“Timothy has proven his worth,” she said. “The children adore him. Let him keep the job. You are right. I would like to return to Wisconsin with my family.”
He looked relieved at her quick decision. “Will you stay out the month?”
Two more weeks of seeing Timothy every day? Could she do it?
She didn’t want to give up one more minute with him, but a clean break would be easier for both of them. “My parents will he home this weekend and we’ll be leaving again as soon as possible. Friday must be my last day.”
“As you wish. Shall I tell Timothy?”
“I will see him tomorrow. I can do it.” She pasted a smile on her face in spite of the pain in her heart.
After the end of school the following day, she shared the news with Timothy. Drawing a deep breath, she kept her gazed pinned to the floor. “I have decided to move with my family.” She looked up to see his reaction.
He was clearly taken aback. “You’re leaving?”
Lillian hadn’t felt so miserable in ages. The bewildered look in Timothy’s eyes made her long to cup her hands on either side of his face and tell him none of it was his fault. The fault lay with her alone.
She thought she had accepted God’s plan for her life. To be a teacher, not a wife and mother. To that end, she had hardened her heart against loving any man, but love had crept in unnoticed in the guise of friendship. The friendship of a wonderful, kind and generous man.
“When?” His voice broke on the word.
“This is my last week.”
“I see.” The resignation in his tone told her more than his words that he wasn’t ready to let her go.
“It’s for the best. This is too hard.”
“I don’t know what to say.” His eyes bored into hers.
“Wish me well.” Tell me you love me. Ask me not to go.
“I wish you every good thing, Lillian, you know that. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too.”
She saw the glint of tears in his eyes as he left.
Standing in her empty classroom, she raised her eyes to heaven, praying for strength. Someday Timothy would fall in love, marry and, God willing, have children. If she stayed, she would one day teach them in this school. How could she bear it? Why was she being tested this way?
“Lillian, are you all right?” Debra asked softly from the doorway.
“Nee, I’m not.”
“Can I do something to help?”
“Show me how to fall out of love. Do you have a pill for that?”
“Oh, my poor dear.” Debra came and put her arms around Lillian.
Her kindness was the final straw. A raw sob broke from Lillian’s throat. It opened a floodgate of tears. Pouring her sorrow out on Debra’s shoulder, Lillian was only vaguely aware that Debra led her to a chair and sat down beside her.
When Lillian was done crying, she pulled away from Debra. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Tears are good for us.”
“I know. We all need puffy eyes and red noses.” She sniffed once. “What are you doing here?”
“I came bearing gifts.”
“For who?”
“You because I don’t know anyone else well enough to give them this.” Debra took her bag off her shoulder and pulled out a slip of paper. It was a check for a huge sum of money.
Lillian looked at her in shock. “I can’t take this.”
“You can and you will. Give it to your bishop to divide it among the people who have lost so much.”
“How can you possibly afford to give so large a sum?”
Debra laughed. “You’re right. It would take a few years to earn this at my salary. Have you heard of crowd funding?”
Lillian shook her head.
“I shouldn’t be surprised, since you don’t use a computer. There are internet sites where you post a plea for money and people can donate to your cause if they believe in it.”
“People gave this amount? Strangers?”
“Many people gave a little. A few gave a lot. One person gave a whole lot. I’m sure there will be more money coming in as word spreads about this violence against innocent and humble people.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I think the word is danki,” Debra said with a cheesy grin.
“That is the word.” Lillian threw her arms around Debra and hugged her with gratitude overflowing from her heart.
“Now would you like to tell me why I found you in tears? I take it you are in love with someone who doesn’t love you back?”
“He does love me, and that is the problem.”
“Girl, you are going to have to explain this from the top.”
* * *
Lillian was sitting at her desk when Timothy came in the next morning. He spoke quickly. “Our chief just told us they know who’s been starting these fires.”
She quelled the sudden panic in her gut. “Have they said who it is?”
“He wouldn’t give a name until an arrest has been made, but it is a local man.”
Where was Jeremiah? He hadn’t come home last night. How could she help him?
Timothy sat down on the chair beside her. “People will find it hard to accept that it was one of us. You don’t look surprised, Lillian.”
It was no use pretending anymore. “I have suspected for some time that Jeremiah might be involved.”
“What? I can’t believe that. Your brother is an honest fellow. What makes you suspect him?”
Lillian unlocked the large bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and pulled out the cardboard box. She took off the lid and set the box on the top of her desk. In it were the three propane canisters she had discovered under her brother’s buggy seat. “I don’t know what reason Jeremiah has been keeping these. I discovered them by accident under the seat of his buggy. These are the same kind that were used to start the fire at the Hanson Farm and in Bishop Beachy’s hayfield, aren’t they?”
“I think so.”
“What should I do, Timothy? He’s my brother and I love him. Your brother made mistakes and he repented. I know Jeremiah is a good man. I don’t understand why he would do such a thing. In my heart I don’t believe he would, but then I see this evidence.”
“You don’t have to do anything, sister.”
She looked up to see her brother walking toward her.
“Jeremiah, what are you doing here?”
“I came to tell you that Davey Mast has been arrested.”
The relief that surged to her was short-lived. “What about these?” She gestured toward the propane canisters.
“I took them out of his car. I thought I could prevent him from starting another fire, but that failed. I have tried to convince him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen to reason.”
She rose and ran to her brother, throwing her arms around his neck. “I never wanted to believe it was you, but you have been acting so strangely.”
He returned her embrace. “I’m sorry that I frightened you. I knew what Davey had done, and I have been trying to talk him into giving himself up.”
She drew back. “Poor Silas. This will be a terrible blow.”
Jeremiah nodded. “Davey was the one who told me that Hanson had fired his boss’s crew for stealing tools. He said he could hire an Amish crew to harvest the field for half the price. I thought it was odd, knowing Hanson never cared for us, but I wanted to make some extra money. Davey offered to drive me to the Hanson place before anyone else found out he was looking to hire a new crew. I know I shouldn’t have accepted a ride from him, but Davey and I have been friends for years. If Hanson hired us, Davey would work for me and not lose any pay.”
“But Mr. Hanson wasn’t looking for an Amish crew,” Timothy s
aid.
“He started yelling and ordering us off the place. He called Davey a liar and a thief and said the only thing worse than an Amish was an ex-Amish thief. Davey was furious.”
Lillian cupped her brother’s sad face. “I know his shunning was hard on you.”
“I knew there was good in him. I thought I could get him to come back to us. He never meant to put the school and all the children in danger. He said that fire just got out of hand.”
“So why did he start the fires at Bishop Beachy’s hayfield and why would he burn down his father’s barn?” Lillian asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that someone she had known for years could do such things.
Jeremiah shook his head. “I don’t know what happened to him. Maybe getting away with the Hanson Farm fire made him think he could do it again. He once told me the bishop should be punished for shunning him. I know his father’s refusal to even speak to him hurt him deeply. He honestly did try to keep the fire from spreading by stopping it that day.”
“We all thought he was a hero,” Timothy said, shaking his head.
“All men are made up of good and evil,” Lillian said.
Jeremiah stepped back and held Lillian at arm’s length. “I also came here to tell you that I will be moving to Wisconsin with Mamm and Daed. There is more work for me there and fewer bad memories.”
“I’m coming, too.”
He looked from her to Timothy. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
Lillian raised her chin. “It’s what I need to do. I have news of my own. Debra and her brother have been fund-raising for us. I have a check to deliver to the bishop for many thousands of dollars. Everyone who lost things in the fire will get enough money to help them recover.”
Jeremiah tipped his head to the side. “The Englisch are sending money to us? Daed will never believe it.”
“It looks like God has smiled on us after we endured our trials,” Timothy said.
She handed the check to her brother. “Will you deliver this to the bishop for me?”
“Gladly. This is wonderful news. All our problems are solved,” Jeremiah said as he headed out the door.
Lillian felt the awkwardness return now that she and Timothy were alone. Jeremiah was wrong. Not all their problems had been solved. Could she really leave Timothy?
Chapter Nineteen
Somehow Timothy made it through the weekend, but the pain in his heart never let up. How long would it take him to get over Lillian? A year? A lifetime?
His family was busy with plans to rebuild the gift shop and help with numerous barn raisings. Like most of the community, they were saddened to know the arsonist had once been a member of their faith.
Newspaper reporters and a few television crews came to Bowmans Crossing looking for a story angle. They went away frustrated when the Amish they tried to interview avoided their questions and their cameras.
Monday morning finally arrived. For the first time in his short career, he approached the school with dragging steps. She wouldn’t be there today or ever again.
He opened the door. The schoolroom was as empty as his heart without her. He walked across the plank floors, his footsteps echoing softly in the stillness. He stopped in front of her desk. She wasn’t coming back. She wouldn’t be here to help him learn to be a good teacher. She wouldn’t be here to make him smile at her teasing or to share some wonderful new story with. How was he going to go on without her?
He stepped behind the desk and looked out over the empty rows of student desks waiting patiently for the children to arrive. He was their teacher now, and he wouldn’t let them down. For such a small woman, Lillian had left him big shoes to fill. The children would miss her, too. He couldn’t allow a broken heart to interfere with his most important task.
He pulled out the chair and sat down at her desk. One by one, he opened the drawers searching for some trace of her. He found it in the bottom right drawer. A blue sweater, folded and forgotten.
He pulled it out and pressed the soft wool to his face as he inhaled her fragrance. Tears stung his eyes. He couldn’t let her go. He had to find a way to convince her to return.
It didn’t matter that they wouldn’t have children together. If that was God’s plan for them, he would face it with a glad heart if only she would be his wife. How could he make her believe that?
“Timothy?”
He looked up and saw her standing in the doorway with the morning light streaming in around her. He wasn’t sure he could trust his eyes. “Lillian? I prayed you would come back.”
“I left my sweater here. I came to collect it before I left.” She held out her hand.
“You can’t have it. I love you, Lillian. Please don’t go away. I can’t breathe when you aren’t near me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Nothing has changed.”
“Yes, it has. I’ve changed. I’m a teacher who needs help. I wanted children, and now I have forty-two of them looking to me for guidance. How can I be all I need to be without you by my side?”
“They won’t be your children. Your flesh and blood.”
“They will demand blood, sweat and tears from me. From both of us. It’s enough for me. Isn’t it enough for you? Now that the community has been blessed with such generous donations, I’m sure the school board will hire you back. If they don’t, they will have to find another teacher, for I won’t stay without you.”
She took a step toward him. “I don’t want you to settle for something you will regret later.”
He walked toward her and took her in his arms. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist. He sighed and laid his cheek on the top of her kapp. “I will never regret loving you. How could I? You are the soul mate our Lord God fashioned for me before the earth was made. You complete me.”
Her lips trembled. “I’m afraid.”
He drew back to look at her face. “Afraid of what?”
“I’m afraid to be this happy.”
“Ah, my sweet.” He pulled her close again. “I will spend my life making you happy for every year that God gives us. Will you stay?”
* * *
Lillian couldn’t believe how close she had come to giving up and leaving. One favorite sweater was all that had stood between this happiness and a lifetime of regret. If it hadn’t been a misplaced sweater, she would have found another reason to see Timothy for one last time. She thanked God for giving her this wonderful accepting man.
“Okay.” She managed a breathless whisper.
“Okay you’ll stay?”
She nodded.
“Okay, you love me?”
She nodded again.
“Okay you will marry me?”
“Yes.” It was a tiny squeak of a reply, but he heard it and pulled her close.
“Thank you, my sweet, sweet Lillian. You have just made me the happiest man on earth.”
She raised her face to his and kissed him with all the passion she’d held inside for so long.
* * *
The final day of Silas’s barn raising, a semitrailer turned off the highway and came slowly up Silas’s lane. It was a cattle hauler. The truck stopped near the newly completed barn where Timothy and his brothers were laying down the shingles. The truck door opened. A small, wry man with a thick gray mustache and a beat-up cowboy hat got out. Lillian was amazed to see he was a little person. She and the Bowman women were setting out the food for the men working, as it was almost noon.
“Howdy, folks. Is this the farm of Silas Mast?” the cowboy asked.
Silas stepped forward and nodded. “It is.”
“Would you be Silas?”
“I am.”
The cowboy held out his hand and Silas shook it. “Nice to meet you. My name is Barney Mast. I don’t reckon we’re
any kind of kin, as I’m from Oklahoma, but when I saw what you folks had gone through, I was moved to help. You may not know it, but you’re the answer to an old man’s prayers.”
“In what way?”
“I’m a dairyman myself. Been one all my life just like my daddy and granddaddy. My wife has been harping at me to retire for the last five years. We never had any kids, so I didn’t have anyone to take over my spread. Know what I mean? Dairy cows are a 24/7 operation. I raised every one of my cows and their mothers and their mother’s mothers. I know them like I know the back of my hand. I can sell my land, but I couldn’t sell my gals to just anyone, so I brought them here.”
Timothy and his brothers had come down and now stood beside Lillian. Silas shook his head sadly. “I’m afraid you have traveled a long way for nothing. I can’t afford to buy your herd.”
“Oh, I don’t want to sell them, but I can sure give them to a man who’ll appreciate every last one of them. That you and me share the same last name is just icing on the cake for me. I’d like to get them unloaded. They’re gonna need to be milked soon. We’ve been on the road for near eighteen hours.”
“You are giving your dairy herd to me?”
“Yup. I read about the fires and your loss and how you Amish folks take care of one another and I thought that’s the kind of people I want looking after my gals.”
Silas pulled off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say thanks and we’re even. My wife is tickled pink that I’m finally gonna retire and do some traveling with her. She’s been waiting fifty years to see the ocean. I don’t understand what’s so special about a lot of water, but I’m taking her to Hawaii as soon as I get back.”
Lillian leaned against Timothy as tears pricked at the back of her eyes. The Lord did indeed move in strange and wonderful ways.
* * *
Lillian and Timothy’s intention to marry was announced to the congregation three weeks after he proposed. The wedding would take place the first Tuesday in November. Lillian expected her friends to be surprised by her engagement, but most of them weren’t. Emma said, “We all knew that you two were made for each other. Friends don’t look at friends the way you and Timothy look at each other.”
His Amish Teacher Page 17