One minute Travis was staring down at me, the next second he exploded, bits of skin and meat and liquid spraying over me. A lion rose above me, shaking its maned head, staggering as it straddled me, as if even in lion form he hurt. He made a sound halfway between a roar and a moan, and fell to his side beside me. I lay there, my body aching from my toes to the roots of my hair. God, I hurt, but it was fading, a bone-grinding ache, but it was fading. As it faded, I was able to pay attention to the fact that I was covered in that clear, warm goo that shapeshifters seem to lose instead of blood when they change. The more violent the change the more of it there seems to be. I’d given my beast to Travis, and even though it wasn’t exactly my beast, it was as if my lioness did go to him, for a while. The pain faded enough so I could think about something else, and the first thought was that when Haven had taken my beast, he hadn’t been weakened by it. Hell, Nathaniel, Micah, even Clay and Graham didn’t collapse like Travis did. He was weak. I needed someone strong.
Then I had other things to worry about, because the wolf decided she wanted a chance. She ran up that tunnel like a pale ghost. I had time to say, “Wolf,” then she hit me, and I was back to writhing on the floor.
I reached out, and Richard was there. He wrapped his arms around me, held me tight while my body tried to tear itself apart. He pinned my face with one strong hand. He called his beast. His power hit mine, and it felt like my blood was boiling. I shrieked, tried to tell him to stop. He leaned in to kiss me, while his power combined with mine to boil me alive. I tried to give him my wolf, but I couldn’t. It couldn’t get past the weight of his power.
His power began to push my beast back like boiling water pushing a forest fire back. It worked, but it felt like my skin was singeing and smoking as he forced my beast back. He drove it back to that place deep inside me. He drove it back, and it went whimpering. I whimpered with it, because it felt as if my body had been burned with power. I tried to look down at my body, and the world swam in streamers of color and nausea. I’d seen Richard force people to swallow their beasts before, but I’d never known that it hurt.
When my vision cleared, Richard was smiling down at me. He looked pleased. “I wasn’t sure it was going to work,” he said, and there was strain in his own voice as if it had cost him something, too.
I whispered in a voice that was broken from screaming, “That hurt.”
His smile faded around the edges, but I didn’t have time to worry about his hurt feelings, because the leopard spilled up into me like poison trying to find a way to drip out of my skin.
Nathaniel’s arms found me, but Micah took me from him. Micah wrapped his arms around me, pinned me to his body. My leopard knew his, knew the smell and taste of it. The energy went into him like a huge hot breath. It washed over his human body, and fur followed the power, like turning a shirt inside out. Micah was one of the smoothest shifts of any wereanimal I’d ever seen. Only Chimera had changed more easily and less messily than he did.
I was left clasped to the front of his furred body. Held by a body that was half man and half leopard. Travis had only two shapes: lion and human. Every other wereanimal in the room had three: animal, human, and half-and-half. Once I’d thought you had to be powerful to do the half-human form. But I’d been spending too much time around really powerful wereanimals. Now, I thought that only the weak couldn’t do it.
I let Micah hold me, but I was too weak to hold him back. He laid me gently on the floor and lay down on his side beside me, propped up on one elbow. I stared up into his black-furred face, a strangely graceful mix of cat and human. His eyes looked just as at home in this face as his other one. They were both Micah to me.
“Did you do that to make a point?” Richard’s voice, angry.
Micah looked up at him and spoke in that gravelly purr that he had in this shape. “What point would that be?”
“That I caused her more pain making her swallow her beast than you did by taking it.”
“I took her beast because I’m not powerful enough to make her swallow it, and because being forced to swallow it can hurt, a lot.”
“So I cause her more pain, and you come off the hero.”
If I hadn’t been exhausted, and aching from head to toe, I’d have told Richard to stop it, not to fight, but I was too tired. He’d slept over. He’d helped me with Marmee Noir. It had all been going so well. I didn’t want it to go badly. Damn it, damn it.
“I called her leopard, instead of letting Nathaniel do it, because I can do this.” He moved away enough so he wasn’t touching me, and then it was like magic. It was as if the black fur were tiny flames that spilled off and blew away in the wind of his power, and everywhere the black blew away there was skin underneath. Everyone else looked as if they were being torn apart and remade, or pulled inside out when they shifted. The best you could hope for was to have the other body melt away and the beast, or the human, pull itself out of the other form. But Micah, Micah just changed. One minute leopardman, the next human again. If I hadn’t seen Chimera shift from one form to the other like water spilling back and forth between hands, I’d have said Micah was the best at shifting I’d ever seen.
Micah looked up at Richard. “Nathaniel would have been trapped in leopard form for hours.”
I couldn’t see Richard’s face because I was turned to Micah, and it seemed like too much effort to turn my head the other way. But I heard the disbelief in his voice. “It’s supposed to cost if you change back before six hours, sometimes longer. Aren’t you exhausted?”
“No,” Micah said.
“Are you disoriented at all?”
“I wouldn’t want to jump to my feet, but give me a few minutes and I’ll be fine.”
“I’ve never seen anyone who can shift back and forth like that.”
“I’ve seen one other who was better,” Micah said.
“Who?”
“Chimera,” and just saying it caused Micah’s face to take on that serious, sorrow-filled expression that I knew too well.
I reached up to touch his arm. I’d have liked to touch his face, but those extra inches seemed too much effort. He smiled down at me, as if he knew what even that small effort had cost.
A woman’s voice said, “If this guy could change shape easier than that, I’d have liked to meet him.”
Soledad came to stand over us. She wasn’t as tall as some of the guards, well under six feet, but from flat on the floor, she looked tall enough. She was slender but curvy, with hair cut boy short and dyed a shade of yellow that didn’t occur in nature. With the hair you’d expect more makeup, but she usually did lipstick and just enough liner to accent her brown eyes. She stared down at me with that look she usually had, like she thought something was funny and would laugh any minute. I’d realized a few days ago that it was her version of a blank face.
I might have asked her what she was thinking, staring down at me, but the tiger flashed inside the darkness in me. No, please, no, I thought.
Soledad stared down at me. The smile slipped away from her face, and I saw something I hadn’t expected for a moment: fear. I might have asked what she was afraid of, but the tiger started racing up that long dark hallway inside me. I reached up to her.
She hesitated.
Claudia said, “Do your job, Soledad.”
She leaned over to take my hand, saying, “In this world I would rather live two days like a tiger than a hundred years like a sheep.”
I might have asked what she was quoting, but the moment her hand touched mine, the tiger sped up. It bounded down that hallway, and I braced for the impact.
14
THE IMPACT NEVER came. The tiger hit my skin, my body, and kept going. I didn’t give my beast to Soledad; it just washed out of me and into her. It didn’t hurt me; it was as if all that went down my hand to hers was power. It just happened to look like a tiger. I wasn’t sure that was it at all because Soledad didn’t change shape. She half-collapsed around me, catching herself with her free hand so
she didn’t fall on top of me. Her breath came in sharp pants, as if something hurt, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was just holding her hand and watching her face.
She managed to whisper, “You don’t hold tiger inside you.”
“I think you’re right,” I said. My voice still sounded hoarse from all the screaming, but at least I could talk above a whisper.
“What’s wrong?” Claudia asked from behind us.
“I think Marmee Noir couldn’t turn me into a tiger,” I said. I kept looking at Soledad’s face, though. She still looked hurt. I asked, “Are you all right?”
She nodded, but her lips were pressed in a tight, thin line. I think she was lying to me about being all right.
“I think she’s hurt,” I said.
Claudia knelt beside us. “Soledad, are you hurt?”
She shook her head.
“Tell me you aren’t hurt,” Claudia said.
Soledad just kept shaking her head. Claudia helped the other woman to her feet, and Soledad’s knees wouldn’t hold her. Claudia had to catch her, or she’d have fallen to the floor. Remus came on the other side of her and helped ease her to the edge of the bed. He asked, “What’s wrong with her?”
“I’m not sure,” Claudia said.
Soledad found her voice. “That was not a weretiger.”
I tried to sit up, and Micah had to help me. Richard moved in on the other side to help me sit between them. “It was Marmee Noir,” I said.
“Who?” Soledad asked.
“The Mother of All Darkness, the queen of the vampires.”
“It smelled like tiger, not vampire,” she said.
“Tigers are one of her animals to call,” I said.
Soledad shook her head and leaned against Claudia for a moment. “All right, I admit it, I don’t feel so good.”
“Why didn’t she bring her beast?” Nathaniel asked.
“Anita isn’t a weretiger, so the tiger couldn’t be as real as the rest of the beasts,” Micah said.
“What do you mean?” Richard asked.
“We’d been wondering if Anita is picking up beasts because she survived attacks, or if it’s vampire powers, and she’ll collect animals to call as if they are types of lycanthropy. I think this answers the question. She’s never been attacked by a weretiger, and Chimera didn’t hold tiger as one of his shapes.”
“So why try to call tiger?” Richard said. “Why not call one of the cats Anita already has?”
“I don’t know,” Micah said.
I had a thought. “She’s been inside my head deep enough to know that I didn’t think we had a tiger nearby. She said she wanted to make me hers, but if she couldn’t have me, then…”
“She meant for the tiger to tear you apart,” Richard said, softly.
“Or she was trying to make you a tiger from a distance,” Soledad said. “I don’t think she knew what would happen. I don’t think she cared what would happen. The power that brushed me didn’t think like a tiger.”
“What did it think like?” I asked.
“A serial killer, a butcher. Tigers only hunt when they’re hungry. This thing hunts because it’s bored.”
“Yeah,” I said, “that sounds like Mommie Dark. Sorry you got a taste of her, Soledad.”
She gave a weak smile. “My job to take the hits for you, right?” But she was pale, and looked as close to fainting as I thought I’d ever see one of the guards.
“Chimera might not have been a tiger,” Remus said, “but he did hold hyena, snake, and bear, at least those three more. Why doesn’t Anita react to them, too?”
Micah shrugged. “She’s never been attacked by them. She seems to need to be bled by an animal first.” He stroked his hand down my bare back. It reminded me that we were nude, but strangely because everyone else treated it like it was nothing, so could I.
Richard settled in closer to my other side, as if that one touch of Micah’s made him have to touch me, too. Or maybe he was just nervous and letting himself take comfort. I looked for bad motives for Richard. I didn’t mean to do it, but he’d hurt me so badly and so often that I finally realized I looked for the negative in him, not the positive. I took a deep breath in and let it out slow.
“You all right?” Remus asked, but his eyes did a slide to each side of me, as if he knew what was wrong.
I nodded, and the movement was too fast. I ached, but it was sharper than that. The pain would fade, but damn, I didn’t know how the real wereanimals did it. Changing completely had to hurt worse than this in-between stuff.
Remus asked, “Do you know why you don’t react to all of Chimera’s animal forms?”
“Jean-Claude thinks maybe I need a vamp with that animal to call to mess with me before the beast rises.”
“So a combination of the attacks you’ve survived and vamp powers,” he said.
“Something like that,” I said.
Richard moved his hand across my shoulders, drawing me in against his body, and away from Micah. I tried not to tense up, but failed. He stopped in midmotion and just kept his hand on me. The movement that had been so natural was suddenly awkward. Awkward moments when I’m naked make me want clothes.
“Then you should react to us, the hyenas, because we’re Asher’s animal to call and he has messed with you, Anita. Messed with you so much he almost killed you.”
I tried not to think about Asher, tried not to dwell on what we had done together the last time we’d been allowed alone together. His bite was orgasmic; combine that with actual sex and it was an experience you’d give your life for, and I’d almost done just that.
Micah touched my shoulder. “Anita, don’t.”
I jumped and looked at him, startled. He was right, I’d almost thought too hard about Asher. Just the memory could come back and duplicate the pleasure, at the most inopportune moments, or the most embarrassing. I shoved thoughts of Asher and his hair like spun gold as far away as I was able. But he never seemed to be too far from my thoughts lately, not since the night that we’d both gotten so caught up in his ability to bring pleasure….
Micah grabbed me, hard, and turned me to look at him. “Anita, think about something else.”
I nodded. “You’re right, you are right.”
“You’re still having flashbacks to that night?” Richard made it a question.
I nodded.
He touched my back again, tentatively, gently. Not trying to move me away from Micah, but just touching me. That I could deal with. “Hard to compete with someone who can make you orgasm just from remembering.”
I turned and looked at him. He looked away, as if he wasn’t certain I’d like what I saw on his face. I already knew he was jealous of the other men. I couldn’t even blame him, I guess. He let all that heavy hair fall forward, to help hide his face. It wasn’t as long as Asher’s hair, but the gesture was similar. Asher used his hair to hide the scars that the old Inquisition had given him centuries ago when they’d tried to burn the devil out of him with holy water. Was Richard mimicking that hiding gesture on purpose, or by accident?
Travis, the lion, gave a gasping breath. It turned my attention to him and away from Richard. Micah let go of me so I could run my hand down the soft furred side of the lion. Travis’s lion was a pale straw gold. He rolled over on his stomach and looked at me with a perfect lion face, but the look out of that face wasn’t lion. The look said, clearly, that there was still a person in there. Lions just didn’t give you that disgusted look.
“I’m sorry it hurt,” I said.
He shook his head hard enough to fluff his mane. It was dry. I never understood that, but though changing shape was wet work, the product at each end was always mostly dry. The floor or bed would be wet, people around them could be wet, but they were dry. I’d asked all the lycanthropes in my life how that worked, and they didn’t know either.
“I’ll take Travis to find food,” Nathaniel said. He stood there, still nude, still covered in some of the gunk that had managed to miss
the lion.
“You’ll need to shower,” Micah said.
“I’ll catch one in the group showers.”
Nathaniel was quietly counting himself out for the morning feed—morning sex. It occurred to me then that I hadn’t fed last night before bed. The ardeur hadn’t risen, and we hadn’t woken it on purpose.
I looked toward Damian’s coffin, but the bed blocked my view. “Shit,” I said, softly.
“Jean-Claude says that you can practice going longer between feedings,” Nathaniel said.
“But I have to feed now.” I sounded disappointed and couldn’t help it. Having sex when you wanted to was one thing; being forced to have sex because you might die was different. I didn’t like to be forced to do anything, even things I enjoyed.
“I’ll take Travis to the food area, and I’ll clean up.” He looked at the two men still beside me. I caught a quick flash of feeling. He was out of here. He could stand his ground when he needed to, but Nathaniel didn’t really like to play the king-of-the-hill games, especially when I was the hill. He knew it pissed me off, so he opted out most of the time. Micah, too, sometimes. They lived with me, which meant they had to understand me better than some of the other men in my life. Okay, better than Richard. There, I’d said it, at least in my head. He usually turned everything into a pissing contest. Trouble was, I felt like I was the one getting pissed on.
“Who did you feed on last?” Richard asked.
“Me,” Micah said, and looked at the other man.
They had a moment where they just looked at each other, and like last night in the bed, I felt superfluous. “I don’t know how to do this,” Richard said.
“Just say it,” Micah said.
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