She watched without speaking, letting the tears flow because hey, no one would judge her for it. Everyone would attribute her tears to homecoming joy rather than a breaking heart.
“Yeah, I know,” he said soothingly as the dogs put their paws on his shoulders, barking their heads off, but he didn’t so much as wince. He just took the leashes from her hands and continued to talk to Samson and Delilah. “Thanks for getting baths, you two. We’ll have fun messing you up again later when we play in the snow.”
He continued his calm monologue until Samson and Delilah settled down, each dog plastered against one of his legs. Now there was nothing left but for the two of them to speak. To pretend. Tougher than ever to do with all the couples around them embracing with happiness and a promise of passion.
Alex rose, standing eye to eye with her, then taller. She toyed nervously with the feather in her hair. His indigo blue eyes held a flash of guardedness, a hint of anger—and unmistakable desire. She couldn’t stop the answering reaction inside her, accompanied by a ridiculous sense of relief that she’d changed out of the jeans she’d been wearing when she’d washed the dogs. She’d put on a green cashmere dress and knee-high leather boots.
All in the name of pride.
A wasted emotion most of the time, yet right now it was the only thing keeping her spine upright as the silence stretched. She had to do something to ease the uncomfortable distance between them. Her mind full of all their past passionate reunions, she leaned in to rest her cheek to his, using the excuse of the dogs between them to keep from moving any closer.
“Welcome home,” she whispered, her skin sealed to his by the dampness of her tears.
He thumbed dry her other cheek with the barest hint of a stroke, so brief and yet utterly stirring. “I didn’t expect you to be here waiting.”
“Of course I’m here.” She angled away, scrubbing her face with the back of her wrist, the cashmere sleeve tickling her senses, still on fire from his touch.
She had to ask him about the dog transport, to ask whether he would spend several days in a car with her, talking, but nerves pranced in her stomach. She’d given up trying to repair their marriage. Still, she hoped they could talk through things for...what? If not friendship, at least they could ease the rawness of emotions between them, ease the pain.
“Right, you are always the perfect wife—and I mean that.” His face tugged with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m the one who screwed things up between us.”
“We both made mistakes.” Too true. She crossed her arms, hugging hard against the regret swelling in her chest. Last December, she’d lost her temper with him because they were spending yet another holiday apart. She still cringed over her loss of control, when she’d always prided herself on being the supportive military wife, unlike her mom. “I’m hoping we can put that aside for now and just get through the holiday.”
“Just call me Scrooge.” He passed her the leashes as he scooped up his bags and helmet again.
“I guess I’ve called you worse.” Much worse. Her temper and her mouth betrayed her too often, racing ahead of her brain.
A dry laugh rasped from him. “Why do you have to be so funny and hot?”
Before she could pick her jaw up off the floor, he nodded toward the door. “Let’s find your coat and get the hell out of here. All the merriment in this place is Grinching me out.”
* * *
TECH SERGEANT ALEX Conrad shouldered through the mass of his brothers and sisters in arms reuniting with their families and friends. As they walked, his wife kept up a steady stream of conversation to fill the awkwardness. He had no family other than Shelby, and soon, he wouldn’t have her at all.
He loved her. He just couldn’t fail her any longer. So he was going to grit through one last holiday together, buttoning his mouth and emotions up tight, and then set her free.
“Alex, you must be starved. Steaks are marinating in the fridge and I made your favorite turtle brownies with extra pecans.”
“Sounds great. Thanks.” God, he hated small talk. Although it beat the hell out of arguing with Shelby.
“How was the flight?”
“Smooth. Long. Glad to be home.”
“Of course.” Her dry tone hinted at the subject of their last—and worst—argument.
The trouble in their marriage had started after their fourth infertility treatment failed. They were out of hope and out of money for more expensive procedures the doctors didn’t think would work anyway. Even with his paycheck and her job teaching biology at a private school, it wasn’t enough to cover the treatments. He’d told himself he needed to sign up for extra deployments to bolster their bank account. But when Shelby had found out he was volunteering to go overseas, she’d seen right through him. She’d known he was using it as an excuse to escape the tension between them.
By the time he’d returned from the last tour she’d deflated. Given up on him. Given up on them. They’d barely even spoken when he’d been back in the summer, and he’d been relieved to deploy again. Their marriage had fallen apart and a baby wasn’t going to hold them together. With tears of pain and anger streaking down her face, Shelby had demanded a divorce. He’d given her the only thing he could.
His consent.
They’d started proceedings just before the last deployment—a non-volunteer one. The minute she’d heard he was flying out for four months, she’d shifted back into perfect wife mode to prove to the world she wasn’t like her mom. The world might be convinced, but he’d known Shelby was only going through the motions, then—and now.
She snagged her dressy black coat off the edge of the bleachers, still peppering him with benign questions. “What do you think of Samson’s fur? I’m trying a new all-natural shampoo for him.”
“Nice. Soft.” It stabbed him clean through that things were so awkward he couldn’t even hold her coat while she slid her arms inside.
“The conditioner’s really helping with his dry skin.”
She flicked her auburn hair free of the collar, a tan feather peeking free as she smoothed down the static. She had a natural beauty, a confidence and strength that shone a helluva lot brighter than any makeup. God, he loved seeing her face beside his on the pillow when he woke up in the morning... There just weren’t words for how much he loved her.
And she was mouthwateringly hot in that soft sweater dress, the Christmas-green color turning her eyes a deeper shade of emerald. Just one look at her legs in those knee-high boots...damn. She slayed him.
Before he did something dumbass like sweep her up for a kiss, he shifted his attention to their dogs while she buttoned up and adjusted the reindeer pin on her lapel.
When he and Shelby were newly married, they’d wanted to add a pet to their family, so they’d headed to the animal shelter. Unable to decide between a neglected German shepherd mutt with matted fur and a springer spaniel with a broken leg, they’d come home with both.
He’d grown up with cats—lots of them. He’d never had a dog before, but Shelby had never lived without one. In fact, even though she’d started college with the idea of becoming a military doctor, she’d quickly changed her goal to becoming a civilian veterinarian...a dream she’d abandoned shortly after recuperating from her second miscarriage. Rather than pile on the debt of attending veterinary school, she’d become a high school teacher to help pay for the fertility treatments she would need to get pregnant again.
Zipping up his parka along with too many memories, he ushered Shelby out into the parking lot full of ice and snow flurries, continuing to shoot clipped answers as needed. The sun was dropping fast and so was the temperature, holiday lights on lampposts reflecting off the snow.
She led him to their Ford Explorer, parked three rows in, his boots crunching each step of the way. Their dogs kept pace alongside in their snow booties...so damn cute and Shel
by-like. Regrets piled on him faster than a snowplow slapped sludge onto the sidewalk.
He just wanted this day to end so he could hole up alone.
“We’re away from the rest of the crew, so let’s cut the small talk. You can drop me at the BEQ.” The Bachelor Enlisted Quarters. “There’s no need to put on an act anymore.”
She pivoted to face him in front of their SUV, her jaw jutting. “Are you kidding me? We should be able to live in the same house for a few more days without being acrimonious.”
“But it would just be pretending. I’ll be moving into my own apartment on January first. That’s our reality. Can’t we at least be honest with each other?”
“Honestly? It’s almost Christmas. I am not dropping you off anywhere.” She tossed him the car keys.
Sighing, he snagged the keys in midair and unlocked the back of the Explorer. He waved the dogs inside. He hefted his bags in after them and sealed the vehicle shut. “Because that wouldn’t be right, and you always do what’s right.”
“And nitpicking at me like that makes me want to drop you off in a snowy ditch.” She slid into the passenger seat.
He stopped by her side of the vehicle. Holding on to her door, he leaned in, their faces so close he could feel the cloudy puffs of her breaths. God, he wanted to kiss her one last time.
“Damn, Shelby, there you go with your spunky hotness factor again.”
She exhaled a long breath, the puff of air stroking over him like a phantom brush of her lips. His whole body went rigid in reaction. Her pupils widened in response. He knew her body so well, he could envision the flush spreading over her lightly freckled chest when he touched her. He wanted his wife.
“Alex,” she warned, yanking her seat belt on. “I said we should stay together for Christmas. That didn’t include sex under the tree.” The way they’d celebrated most holidays in the past.
“What did you have in mind? Hot cocoa by the fire like some Norman Rockwell painting?”
His Christmases growing up had been about as far from Norman Rockwell as a kid could get. No wonder he’d failed at making a family with Shelby. He didn’t have a clue how to put a real one together. He’d grown up with a chronically depressed mother and an absentee dad who paid the bills as long as he didn’t have to darken their gloomy doorstep too often.
Shelby’s cheerful optimism had been intoxicating after his somber childhood. But then she’d started pushing for soul-searching, marathon conversations about everything wrong with their marriage. God help him, he just couldn’t go down that dark path again.
“Alex, my family has invited us up to their house for Christmas and New Year’s.”
“Great.” He would rather eat nails.
He closed her door and rounded the front of the vehicle where she’d attached a perfectly aligned wreath to the grill.
He hoped like hell she wasn’t serious about going to her parents’ in upstate Washington. Her dad had built the house after retiring from the air force.
Alex slid behind the steering wheel, reined in his frustration and cranked up the heater.
Shelby held her hands in front of the vents. “About hanging out with my family...”
“It’s generous of them to offer, but it’ll be awkward as hell and you know it.”
Her dad—a full colonel, now retired—had made no secret of his disapproval of them marrying before Shelby had finished college. Then when she hadn’t gone on to become a veterinarian, her dad’s silent disapproval had felt all the heavier.
She shifted in her seat, the leather of her killer boots squeaking against the leather upholstery. “It would be even more awkward sitting in our quiet, barren house eating turkey while we pretend we aren’t weeks away from signing our names to the bottom of a divorce decree.”
He flipped on the windshield wipers to slap away the snow that had accumulated as they’d sat in the parking lot. “So which is it? Pretending everything’s okay at our house or at theirs? Your choice, Shelby.”
She chewed her lip—her first sign of nerves since he’d stepped into the hangar. “Actually, I have a different idea for how we can spend the Christmas holiday.” Pausing, she angled closer and gripped his arm. “An idea that will be a great distraction from the tension in our relationship.”
Her grip seared clean through his jacket, branding his arm with her touch, firing through him. There was only one way he could think of to distract himself from all their problems and it involved getting her in bed as soon as possible.
Please, Lord, let her be thinking the same thing because the prospect of never making love to Shelby again was killing him. “What kind of idea?”
Her smile went wobbly, hesitant even, but her green eyes were bright with hope. “Wanna take three homeless shelter dogs on a road trip?”
CHAPTER TWO
SHELBY SCRUNCHED HER toes inside her boots, nerves trotting in her stomach as she waited for Alex’s reaction to her blurted suggestion.
The heater blasted from the floorboards, their SUV engine idling in the parking lot. She hadn’t realized until now how much this trip meant to her, to have something positive happen in their marriage even as it ended. Not that saving these three dogs would erase months of arguments. The ones that had started when she’d learned it wasn’t just duty calling him away, he was volunteering for extra assignments and deployments. He’d said it was to bring in more hazardous-duty pay, but he hadn’t denied it when she asked if he was merely using the travel to avoid facing their troubles.
Over time, anger had shifted to pain, then numbness. But she wasn’t letting him avoid her any longer. She refused to let their marriage end with so much unsettled. They could and would finish on a strong note, damn it.
Words tumbled from her mouth in her rush to persuade him. “You know I’ve been volunteering more and more at our local animal rescue when I’m not teaching. The shelter director—Tansy Dexter—has had an especially challenging month. We’ve had to take in sixty cats seized from a hoarder, which means we needed a temporary facility to house them until they’re healthy and socialized enough to mingle with the others in the Kitty Condos. We also had a leaky roof in the Doggy Digs—”
“What does all that have to do with a road trip and three dogs?” He draped his wrist over the steering wheel in a manner that was too casual.
She could read him well. He was ramped up and tense.
So was she. “Because at the shelter—”
“The Haven.”
“Right.” She paused, surprised. “Wow, you remember the name?”
“In spite of what you may believe, I do listen to you.”
Ouch. “I never said you didn’t listen.”
“Do you want to stick with that statement?” He smiled, really smiled for the first time since he’d returned.
His deep blue eyes sparkled with dry humor, reminding her of when they’d met. She’d seen him at a picnic by the lake when she’d been home from college for the summer. He’d looked across the rows of tables directly at her, and without missing a beat, he’d simply walked away from the people he’d been talking to. With bold, determined strides, he’d approached her as if nothing and nobody else mattered.
Then he’d smiled and she’d forgotten to breathe. He’d knelt to pet her dog—a senior golden retriever. Her gaze had been drawn to the rest of him. A hot, muscled body, heart-stopping eyes and he loved dogs, too. She’d melted right then and there.
Warmth curled in her stomach now as well, and it had nothing to do with the heater. She forced her mind back to their conversation and how touched she was that he’d taken note of her volunteer work at the shelter. “Okay, sometimes—lots of times—I don’t feel heard, maybe because you refuse to talk. Apparently, though, you are listening to some of what I say, even when you’re staring at a book.”
�
�Thanks. I think.” He put the SUV in Reverse and eased out of the space before pulling forward, tires crunching on ice.
“Hey, about my road trip,” Shelby said, needing to return to level ground, away from emotion-laden memories. “The Haven has a program right now where we’re trying to find foster homes for all the animals over the holidays so none of the fur babies have to spend Christmas in a shelter. We’ve lucked into lots of coverage from KFOR TV.”
“How’s it working?”
“It’s been crazy lining up enough families, checking them out, making sure everyone understands the special needs of some of the animals.” Her mind swirled with the details as fast as the snowflakes spiraled in front of the headlights. “Such as the calico kitty, Katie, who has diabetes, and the mama rottweiler who has puppies—”
“We’re not road tripping with those puppies, are we?” He raised an eyebrow.
“No. Three other dogs.” Did that mean he was already on board? He hadn’t said so, but the implication was there. Her heart raced faster. “As for the reason for the road trip, these three dogs already have families who want to do more than just foster them for Christmas, they want to adopt them. But the families don’t live in the area.”
“The shelter expects you to give up Christmas to deliver these dogs? That seems unreasonable.”
“Nobody asked,” she rushed to reassure him. “This was my idea. I offered to foster the dogs until after the holidays, then drive them to their new homes. But the more I considered it, the more I liked the idea of a road trip to deliver them before Christmas. The families were thrilled when I floated the possibility, though I told them I’d have to confirm later. If we pick up the dogs at The Haven tomorrow, we’ll have them all delivered before Christmas Day. So if you’re on board...?”
“And if I’m not?”
Her skin prickled with an icy chill. Was he really asking her to choose? Or pushing her away completely? She was all the more determined to push for a real and open conversation with him. “Do you want to spend Christmas in our house alone? Or at my family’s house pretending for days and days?” She swallowed hard. “Or I could go by myself, if you would prefer. I would rather do that than just sit around and hurt the way I’m hurting today.”
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