“I will.”
His eyes widened and she was astounded by his expression. She’d spent time with him. She believed he’d shared portions of his life with her. Under other circumstances, perhaps they could have been friends.
He stared at her in disappointed and Madison relaxed as she knew their conversation would be coming to an end. “Well, there is still one parent who cares for the baby. I’ll take you home and leave Matthew to deal with you from there.” He grabbed her arm. His hold wasn’t painful but it held meaning.
She was not to struggle. Therefore, she didn’t.
Fighting had never helped her before.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 3
* * *
Leo found himself raking his fingers through his hair late that evening as he poured over Arland’s private journal. He’d collected other papers and items he thought to hold some importance while at the viscount’s home, but he’d not gone through it all.
If he were being honest with himself, he feared what he would find. He cared about Matthew and Madison and could sense both hiding secrets from him.
Again, he read the single letter from Madison he’d found to Judd. This was the third time he’d gone over the words. He’d yet to get over their power. Her devotion to the viscount had been so sweet and true that Leo had felt a twinge of jealousy, not because he wanted Madison, but the love Judd experienced… what man wouldn’t want that?
He couldn’t imagine being loved with such depth. He didn’t know how he’d handle it. He could barely handle his feelings for Wess. Every time Leo looked at him, he grew more possessive.
He’d begun to wonder how everything came to be. Why was Madison married to Matthew when it was Judd she’d wanted?
Leo had spoken to her father that afternoon and asked about Arland and the weeks before he’d died. He said Arland had changed over the last year. When his father died, the pain had gotten in the way of his studies. Matthew had been there. They were still looking for details about The Circle. He hadn’t seen Madison when he’d arrived, but he’d been glad to know that Matthew had allowed her to be alone with her mother.
Lord Cumpterton had spoken about the change in Judd. And how, almost overnight, he’d gone from brooding to smiling once again. He’d been renewed. Changed. Eager to learn and happy.
“Make no mistake,” Lord Cumpterton had said. “Every once in a while, I caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, but then a smile would come. It was like watching winter bloom into spring.”
And Leo knew exactly what had put that smile on Judd’s face. A woman who—in her letter—claimed Judd to be her one and only love. The way the words had been phrased, one would think Matthew hadn’t existed in her life.
He’d watched the anger grow on Matthew’s face while Lord Cumpterton had spoken. Lord Cumpterton and Matthew seemed uncomfortable around one another. Leo had hoped that would change once Matthew and Madison had reconciled, but it seemed it would not be.
Leo enjoyed her family very much. The Blake family was close. Leo could see it, hear it in the way they’d finished one another's sentences or left a sentence unfinished to give way to laughter. He’d missed most of the conversation during that first visit. Though he’d heard every word, some of the jokes and phrases had intimate meanings that he’d never understand. It had been one of the most beautiful things to witness.
Madison had sat at his side, laughing and smiling far more than he’d thought her capable of. She was very beautiful. It was like she was two different people. One person with Matthew and another with her parents.
Yet today, both selves had collided into an ugly mess.
Even more disturbing were the carefully chosen words she’d used with her parents.
“You were the best mother anyone could have ever had.”
“She’s gone. Maddie is gone.”
“Goodbye.”
Who tells their mother that they were the best? Shouldn’t she have said are?
Leo was supposed to be finding answers about The Circle, but instead, he was trying to help two lost souls find one another. He laughed as he stood. He needed a drink and maybe something to eat.
He was not the first one to think to sneak into the kitchen. “It is actually customary for one to eat their food at the dinner table as opposed to hiding their food in their rooms.”
A single lamp lit the center of the space. Madison stood on the other side of the kitchen. A large piece of bread hung past her lips. She had another piece in her left hand. Her right held a long carrot.
He crossed his arms. “How are you managing to eat like that?”
She grabbed the bread from her mouth with the hand that already held the bread. “I was hungry. I’ll not be ashamed of it.”
“As you shouldn’t be.” He crossed to her. “Is there any bread left?”
“Yes, but I can’t find the meat.” She sounded strange.
He reached for the bread box but looked over and watched her open a cabinet. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m hungry.” She sounded famished, as if she hadn’t eaten in days.
When she moved a foot onto a chair and looked ready to climb up, he grabbed her shoulders. “Go sit at the table. I’ll serve you.”
She was stiff under his touch.
Leo didn’t like touching people, but he’d had to stop her before she hurt herself.
She eventually relaxed and then nodded before moving to the small table in the corner. Leo had seen the housekeeper and butler there once or twice before, likely going over the expenses.
Leo continued his search where Madison left off and opened the first cabinet. He picked up two porcelain jars and lifted their lids. “Orange and strawberry marmalade, if you wish for it.”
“Yes.” Her voice was muffled by the food in her mouth.
Leo chuckled even as he took pity on her ravenous state. He picked up a knife from the counter and pulled out a plate. “Strawberry or orange?”
“Yes.”
He looked at her. “You want both?”
She nodded and bit into her carrot. The snap was jarring and she ate without a single care for etiquette. And the way she was looking at him, he knew he’d best hurry up.
He found the meat. “Should I cut you a female portion or—”
“Just bring it.”
He laughed and did as she said. He took the butler’s chair and then watched her eat for a time. She paid him no mind as she stuffed her face.
“Water,” she demanded without looking up from her prizes.
He fetched her the water without a word. Then he sat again. “Do you think there will be anything left for me when you’re done?”
She stopped and looked up. Her lips were closed. Her mouth was full of food. She looked at the piece of bread in one of her hands and held it in front of his face.
He frowned and took it from her. “Thank you.” This was not the most awkward meal he’d ever had, but it was with a lady.
He ate the bread and smiled as he did it.
She slowed down a moment later and then used a cloth to wipe her mouth. “Forgive me.” She couldn’t meet his eyes. “I felt like I was dying.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me. I’m just glad you’re eating. I was worried when you simply moved your dinner around last evening.”
“I feel like I’m eating all the time.” Though this part of the room wasn’t bright, Leo detected her mouth was trembling.
“Can I ask you a question?”
She blinked and then shrugged. “Why not?”
“What’s one of your fondest memories of your father?”
Her mouth fell open. “I… don’t understand.”
“Think of a time you were happiest with him. Tell it to me. Please.” He didn’t want her to start weeping at the table.
Actually, Leo found himself hoping to make her happy.
Madison took her time coming up with an answer. “The day he brought home a piano. I was six at the time, and it
’s still my favorite memory.” She smiled and though she was looking at him, he knew she was seeing something else. “My mother wanted me to take singing lessons. Sadly, I was terrible at singing. I still am. I didn’t want to do it. My mother and I fought about it for weeks and she searched for a vocal instructor who could turn my voice into something it wasn’t.”
She was still smiling through it all. “After a while, my mother gave up the fight and sent my father out to find the perfect teacher. She believed he’d be able to find one at the school. She said, ‘Get my child the best.’ Well, imagine her surprise when my father came home, not with a vocal teacher but a grand piano.”
“Grand, you say? Those cost a fortune.” He would know. He’d bought one for Wess. How strange that he and Lord Cumpterton had committed the very same act. Unfortunately, that was where their similarities ended.
She nodded. “And then there was a piano teacher with him. When my mother looked at him with outrage, he simply said, ‘You told me to go and find her the best. Well, I knew that what was best would be what made her happy.’ That’s my favorite memory.” She was no longer smiling.
“He knew me,” she said. “Even then. I worked very hard to master the piano, in order to show my gratitude, but it didn’t matter to him. He was simply glad that I was pleased.” She covered her face.
“Lady Hivers...”
She dropped her hands. “You. I want a story from you. What’s your favorite memory of your father?”
“I shouldn’t...”
“Please.”
“Madison...”
“Oh, come on. It’s only fair.”
“The day he fell from the top of the lighthouse on our property will always be my fondest memory of my father.”
∫ ∫ ∫
2 4
* * *
Leo spoke so matter-of-fact that it took Madison a moment to realize he was telling her the truth.
Her fingers rested on the table between them. She closed her fist and tried to think.
“I’ve shocked you,” he said quietly. “Forgive me.”
The light was behind him and the corner was dark, but she could still make out his eyes. “How old were you?”
“About fifteen,” he said. “It was many, many years ago.” She thought his posture rigid, but she couldn’t be sure without more light.
“Are you tired?” she asked.
“No, but if you are, please don’t stay up—”
“Why did you come to the kitchen?” She was far from tired. Her thoughts would likely keep her up until sunrise. Everyone in her life at the moment was upset with her. She never did well with disapproval.
“I came for the same reason as you. I was hungry.”
And she’d eaten everything while only offering him a piece of bread. “There’s fruit. I’ll get it.” She pushed on the table to help herself to her feet.
“No.” He started to rise. “I’ll get it.”
She placed a hand on his shoulder. This time, she was sure he stiffened. “Stay. Let me get it for you.”
He tilted his head back to look up at her. Silence stretched between them, and she wondered if he’d fight her on it.
“I’m not that hungry, actually.”
“Then I’ll get you an apple.”
There was another pause.
“You won’t try to climb anything, will you?” he asked.
She smiled. “I won’t have to climb a thing.” She went to the cold box and pulled out the first apple she could find. She inspected it for perfection and walked back over to the table. She grabbed the lamp while she was at it.
Leo moved the other plates to the side to make way for the lamp.
She set it down and turned up the flame then held the apple out for him.
He wrapped his finger around the fruit. His tone held suspicion and with the light, she could see the questions lurking in his eyes. “Why are you being kind?”
“You were kind to me. Can it not be returned?”
When he took the fruit, she sat down.
He rubbed the apple between his fingers. “I have a confession to make. I found only one letter to Arland. Still, it seemed to say everything. You truly loved him, didn’t you?”
The question triggered pain in her abdomen. Yet in the quietness of the kitchen, Madison felt safe enough to speak her truth. “Yes.” Nervous, she changed the subject. “It doesn’t sound like you loved your father.”
He chose that moment to bite into the fruit. It made a crisp snap. “I didn’t. He was a cruel man. He set me against my brothers. He was violent. Mad. He made me who I am today. I love no one.”
She fisted her hands again so she would not reach out to the wounded man across from her.
He sighed. “You pity me. Don’t ever pity me, Lady Hivers. I have been vicious to you, and I may be so again in the future.”
That made her lean away, but she couldn’t stop feeling the pain he was trying to harbor.
“Were you there?” she asked. “Did you see him fall?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “I saw the entire fall.”
Death was not a subject she enjoyed, especially since it made her think of Judd.
“How long have you been married to Hivers?” he asked.
Will he not let this matter rest? “A while now.”
“How long is a while?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.” She recalled Matthew suggesting a date to give to her parents, but once he’d said it, the memory was all but erased from her mind. “February sometime.”
He tilted his eyes. “Come now, Madison. Every woman remembers her wedding day.”
This was starting to feel like an interrogation. The conversation was no longer light. “You’re already aware that I loved another man. What difference does a date make?”
“It doesn’t, I suppose.” His tone grew soft. Had he been trying to upset her? Perhaps not.
“Matthew said something to me at dinner the night you left. He said all men make mistakes.”
Madison was lost and unsure what that had to do with her.
“Perhaps, he believes he’s made some mistakes with you,” Leo said. “Perhaps if you spoke to him, you could work out your differences.”
She frowned. “Have you ever been in love, Lord Leo?”
“No.”
She leaned on the table, being mindful of her stomach. “Then what makes you think Matthew and I could ever work?”
“Because I know compassionate women.” His eyes were potent in the lamplight. His voice held conviction. “I’ve learned that, when used with care, compassion can be a very powerful weapon in a woman. You are a compassionate woman.”
She looked down as her cheeks heated. “You don’t know that. You’ve known me for only a few weeks—”
“I’ve watched you for weeks. I know what I’m talking about.”
She shook her head. He would never understand because she could never tell him the truth. There was a life at stake.
“What is it?” Leo asked. “What are you afraid of?”
She blinked. “Why do you assume I am in fear?”
“Because I know the look of fear.”
She didn’t want to ask how. Even remembering the way he’d treated her days ago, Madison felt she could trust him. He was wrong. Her compassion wasn’t a weapon. It was a weakness.
“You care for Matthew’s health,” he said.
“Well, someone has to look after the baby.” The words were out before she could censor them. But they were true. If she left, the baby would stay and though Matthew had been vile to her, she hoped he wouldn’t be to the baby.
If she were heartless, she might have encouraged Matthew’s drinking and prayed for his death, but even she knew it took time before any sort of life-threatening illness would occur, often it took years. She’d have been sent away before he ever reached his deathbed.
And her son would still be in his care. She might as well make an effort to make that c
are a little better.
Madison couldn’t have imagined being the sort of woman to plot a year-long murder anyway. To have fed Matthew poison every day and watched him slowly sink to his death gave her no pleasure.
Trying to cure Matthew of his drinking habits was the last gift she could give her child, yet she already knew she would fail. He was so sad. She knew he missed Judd just as much as she did, but he also hated him and now she knew why.
Had Judd truly killed Matthew’s father?
Matthew was out tonight, likely drinking. Because she’d lied to him. It was too much to think about.
Leo’s entire demeanor changed. “You’re actually planning to leave the child, aren’t you?” He glared and she turned away.
“It’s a complicated matter.” She didn’t know what Matthew would do if she told Leo the truth. She had to stay silent for her child. She and Leo were alone, but she knew they weren’t truly. She heard footsteps outside the door. She’d not be able to run from this place. She had no freedom of choice. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand.” He stood. “And I think you’re doing the right thing.”
She looked at him. “You do?”
He nodded. “My mother loved me, or so she claimed, but never did she stand up for me against my father’s hand. I was left broken and bloody over and over again and she never said a word. But she stayed.” He shrugged. “But what good did that do me?” He placed a hand on the table and leaned into her face. “I’ll tell you what it did for me. Nothing. She was nothing more than an audience to my father’s torture. So, run, Madison. Leave the boy before he ever gets to know you. Run and you’re less likely to break his heart before it even has a fighting chance to grow toward you. It will be the best decision you ever make.”
Then he was gone.
It saddened her that those had been their parting words.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 5
* * *
Madison waited a few minutes before she stood. Then she gasped and looked down. Her dress was wet. Had she urinated on herself?
She closed her eyes in despair. She was such a mess.
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