His fingers are inside me again and I feel as if I’m rising up inside myself. My body takes over and pushes my mind off into the glorious haze of pleasures. My eyes flutter shut and my lips quiver as they slowly part. It feels like there’s a ball of fire lodged in my chest, glowing brighter and brighter as my hips roll instinctively and match the rhythm of his fingers. I want to scream in pleasure, but all I can get out is a whimper of delight as I clutch frantically at the blankets.
I need more. I need so much more,
“Owen,” I gasp, shivering as his fingers slowly slip into me again, “I want you.”
He takes in a shallow, quick breath at my words, and his fingers stop dead in their tracks.
“Maria, are you sure?” he whispers. “I want you too, but I don’t want to...”
“You won’t hurt me,” I interrupt, leaning over my shoulder and kissing him passionately. I want him, and I want to share myself with him.
“I’ll be okay,” I whisper. “I know it.”
He nods to me and pulls away. I lay on the bed with my eyes closed, gasping and panting as I try to catch my breath. My mind starts to drift down from its incredible high, but the sound of his jeans slipping down his legs sends a jolt of excitement through my body again, and my heart pounds even handsome! His clothes come off, a condom goes on, and he’s back in bed with his arms around me.
Owen’s lips kiss mine softly, almost comfortingly, as he leans into me. I’m in love with him, and the past is dead. I’m new and whole again, and this is my first time. I’m scared and excited, and all I can do is listen to my body as it tells me what to do.
My legs wrap themselves around his hips, both inviting and slowly pulling him in. I can barely breathe from anticipation. I’m scared to death but happier than my mind can comprehend. My body is on fire, and I can feel my hair clinging to my forehead from sweat. He cautiously inches into me, and I grit my teeth against the pain.
He caresses my face as I slowly relax and let him in—inch by inch, minute by minute, until he’s completely inside me. I kiss him on the lips and run my hands through his hair as my mind soars.
Every nerve in my body ignites in a fire of incomprehensible sensations as he moves inside me. It’s so intense at first that it almost hurts, but with each stroke, my mind adjusts to the feelings a little more. The pain transitions to nearly unbearable pleasure as I roll my hips in rhythm with him and pull him deep into me with my legs. I can feel a scream building up inside me, and I can’t stop shaking. My head leans back on the pillow, and I close my eyes and cry out in ecstasy. I feel the darkness shrivel and die inside me as the nightmares crumble to dust.
This night is ours, and my body is finally mine.
In the middle of the night...
Maria
I lay in the dark with Owen’s arms wrapped comfortingly around me. My body wants to melt into him and join him in sleep, but my mind is wide-awake and scared.
After tasting Heaven tonight, I’m terrified of what’s coming in May. When we graduate, what will happen to us? I can’t bear the idea of not having him in my life, and he needs someone he can trust to hold him through his nightmares.
“Owen?” I whisper. “Are you awake?”
“Yes,” he answers. “You can’t sleep either?”
“No,” I answer, snuggling up next to him. “I need to talk.”
His chest presses into my back as he takes a deep breath, and he hugs me tightly.
“I’m listening. Talk to me.”
“I... well, I asked my research advisor if he’ll let me stay on for my doctorate next year.”
“You did?” blurts out Owen excitedly, all pretense of sleepiness gone. “When did that happen?”
“While you were out getting wine. I sent him an e-mail and asked.”
“Oh God, I hope you get accepted!” he gushes. “That’d be amazing!”
“But... what if I don’t get in? What if you don’t, or what if you get a great job offer or something and we get separated?”
I swallow hard as a lump forms in my throat.
“I’m not ready to go,” I whimper, feeling tears rising inside me. “I need you with me.”
He holds me close while I calm myself down.
“It’ll be okay, Maria,” he whispers back to me.
I roll over in his arms to face him and plant a loving kiss on his lips.
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m yours, no matter what happens,” he answers, hugging me tightly. “I need you, and I’m not going to lose you like that.”
I cuddle up close to him and lay my head on his chest. A smile creeps across my face as I take in his words, and I kiss him softly on the cheek.
“We’ll find each other somehow. We’re not lost anymore," I whisper to him.
My eyes flutter shut, and the last thing I see before I fall asleep in his arms is the forgotten pomegranate sitting on the bedside table, still beautiful and perfect on the inside.
Nadia Simonenko is a Ukranian-American scientist and author currently living in Indianapolis with her husband, two cats and a dog. When she isn’t writing, she develops new oncolytic compounds for chemotherapy and dreams about someday getting to take a vacation.
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Maria and Owen have a long way to go.
Are you the type of reader who listens to music while you read?
Here's what I listened to while writing Lost!
“This Kind of Life Keeps Breaking Your Heart” by Hammock
“Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum
“Brave” by Josh Groban
“Ethereal” by Amethystium
“We are the Others” by Delain
“Before the Dawn” by Evanescence
“Leaving Tonight” by The Birthday Massacre
Lost Page 20