’s shoulder. Anna turned to follow Layla’s stare, but Layla yanked her toward the bar.
The stupid tall heels she’d picked for the evening nearly made her face plant. “What are you doing?”
“Let’s get another drink.”
“I think I’ve had enough.” Honestly, she’d passed “enough” two drinks ago.
Layla ordered two more George Washington Apple shots from the bartender. “Anna, let’s have one more drink and just go, okay? We can continue the ‘Mason is a douchebag’ party back at the apartment.”
“Why? You’re the one who insisted I come out and have fun tonight. Look at me all having fun and stuff.”
“Honey, Mason’s over there.” Layla motioned toward the dancers, moving together to the music.
Anna’s ridiculous heart remembered how much she missed him and thought maybe he’d come here to find her.
“And he’s not alone,” Layla whispered.
Anna caught sight of Mason being pulled onto the dance floor. A skinny redhead she’d seen coming out of his MBA class dragged him by the hand. The urge to vomit was strong, and it had nothing to do with all the alcohol she’d drank.
Anna turned to the bar, staring at the lighted liquor bottles behind it. She tossed back her shot, then Layla’s. The alcohol burned in her stomach, but it couldn’t burn away the image of her boyfriend…ex-boyfriend…with someone else.
“I’m sorry.” Layla covered Anna’s hand with hers. “Let’s just go.”
Anna couldn’t see anything but him dancing with her, his hands gripping her waist as they moved together to the beat, hers reaching up to run her fingers along his neck. Could they be pressed any closer together? Anna was so sick of being the sweet good girl victim in this scenario, over and over again.
“He wants to play this game? I can play.”
“What are you doing?” Layla asked.
“Having fun. I’m single, remember.”
Anna grabbed Cole by the hand, pulling him toward the dance floor.
“Dance with me.” She more ordered than asked.
“Yes, ma’am.” He chuckled.
The song had changed to a slow one, and Cole pulled Anna close, one hand resting on her lower back. He intertwined their fingers, and they rested next to her head on his chest. He turned them directly into Mason’s path, and he stopped dancing in the middle of the crowd. His gaze burned right into Anna’s.
“You realize Mason’s staring at us, right?” Cole whispered against her ear.
The guilt washed over her. Using Cole to get back at Mason was so wrong. She raised her head to face him. “I’m sorry, Cole. I didn’t mean to…”
“Sorry for what?” Cole laughed. “I’m dancing with the most beautiful girl in here. But you know, if I kissed you, he’d be super pissed.”
Cole smiled, his sympathetic green eyes teasing her. That thick southern accent made her heart race, and he was pre-med. What would he look like under that tight white polo shirt and jeans?
Cole squeezed her hand, giving her a kind smile. “I’m kidding, Anna. I get it. I’ve had a broken heart before too. But know that any man who would let you go is a damn fool. You let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll extend the kiss offer again. Even throw in a date, too.”
The alcohol told Anna to just let him kiss away all the hurt and pain.
But she wasn’t ready.
Satisfied Mason knew she hadn’t just sat at home missing him, Anna closed her eyes and let Cole hold her up as the shots took full effect.
When the song changed, she peeked toward Mason because apparently, she loved torturing herself. Like it happened in slow motion, the redhead rose on tiptoes and smashed her lips to his. The pain stole all the air from Anna’s lungs, breaking her into more pieces than she thought possible.
“I’m so sorry, Cole.” Anna pushed away from him, stumbling through the crowd. She found her way to the sidewalk as quiet sobs consumed her.
“Anna.” Mason’s was the last voice she wanted to hear as his familiar touch brushed her arm.
She quickly shoved it away, stumbling down the sidewalk. “Just go, Mason.”
He chased after her, stepping in front of her so she had to face him.
“Don’t,” she barely choked out, looking down at her pink heels toe to toe with the brown boots she’d bought him for their anniversary. The same night she’d given him everything. They’d slept together, then less than two months later, he “needed to figure things out.” Which apparently meant figuring out the redhead.
She couldn’t stand there next to him for one more second knowing he’d go back inside to her.
A taxi sat on the street. Anna climbed in just as Layla caught up to them and slid in next to her.
“Where to?” the driver turned to ask.
“You realize we’re only like a block from our apartment?” Layla asked.
That kiss. She couldn’t get it out of her mind as the tears spilled from her closed lids.
“I’m not going home.”
Chapter Twelve
Drew
Bright morning sun broke over the water, waking Drew from his best night’s sleep in almost eleven years. The bed of his truck wasn’t as comfortable as it had been at sixteen, but waking up with Anna in his arms was pretty damn close to Heaven. She loved him. She’d said she loved him last night, and he loved her more than he had words to tell her.
The proposal wasn’t a joke. At least not to him. It was too soon for her. He knew that, but he wanted her to be his wife, to wear his ring on that tiny finger and watch her walk down the aisle toward him and not someone else.
This partnership between she and Luke could be great. She wouldn’t have to give up her dreams to be at home with Drew, but he never would have let a job keep them apart. If she wanted, he’d follow her anywhere.
Watching the peaceful expression on her face as she slept, Drew couldn’t help drifting to their conversation the night before. Waiting hadn’t really crossed his mind this time. He’d been fantasizing about getting his hands on every inch of her body since the minute she appeared at his sister’s wedding, but if she needed to wait, they would. Their first time together would be special for her, perfect, even if it damn near killed him.
He could convince her to have sex. Just like he could have a decade ago. He’d touch her the way he knew she liked to be touched, the way that made the barely there hitch in her breath that drove him insane. It would be incredible, every single minute of being with her, but that terrified broken look she’d had in her eyes at his sister’s wedding, the one he’d slowly taken away over the last several weeks, would return as her mind fixated on all the worst-case scenarios. She’d already lived some of them, so it wouldn’t be hard for her to get there. As much as he wanted her now, craved the taste of every inch of her, Drew loved her too much to let that happen. So he pushed away the fantasy with a deep inhale, reciting the periodic table to calm the already excited part of his manhood.
Anna stirred in his arms, eyes fluttering. He kissed her forehead, scooped her up, and drove them to his home. She immediately snuggled back into the couch, and he joined her, drifting back to sleep holding her.
The sound of the garage door opening woke him sometime later, and he peeked an eye open to see Luke standing over them with a smirk.
“Well, look at you two all cozy and stuff.” Luke ruffled Anna’s hair, and she smacked his hand away.
“Why are you here?” Drew mumbled into Anna’s neck. “Go away.”
“The barbeque at your parents’ house, genius. It starts in twenty minutes.” Luke plopped down in the recliner beside them. “I needed an oil change, and it’s draining in your shop, so I thought I’d catch a ride with you. You two think you can pull yourselves away fro
m each other for a few hours to interact with other people?”
Anna wiggled in Drew’s arms, and he reluctantly released her. After a quick change of clothes, they all climbed in Drew’s truck.
“Just like old times,” Drew said with a wink as they glanced at each other. When Luke lost his father, Drew’s dad had done his best to fill that void. Luke and Anna both spent so much time at his house that his parents basically had an extra daughter and son.
Things had been so easy then. Simple and uncomplicated.
Drew smiled as his parents’ two-story white house came into view. He’d stood on that same full wraparound porch and stared into Anna’s eyes the day he took her to college. He’d calmed her nerves and promised he would never love anyone the way he loved her. He may have walked away, he may have broken a lot of promises, but he hadn’t broken that one.
Drew led them through the big blue front door and into his parents’ kitchen. The smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes filled the room.
“Hi, Mom.” Drew grabbed her from behind and lifted her in a hug.
“Hi, sweetie.” She laughed then turned, all her attention immediately on the girl next to him. “Oh Anna, honey, Andy and I are just so glad you’re here with us.” His mom pulled Anna into a tight embrace and winked at Drew over her shoulder.
“Hi, Mrs. Stevens,” Anna said, smiling.
“Oh silly girl, you call me Marie. How are you, dear? Everything going okay? I was so sorry to hear about your…well, you know, but like they say, when God closes a door, he opens a window.”
Her gaze blatantly darted between Drew and Anna.
“Mom, really?” Drew closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Anna, ever graceful, simply laughed. “I’m really great. Thank you for asking.”
“Y’all head out back. Everyone else is out there. Andy’s going to give himself a heart attack chasing those kids around,” his mother said, shooing the three of them out the door.
Everyone was spread out across the yard, talking, grilling hot dogs for the kids, and pitching horseshoes. Drew’s dad chased his grandkids in what appeared to be a fierce game of freeze tag.
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