concerned is that they won’t die in one giant slaughter but will be allowed to linger for years knowing that they’re the last I condemned them to that you see just another thing to keep me awake at night as for Humanity I only put off the inevitable everybody still knows that Kroy tacked it with the full consent of his bosses and everybody knows that this wasn’t an isolated incident everybody knows that we’re still run by the same kind of bastards who always wrote our history and blood and this is still just the start of it more will come out one black revelation after another too many to be written off as the actions of a corrupt few the war against us will come sooner than I want to think about it and when it does humanity won’t be able to put aside its agreements long enough to face it as a united front all our worlds will fall one after another all of them I practically screamed the last few words prompting a swarm of flying things to arc into the Skye from behind the cover of a nearby stand of trees my voice cracked and I whirled in place like an animal looking for the one weak place in its cage the only problem was that the cage that held me was life itself and the only way out would be coming for everybody all of them I said again and all I accomplished after all this pain was to give a few of us an outside chance of surviving it I faced two stricken expressions regarding me with the horror I deserved I flashed a nasty grin taking a savage perverse pleasure in seeing my own self disgust reflected in their eyes so what about now you said you can’t hate me and I know you can still find it in your heart to love me but do you still want me to be part of you do you want to join with someone who can’t possibly live with what she’s done as one they reached out to touch me Oshin cupping my left shoulder with one hand WASC I did the same with my right together as one person they squeezed a gesture that was meant to offer support but provided none at all I was a closed system now with no way in and no way out and I was not surprised at all when they both turned their backs and walked away.
CHAPTER 21
Four Days Later
I had to handle my final business on Valon alone the Chi embassy was a phallic white spear stabbing the Skye from an unlovely rock above lhans Arctic Circle inflatable habitats hung from its highest point like grapes their material flapping in the constant wind more inflatables said in place to accommodate the many refugees who needed a place to stay while the diplomatic community began the arduous process of abandoning LAN huddled beside that tower like infants seeking the protection of the tallest adult in the vicinity I didn’t blame them because the bitter air stung my cheeks and turned my breath ragged as soon as I left the protection of my skimmers ioniq this was not a place anybody in search of a congenial environment would choose to live but the first she dispatched Devlin had chosen to establish their home base in a place far removed from the more temperate climes the Villani preferred and the remaining diplomats on Vlad now had good reason to find that judgment sound six days had passed since the carnage at the thane factory five since my breakdown in the shower for since the Porrinyards had given me their answer there were only a few sentient visible human beings rear goal and chi capable of appreciating sunlight even if the latitude offered it was without much in the way of accompanying warmth a human male and a Bruce teeny female were playing a game that resembled catch with an object of Burstein e manufacture to travel the distance between them in loops the human was the one who’d been introduced to me as Clifford Dunbar he shouted out a gentle greeting as I passed within earshot and I nodded back finding no particular satisfaction in this moment of shared recognition but understanding that some of us still found it encouraging to spot others we knew who’d come through the cataclysmic events alive I wasn’t immune to it myself I despised
the sentient approaching me now who had been told to expect me and who had broken away from several representatives of his staff to meet me well outside the Embassy’s front door he surprised me by bowing in respect his fringe of white hair buffeting his forehead in the wind counselor a court prime speaker brig hugged himself a gesture that compressed the padded material of his coat and revealed the slight frame beneath it the coat made him look obese for a chi given their usual preference for diaphanous gowns the Villani have been dancing your name on and off since the killings stopped I know so you did more than you said I never denied that I suppose you’ll
just tell me again that any requests for an explanation will have to go through diplomatic channels I’ve been prepared for another simple go fuck yourself but that would work - yes then I’ll just have to file my complaints accordingly that’s what I would suggest I need you to know he said like my colleagues I bitterly resent your secrecy regarding a matter that proved so costly to all of us I intend to see you brought to account and I suspect that you won’t be shielded by your precious core this time since they are asking all the same questions I suspected the same even with powerful allies who’d be pulling strings for me I’d also have to spend a few months eating shit just to keep up appearances it was a fine argument for ending my life now instead of later but I wouldn’t do anything on Vlad I’d paid too high price to let this planet claim me still he said I understand why you’re here and have absolutely no intention of obstructing today’s business so where is she
he turned me around and pointed me at a low range of hills a couple of hundred meters away there’s a promontory overlooking the sea just beyond that rise it’s a scenic a spot as we have up here your fellow humans been spending much of her time there we would have detained her given what you’ve told us but you said that she should not be interfered with thank you we are obliged to provide backup if you request more witnesses in case you need to justify the use of force not necessary I said I have something she wants I’m sure she’ll cooperate he offered a
little bow stiff even by the standards of his species before turning his back and returning to the warmth of his embassy I supposed I didn’t hate him all that much that amounted to a major admission given my long history with his kind I turned around and faced the distant hills wincing as a blast of cold air raked my cheeks
it was early afternoon but I’d been told that the days were shorter at this latitude in this time of year any attempt to travel the distance on foot would virtually guarantee your return in darkness the choice between a solitary walk in wintry cold or a quick skimmer flight that would get me where I was going in minutes seemed an obvious one but then maybe I needed to punish myself in advance for what I was about to do so I drove my hands into the pockets of my coat lowered my chin against my chest and began the long trek across the plain to the last and worst of this world’s many uncomfortable confrontations counselor Tara Fox sat on a flat rock just beyond the hills her dead expression fixed on the gray waters of the Von’s Polar Sea by the time I found her the temperature had dropped an additional 20 degrees and my breath had turned ragged like an old-fashioned engine reluctant to start in winter I’d been told that this was not a sea so much as a great lake formed from glacial runoff so saturated with the salts centuries had worn from the surrounding mountains that it would never freeze never support life never mix with warmer waters from more congenial climes I’d also been told that it was acid enough to burn skin while being cold enough to cause death by hypothermia in less than three minutes the spray was unpleasant but it was an appropriate place for a human being as closed-off as Tara Fox not to mention one who’d committed as many sins as myself I hate planetary things as I’ve said but in my present mood the sight of it felt like coming home were my mood any darker I might have jumped in in lieu of starting a fire fox had brought in ionic field generator to control the climate within a five meter radius of her but I could see that she hadn’t said it to counteract more than the very worst of the cold she’s still huddled in a borrowed parka with hood and emitted clouds of white vapor with every breath maybe she needed to punish herself to not that a few hours of discomfort could possibly be enough she heard me coming even as I scrambled down from the rocks but didn’t turn around to see who it was councilor Court I was a little out of breat
h from the steep climb councilor Fox she waited for me to enter the ionic field and rub my hands together in the somewhat warmer air her expression remained Placid and undiluted by apprehension I have come to feel a great affection for you Andrea I thought you weren’t supposed to say anything like that I can she said if it happens to be true I find that I trust you as a friend in another world maybe it’s good to hear I told her surprised to find that I meant it you helps keep me alive down there in another world I think I could have been your friend too maybe come to think of it I can still be your friend on this one she watched the gray frigid water churned 20 meters below why you may not believe this but I’m honestly grateful to you for everything you did to help me when I was hurt you were at your best then this had no effect on her at all have you come to help me find Maren no I said blowing on my hands I’ve come to arrest you she nodded as if this was no more and no less than she expected you promised to help me find Maren I know but I’ve kept that promise did her eyebrow twitch this soon yes how it was downright easy in fact I couldn’t even take credit for the accomplishment the AI source who were afterall responsible for her enhancement surgeries had suffered no qualms over telling me the girl’s exact location or identifying the name she used now is just another pilgrim among the teeming thousands of Nureyev I knew what she now looked like which was nothing at all like the face Fox had shown me and I knew how much the surgeries had changed her a degree that was substantial there had even been a bonus of a kind in my one and only interview with her father I’d indulged his paternal prejudices by supposing her to be beautiful the face on the hollow had not been but the face she wore now was lovely indeed on most human worlds she would have broken hearts just not in the way that she was about to Fox’s eagerness was as hard to discern as every other passion buried beneath that placid mask did she survive the recent troubles unhurt from what I hear yes is she happy I haven’t spoken to her myself but she’s probably as traumatized by recent events as everybody else here if you’re willing to traumatize her further by exposing her to the things you’ve done that’s your choice she blinked several times looked at the ground and then back to me a simple empty gaze far too reasonable to qualify as imploring can’t you hold off arresting me until after I see her I could then do that that would involve some unfortunate complications she turned away from the roiling dead sea and peered up at me her effect deprived face burning with sudden interest any other time I said I just called for an interspecies tribunal get the Confederacy to waive any objections we might have to your extradition for crimes against sentient life and throw you to the lot of them I’d even lead the prosecution and do whatever I could to see to it that you spent the rest of your life rotting in a Cell but it turns out that the human race just can’t afford the political hit right now as much as it makes my skin crawl I’m going to have to forget your entire confession oh is that why you want to be my friend I brushed one long lock of hair from my eyes and wondered if I’d ever know a time when I didn’t have to traffic in the wreckage of human lives there’s certainly a basis for understanding between us the terrible things we’ve done the weight we carry even the terrible ways we’ve deformed our own personalities in order to live with the guilt I know I can’t look at you without thinking of how close I came to always spending the rest of my life like you shut off and alone but then there’s your other crime the one I’ve been investigating all along the murder of your husband Derek Schiff when I faced her again Fox’s lips had curled up forming an expression that nobody could possibly call a smile but they testified to the release of some deep inner tension that had held those muscles taut until now how long have you known since we first found you with him after the massacre you were pulling that broken pipe from his heart remember it was just before dawn before the Sun had a chance to warm the air his wound was so fresh it was still giving off vapor and the puddle of blood on the ground where he died a fair distance from any of the other killings was so fresh it hadn’t had time to congeal or soak into the dirt you might have thought you could pass him off as just another casualty of the Villani rampage but I took one look at what I was seeing and knew that you just killed him I just didn’t know why that’s why I was so careful to recruit you in our big break out from the rear gall embassy the only Ally I really needed then was a guy who knew the planet and I was about to get that in pocketful ania oh I gave you some bullshit about also needing your political connections but you should have seen that as nonsense as Kreutz contemptuous attitude toward your employer had already demonstrated that you were pull around here didn’t amount to much of anything the truth was that I was feeling so overwhelmed by all the other world shattering problems that had just been dumped in my lap that I seized on you a mere murderer as one I knew how to handle maybe I shouldn’t have you were bound to be a dangerous distraction but he’ll I could prosecute simple murders in my sleep and having a problem I could handle was just the thing to keep my mind active enough to deal with the one bound to give me more trouble so I brought you along and took your information which you thought was all about finding Maren and which actually had more to do with finding out everything I could about your relationship with Schiff I first explored the premise that it might have been due to business improprieties and then that it might have been a grab for power but once you established that you were a family of sorts that you changed yourself into what you are in order to live with the crimes he’d committed and that he openly abused you for years well there wasn’t much of a mystery left after that all of her bundle the motion bled at the edges as if the tight package she’d made of herself had begun to spring leaks no I suppose there wouldn’t be the traumatic events at the amphitheater put everybody on edge even you but what did he finally say to drive you past the breaking point she sounded tremulous even lost we had found a place to hide a gap in the wreckage of the bleachers that formed a kind of cave one just big enough for the two of us we spent the night huddled they’re surrounded by screams afraid to make a sound in case they heard us but they never did find us and in the morning we crawled out and wandered toward the skimmers hoping to find one intact I was holding that length of pipe only because I’d grabbed it at some point and never thought of putting it down I don’t even think I was aware I had it it was just something I’d grabbed because I needed to hold on to something and then he turned to me with hatred in his eyes and said you must be proud she wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t driven her away in the first place I had thought it might have been something like that and that’s when you killed him I didn’t know I was going to do it she said conversationally until I did it was in short a crime of passion yes the only remaining problem Tara is that a crime of passion should not have been possible for you I know he put you through a lot but even after all the abuse you endured all the stress and terror you’ve just been through you should have remained calm and controlled as long as you had your enhancement to regulate you yes unless there never was any enhancement yes it was a lie you’d been telling yourself and others all those years the only thing that kept you from falling apart you never took any artificial procedure to shut off your emotions you never needed one you did that all on your own to punish yourself and him her eyelids could not shut tightly enough to hold back the hot burning tears a pair of burning rivulet snaked down her cheeks drawing lines that shone bright in the cold inside the field she sniffed dabbed at her face with a thumb coughed and then once again became the impassive woman I had known facing the sea through a cold stone mask he never knew all that time he believed me why wouldn’t he I’d already tried to kill myself twice turning myself into an emotionless robot was just another way to destroy myself we have a lot in common Tara she sniffed wiped her nose with the back of her hand regained control of herself with a difficulty and became once again the robotic figure I’d known but none of this changes anything you and I we have a deal that’s right we do so take me to Maron sure I said I’ll do that in a second if that’s what you want but that’s where I prove that I’m your
friend that I really am grateful for everything you did for me when we were trapped together I’m going to tell you what taking you to Maron will cost there’s a special apprehensive look that only appears when all the irrelevant C’s have been cleared away and the worst lies ready to be revealed tera flashed it then she might not have known what I was about to say but she knew that it would not be good your daughter gave up her family the life she knew even to an extent her humanity everything she ever was because of her beliefs then the world she chose the purpose she chose fell to pieces around her she’s probably just beginning to come to terms with that loss if I bring you to her now you might have a brief even joyous reunion but then she’ll learn that her mother murdered her father while they were both far from home looking for her what will that do and even if she sticks by you she’ll then be around if the investigation ever turns up everything else you’ve done as it will unless there’s no reason to look do you really think Maren needs to endure that additional weight right now or do you think it’ll destroy what little she has left comprehension dawned it was too big for her to process right away would have been too big to process for any mother she drew back as it struck and whipped her head back and forth in a vain attempt to shut out the inevitable by the mere act of denying it she doesn’t have to know if it were just the one murder sure there were extenuating circumstances stress guilt abuse and unimaginable trauma on top of what I can only describe as long-standing mental illness on your part after everything else we’ve been through together I’d almost be tempted to break the habits of a career and just forget what I know if I had to turn you in I might even be moved to defend you if I felt your crimes against sentient life wouldn’t be uncovered later that I might just surrender to political concerns and let them pass as well contenting myself with some other and less explosive charge to be named later if meirin were just some nameless young woman who hadn’t already had the world fall to pieces around her or if I hadn’t promised to make her well-being a priority then I’d say fine because you wouldn’t be the first criminal to bring that kind of horror into the lives of the people she loves and if there were a way to prosecute you in secret without running the risk that news would get to her then there’d be that but that’s too many ifs Tara the situation is what the situation is you can’t be allowed to get away with what you’ve done but you have earned the right to choose do you understand what I’m saying Tara when I tell you that I’m repaying a debt here that I really am trying to be your friend she stared at me for long seconds putting it together her chin trembled disbelief gave way to anger to denial and then for long heartbeats of frantic concentration as she cast about for some factor I’d failed to consider for a moment I thought I’d miscalculated that I’d driven her to where Schiff had driven her and then the storms passed The Tempest of emotion broke up flattened she became the unrep ‘old surface of an undisturbed sea expressing nothing that might have taken place within bottomless waters she stood up so suddenly that I took a step back and began to unfasten her coat you will check on her before you leave lon just to see if there’s anything she needs yes she handed me the coat then peeled off the shirt underneath it her olive skin looking pale and papery against the darker shade of the surrounding rocks you will also give her your name and address and tell her to contact if she ever decides to return to Confederate space and reclaim whatever she can of the family assets yes promise me with my life her pants went flung outside the field to flutter comically against the hard unyielding ground than her under clothes then she stood naked inside the ioniq field hands wrapped tight around her breasts to offer inadequate protection from the cold that would be much worse when she stepped out into unprotected air for long minutes she stared out at the brackish polar waters fearing and desiring what they promised in approximately equal measure after a long time she managed do you want to know something funny Andrea I met my husband at a beach resort on the phone we spent that whole weekend in the water as long as things were good between us we went three four times a year I missed it
Andrea Cort 03: War of the Marionettes Page 29