She wondered if he realized the depth of his empathy for other creatures. “Yes, but now that we have a chaperone, we can’t do anything fun.”
“We can lie here and talk. That’s fun.”
She smiled because he was absolutely right. She loved the cozy intimacy they’d established. “Any special thing you want to talk about?”
“As a matter of fact, there is.” He gave her fingers a squeeze. “As your official volunteer photographer, I have an idea for a fund-raiser to fix your roof.”
Her eyes widened. “Is that so? What, pray tell?”
“I’ll make a holiday DVD featuring the animals at The Haven. You can sell it at the front desk, but you can also sell it online. It would be good for next Christmas, too.”
“Ben, that’s a great plan! So you’d make it right away, while we’re decorated for the holidays?”
“That was my thought. This weekend, in fact, if you’re willing.”
“More than willing. I love the idea.” Her mind raced through the possibilities. “Besides what we’ve already done, we can do a few extra things, like put bows on some of the dogs’ collars, the way I did for Ewok and Wookie.”
“Or you could get one of those plastic mistletoe balls and hang it from a string for the cats to play with.”
“Or buy various sizes of Santa hats and see if we can get any of the dogs and cats to wear them long enough for a picture.”
He laughed. “I can imagine a cute video of a million attempts to put a cat in a hat.”
“Me, too! Oh, Ben, this will be awesome.” She leaned over, brought their joined hands to her mouth and carefully kissed each of his fingers. “Thank you for being so creative.”
“You inspire me.”
She glanced down at Ewok, who was fast asleep. Then she lifted her gaze to Ben’s. “I’m having a moment of inspiration, myself. Think we can sneak out of here without waking the dogs?”
His dark eyes glittered with interest. “Possibly. What did you have in mind?”
“Oh, building up the fire and spreading a blanket in front of it. Would you go for that?”
“In a heartbeat. Lead the way.”
Her body began to tingle in anticipation as she eased out of bed and crept toward the door. This was quickly becoming the most amazing night of her life.
CHAPTER EIGHT
BEN HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT Tansy was a beautiful woman, but as she lay on a soft blanket with firelight gilding her body, she was breathtaking. When he finished rolling on the condom, she lifted her arms and parted her thighs in a seductive invitation that sent lust slamming into him like a body blow. He fought to keep from grabbing her and burying himself in her wet heat without foreplay or finesse.
Moving over her, he gazed into blue eyes sparkling with firelight. “That was incredibly sexy, what you did just now. You almost made me forget myself.”
She ran her palms over his chest, stoking the fire. “How do you mean?”
“I wanted to ravish you.”
Her full lips parted and her breath quickened. “I like the sound of that.” Sliding her hands lower, she began to fondle him in ways that made his eyes roll back in his head. “I think I’d enjoy being ravished by you.”
“Do you? Keep that up and it’s liable to happen.”
She moistened her lips with her tongue as she continued to use her hands in ways guaranteed to drive him around the bend. “Ravish me, Ben.”
“I will.” Sitting back on his heels, he captured her hands, circling her wrists with his fingers. Then he drew them over her head and leaned down, his mouth barely touching hers. “You drive me crazy.”
Her breath was warm and sweet. “Maybe I want to.”
“Prepare to take the consequences.” Adjusting his position, he probed gently, but once he found what he wanted, he thrust home with enough force to lift her from the blanket. It felt so good he nearly came. But he controlled the urge, because he wanted this to last.
She gasped and shivered against him.
“Too much?” He nipped at her lower lip.
“Nooooo.”
“Then wrap your legs around my waist. I want more of you, Tansy Dexter.”
When she did, he pushed forward, going even deeper. Her muscles clenched around him, telling him she was already close. Drawing back, he began to pound into her, making her breasts shake with every stroke. Within seconds she climaxed, arching against him with a keening cry, but he kept going.
Her eyes grew wild and she began to pant. He shifted his angle. Ah, there. Another trembling response. He bore down, driving into her with relentless purpose, and she came again, thrashing her head from side to side and dragging in air.
Gradually he eased up on the pace until finally he slid into her drenched channel almost lazily, as if he had hours to do this. He didn’t. His control was slipping fast, but he wasn’t ready to surrender just yet.
As he pumped, he settled his mouth over hers and kissed her slowly, deeply and thoroughly. Then he lifted his head just a fraction. “Once more,” he murmured.
Her reply was breathless. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” He kept moving, making steady contact right where it counted, rubbing that precious little spot at the entrance to paradise. “I know you can.”
She moaned softly and raised her hips, meeting him halfway.
“There, see?” He brushed his lips over hers. “You want to.”
“Yes... Oh, Ben...it’s so...good.”
When he felt her spasm, he let his control slide away. Once again he drove into her, and her orgasm triggered his. Gasping, he shoved deep one last time as waves of pleasure rolled over him, incomparable pleasure.
As the first rush of feeling passed, he had to face the enormity of it. He’d never made love like this. He’d never felt so open, so completely connected. Tansy had learned how to cope with devastating loss and grief. Maybe if he was with her he could learn how to cope with it, too.
The idea scared him spitless.
* * *
LATER, THEY PULLED A second blanket over themselves and cuddled next to a fire that had burned down to a bed of glowing coals.
Tansy nestled her cheek against his chest. “I loved being ravished.”
“Good.” He chuckled and caressed her shoulder. “I’ll have to do it again sometime.”
“All I need is a few minutes’ notice, and I’ll make myself available.”
“You’d better not say things like that. I’m liable to become a pest.”
“That sounds lovely.” She relaxed against his comfortingly solid body.
“Yeah, it does. I’m thinking I’ll cancel that ski vacation.”
“Mmm, I’d like that. I’d like that a lot. My folks are staying in Arizona for the holidays, so having you in town would be excellent.” The thought flooded her with happiness. “You might even consider taking Max, after all.”
He stopped stroking her shoulder. “What?”
Uh-oh. He wasn’t ready to hear a suggestion like that. She’d been feeling so mellow that the comment had slipped out. “ It’s just that your ski trip was an issue and now it’s not. No pressure—”
“Oh, I think there’s pressure, Tansy.” His voice had lost some of its warmth. “You’re determined for me to adopt that cat, aren’t you?” He sat up.
So did she. She scooted around so she was facing him. “Not determined. Never that. But tonight I watched you with the dogs who’d been flooded out, then the cats with their new playground, and Ewok and Wookie here in my house. You have an affinity for these animals, Ben.”
“I never said I didn’t like them. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to take on their care and feeding.”
“That’s not what’s got you spooked.” She’d started this discussion, and
she had to finish it. Despite evidence that attachments could enhance his life, he continued to avoid the risk of loss.
He frowned. “I’m not spooked, either. I just don’t want to rush into—”
“I was there when you brought Mickey in.”
He jerked as if she’d reached out and slapped him. “What do you mean?”
“I doubt you remember because you were so torn up, but when you carried him into the vet’s office after he was hit by that car, I held you while you cried.”
A look of panic was replaced by cool reserve. “So what?”
“So what?” She wanted to shake him, but she kept her hands to herself. “Losing him was horrible for you! I know that because I was there. You hinted that you didn’t have a wonderful childhood, and I’m guessing Mickey was the one bright spot for you.”
His expression closed down. “I didn’t have a wonderful childhood, but it wasn’t as bad as some. My mother wasn’t interested in me, so she left me with her sister and brother-in-law. At least I was raised by relatives instead of shoved into foster care.”
Her chest grew heavy with dread. This was not going well. “Was Mickey your only pet?”
“Yes. My first and last. We moved around a lot, and he was the one constant, the only one I could rely on to always be there. And then he wasn’t.”
“Ben, you were only a kid. Of course it hit you hard. We’re all more emotional at that age. But if you’d give Max a chance, I think the two of you would—”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Believe what? That I can see your love of animals shining in your eyes? That I know the joy that can bring? Yes, we usually outlive the animals we love, at least until we’re seniors ourselves. But you can handle that, Ben. I know you can. And the rewards are huge!”
“You’re trying to rescue me, aren’t you? First I let down my guard to a pet, then to people?”
She stared at him. Her blood felt like snowmelt running through her veins. “Maybe I am trying to rescue you. Maybe I hate to see what you’re missing and hope you’ll change your mind.”
He met her gaze for several endless seconds. “Right.” He stood and headed for the bedroom. Once he opened the door, both dogs came out, Ewok in the lead. He closed the door after him.
Wrapping a blanket around herself, she gathered Ewok into her lap. Wookie flopped down in front of her and rested his head on her knee. “Oh, guys.” She rubbed Wookie’s large head with one hand and scratched behind Ewok’s ears with the other as she blinked back tears. “This isn’t going to be good.”
Sure enough, it wasn’t. Not long afterward, Ben came out, fully dressed. “I’ve been kidding myself, Tansy. I thought you cared about me. I didn’t realize I was a project.”
“A project? No, you’re not! I just figured that—”
“A little TLC and a revelation about my tortured past, and I’d be all fixed up, right? I’m not one of your rescue animals, Tansy!”
Oh, God. She had screwed this up. “I never thought you were. I shouldn’t have mentioned taking Max.”
“No, I’m glad you did. I’m glad you finally told me the dark secret about that day in the vet’s office.” His expression remained closed. “Now I understand why you took pity on me and invited me here.”
Tears choked her, making her words come out as a croak. “That’s not why.”
“Sorry, but I don’t believe you.” He glanced around. “Where the hell is my coat?”
“In the kitchen.” Misery tightened her chest. She had pushed him and ruined everything. Nothing she said now would convince him that she hadn’t plotted to fix him. And maybe he wasn’t completely wrong about that, which made her even more miserable.
“Thanks.” He went in, flicked on a light, then turned it off again as he came back out wearing his coat and hat. “Look, I keep my promises. I’ll still be your official photographer, and I’ll create the holiday DVD we talked about. I’ll do it Saturday, if that’s all right.”
She swallowed. “Fine. I’d love to let you out of that agreement because I’m sure it doesn’t hold the same appeal, but I need both those things desperately, so I accept your generosity.”
He stood there a moment longer. “I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me one thing, since you were there that day. And then I don’t want to talk about it ever again.”
“Okay.”
“What happened to him? I mean, after...”
“I talked the vet into letting me take him and bury him with my family’s pets in our backyard. Unfortunately, that house doesn’t belong to my folks anymore, so you can’t visit—”
“No, no. I wouldn’t want to do that. But I wasn’t thinking at the time, and when I finally realized that I hadn’t taken care of everything, I worried that maybe he’d ended up in a landfill or something. Thank you for making sure that didn’t happen.”
“It wouldn’t have happened. Dr. Horton was a wonderful vet. Still is. He donates a few hours to The Haven every month.”
Ben nodded. “Good. That’s great.” He backed toward the door. “I need to go. Have to be at work early.”
“I understand.” Sadly, she did understand. She’d taken the possibility of something wonderful and crushed it by pushing her own agenda. “Goodbye, Ben.”
“See you Saturday. I’ll come early, if that’s okay.”
She swallowed the sob that threatened to escape. “Sure. Early’s fine.”
He looked at her once more before heading for the door. The lock clicked as he closed it behind him.
Ewok whined, and she glanced down. Her vision was blurred by tears, but she could see that she was holding him way too tight. Hysterical laughter bubbled up. “Me and Lisa the anchorwoman, huh, Ewok. Thank you for not peeing on me.”
Ewok licked her hand as if to say that she was forgiven. Then Wookie let out a huge doggie sigh.
“One good thing came out of Ben Rhodes spending time here tonight,” Tansy said. “He made me realize that I don’t want either of you going anywhere. Tomorrow I’m taking both of you off the adoption list.”
But there was more than one good thing that had come out of the evening she’d spent with Ben. They’d shared laughter, sex and a connection that she’d thought might last. Instead it had been over mere hours after it had begun, and it was her fault. She wasn’t dealing with that very well, either.
Ewok put his paws on her chest and began licking the tears from her face.
“Thanks, sweetie.” She cuddled the dog close, but not too close. She didn’t want to get peed on. “Looks like it’s going to be the three of us for Christmas, after all.”
* * *
BETWEEN THE TIME BEN left Tansy late Thursday night and the time he parked in The Haven’s lot Saturday morning, he went through hell. And it was a hell of his own making. He’d known, known not to get involved with her. But he had ignored his own warnings and made love to her. Twice.
Even worse, making love to Tansy had given him the best memories of his life. What had he been thinking? Apparently he hadn’t been thinking at all. He’d been so besotted with her that he hadn’t seen the trap closing around him.
Oh, she hadn’t deliberately set it. At least he hoped not. The condoms had been damned convenient, but there could be an explanation for the unopened box in her bedside table drawer. The decision to have sex had been spontaneous. He’d bet money on that.
He’d been the one who’d mentioned giving up his ski trip so he could spend time with her, which had opened up a can of worms he should have anticipated. He shouldn’t have said anything about staying home, but once again, he’d let his libido run the show.
He wondered how different everything would have been if she’d told him a week ago that she’d been there when Mickey died. But he could see why she hadn’t said anything. Not blurting it out i
n the office had been the sensitive way to handle the situation. He should have known she would push the adoption. She thought his decision to avoid bonding with animals was a mistake, a symptom of his deeper pain. She wanted to rescue him from that mistake, heal him—for his own good, of course. That really stuck in his craw. He didn’t need rescuing, by her or anyone.
Now if he could only forget the intense joy he’d felt when he was with her, he could move on.
In the past couple of days, though, he’d had zero success with that, and if he continued on as the shelter’s official photographer, he might never get over her.
So once he’d completed this DVD, he’d scout around for someone else to take the assignment. Surely someone in Tacoma had camera skills and was itching to donate those skills to helping homeless animals.
Bolstered by that plan, he took a deep breath, grabbed his backpack full of camera equipment and climbed out of his truck. A couple of cars were in the lot, and lights were on inside the yellow Victorian. Fresh snow had fallen during the night, but the steps were already fairly tracked up.
He was surprised that people had been coming and going from the shelter so early. Last Saturday at this time, Tansy had been alone in the office and only two volunteers had been working, one for the cats and one for the dogs, but when he walked in the door he noticed Faye behind the counter.
She glanced up. “There you are. Tansy’s not here.”
“Oh.” Disappointment sliced through him. He was angry with Tansy, but he was still desperate to see her again. She’d probably made herself scarce on purpose. After all, she didn’t have to be here to help. He could handle it alone.
“She asked me to come in early this morning and help you set up.” Faye gestured to a couple of canvas shopping bags sitting on her desk. “She bought some props for you to use, if you want them.”
He nodded, but the more he thought about Tansy’s being AWOL, the more irritated he became. Coming here hadn’t been easy for him, but he had because he’d made a promise. They’d brainstormed the project together, and even though they both might feel a little awkward, they should work on this DVD together. Besides, he wanted to see her, needed to see her. Fool that he was.
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