by Sloane Tanen
“Mm. You go first. I’ll need some time to think.”
Janine laughed and burrowed in closer. He listened to her talk about a day she and her father had gone to catch frogs in a creek in Malibu. Back when Malibu had creeks. And frogs. Somewhere nearby, a dog was barking. The Percocet rounded off the edges of his nerves. Henry nodded and sighed knowingly at the appropriate moments. Janine seemed okay with his lack of conversational participation now. She had been so kind to take care of him. She just needed an ear, he thought, not without irony.
Janine
This takes the cake, Janine.
It takes the fucking cake!
Huh? R u back? I’m driving.
Going to get Hailey now.
I ask you for one favor in forty years and this is what you do? Have you lost your mind? Again?
My God! Janine thought. Amanda was back in town. She wasn’t supposed to be home until the weekend. Janine had taken Henry to his post-op appointment. By the time she dropped him back at her father’s and gotten onto the 405, traffic was at a standstill. Now she was late to pick Hailey up from her latest audition with Ransom Garcia. How much did Amanda know?
Janine should have gone with her niece to this audition. Henry could have taken a car service, especially since he’d spent their travel time playing life coach. “Have you ever considered taking up some sort of vocation?” he’d asked, as if she hadn’t been thinking about that for the past twenty years. When she tried to explain that she had no skills, that she couldn’t even work a cash register, he’d laughed at her. “I wasn’t suggesting you work at McDonald’s,” he said. “You learn. That’s what people do. Do you honestly think everyone out there with a job is somehow more capable than you? Smarter than you?” Yes. Yes, that was exactly what she thought.
But there was no time to obsess about Henry now. She tried to call Amanda. That’s when she saw the messages. Fuck. She’d turned her ringer off at Henry’s doctor’s office. She had five new voice-mail messages. Two were from Ransom, one from Hailey, one from Amanda, and one from her dad. She took a deep breath and pressed Play.
“Hi, Janine. It’s Ransom. I wanted to call you myself, out of respect for you and your dad. I’ve got good and bad news. The bad news is that we’re not going to go with Hailey. You know I love her to bits but she’s just too raw and the producers are more than a little concerned about her lack of…” He paused, as if searching for a good word. “Professionalism. She’s such a talent and we respect her ambition, and God knows she’s lovely to look at, but even when she’s on camera, you can see that she’s not really listening to the other actors. She’s just sort of waiting for her next line. I thought we could break through this—it’s not uncommon with inexperienced actors—but she’s just not taking direction, which is, you know, a problem. For me. The director.” He laughed, sounding anxious. “I’m really sorry. I felt so good about her, but it’s just not going to work.
“And she’s very upset. I asked if we should call you but she said no. She said something about her mother and called a car. I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it. I’m sorry about that part too.” He laughed again. “Anyway, I—”
The message cut off. It didn’t matter. What else was there to say? Janine’s heart was pounding. She tried to imagine Hailey getting that news. She should have gone with her. She looked at her phone. The next message was from Hailey.
“I totally blew it. They all hate me. I ruined everything. I’m a loser! I’m a tragedy. I’m Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes all rolled into one, fat, uncastable shitcake! I’m Kathy fucking Griffin. I want to die!” she cried and hung up.
With her right hand, Janine fished through her bag for a Xanax. She played the next message, the second one from Ransom.
“So,” he said with a sigh of what sounded like relief, “I know this is totally off the wall but we’d like you to play Undine’s mother. I realize it’s a small part, but what do you say?” His voice was excited. “Everyone was crazy about you on film. You’ve still got it. Let me know. Of course, I didn’t mention this to Hailey. I’ll leave that to you. Sorry.”
Jesus. Janine tried hard to breathe. The next message was from Amanda.
“I cannot fucking believe you took Hailey on an audition for a fucking feature film—behind my back. Who are you, Mom? Do I have to remind you how totally fucked up you are as a result of your early career? Do you think that is what I want for my kids? I want to thank you for taking my emotionally fragile daughter right to the edge. What were you thinking? Next time I need a hand, I’ll call Joan Crawford.”
The last message was from her dad. “Hey, so what’s the good news? Call me.”
Henry
“Hello, Mother.”
“Henry?”
“Of course it’s Henry. Who else answers my phone ‘Hello, Mother’?”
“Oh, I see. You’re in one of your moods.”
“I’m not in a mood. I’m fine.”
“It’s been ages. When are you coming to visit?”
“As soon as the last of the packing is removed from my head.”
“And when’s that happening?”
“Tomorrow.”
“So you’ll come tomorrow?” she asked. “It’s beginning to look like you’re the only person who visits me.”
“I am the only person who visits you.”
“Then you understand why it’s important.”
“I might need another day or two to get right. You know, before driving. In case there’s bleeding or disorientation.”
“Why don’t you have the girl drive you? I see her here every day. She’s very dutiful, I’ll say that.”
“I think I might have overstepped. She seemed cross when she left and I don’t want to ask for more favors just now. And there’s new drama brewing,” he said, remembering that he’d heard Hailey come in, sobbing. Janine had recently left the house to pick her up. Had she not gotten the big part after all? When he’d called out to Hailey, she’d told him to mind his own fucking business. Well, that was fine by him. Amanda would be back from San Francisco soon and he wouldn’t be sorry to see the twins go. Maybe they’d take the cat.
“I see,” Bunny said. “And I suppose it would be terribly inconvenient for her to drive with you from her house to a place she’s going anyway. I don’t understand, Henry.”
“I don’t want her to think I’m using her. She’s sensitive. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“Why on earth would it hurt her feelings?”
“The thing is, I think I should go. I’ve got to get out of this house.”
“Tell me,” Bunny said, nearly panting with anticipation, “is it awful? The house? Is Martin terribly poor?”
“The house is lovely, Mother. It’s something of an architectural gem, really—”
“Well, why do you need to get out of the house?” she asked. “Is it the girl?”
“No. The girl, whose name is Janine, is lovely, but I have been living in your boyfriend’s flat with a woman I’m just getting to know, a set of possibly psychotic teenage twins, and an obese cat named Roger who apparently has taken a real shine to me. I’ve tried explaining to him about allergies but he sleeps on my chest and won’t be persuaded to move. He seems to find my wheezing soothing. And now Janine’s cross with me for offering unsolicited advice. I wonder who I picked up that habit from?”
“Dear God, you’re an adult. Man up and be honest with her. After she takes you to the doctor tomorrow, and after you visit me, explain that you’d like to return to your flat. She’ll probably be relieved to be rid of you. Just don’t pull one of your disappearing acts. Nobody likes those.”
“I didn’t disappear on you, Mother. I moved.” Henry heard the front door open. “I have to go.”
“And my birthday?” she asked, unable to let that one go. “You’re too old to be so selfish, Henry. You disappoint people with your pathological passivity. I appreciate that you’ve been showing up for me here but I can’t help but suspec
t that the minute I leave Los Angeles, you’ll slip away again. Like a rat.”
“How did you manage to make this about you? This is about Janine. I dread hurting her feelings. I have to go,” he said again.
“Well, I can’t say you’ve ever given me so much consideration.”
Henry sighed. “I’m hanging up now.”
Silence.
“Hello?”
His mother had beaten him to it. How very like her. He put the phone down and stiffened at the sound of a woman stomping around, calling Hailey. Her voice grew louder as she drew closer to the bedroom. He sat paralyzed in the bed, listening to the thud of doors opening and closing.
“Janine?” he’d called out. “Is that you?” Stupid, in retrospect, to draw attention to his whereabouts. He made a dash for the closet. Honestly, he didn’t even know why he was hiding. He just wanted to avoid a scene.
The bedroom door swung open with such violent force Henry could hear it rebound off the wall. He was quite glad he’d opted to hide out now. “Hailey? Where are you?”
Henry watched the ferocious-looking blonde through the partly open closet door. The mysterious Amanda, no doubt. She walked to the unmade bed in her wrinkled linen pantsuit and picked up the Ron Childress novel that Henry had borrowed from her father’s bookshelf. Then she laid her hand flat on the bed. “I can feel the heat, asshole,” she said, calmer now, as she looked over her shoulder. Henry took a step back, deeper into the bowels of Martin Kessler’s sports coats. He felt dizzy (whether from his hasty relocation to the closet or from fear, he couldn’t say) and had to kneel down. That’s when Roger gently, treacherously, weaved his downy, dander-coated body around Henry’s bare ankles. “Bloody hell!” he whispered, tossing the cat out of the closet to the accompaniment of a loud, juicy sneeze. Amanda picked Roger up and opened the closet door. She looked down. Had ever a man found himself in such a compromising position?
“You must be Henry,” Amanda said, smiling malevolently. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I, uh,” he stammered as he stood back up on shaky legs. He was dressed only in his boxer briefs.
“Where’s my daughter?” she asked. Henry shook his head, too mortified to speak. “Where’s Hailey?”
He shook his head some more, seemingly unable to form a sentence.
She looked him up and down with a curled lip. “Put some fucking clothes on. Is that how you dress with teenagers in the house?”
“No, ma’am,” he said, pulling on the sleeve of a conveniently placed sports coat until it slid off the hanger. He slipped it on, the remaining scraps of his dignity in danger of utter extinction.
“Don’t ma’am me! Jesus. Where’s my fucking traitor sister? Where’s Hailey?”
“I don’t know.” He held up his hands. “I don’t know anything.”
At that moment, Hailey—tearstained, snot-covered, red-faced—ran into the room, calling for her mother. “I’m soooooooorry,” she cried, burying herself in her mother’s embrace. “Oh, baby,” Amanda cooed, holding on, resting her chin on Hailey’s bowed head. They stood like that for what, to Henry, seemed an eternity. What was he doing playing witness to this scene? What did any of this have to do with him? “Let’s go get your things,” Amanda finally whispered to Hailey, nodding with encouragement as the girl sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her arm. Then, looking over Hailey’s shoulder at Henry, Amanda said, “Put some pants on, asshole. Preferably not my father’s!”
The moment they left the room, Henry called a car, got dressed, and began throwing his belongings into his bag. He called Janine but she’d stayed on the phone only long enough to say she was in the ninth circle of hell with her family and would be home soon. Then she’d hung up. He knew he should wait for her but he couldn’t. He tossed off a note instead. Assuredly she would understand his hasty departure. He scurried out the door. He wasn’t about to wait for Amanda to come back.
Part Four
Torschlusspanik (noun): The fear that time is running out in life; literally “gate-shutting panic”
Marty
Marty was looking forward to brunch alone with Janine and Amanda. Thank God Gail was off riding. He’d tell her about going to Italy with Bunny later, when the time was right. Now that he had the trip to look forward to, he was excited about getting out of here. Whistling to himself en route to the dining hall, he caught sight of Bunny heading in the same direction. He’d hoped she’d already eaten, as she’d told him last night Henry wasn’t coming to the family brunch today. He tried to duck into an alcove, not wanting to walk into the dining room with her, but she’d seen him.
“There you are,” she said, waving him down. “I’m meeting Henry. I thought I saw you pass by in the lobby.”
“But you said Henry wasn’t coming.”
“He changed his mind.”
“Perfect.”
“Do relax, Martin. I’ll be sure Henry and I are sitting out of spitting distance.”
“Be sure you’re out of viewing distance.”
“I’ve never known a man so terrified of his own family.”
“I’m looking to avoid conflict. Whenever you show up, there’s conflict.”
“I think you had those wheels in motion long before I showed up.” She was walking alongside him now. “Is what’s-her-name coming?”
“Her name is Gail. Gail. And no,” he said, as much to himself as to Bunny, “Gail is not coming. Just do me a favor and keep quiet about the trip should there be any forced mingling. I need to keep things under control until I’m back home.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Keep quiet? Is it a secret? I already left a message telling Henry.”
He stopped short. “I told you not to say anything, for Christ’s sake!”
Bunny waved him off. “I doubt he even listened to my message. He couldn’t care less either way. Then again, he’s not as invested in my doings as your clan is in yours.”
The dining hall was packed. It was easy enough for Marty to spot Amanda, who was staring at her phone. Even with that expression on her face, she was by far the most attractive woman in the room. But what the hell was Gail doing there? And why was Henry sitting with them?
“What’s all this about?” Marty mumbled under his breath. “What is your son doing at my table?”
“You mean what is your family doing at mine?”
Gail stood up to greet them.
“I thought you were riding,” Marty said. She was wearing her riding habit, a look Marty found sexy in its orthodox simplicity. It was the most flattering ensemble in her closet.
“I finished early,” she explained in a delighted tone, as if it had all been a great coincidence. Then, looking Bunny up and down: “We saw Henry sitting there all alone and I asked him to join us. I assume that’s all right?”
Amanda had her arms folded across her chest and was turned slightly away from Henry, as if he smelled badly.
“How thoughtful,” Bunny said.
“Mm,” Amanda said, her face pinched, like she’d bitten into a lemon.
“Where’s Janine?” Marty asked. He shook Henry’s hand and pulled out a chair.
Henry shrugged as though he hadn’t a clue who this mysterious Janine person was.
“Martin?” Bunny asked. She was seeking official permission before sitting down. He tensed his jaw and nodded.
Janine entered the room and walked over to the table, slowing considerably as she got closer. She looked confused as she took the empty seat next to Amanda at the end of the table. Odd, Marty thought. Why wasn’t she sitting next to her boyfriend? Trouble in paradise already? Things had to be pretty bad for her to voluntarily sit next to her sister. Amanda inched her chair back, away from Janine.
“So,” Gail said, narrowing her eyes at Marty and Bunny. “While Amanda and I were waiting, Henry was telling us that the two of you are heading off to Italy together? It was the first I’d heard of it. Fill us in, Marty. Please.” Her voice was thick with artificial swee
tness.
Bunny shifted in her seat and pursed her lips.
“Right. I tried to call you this morning,” he lied. “It’s not a big deal. Bunny and I decided to take a trip after we get out of here. As friends. Rehab friends.” He laughed. “I know it’s unusual but we thought it would be healthy after being in here.”
Gail didn’t say a word.
“I don’t want to go to Europe and shop,” Marty continued, rattled. “I want to see the architecture, go to the gardens. I’m not getting any younger.”
Marty noticed Henry glance furtively at Janine, probably to gauge her response. Janine didn’t look up. She was staring fixedly at the table setting, intent on not meeting anyone’s eye. Amanda was looking at Bunny with a queer smile on her face, as if amused by the way brunch was unfurling. Maybe she enjoyed seeing Gail lose her grip on the reins for a minute. “Sounds fun,” Amanda said.
“You and Bunny are taking a vacation?” Gail asked. “Alone?”
“It’s not like that,” Bunny said. “I can promise you.”
“What is it like, then?”
“Don’t start making it something it’s not,” Marty said. “Please. She’s just a friend. A companion.”
“A companion?” Bunny laughed, sitting up straighter. “You make me sound like a pathetic old lady from a Merchant Ivory film.”
“I just mean that we’ve done the other thing. It obviously wasn’t that compelling, right?” he said jokingly, a last grasp at levity. “That part of our story is over. I don’t go in for intellectually curious women anymore. Nothing but trouble.”
“Actually, Mum’s not intellectually curious either,” Henry said, speaking up for the first time. “That’s a bit off base, really.”
Everyone turned to Henry, and Marty exhaled, relieved to be out of the line of fire. Henry was a good-looking kid. A little uptight, but handsome. Janine glanced at Henry, a slight hint of a smile working the corners of her mouth. Marty’s stomach tightened. He’d never seen that expression on his daughter’s face before.