Chapter Fourteen
After Base showed me the picture he had taken of a dank, bloody room in Sully’s house, we decided to make an attempt to sleep in his car that night, parked in an underground car park. We agreed to take turns sleeping because neither of us felt particularly safe.
“I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again,” I admitted as I took the first shift.
“Me either,” he said, trying to get comfortable in the backseat.
“I’m sorry I keep turning into a blubbering mess the whole time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“A supernatural creature with superhuman strength wants to kill you. I think I can cut you some slack.”
I laughed in spite of myself. “I can always count on you to—”
“’Bout time you realised. We going to school tomorrow?”
I glanced at him in the mirror, unsure of his mood. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”
“I’ll have to go home eventually,” he said.
“Well, we’ll have to do something before that.”
“We still going to follow him?” he asked after a moment of fidgeting.
“Yes,” I said, steeling myself. I needed to get back to being me. I needed to be the strong one. “We’re going to follow him until we figure out what to do about him. Nobody’s going to believe us. He’s proved that. If he can hypnotise people then he can make anyone do anything.”
I took a deep breath. “So we’re going to have to be the ones who stop him. I won’t ever feel comfortable again until that happens. And I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s going to leave you alone now either. I still think the whole Aoife thing has as much to do with you as it does with me. He basically warned me I would have to keep looking over my shoulder, never knowing when he was going to attack. Well, screw that. Let’s get him first.”
“This is so messed up.” He sounded wide awake.
“We should go to my house,” I said, surprising myself. “We’ll go to sleep tonight, and we’ll go to school tomorrow, and we’ll act like everything’s okay. He keeps saying things to me, about feelings and memories. He said something like my pain now will make it better for him later, and whenever he looks at me, I suddenly start remembering stuff I don’t want to think about.”
“So, what, he’s feeding on emotion now?”
“I’ve no idea. I just want to stop feeling like I’m his for the taking. I want to show him that I won’t back down. That he can’t make me feel anything I don’t want to. I want to put on a brave face, and I’d feel better if Mam wasn’t alone.”
“I dunno if that’ll work,” he said. “Maybe if we surround ourselves with crosses and garlic.”
“I’m not ready for that train of thought, Base.”
He sniggered. “You called me Brian earlier.”
“I thought you were going to die. It seemed appropriate.”
But we both ended up laughing until we had tears running out of our eyes. Our solution to the fear of being killed by what was likely a vampire. I couldn’t believe I was even thinking that word.
“At least you aren’t boring,” I said when I stopped choking with laughter.
“Ditto,” he said, climbing into the front seat. “And I don’t think he’s exactly worried about us. If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna drive past his road again, to see if his car is there. We might feel a bit more comfortable if we have some idea where he is.”
I shrugged. “If he wants to kill us, he’ll probably get it done no matter what we do, but yeah, it might be a good idea.”
I held my breath as he drove past the road on which Sully lived, but the car was there, and one of the rooms upstairs in Sully’s home was lit up.
“Do you think he can feed on pain?” I asked. “He told me even my nightmares were delicious. Was that just bullshit or what?”
Base glanced at me warily. “I have no idea. Do you have a lot of nightmares?”
I rubbed my eyes, too tired to keep him at a distance. “Yeah. You could say that.”
“What are they about?”
I blew out a shaky breath. “One of those extreme losers I was telling you about.”
“Sully chose you for a reason, didn’t he?” Base’s voice sounded tight. He pulled over and turned to me. “Talk to me Devlin. Maybe I can help. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“There’s nothing much to talk about. Mam has bad taste in men. Sometimes they’re just users. Other times, it’s worse. She’s so desperate sometimes, you know?”
“Your mother’s bad taste in men aside, why has Sully zoned in on you?”
“I suppose… I suppose it might be because of one of the men. I remember him when Sully’s around. He treated Mam like crap, but she thought she loved him, thought I needed a father figure. ‘Cept this father figure liked to mess with preteen girls. I knew he was creepy. The way he looked at me felt wrong, but I didn’t know why. I couldn’t tell anyone in a way that made it sound anything other than jealousy or childishness.”
“So what happened?”
“He pestered me for a long time. Stupid things, like giving him a kiss or sitting on his knee. Whispering lewd jokes in my ear. Stuff that didn’t look strange, but they felt it, at least to me. He was subtle enough that everyone thought he was great with kids. That and the fact he was always buying me things for no reason. People thought he was actually good for us. I couldn’t get comfortable around him though, and I thought he was bribing me with gifts to impress Mam. But I took them, so I always felt like I had to try to like him.”
I cleared my throat, wanting to shut up already, but Base was such a good listener that I found myself continuing in spite of myself. “It got worse, and he pretty much tormented me for a while. Not just… He would try to scare me, mostly. Make sure I knew who was boss. So one night, he got really drunk, like, out of his face on spirits, and he was cocky enough to try to get alone with me when Mam was in the house.”
It was the first time I had really told anyone about it, but I rattled off the facts as if they were nothing to me.
“She walked in before... just before anything really happened, but he wouldn’t get out. He had this crazy look in his eye, and he kept shouting things, bizarre stuff. She tried to protect me, but he beat the crap out of both of us until one of the neighbours called the police. Mam ended up in hospital, and he got sent to prison. We moved here when he got out. Ran away, I suppose. I think I started school here about two years after all of it happened. I stopped thinking about him, but yeah, sometimes I have nightmares. Of course, I know I was lucky. Nothing important actually happened to me. It was Mam who was really hurt.”
“Nothing important? Are you serious?”
“He didn’t get the chance to rape me, I mean. And I wasn’t the one who ended up in hospital. So no, nothing important.” I looked away, unable to watch his eyes.
“All of it is important. All of it,” he insisted in a harsh voice, and I glanced at him in surprise.
“You don’t have to downplay everything, Dev. You don’t have to deal with everything yourself.”
“How do you know what I’ve dealt with alone?” I tried to sound snappy, but my voice sounded pathetic, even to me.
“Oh, come on. Are you seriously trying to tell me you’ve informed all of your friends?”
“Why on earth would I tell them?”
“Why would you tell me and not them?”
His stare was a challenge I wasn’t prepared to take. “This is why you’re vulnerable,” he said. “Because you’ve buried it, and now he’s digging it up. Somehow, he’s able to do that, and he’s using it against you.”
He surprised me by pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” he said against my hair, and I clung to his shoulders for a few minutes. When I pulled away, my eyes were wet, but neither of us passed comment. When we drove off, the air between us felt clearer, and a weight I didn’t know I carried eased up slightly.
“Think your mother will
mind if I sleep there?” Base asked as we pulled up on a side street near my house. He had figured it would look like we weren’t in my house if we didn’t park right outside. But we both walked quickly to my front door, our arms brushing together as we kept as little space between us as possible.
“She won’t notice,” I said confidently. “She doesn’t notice much, in fairness. Besides, I’m eighteen, and I’m the one who manages to pay the rent. She can go and jump if she thinks she can tell me what to do after bringing Richard back here.”
He cocked his head to the side with a knowing look in his eyes, and I shrugged. “But we’re locking my bedroom door, and the windows, just in case.”
He grabbed my hands. “Wait a minute. Are you sure that you’ll be okay with me staying here like this with you?”
“Don’t start treating me like I’m made of glass, Gilligan. I’m still the same bitch as before, and don’t you forget it.”
He didn’t let me go for a few seconds, and I grew uncomfortable under his gaze.
“You’ll let me know if you change your mind though, right?”
I wrenched my hands from his. “If it makes you feel any better.”
I ended up locking every door and window I could manage. Mam had likely gone to bed, but I was afraid to check because I had noticed Richard’s boots by the sofa downstairs.
When the anal triple-checking of every lock process was over, I felt slightly more secure. I gathered some food and drinks and locked Base and me in my bedroom, making sure my windows were closed shut, and that the curtains didn’t let a bit of the night in.
“Never thought I’d be locking you in here,” I joked to lighten the sudden tension, but Base seemed uncomfortable.
“Think we should take shifts?” he asked.
“Nah. If he comes in, it’ll be by force, and no amount of shift keeping will stop him. But we can give as good as we get, right? If he attacks, we’ll be ready. I mean, we know how strong he is. Hold on a second.”
I ran to my wardrobe and found an old hurley stick from my camogie days hidden under a pile of shoes. I handed it to Base. “It’s kind of small, but a good swing to the head might distract him while we run. And I have this.” I crawled under my bed and pulled out my best friend, an aluminium bat. It wasn’t that I was paranoid, but I would never sleep at night if I wasn’t prepared for an intruder.
“What’s that about?” Base asked as I swung the bat around playfully.
“Tom, he’s a doorman at the pub I work in, gave it to me when I started there.” He had given it to me when I admitted having nightmares of someone coming into my room at night. He probably thought I was being overly dramatic, but his gift had given me sleep.
“I need something better than this,” Base mused. “Something sharper. I did get something though. Don’t laugh.”
I watched with interest as he rummaged in his schoolbag. “Holy water. And this.” He came over to me, his hand fisted around something, and when his arms reached behind my neck to sweep up my hair, I shivered.
“Hold it up?” he asked, and I did. He clasped a tiny silver necklace around my neck, a discreet cross hanging from it. “I meant to give it to you before, but, I dunno, I thought you might think it was lame or something.”
“Base, I—”
“Maybe they don’t work,” he said. “But it’s worth a try.”
“I was just going to say that I don’t think it’s lame.”
We stood there, facing each other in silence. I was touched beyond belief, but I tried not to let him see it. I had let him see far too much of my heart already that day.
I touched the cross, and when it drew his eyes to my bare skin, I knew I had to change the mood before I let anything slip. “What, no garlic?”
“Couldn’t stand the stench,” he said, grinning.
“So we’re kind of prepared for an attack,” I said, turning away from him. “We’ll be as okay as we can be, given the circumstances.”
“I’m all kinds of terrified,” he admitted.
“We should probably leave the lights off,” I said. “Just so it looks like nobody’s in this room.”
“I hope to God we’re overreacting,” he said as I pressed the switch, dampening the room with darkness, only the glow from a streetlight saving us from pitch blackness.
I got us both a drink from my beside locker and followed him as he walked across the room. “Me, too.”
I handed him his drink, his fingers brushing against mine, and I shivered against him. We sat on the floor, leaning against the end of the bed. We were both probably too freaked out to even look at the bed.
“So,” I said to break the silence. “How come you aren’t going to college? And stop rolling your eyes.”
“You can’t see me doing it,” he said, laughing softly. “It would just be awkward for everyone. Money-wise, taking care of the boys, it’s easier if I get a job. What about you?”
“Same, pretty much. She can’t take care of herself right now, and I’ll have a full-time job waiting for me in the pub if I want it. It’ll be easier if I can keep an eye on her.”
“Yeah.” He bumped his shoulder against mine. “Maybe you’re not such a massive bitch after all.”
“I am too. I kind of think it would be fun though. College, I mean. To give it a go. I don’t know.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I think half of your crowd only want to go because they imagine all of this great sex they’ll be having.”
I giggled. “That does come up in conversation quite a lot, funnily enough. At least with the boys. I reckon it’s overrated though.”
“Then he’s not doing it right.” His laughter died quickly. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to freak you out, and after what you told me...”
“I feel safer with you than anyone else right now.”
He exhaled loudly. “You kill me sometimes, Devlin.”
“What?”
He choked out a laugh. “Never mind.”
I tried to understand him, but he was impossible to read. “If he’s what we think he is, then there’s nowhere safe, is there?”
Base settled against the bed with a loud sigh. “Probably not, and as he knows what we know, he’s likely to drag it out as long as possible, just to screw with us. I literally thought we were going to die when he held on to the car. It was like something out of a film.”
“I couldn’t look,” I admitted. “Not until he let go. And he was mad as hell, Base. He really wants to hurt us. We could run, though,” I said.
“To where?”
“I dunno. Anywhere. That’s the point. We could run, and he wouldn’t follow us because why waste his time looking for us?” I didn’t say what I was really thinking, that I knew Sully would never leave us alone again.
He relaxed. “I’ve always wanted to move somewhere nice and hot.”
“How about somewhere snowy?”
“Anything works when you’re on the run.”
I pushed against him. “How far could we run, do you think?”
“You mean before our money runs out? Maybe five miles.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I sensed him looking at me.
“You’d never run,” he said.
“Neither would you.”
“There is that.”
We sat shoulder to shoulder for a while in silence.
“We should sleep,” I said. “It’s pretty late.”
“Yeah.”
Neither of us moved.
“I don’t know how to do this so that it isn’t unbelievably awkward, but we should sleep on the bed,” I said, not pausing to take a breath.
“Awkward,” he whispered. “I can sleep on the floor.”
“What’s the point? I’m tired, and I don’t want to feel guilty about you sleeping on the floor. Come on.” I stood, pulling him up after me and ignoring the reasons why I was being so insistent. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It�
�s just sleeping.”
“Anyone else ever slept on this bed?” he asked as we lay down. It was a single bed, so we were practically pressed up against each other no matter what way we settled.
“Um, no.”
“Like I said. Awkward.”
“I’m going to sleep on the floor if you keep trying to make this worse than it is.”
He wrapped his arm around me, holding my back to his chest. “Hush, pillow.”
I held my breath until his breathing grew easy, and then I allowed myself to relax.
“Finally,” he muttered against my hair. “I thought you might pass out if you held your breath for much longer.”
I burst out laughing, covering my mouth with my hands to silence myself.
“Now can we finally get some rest?” he asked sleepily. And a couple of seconds later, “You smell nice.” He promptly fell fast asleep, leaving me grinning in the dark like a lunatic. I snuggled closer to him to feel more secure. I had always feared that another person in the room with me would terrify me, but I had been honest when I told Base I felt safe with him, and I soon drifted into a dreamless sleep.
I awoke with a start some time later, my eyes seeing nothing but darkness. I felt Base’s bulk next to me, his arm draped heavily over my waist, but I wasn’t sure what had woken me until I heard it again.
Knocking on my window. Knocking on my second-floor window. My heart flew up into my mouth, and I thought I might scream when Sully called my name softly. It echoed all around me as if he were right over my shoulder.
“Devlin O’Mara,” he sang. “I’m coming for you, Devlin O’Mara.”
Turning awkwardly, I clamped my hand over Base’s mouth as I shook him awake. He sat right up, but he didn’t make a sound. His eyes widened as he heard the knocking against the window, and I dropped my hand. I shook my head frantically, and he pulled me closer to him.
Again and again, Sully rapped on the window and called my name, but we stayed quiet, hoping he would leave. It seemed like years, and I wondered if Sully was ever going to go away, if I would ever be free of him. I didn’t realise I was crying silently until Base wiped the tears away.
He pressed his finger against my lips and lay down, pulling me after him until my head rested on his chest. As Sully’s words haunted me, Base’s heartbeat calmed me down, and he stroked my hair until I stopped shaking. Squeezing my eyes shut, I gripped Base’s shirt, thinking of anything but Sully. The knocking seemed never-ending, and although Base was warm, I shivered constantly.
“Devlin O’Mara. I’m coming for you, Devlin O’Mara.”
I fell asleep with those words marking me for death in my head, but when dawn came, the words disappeared. I stretched, trying not to wake Base, but I knew I wasn’t getting any more sleep. I woke up at the time I always woke up, whether I liked it or not.
I refused to open the curtains for fear of seeing Sully doing something crazy like flying outside my window, but I decided I was going to act as though it were a normal day.
Aside from the fact I had just spent the entire night with Brian Gilligan who now knew almost everything about me.
Aside from the fact vampires existed and wanted me dead.
I found some clean clothes and stepped noiselessly around the room as Base slept, looking so innocent that I felt terrible for dragging him into the middle of my problems. He slept resting his head on his arm, looking completely relaxed. His hair pretty much stood on end, and I wished I could have stayed asleep in his arms a while longer. A little flutter in the pit of my stomach startled me, so I took a quick, cold shower and began breakfast. I carried plates of food into the bedroom and set them down, deciding to nudge Base awake.
He grabbed my arm as I touched him, and his eyes opened slowly. “Dev,” he mumbled, and he smiled. I couldn’t help smiling back, but then his expression cleared, and he seemed to remember where he was. “Oh, shit,” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Made you breakfast. Want coffee, tea, or juice with it?”
“Uh, coffee, I think.”
“Be right back. You can shower afterward, if you want.” I felt seriously embarrassed as I walked away. It was all so morning after. I heard snoring coming from my mother’s room, and it wasn’t coming from her. I tried to ignore the feelings of anger and hurt rising steadily.
Base was on the phone when I returned with the coffee, and I heard the tail end of his conversation. Apparently, he wasn’t in the good books for staying out all night.
“I’ll be back later. Get the boys ready for school, okay? I just said I’d bring them, Jesus!”
I handed him the coffee when he hung up.
“Sorry about that,” he said. “I usually get the boys up. Frankie’s playschool opens early, and Mam goes to work in a different direction, so she can’t take him. That’s why I get into school so early, and I’m rambling, so I’ll stop.”
“It’s fine. So… that was pretty freaky last night.” And I wasn’t only referring to Sully.
He nodded, his jaw tensing. “At least he didn’t come in. Maybe he needs to be invited.”
“He’s already been here,” I said. “Not that I believe in that sort of thing.”
“Of course,” he murmured, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.
“You can have a shower now, if you like. I have a stockpile of toothbrushes in the cabinet.”
He cocked his head in question.
I shrugged. “Mam has a habit of knocking them into the toilet.”
“We’re definitely going to school then?”
I nodded grimly. “I don’t want him to think he’s scared us off, especially after last night. And he left us alone in public before, so maybe he likes his privacy. I mean, it would be a lot harder for him to get around the way he does if people knew things like him existed, right? So maybe we’re safe with witnesses. I mean, he only ever starts with me when I’m alone.”
“Or when I’m around.”
“Oh, yeah. Why is that?”
He shrugged, but his cheeks turned pink. “I think I’ll shower now.”
I busied myself as far away from the bathroom as possible, desperately trying to get my brain to switch off from any thought that involved a naked Base. What the hell was wrong with me? We were being stalked by a vampire, and all I could think about was how good it had felt to snuggle against Base’s chest all night, how good it had felt to finally tell Base why Sully might have chosen me.
After Base showered, we left to get the car, and drove to Base’s home. His brothers were on the doorstep, fresh faced and waiting patiently, while his harassed looking mother ranted down a phone.
“Wait here,” Base said before getting out. As he approached his family, Frankie ran straight into his arms, and Damon grinned at him. His mother shoved the phone back in her pocket and appeared to rant at Base instead, but then her shoulders sagged, and she hugged him. She followed him to the car and approached the passenger window. I wound it down, gulping.
“We didn’t get introduced last time,” she said. “I’m Jackie.”
“I’m Devlin,” I all but whispered.
She nodded, and I half-expected her to give me a lecture, too, but she gave me a tight smile and said goodbye to her boys. She walked off as Base strapped Frankie into his seat. By the time Base got in the car, his face looked strained, and I wondered what his mother had said to him, but I was too afraid to ask.
I glanced back at his brothers instead.
“Morning, Frankie. Hey, Damon. Still staring?”
Frankie pretty much ignored me, instead choosing to sing at the top of his lungs along with the radio. Damon smiled.
“I’m remembering you,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t remember Aoife enough. I might forget her face. I’m remembering you so when you go away, I won’t forget.”
My stomach turned, and I exchanged a worried glance with Base. Sully wasn’t just messing with me. It had filtered outward, dr
agging others down, too.
“You’re going to see Aoife again, Damon,” I said. And I was determined to keep that promise, now more than ever.
We dropped Frankie off at playschool first, Base carrying him in while Damon and I waited in the car.
“Are you taking Brian away?” Damon asked as soon as his brothers were out of hearing distance.
“What? No, of course not.”
“My mam says that he might go away because he’s getting older, and he didn’t come home last night.”
“I don’t think he’s going away. And he didn’t go home because I needed help. Friends help each other, right?”
He nodded, still solemn. “I’m glad he helped you, Devlin.”
My stomach hurt. Base kept away to protect his family, but who knew what would happen? Who knew what plans Sully already had to punish us further? But why Base? Why not just me?
When we arrived at Damon’s school, he waited to give me a hug. I was touched beyond belief, much to Base’s amusement.
“Getting a bit sentimental in your old age, eh, Dev?” he teased as we drove to our own school.
“Never. Who will collect them?”
“My uncle, probably. Frankie will either stay with him or my nan until Mam finishes work. Then she’ll take Frankie with her to collect Damon.”
I was relieved to hear Damon wouldn’t be walking alone, but I didn’t say the words aloud. Base had enough to worry about.
“Damon’s worried about you,” I couldn’t help saying. “Your mam reckons you’re going to move out or something.”
He sucked in a breath. “Can anyone in this family keep their mouth shut? I’m not… We’ve been arguing a bit lately, that’s all. She’s such a drama queen sometimes.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m not mad. Just frustrated.” He laughed. “Can’t believe I’m getting aggravated by that when we feared for our lives a couple of hours ago.”
“A couple of hours ago? I’ve never been this scared. Ever,” I admitted as we pulled into the school.
He reached over and squeezed my hand. I found myself wrapping my own fingers around his. “Me either. But we got through last night. We can get through anything now.”
“I can think of plenty of things that—”
“Shut up, Dev,” he said, smiling. “Let’s face the day, eh?”
The school was empty, and Sully’s car wasn’t in the car park, but I still shivered with anticipation as Base and I opened our lockers, mostly in silence. An unspoken agreement had us sitting on the floor until people started arriving. Nobody batted an eyelid to see us together. But there were missing faces.
No Sully. No Aoife.
I didn’t know whether to be relieved or agitated that the tension had just been prolonged.
Later that day, I walked to class alone, paying little attention to what was going on around me.
That is, until a cold hand grabbed the back of my neck and forced me face-first against the wall.
“Next time you visit my house, you won’t be walking away. But don’t worry. As long as you’re alive, nobody else needs to get hurt. Too bad you won’t be alive for long,” Sully whispered, and then he was gone. I hadn’t actually seen him at all, and the fleeting moment made me wonder if it had actually happened.
The next time I saw Base was in the lunchroom. I had begun to convince myself that Sully hadn’t been around when I saw how shaken Base appeared. His face had paled, his hands shook, and he jumped when I sat next to him. “Did you see him?”
He shook his head. “I saw Aoife. She told me… Dev, she said she’d kill my brothers if I bothered Sully again.”
“What the hell? Are you okay?” I reached for his arm without thinking.
He shuddered visibly and jerked away from my touch. “Did you see him? What did he say to you?”
“Basically told me to keep away from his house. Said nobody else needs to get hurt as long as I’m around, but that I won’t be for long. I’m so sorry he’s resorted to threatening you now. I should never have talked to you about him.”
“Give it a rest,” he snapped. “I’m in this as much as you.”
I recoiled away from him. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know.” He exhaled loudly. “I’m just on edge.”
“You don’t have to do any of this,” I said. “I can do it all by myself.”
“As if,” he said. “Let’s just have some lunch and try to forget about him for a while.”
Base spent the rest of lunch putting on a show and making my friends laugh, even Deco, and I couldn’t help noting the contrast between then and the night before. We had basically cuddled up the entire night, mostly out of fear, but still. He didn’t make any jokes about it, didn’t even bring it up, but part of me desperately wanted him to. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was real, or merely fear-induced, but I couldn’t deny how much better I felt around Base.
I thought that up until about five seconds after Shauna began to flirt with him, and he didn’t exactly seem uninterested.
Something fired up in my gut, an awful, persistent, annoying surge of jealousy. I was so mad at myself for feeling that way. It wasn’t any of my business what Base did. So why was I so put out? Why now, at the most inconvenient time, had my feelings finally made it out of the hole I had buried them in?
I ended up slipping outside for some air, and hopefully to find where my sanity had disappeared to, but Deco followed me.
“Wait up,” he called, trying to wrap his arm around me. I shrugged him off, unwilling to accept what was tearing my insides apart.
“I just wanted some air,” I mumbled.
He followed me, but he kept a distance between us. I stopped, bent over, and took a deep breath.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yup.”
“So can we talk then? About you and me?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Deco.”
“There’s plenty to talk about, Devlin. The way things ended was bullshit. Too much unfinished business. I mean, we’re good together. We look good. Everyone says so. You can’t still be mad about that night, can you?”
“I’m not mad,” I said softly. “And that’s kind of the problem. I wasn’t jealous. Not even a little. I didn’t realise it until, well, just now, actually, but I was angry at you for embarrassing me, rather than feeling bad that you liked someone else. If we were meant to be together, then surely I would have felt jealous, right?”
“You’re not that kind of girl,” he said easily. “You would never get jealous. You’re too proud for that.” He said it as if he knew me well, but after seeing Base and Shauna flirting, I knew it wasn’t true. I wasn’t that big of a person. In fact, I was feeling a little pathetic.
“Trust me,” I said. “I know what feeling jealous is like. I might be too proud to admit it to… anyone else, but I definitely know what it’s like.”
“So it’s someone else,” he said bitterly. “That’s what this is about.”
“It wouldn’t make a difference,” I said. “That’s the point. You know the truth, Declan. You know there isn’t a spark there. There’s someone out there better suited for you.”
“You’ve always thought you were too good for me.”
“No. I never thought that. I’m so sorry if I ever made you think that, but I’m not good enough for anyone,” I said, meaning it.
“I’ll never understand you.”
I laughed. “Probably not.”
“I don’t get it,” he said, and I thought he would never leave me alone. “I give up, Dev. You’re too high maintenance these days. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that jazz.”
“Good luck,” I whispered as he left. I really did hope he would find someone better suited to a relationship than I was. I screwed up everything I touched.
“I probably won’t ever understand you either,” Base said, making me jump.
“Don’t sneak up on me,” I chided.
“Did you r
eally mean all of that?”
“Do you always listen in on people’s conversations?”
He shrugged. “Listen and learn. So, did you? Mean it?”
I nodded, watching the clouds move as if they might be interesting.
“You’re an idiot,” he said.
“It’s always a possibility. Wait, why? For not giving it another go with Deco?”
“No, for thinking you aren’t good enough for anyone. That’s a stupid way to think.”
“I need to go.”
“Wait,” he said, holding my arm to stop me. “What are you afraid of now?”
I stared at him. “Sully. That’s all.”
“Sully isn’t here right now.”
“So let me enjoy it, Brian,” I snapped, feeling actual pain for no reason I could understand. What was wrong with me? It was as if Sully had infected me with sadness and self-pity, and I was sick of it.
Base shrugged. “That dude was smart to walk away.” But he stayed by my side, and for some reason, that made me feel worse.
Stake You (Stake You #1) Page 19