“What makes you think I didn’t take care of that myself?”
She looked up quickly, guilt tweaking, along with a whisper of something that felt too much like hope. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“Forget about it. You’re right. I haven’t shopped yet.” He took the bags and pivoted away to stow them in the car-top carrier. “You didn’t say anything wrong.”
But she obviously had. She searched for the right words so she wouldn’t derail her chance to talk things out with him later, so she didn’t wreck any chance at a peaceful journey before it even began—
A Yukon hybrid veered off the road and into her driveway.
Shelby stepped aside quickly, almost slipping on the ice. “That must be the camera guy.”
The driver’s-side door opened and the driver slid out in a smooth blur of dark jeans and black wool duster. In his late thirties probably, the man had dark hair pulled into a ponytail. From the backseat, he hefted out a massive camera bag and duffel.
“Morning, folks,” he called over his shoulder with a flat Midwestern accent. “I’m Gene Watts, your freelance cameraman for the KFOR piece.”
Her husband stepped forward. “Alex Conrad and my wife, Shelby—”
The reporter continued without pausing, “I would shake your hands but mine are full, and honest to Pete, I’m not a chatty guy. I consider myself an artist with my camera. So while my lens and I become one, you just go about your life as if I’m not here.”
Shelby laughed in a cold puff. “Okay, Mr. Watts. Thank you. And while you’re sitting in the back becoming one with your camera, if you get hungry or thirsty, help yourself to something from inside the cooler.”
Alex reached for Gene’s duffel. “I’ll stow that on top. We’re a little short on space until we start delivering our three wise men.”
“Wise men?” Gene looked up from inspecting the contents of the cooler.
“Three dogs. Three wise men. Speaking of which, time to load up Melchior, Caspar and Balthazar.”
She smiled, realizing she’d lost sight of how witty her husband could be. She missed the laughter from the early days of their marriage when they’d both been lighter hearted, less jaded. Sure that they would have the white-picket-fence future with two kids who would play with their pair of dogs.
But that dream had died along with the laughter. Alex hadn’t cared enough about their marriage to really work at saving it, to talk to her, to explain why he’d taken all those extra deployments, let alone to promise her he wouldn’t do it again. He’d let her go with both hands, not even bothering to make a last-ditch effort.
Seeing the family with Trooper would no doubt be a great big dose of Ghost of Christmas Present. But she would just have to deal with it. She’d settle for delivering dogs to other families, giving them the future she’d once planned for herself and her husband.
* * *
ICY ROADS, HOLIDAY TRAFFIC and three dogs on board made for slow going, adding extra hours to their drive to Spokane. Alex flexed his hands as he released the steering wheel, then threw the SUV into Park outside the upscale pet supply store. They’d designated the shop as a neutral place for Trooper to check out his new family and for Shelby to go over the paperwork.
Ever aware of the cameraman, Alex stayed silent. He couldn’t help but notice Shelby’s practiced smile over the past several hours, her deliberately breezy voice and how she did her best to position the dogs in front of the lens whenever possible. Her years teaching high school biology had given her confidence with public speaking. He regretted costing Shelby her dream to be a vet, but he admired her success in the classroom.
She pulled out Trooper’s leash. “I’m going to take him for a quick walk before I go in to meet the family. Would you mind exercising the other two dogs? As you can see, there are plenty of folks around. We plan our meet and greets carefully for everyone’s safety.”
This time she smiled for him and the camera.
Alex had to admit, they’d taken care of the security angles by meeting in a well-populated, public place. “Sure.” He reached for the leashes. “I’ll hook up Prince and Daisy for a bathroom break in the bushes.”
Outside, the air was freeze-your-ass-off cold. Not that the weather stopped the shoppers streaming in and out of the row of stores as Christmas carols were piped through the outdoor plaza’s sound system—currently “Greensleeves” was seguing into “We Three Kings.”
Some folks trailing into the pet store brought their canine pals along, as well. Shelby attached Trooper’s leash before starting toward the front door. Gene walked backward ahead of her, documenting.
Alex didn’t have to be a media professional to see she would look amazing on camera with her vibrant auburn hair and natural beauty. Images of her had filled his dreams last night, leading him to reach for her—only to find her side of the bed cool and empty.
He hung back with the other two pooches and a handful of plastic waste bags. From the painted stencils on the plate-glass windows, it appeared the doggie boutique sported all-natural foods and earth-friendly gear. Through the glass he could see it was a large store with concrete floors and areas sectioned off for the pets to socialize, even an agility course. The place was a sanctuary for indoor play in the winter.
And there was Shelby.
God, everything always came around to Shelby for him.
She spoke with a woman in an apron who directed her over to the play area. After he tossed the waste bags into a trash can, he rushed through the door, drawn to her even more than the warmth of the place. The bells chimed as he walked inside with Prince and Daisy.
Still, he held back and scanned the room, his eyes landing on a family of five. The dad held a collar and leash with no dog at the end. Alex’s hand tightened on the leashes, bringing Daisy and Prince in closer. God, he envied that father with the kids tugging at his hands, even jumping on his feet.
The dad’s voice carried over the buzz of other shoppers. “You must be Shelby Conrad. We’re the Richardson family. We’re here for Trooper.”
The mom knelt beside the dog, stroking his head. “Our beagle passed away three months ago. I’d had her since I was a teenager. It’s difficult, we still miss her. But the children begged...”
“I understand completely.” Shelby tucked the envelope of papers under her arms. “Please, take as long as you need meeting with him. We want the match to be right for everyone. We’ll walk the other dogs while you and your husband talk.”
Shelby eased away until she stood beside Alex near the door, bringing with her the scent of raspberries. She eased Prince’s leash from him. “Sorry about the delay on the road today.”
“You can’t control the weather. Stopping for the dogs slowed us down, too.” He nodded toward the family and Trooper. The three kids were taking turns feeding him treats, hugging his neck, squealing over slobbery dog kisses. “Watching them go nuts over him makes the drive worthwhile.”
“Tansy said their application and phone interview were really great. Today’s meet just confirms it. Gene’s going to get some heart-tugging footage from this adoption.”
Her eyes glittered with a happy/sad mix that stabbed him clean through. This cheerful family image is what he’d wanted to give her on so many Christmasses. Now the chance was gone.
She cleared her throat and blinked fast. “Tomorrow there will be less pressure. The Swensons worked an extra day into their road trip, just in case we ran behind. We’re meeting them at the RV park where they’re staying.”
“No schedule to follow. What a concept.”
She looked up sharply. “Is that a dig at me now that we’re off camera?”
He raised his hands. “Honest to God, I was talking about myself. Work.”
She deflated. “Sorry to be defensive.” She pulled two dog biscuits fr
om a free sample bin. “One good thing about the bad weather, the longer our trip takes, the less time we have to pretend in front of my family.” She offered a treat to Prince, who sat on command. Daisy ambled away, not interested, tugging on the leash.
Alex pulled in the slack and guided the black Lab puppy toward the door. “Luckily Gene seems more interested in filming the dogs than us.”
“Maybe we should skip going to my family’s house altogether. Just go home and hang out...talk.”
Talk?
She zipped her parka up again, the cinched-in waist drawing his eyes to her curves then down to her long legs. What he wouldn’t give to tug those fuzzy-topped boots off her, then peel her jeans down while he kissed his way up.
If he was alone with her, talking would be the last thing on his mind. Bad idea.
“You want to visit your family. We’re going.”
“I don’t want to go if you’ll be miserable.”
This holiday was going to suck no matter what they did, or where they went. He’d already accepted that, and he was doing his best to salvage something for her. He understood this dog transport was important to Shelby; that made it important to him.
His wife really did have a knack with animals, and while he’d known she was spending much of her free time volunteering at The Haven, he was only beginning to realize what a large part of her life this had become.
And as for going to her family’s house...that was important to Shelby, too. He could put up with Zach Dawson one last time. He owed her that—and a helluva lot more.
The door opened again, the sound of a Salvation Army bell growing louder and faster before the door closed.
“We’ll stick to our travel plan. Mailing all those gifts will cost a fortune. We’re committed.” He nodded toward the family with Trooper. “And it appears they’re committed, as well. Go enjoy your success.”
“Don’t you want to meet them?”
And face more reminders of the family he’d never managed to give Shelby? No thanks. “I’ll just hang here with Prince and the pain-in-the-butt puppy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Shh! Daisy might hear you. Poor girl’s already sad enough.”
Shelby pulled out the papers and met with the mom and dad at the counter while the kids made a Hallmark moment with Trooper, sliding a red holiday bow around his collar. After the last of the adoption papers had been signed, the mom hugged Shelby hard, tears in her eyes. “Thank you. We love him already. You really went above and beyond for my family.” Pulling away, she swiped her fingers under each eye then reached into her purse. She pulled out an envelope. “Here’s a donation to the shelter. It’s not much, but—”
Shelby closed her hands over the young mother’s. “This is wonderful. The Haven will put it to good use. I promise.”
The youngest of the children raced by in a blur of purple snowsuit and wrapped her arms around Shelby’s legs. “Thank you for my dog, lady.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetie.”
To Alex, the whole exchange was a never-ending punch in the gut. He kept imagining how things might have been if they’d spent time together this way in the past, while they’d still had a connection. While they could have shared the happiness and Christmas cheer they were spreading.
He cupped Shelby’s shoulder. “We should get checked in to our motel.”
She glanced back at him, her hair gliding along his hand like silken fire. “I just have to thank the owner of the store and I’ll be right with you.”
Crouching, Gene trained his camera on the family hustling out the door. Looking up at Alex, he said, “Gotta wonder what kind of hotel or motel lets you bring a couple of dogs.”
“You would be surprised.” He and Shelby had brought their dogs down the California coast one summer and they’d found plenty of mom-and-pop inns that were happy to host them and their dogs, even a couple of major hotel chains had, as well. What the hell had happened to the guy he’d been back when he and Shelby had taken that trip? He’d sure screwed up since then. “The kicker will be wearing the dogs out after they’ve been cooped up all day in the car.”
“Lucky for me that I’m the cameraman, then. I’m locking myself in my warm room with carryout and a remote control.”
Alex pushed open the shop door. Time was, he would have welcomed the space to get his thoughts together. Level his head. Do anything to avoid more controversy.
But right now, he could only think how the time left with his wife was ticking away, and he wanted to spend every last second with Shelby.
Plus two dogs.
CHAPTER FIVE
KILLING TIME UNTIL ALEX returned with their carryout supper, Shelby squeezed a squeaky toy shaped like a snowman at the Lab. “Daisy? Come on, girl, you can even destroy the toy. Just come play with me.”
Prince leaped off the bed and snagged Frosty from her hand then raced in crazy circles with the squeaking toy. That crazy energy sure denied the dog’s senior status. Daisy harrumphed, chewing her rawhide bone in the corner. She’d shown more excitement and personality trying to tug Alex around the store. Shelby stroked the black Lab’s sleek coat, hoping Daisy would warm up to her. She just couldn’t figure this pup out, and that worried her. Would another family give up on Daisy, just as the first young couple that had adopted her?
She inched closer to Daisy, continuing to pet her without pushing her to play. And she couldn’t deny that stroking the dog soothed her own nerves, reminding her how much comfort her childhood golden retriever, Aggie, had given her.
Aggie had soaked up a lot of tears in her fur over the years—when Shelby’s mom had left, when she’d broken up with her high school boyfriend, when she’d realized moving into the dorm at college meant saying goodbye to her dog.
Once she’d married Alex, she’d tried to talk her father into letting her take Aggie, but her dad had said it wouldn’t be fair to her younger sister and stepbrother. Her sister would have understood...but Patrick? He was a sweet kid, but change was especially tough for him as a special-needs child. So she’d left her childhood pet with her dad. Aggie had passed away three years ago and Shelby missed her still.
The door to the hotel room opened and Alex backed inside, carrying a sack and sodas from a local Mexican food chain. Her favorite.
Cold air blasted in until he forced the door closed again.
“Thanks for braving the elements.”
“We all gotta eat.” He set the bag and drinks by the television, filling the room with the clean scent of snow and his broad shoulders.
“I’m sure you would prefer home cooking after enduring mess hall food for the past four months.” Guilt gnawed at her harder than Daisy on her chewy.
“Don’t worry about me.” He started pulling wrapped food from the bag.
Could she just shut down those concerns with the signing of the divorce papers? Or would she spend every Christmas wondering if he’d put up a tree or if he’d retreated even further from any kind of traditional celebration? Who would try to make him smile when he came home from work with the weight of the world on his shoulders? And most gut wrenching of all, she would be giving up her rights to hear if anything happened to him in the line of duty...
Maybe if they resolved some things, she’d be able to find closure. “Thank you again for driving with me. Seeing the Richardsons so happy with Trooper today and knowing I played a small part of that is the best Christmas gift I could get.”
Watching the family together hadn’t sent her into the old spiral of emptiness she’d sometimes felt about her infertility. Losing Alex had given her a different perspective, made her reevaluate her insistence they weren’t a real family unless they had a child together. It took losing everything to make her appreciate what she’d had.
He tossed a tortilla chip to each dog. “It’s clear we both want to
go out on a good note.”
She’d thought the same thing from the start, but hearing him say it out loud...the finality of it hurt.
Her chest tightened, feeling frighteningly like an impending panic attack. Not that she’d ever had one before. Damn it, she wouldn’t freak out now. She stroked Daisy faster and faster.
“Shelby?”
She didn’t realize she’d closed her eyes. She opened them and found Alex kneeling beside her, burrito and soda in hand. Her panic eased with each deep inhale of his crisp scent.
“Oh, uh, thanks.”
He didn’t let go of the food. “You can relax. I’m not going to hit on you again. I’m going to eat my supper and find something to watch on TV. Okay?”
She didn’t trust herself to speak so she just nodded, fearing he might hear in her voice how much she wanted to be with him right now. How much she needed to get everything out into the open. “Uh-huh.”
“I’ll take the bed by the door. It’s a guy thing, being closest to a possible intruder.” He held up his hand. “I bet Prince could take down anyone stupid enough to risk frostbite creeping around out there. But humor me.”
He angled closer, offering the burrito. She took the food from him and yet he leaned nearer still...reaching under Daisy’s belly for the remote control just peeking out. Standing, he strode away, leaving her with a big fat steak burrito and even bigger regrets.
Not to mention a very clear back off message. He was not going to talk tonight. And for once, she chickened out, too, unsure if she could face the fallout if hashing things out didn’t end peacefully after all.
* * *
THE WEATHER WASN’T ANY kinder to him today than yesterday. It made for slow-moving traffic along the interstate, the Christmas lights on distant houses occasionally piercing through the haze, haze and more haze. But, by God, he would make it to the damn RV park before sunset. They would deliver Prince late this afternoon and Daisy first thing in the morning Christmas Eve. The cameraman would fly out and they would drive on to her family’s house. Then it would be done. Finished. Thank God.
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