Worn Me Down (Playing With Fire, #3)
Page 19
“I knew you’d come and save us, Austin. You’re a soldier and you told me soldier’s never leave a man behind,” Emma tells me proudly. “I know me and mommy aren’t men, but I knew you wouldn’t leave us behind.”
Resting my forehead against Emma’s, I close my eyes and thank God for this little girl. “You are so smart and so brave, Emma. You are the best soldier I’ve ever worked with.”
I hear Gwen moan softly and I turn to look at her and see that her eyes are starting to flutter closed.
“Ma’am, we need to get you to the hospital right away,” the paramedic tells Gwen, wrapping his arms around her and helping her to her feet.
Taking Emma out of Gwen’s arms, I lift her up as I stand and Brady rushes over, helping the paramedic get Gwen to another stretcher.
“I don’t want to leave my daughter, please,” Gwen begs as she’s pushed back onto the stretcher and strapped in.
“It’s okay, Gwen, I’ve got her. We’re going to be right here with you the entire time,” I tell her, shooting the paramedic a threatening look in case he decides to argue and tell me that we can’t ride in the ambulance. The man smartly smiles at me and nods.
Emma wraps her arms around my neck and I hold her close to me, wondering how in the hell I ever thought I could walk away from her and never feel her hugs again.
The paramedics lift the stretcher and lock the legs into place as Brady leans down and places a kiss on Gwen’s forehead.
“You took ten years off my life today, little sis,” he whispers.
“Good, you were starting to look old as shit,” Gwen mumbles.
“Yeah, she’s going to be just fine,” Brady says with a laugh.
When they get Gwen up the stairs and into the back of the ambulance, I climb inside with Emma in my arms and set her down in my lap on the bench along the side as Brady slides in next to us. The ambulance siren screams as the vehicle starts up and speeds out of the parking lot and the paramedic starts an I.V. in Gwen’s arm.
I try to keep my fears at bay as I look Gwen over and all of the bruises and blood that mark her beautiful face.
Leaning forward with Emma in my arms, I kiss the top of Gwen’s head as she fights to stay conscious.
“I love you, Gwen, do you hear me? I love you so fucking much,” I whisper in her ear.
“Austin!” Emma scolds, holding her small hand out in between us.
“You know what, how about I just write you a check for college?” I ask as Brady chuckles next to me.
Gwen doesn’t say a word, but I see a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth before she loses her battle and passes out.
Epilogue
Austin
Three months later…
My boots crunch through the snow on the sidewalk as I make my way to the front door and stick my key in the lock. As I quietly push the door open, I’m met with the sight of a huge Christmas tree lit up in the corner of the room and stockings hung by the fireplace. I smile to myself as I close the door behind me, dropping my go-bag on the floor and kicking my boots off.
“Don’t you even think of leaving your stuff there on the floor, I just cleaned the house.”
Looking up, I can’t stop the huge grin that spreads across my face when I see Gwen standing at the end of the hallway wearing nothing but one of my dress shirts with her arms folded, giving me a dirty look. I’ve only been gone two weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. I never really cared much about going home in between missions before, perfectly fine with moving right on to something else without any down time, but things are different now.
“But I’m home two days early, darlin’, doesn’t that earn me a few brownie points?” I ask.
I watch as Gwen tries to keep a stern face, but quickly loses the battle. She lets out a squeal and races across the room. I have just enough time to brace myself as she throws herself into my arms and wraps her legs around my waist. Holding her tightly to me, I bury my face in the side of her neck and breathe her in while she runs her fingers through my hair. I was an asshole for ever thinking I could live without this woman. It’s been a tough road getting to where we are now, but every single day has been worth it.
After a few days in the hospital to repair her arm from that day in the wine cellar three months ago, Gwen went through a really hard time, understandably. She couldn’t stand to have Emma out of her sight for more than a few seconds at a time and after so many years of trying to be strong all on her own, it finally took its toll on her and she broke down. All I wanted to do was hold onto her and never let her go, try to make everything better, but she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. She hated herself for allowing Ellie to fool her and she hated me even more for being the one to help rescue her and Emma when I had left them without looking back. She’d tried for so long to be strong and independent and it killed her that once again she had to lean on someone else for help to save her.
Brady and I had been taking turns between standing watch over Gwen and being with Emma back at the apartment. I was climbing the walls and nothing made it better. If I was at the hospital holding Gwen’s hand while she was under anesthesia in between surgeries, I was thinking about Emma and anxious to get home to her. If I was with Emma watching movies and tucking her in at night, I was thinking about Gwen and wishing I could be with her. Nothing would get better until both of my girls were back under the same roof and I could breathe again.
After Gwen’s second surgery, I sat in my usual spot in an uncomfortable chair pulled up right next to her bed. With my elbows resting on the edge, I gently held the hand of her injured arm in both of mine, tracing the lines of her palm and talking to her softly. She had yet to wake up or give us any indication that she heard us ever since that hint of a smile in the ambulance. The doctors assured us that it was just her mind’s way of healing after such a trauma, but I still didn’t like it. I wanted to see her eyes, I needed to hear her voice… I just needed HER.
Five minutes before I needed to head home to relieve Brady from Emma duty, I pressed my lips to Gwen’s cheek and whispered in her ear how much I loved her. When I pulled back, she was looking right at me.
“Oh my God it’s so good to see those beautiful eyes again,” I told her softly as tears pooled in my eyes.
I placed kisses all over her face, excited laughter bubbling out of me mixed with tears now that she was finally awake. I ran my hand over the top of her head, down her cheek and over her shoulder. I just couldn’t stop touching her.
She didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at me while I fussed over her. A few minutes later, she finally moved her uninjured hand up to her face and yanked the oxygen mask away. When she tried to speak, it came out raspy and garbled. I quickly moved to the other side of her bed and grabbed a cup of water with a straw that the nurse had placed on her bedside table earlier and held it to her lips.
After a few slow sips and a couple of coughs, she finally spoke. “Where’s Emma?”
I placed the cup back on the table and smiled down at her. “She’s at home with Brady. We’ve been taking turns being with her and being here with you. She’s going to be so happy that you’re awake.”
I reached for her good hand, but she quickly pulled it away. I tried not to let it bother me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it hurt a little. I just wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her what an idiot I was.
“I think you should go now,” she whispered.
I glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded. “Yeah, I need to get back to Brady’s place so he can have his turn up here with you.”
She shook her head, refusing to look at me. “No, I mean, you need to go. I don’t want you here and I don’t want you around Emma.”
My heart skipped a beat and I was afraid that I might start bawling like a baby if I didn’t try to remain calm. She just woke up. She’s confused and she’s been through a lot. That was all this was.
Before I can speak and reassure her that I wasn’t going anywhere
ever again, she continued. “You made your choice to leave and now I’m making mine. I don’t want you anymore, I don’t need you anymore, and my daughter sure as hell doesn’t need someone like you in her life that thinks he can just walk away whenever he wants. Get. Out.”
As her voice grew stronger and louder with each word, it garnered the attention of one of the nurses that was walking by. She immediately came into the room and asked Gwen if there was a problem.
Not wanting to make a scene, I walked out of the room wondering how in the hell I would ever be able to change her mind.
Even though she flat out told me not to come back, there was no fucking way I could listen to her. No matter how hard Brady and I tried to convince her that she wasn’t alone and that she should lean on us, she didn’t want to hear it, especially from me. In her mind, she had failed her daughter and it broke her heart.
And it broke mine to see her like that. Everything about my life had changed the moment her and her attitude walked in the door and the first time Emma demanded that I give her money for her swear jar. It wasn’t just about me anymore and about my future. The only thing I cared about was making sure these two women, who meant more to me than anything else in the world, were happy.
After Gwen got out of the hospital, I went to Brady’s place every single day. And every single day, Gwen would lock herself in her bedroom and refuse to talk to me. I knew it would be hard to convince her that I wanted to be in hers and Emma’s life and that I had made a horrible mistake by walking out on them, but as I’ve said before, I’m a Navy SEAL and we don’t give up very easily.
Brady decided not to kick my ass for sleeping with his sister and instead gave me a few pointers. I knew showing up with flowers would never be a good fucking idea so instead, I just showed up.
Every day for a month.
I turned down the mission to Kuwait and took that month off to show Gwen that she couldn’t get rid of me that easily. Since she wouldn’t speak to me, I spent the time with Emma making sure she was healing okay from the day in the wine cellar, letting her teach me how to be a father and tucking her in every night. Eventually, Emma wouldn’t let Gwen hide out in her room and forced her to interact with me. To say I was scared to death to finally talk to her is an understatement. I had so many things I wanted to say to her and I didn’t want them to come out wrong. But most of all, I needed to know if she could handle a life with me. And if that’s what she even wanted anymore.
As I hold Gwen in my arms and stare around my rental house at the Christmas decorations and other womanly touches that Gwen and Emma have scattered everywhere, I smile thinking about the day she finally gave in.
Brady left a little while ago to finish up some paperwork at the office. I knew he did it to give Gwen and I some time alone together now that she’s started to warm up to me a little more and I don’t know whether to thank him or kick his ass. By the way Gwen is glaring at me over by the door, I’m guessing she’d have no problem doing the ass kicking.
“Thanks for tucking Emma in, you can go now,” she said, pulling open the door and waiting for me to leave.
I took a deep breath and walked up to her, stopping when we were to-to-toe. “I love you.”
Gwen scoffed and opened the door wider. “Like I said, you can go now.”
Reaching around her, I grabbed onto the door and shoved it closed. “And like I said, I love you.”
She rolled her eyes and started to walk away from me, but I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her against me. “You can’t keep ignoring me.”
She tried to struggle out of my arms, but I held tight, missing the feel of her against me so much it hurt.
“Oh believe me, I can definitely keep ignoring you. You can stop with the act any time. I know you have somewhere you’d rather be and as you can see, Emma and I are fine now. You don’t need to stick around anymore.”
She put up a brave front, but I could tell saying those words hurt her and it meant that she still had feelings for me. It gave me the courage I needed to lay it all out on the table.
“Fine, you can ignore me. I don’t need you to talk anyway, just listen,” I started. She huffed and crossed her arms between us since I refused to let go of her.
“Walking away from you and Emma was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t know until I was gone that everything I’d ever wanted was right here in front of me. I was afraid. I was afraid to tell you how much I wanted you only to have you tell me that you couldn’t handle a life with me because of the job I have. You and Emma are important to me, I love you both, but my job is also important. I don’t want to let you and Emma down, but I also can’t let my men down and I don’t know how the fuck to have both. I don’t know how to do this, but I want to try. I want to wake up to you every day when I’m home and I want to play fucking Barbies with Emma every night before bed. I want to take away every one of your bad memories and replace them with good ones. I can’t promise you when I’ll be here or when I’ll have to go away on a mission, but I can promise you that every second I spend with you, I will never let you forget how much you mean to me.”
Gwen’s eyes closed halfway through my speech and I had a moment of doubt that it was too much for her too soon. She was still healing from the nightmare of Ellie and she was knee-deep in getting the charges against William ironed out and here I was adding one more thing onto her shoulders.
After a few minutes, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
“God dammit,” she muttered.
I figured the only way to fix this now was to backpedal. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in but –”
My words were cut off when she unfolded her arms, grabbed onto the front of my shirt and pulled my mouth down to hers. As soon as our lips touched I was lost and forgot everything else I hadn’t even told her yet. I deepened the kiss as her arms slid around my shoulders and I knew right then that no matter what, I would do everything I could to convince her that I meant what I said.
My hands slid up the back of her shirt and I groaned into her mouth as soon as I felt her smooth, warm skin. I’d missed touching her so much. Being around her all these weeks and not being able to touch her was pure torture. She leaned her body into mine and forced me to walk backwards until my back slammed into the closed door, our kiss never breaking. Her palms slid down my chest until her hands found their way under the hem of my shirt and I shivered when I felt them against the skin of my stomach. I let go of her and grabbed onto her face with both of my hands, pulling her mouth away from mine so I could see her eyes.
“Does this mean you’re going to start talking to me again?” I whispered against her lips.
“This means I forgive you, but you’re still an asshole for thinking I wouldn’t understand how important your job is to you,” she told me in irritation. “I spent most of my life being told what to do and how to live, how could you ever think I would do that to you?”
I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. “I know you would never try to change me, but how can you possibly be happy with a man who never knows when he’ll have to leave? I can get a call in the middle of the night and be in another country by lunch time.”
She pulled back and put her own hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at her. “It’s what you do. It’s your job and it means everything to you. I know Emma and I do too, but it’s different and I get it. We’ll take any part of you we can, don’t you understand that? I’m not saying it won’t suck sometimes, but we’ve been through worse. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re some pretty kick ass women and I think we’ll manage just fine on our own every once in a while. As long as you promise to come back to us.”
Crashing my lips to hers, I pour everything I have into the kiss, letting her know that her words mean more to me than she’ll ever know.
“I love you, Austin,” she whispered against my lips. “But if you ever do something stupid like that and walk away again, I will kick your ass.”
With Gwen’s legs still wrapped firmly around mine, I walk us over to the couch and sit down with her on my lap, straddling my legs.
Brady decided when Layla’s tour was over a month ago that he was going to move out of his apartment and in with her. It only took a little bit of begging to convince Gwen to move her and Emma into my rental house until I could find something more permanent for us. Everything I’ve ever wanted is here under this roof and I’m never going to fuck that up again.
“Welcome home, Lieutenant,” she tells me with a smile as she runs her fingers through my hair.
I smile back at her when she uses my new title. Even though Captain Risner wasn’t too happy about my decision to skip the mission in Kuwait, he granted my time off and surprisingly still gave me the promotion when I finally went back to work. I found out Cole was reinstated when the mess with Ellie was happening and I’m pretty sure he had a hand in convincing our Captain that even though I have a family now, I could still do the job better than anyone.
Just the idea that I have a family makes my heart skip a beat as I stare up at Gwen’s face.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you decorate the tree, but at least I made it home in time for Christmas,” I tell her, sliding my hands up her bare thighs and swallowing thickly when I get to her ass and realize she’s not wearing any underwear.
“Lucky for you, I didn’t put the Barbie Dream House together yet. It’s all yours, baby.”
She lets out a gasp when my hand moves between her legs and my fingers slide through her sex.
“Lucky for Emma, I brought home a bunch of G.I. Joe guys to fill up the fucking Barbie Dream House,” I tell her as I slowly push one of my fingers inside of her.
She lets out a moan and grinds herself against my hand, reaching between us to quickly undo my pants and wrap her hand around my dick that has been hard as a rock soon as I saw her standing in the doorway of the living room.