“Would you mind if we didn’t? I love your family, but I’m not sure I can focus on anyone or anything right now. I need some time alone with you to process everything.”
“Anything you want, babe. Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat or just go find someplace to be alone?”
She glanced in the back of the Jeep, where the blankets and towels had fallen to the floor. “Can we stop for energy bars and maybe some juice? Something easy and quick, and then go to the creek?”
Half an hour later, Ty parked by the tracks and insisted on carrying Aiyla to the creek. He cradled her against his warm body, and she carried the food and blanket as he made his way down to the water. It was just as beautiful as she remembered. Ty was careful as he set her on the grass so he could spread out the blanket. They didn’t talk, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable or oppressive. It was exactly what she needed. And when she lay on her back and Ty wrapped her in his arms, resting his head on her chest and pressing a kiss to her breastbone every now and again, it was also what she needed.
He was what she needed.
His love, his strength, his innate understanding.
She ran her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes. Her mind began wandering down a dark what if path. What if I have cancer? Memories of her mother’s battle with the disease slammed into her. She breathed deeply, trying to will the memories away, but they crashed over her one after another.
“Baby cakes?” Ty lifted his head and gazed down at her. “What is it?”
She turned away, closing her eyes tight against an onslaught of tears.
He guided her chin back toward him with a gentle touch and pressed his lips to her forehead and cheeks. “It’s okay, sweet girl. Together we can deal with anything.”
Even with her eyes closed, tears poured out. “I’m so scared” came out in a bubble of sobs. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”
He gathered her in his arms and held her. “I know, baby. I am, too, but we can get through anything. Anything.”
“What if it is cancer?” Oh God! Please don’t let it be cancer.
“Then we’ll deal with it.”
“You don’t know,” she said between sobs, “how awful and hard cancer is.”
He held her tighter, kissing her cheek over and over. “Nothing is too hard for us.”
“I watched my mom die!” she cried, clinging to him as if he could save her from the heartache bowling her over one memory at a time. “Chemo, radiation. It was horrible. She was sick and frail and—” She buried her face in his neck. “I’m scared, Ty. I’m so scared I want to run away and keep running until there’s nothing left.”
“Nothing left?” He drew back with tears in his eyes. “Baby…? You run, I run. I’ll fucking carry you.”
She laughed through her tears. “I don’t mean run from you. I mean run from whatever this is in my leg.”
He brushed her tears away, then kissed her softly. “We don’t run. We deal. We conquer. We move forward. Together.”
She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but it was impossible. A spear of panic shot through her and she closed her eyes, concentrating on what he’d said and trying to regain control of her emotions. She was trembling, and tired. So damn tired. Fear gnawed at her, keeping her on edge and draining her energy. She gazed into Ty’s loving eyes, and she knew with him, it was okay to let down all her defenses.
She collapsed against him, tears flowing, heart hurting, and more sobs tumbled out. His body surrounded her like a protective shield as he stroked her hair away from her face and pressed tender kisses to her cheek.
“That’s it, sweet girl. Breathe, baby. Let it all go.”
She drew in one ragged breath after another until her sobs slowed and eventually abated, until all that was left was Ty’s sweet whispers lulling her to sleep.
AIYLA SLEPT FOR several hours, some of it fitful, her body jerking and mewling sounds escaping. Ty soothed his hand down over her back, reassuring her in whispers and kisses, until she slept soundly again. Was she dreaming about the procedure or about losing her mother? Was she in pain? He’d never experienced love so intense that he ached right along with a person. And now it was like there was no separation between them. She hurt, he hurt. She smiled, he smiled. He welcomed those feelings, but they were unfair. He should be able to endure her pain for her.
As the late-afternoon sun dipped, taking the heat of the day with it, he pressed his lips to her forehead and closed his eyes, praying with every iota of his being that she would be okay.
“Mm.” Her lips curved up in a sweet smile as she blinked away the fog of sleep. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to conk out like that.”
“You needed it. How’s your leg?”
“Achy. What time is it?” She sat up as he checked the time on his phone.
“Almost five. We should head back to the Jeep so you can take some pain medicine.”
They gathered their things, and he carried her back the way they’d come. “By the time we get married, I’m going to be an old pro at this. Carrying you over the threshold will be a piece of cake.”
“Unless I get so stressed that I start chowing down on cake,” she teased.
Damn, it was good to see her smile.
“You could gain a hundred pounds and I’ll still love you and carry you.”
Aiyla took pain medication as they drove down the mountain. “Thank you for being there with me today. And for letting me bawl like a baby and fall asleep on you.”
He laughed. “I love you, babe—”
Her phone rang, and fear flashed like a lightbulb in her eyes, cutting him to his core. He pulled over to the side of the road and took her hand in his, giving her his full attention. “It’s okay, baby. I’m right here.”
She lifted the phone to her ear with a shaky hand. “Hello?” She mouthed, Jon.
Ty’s pulse kicked up.
“Sore, but okay,” she said in a tremulous voice.
Each pause as she listened to Jon brought a jolt of panic in Ty.
“Yes,” she said softly. “When?”
Aiyla bit her lower lip, and Ty’s heart sank. He ground his teeth together, praying for the best and fearing the worst.
“Okay, thank you.” Tears welled in her eyes as she ended the call. “We have to go to his office right now.”
Ty pulled her into his arms, and she pushed out. “Now, Ty. Sorry, but he’s waiting for us, and if you hug me, I’m going to break down.”
“Okay, babe.” He pulled onto the road, his thoughts reeling. “What did he say?”
“Just that he had the results. But if the results were good, he’d have told me, right? He wouldn’t wait or need us to see him in his office.”
She turned hopeful eyes to him, and it was all he could do to say, “We don’t know that. He might be asking us to come in so he can go over treatment plans, or anything. Don’t go there in your head, Aiyla. Not now. Not yet, and hopefully not ever.”
She nodded absently.
When they got to Jon’s office, Ty helped her from the Jeep and held her again. “No matter what happens in here, I’m with you, Aiyla. Do you hear me?”
She blinked several times, swallowing hard, clearly struggling to keep herself in check as she nodded.
He cradled her face in his hands and gazed into her worried eyes. “I love you, baby. Unconditionally.”
His lips came down over hers softly, but he felt too much, loved her too intensely to let her go with anything short of a kiss that left no room for doubt about the strength of his emotions. He took the kiss deeper, forcing all his fears to the back burner and pouring all his strength, all his positive energy, into their connection, hoping she would soak it up.
He slid his hand to the nape of her neck, drawing away slowly. “You okay, babe?”
“I am now,” she said breathlessly.
He held her close as they went up to Jon’s office. Every step brought another pulse of worry. They were taken directly
to Jon. He was pacing by the windows when they walked in, and the look on his face made Ty’s gut twist, and every muscle in his body flexed. Aiyla pushed herself deeper into his side, as if she wanted to crawl inside him for protection. His fingers tightened around her waist. Now he was the one with the urge to run—to pick her up and carry her off so whatever news about to come out of Jon’s mouth would never be heard.
“Ty, Aiyla, thank you for coming in.” Jon waved to the chairs across from his desk, his eyes apologetic, his tone too professional.
No fucking way. Ty felt sick to his stomach. He sat in a chair and brought Aiyla down on his lap, his arms around her, hoping he was reading Jon wrong—and needing to absorb the impact and keep Aiyla safe if he wasn’t.
Jon sat in the chair beside them, his gaze passing a silent message to Ty that seemed to say, Brace yourself. He could feel Aiyla’s heart beating too fast, and the fear in her eyes told him that she’d noticed that look, too. In that split second, something dark and visceral clawed up from the depths of his soul. Hatred. It boiled in his blood, making him want to slam Jon against the wall, to shut him up before another word left his mouth. He knew it was wrong, knew it was misdirected, but darkness consumed him. There was no escaping it. He struggled to push those emotions away, but it lingered right beneath the surface.
“Aiyla, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to give it to you straight. The biopsy confirmed that you have chondrosarcoma, which is a type of bone cancer that develops in cartilage cells. It’s the second most common type of primary bone tumor. Hopefully we have found it early enough that it hasn’t spread.”
Ty felt gutted. The color drained from Aiyla’s face. Her lower lip trembled, and tears rose in her eyes, making Ty’s eyes burn with his own. He fought them hard. He would not break down when Aiyla needed him most. Chondrofuckingsarcoma? No disease was going to take Aiyla from him. They would fight this son of a bitch. Do whatever it takes.
He put his hand on the side of her head and pressed his lips to her temple. “It’s okay, babe. We’ll fight it.”
She pressed her mouth shut and nodded, visibly struggling to hold it together. The hatred inside Ty surged, redirecting toward the disease instead of the bearer of the news, and he forced himself to put the disease into a form he could relate to and conquer, like the worst fucking mountain in the world. Envisioning it that way allowed him to concentrate on the goal—beating the life out of the disease—and focus on coming up with a solid attack plan.
“What’s our next step, Jon?” he asked. “How do we fight this?”
“The first thing we need to do is get a PET scan to determine if the disease has spread, and stage it. Once we have those results, Aiyla, you’ll need to decide if you want to treat it here, or someplace else, and then we can take the next step.”
Ty looked at Aiyla, who appeared shell-shocked. “Do you want to go back to Colorado? We can deal with it there, in Oregon where your sister lives, or here. Wherever you want, I’ll be there with you.”
A tear tumbled down her cheeks. “I can’t put this on Cherise. She has two little boys, and she doesn’t need…” Sobs stole her voice.
“Shh. It’s okay.” He embraced her. “It’s okay. Do you want to do it here?”
“You don’t have to decide right now,” Jon said. “This is a lot to process. If you decide to seek treatment here, I’d like to put together a multidisciplinary meeting with a leading oncologist and radiologist, and we’ll discuss treatment options.”
“But you’re an orthopedic oncologist. Why do we need to see another oncologist?” Ty couldn’t believe they were talking about oncologists and cancer treatments.
“This is a complicated disease, and depending on what we find with the PET scan, we want to be sure Aiyla is covered on all levels.” Jon turned his attention to Aiyla and said, “You should have as much information as possible before making any treatment decisions. If the cancer has spread, you’ll need a medical oncologist to oversee chemotherapy and manage side effects. You might also consider speaking with a psychologist or a social worker to help deal with the emotional impact of the diagnosis.”
If the cancer has spread, hit Ty with the force of a bullet, magnifying in his head and drilling the reality into his heart.
“Thank you,” Aiyla said softly, then a little stronger, “Can we get the PET scan right away? I need to know what’s happening inside my body.”
“The office needs to process the paperwork through your insurance company first, which can take some time,” Jon explained. “Once we have approval, they’ll try to get you in for the next available appointment, but it could take a week or two for the insurance to clear.”
Ty didn’t know squat about this type of cancer, but he knew enough to realize that any kind of cancer was a ticking time bomb, and he wasn’t about to wait around for her wick to grow short. “We’ll pay cash. Let’s get her in fast, please. Whatever it takes, you know I’m good for it. I don’t want Aiyla worrying any longer than she has to.”
She shook her head. “Ty, I can’t pay—”
“I can,” he assured her. “Now is not the time to let your pride get in the way, baby. Let’s get this done so we know what we’re facing.”
“Aiyla?” Jon said. “It’s your call.”
Her brows knitted, and for a second Ty worried she’d fight him on it, and when she nodded and said, “Okay,” relief rushed through him. One less obstacle to overcome.
Jon gave them several pamphlets about dealing with cancer and in particular chondrosarcoma. “I would advise that you hold off on reading too much on the Internet. There’s a lot of misinformation out there that can do more harm than good.”
“I know,” she said softly. “We learned that when my mom was sick.”
“There’s one more thing. Pathological fractures are common with this type and size of tumor because the disease weakens the bone. In fact, many tumors such as these are found accidentally when we think we’re looking for a fracture. Now that we know what we’re dealing with, tread carefully, okay? And, Aiyla, I’m one of a few hundred doctors who specialize in sarcomas. You’re in good hands with me, but if you choose to seek treatment elsewhere, I’ll find you a specialist who can do an equally excellent job.”
“Thank you,” Ty said.
“Do you have any other questions that I can answer before I call and schedule the PET scan?”
Aiyla shook her head. “I might later, but right now I just want to get that test so we know…” Her voice trailed off, her unspoken worries hanging in the silence.
“I’ll call radiology and see what I can set up,” Jon said. “Are you open to going in very early or late in the day if that’s the only way they can squeeze you in quickly?”
“Yes,” Aiyla said.
“Okay. I’ll call you as soon as I have it scheduled, and in the meantime, Ty has my cell phone number. If you have questions, please feel free to call.”
“Thank you.” Aiyla pushed to her feet. Her eyes suddenly had dark circles under them. She was so pale, Ty worried she’d pass out. He put an arm around her. “I know you work with Ty’s brother and Faith, but can you please not say anything to them until we have the results of the PET scan and we have time to think things through? I don’t want to deal with questions until we know everything there is to know.”
Damn it. Ty had forgotten to tell her he’d seen Cole earlier. “Aiyla, Cole knows about the biopsy. He was looking for us after our appointment and Brandy told him we were in the surgery center. He didn’t know you were having the procedure when he first got there, but I told him. I’m sorry. He’s going to worry if I don’t fill him in.”
“Can we ask him not to say anything to your family?” she asked.
“Of course. Yes.”
“Aiyla,” Jon said, “I’d never say anything without your permission, but if you want me to explain this to Cole and tell him how you feel, I can do that before he leaves the office today.”
She
turned pleading eyes to Ty. “Do you want to talk to him yourself? I will fall apart if I have to talk about it right now.”
Ty wanted to talk to his brother, but not more than he needed to be there for Aiyla. “Why don’t we have Jon talk to him and explain the situation. I want to be with you.”
A small smile lifted her lips. “Thank you.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Jon said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take my doctor hat off for a minute and slip into friend mode.” He rolled his shoulders back, and his gaze softened as he took Aiyla’s hand. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you have a hell of a man by your side, and I’ll make sure you get top-notch treatment. Whatever you need, whatever questions you have, you let me know. And when we have the full diagnosis, if you need help talking to your family, I’m happy to do so.”
He embraced her, and Ty heard Aiyla sniffling as she thanked him.
Jon reached for Ty and said, “I’ve got your backs, buddy. We’ll fight this all the way.”
Damn right we will.
Chapter Twenty
AIYLA SAT ON the beach behind Ty’s parents’ house Monday evening listening to the waves roll in and to Phillip’s sweet giggles. Maisy and Ace were barbecuing by a bonfire in their backyard, while Phillip played nearby. Ty was pacing the beach a few feet away from Aiyla, talking with his cousin Graham about canceling their climbing trip. She didn’t even try to get him not to. Guilt swamped her that she needed him so badly. Was she being selfish by not cutting Ty loose from the tethers of a disease that could kill her? Should she make it easier for him? Push him away? In her heart, she knew that wasn’t something she could ever do, but she was so scared and so confused and hurting so badly, she couldn’t make heads or tails of anything. Jon had called shortly after they’d left his office. He’d pulled some strings and scheduled her PET scan for Thursday morning. She was in limbo until they had those results, and it was a horrifying place to be.
Thrill of Love Page 18