She stepped into the hallway and hurried outside, thankful Sister Edna didn’t follow her. She pulled in a deep breath of air. It was good to feel the sun on her face and to be blessedly alone and away from Sister Edna’s probing eyes. But was she really? She peeked over her shoulder back at the house. She couldn’t see Sister Edna watching from the window of the room she’d just left, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t. Or that even if she wasn’t, someone else might not be watching.
Someone was always watching. On the first day in the village, Sister Edna had let Carlyn know people watched from rooftops or upper rooms. That was a duty to be carried out the same as the duty of sweeping away the dirt in the sleeping rooms. The rules must be kept.
Carlyn shook her shoulders slightly as though ridding the very thought of eyes watching her. She wasn’t really free. Sister Edna would be coming to the garden. Her eyes would be following Carlyn’s every movement, waiting to pounce on some wrong move.
Think on the truth, Sister Edna had advised. Carlyn could do that. If she only knew what the truth was. Ask and it would be given. It could be she should ask the Lord for a new answer for her life or to give her a new heart that could accept the Shaker life.
Carlyn thought she had answers, but maybe the answers she’d been given were not the final answers. Each day was a new day with the Lord. A new day for answers. And whether her prayers felt empty or not, she did sincerely believe she was a child of God as she had told Sister Edna.
Pray anyway. At all times with belief that the Lord would send answers. But was it a sin to not want to accept the answer already given?
14
With so many thoughts whirling through her mind, Carlyn didn’t pay the necessary attention to where she was going. When she did pause in her headlong rush away from Sister Edna to look around, she had no idea where she was. The stone pathway went between a corncrib and a chicken house with the garden nowhere in sight. She was about to retrace her steps when she spotted the barn roof on down the path. She’d seen that barn from the garden, so perhaps she could circle around the chicken house to reach the garden.
If Sister Edna made it to the garden before her, she would never believe Carlyn had not willfully dallied in returning to her duty there. Carlyn tried to remember if the Shakers had rules against running. Probably so, but since no one was in sight and surely no spying eyes watched from the crib or chicken house, she was ready to chance a dash for the garden when she heard men’s voices.
She stepped into the shadow of the chicken house in hopes they would pass her by, unnoticed. It was not hard to imagine Sister Edna’s displeasure if Carlyn was seen on a pathway alone with Shaker men.
The men weren’t speaking in the peaceful tones most of the Shakers used, but instead sounded agitated. Carlyn couldn’t quite make out their words, but when one of the voices grew louder, she froze. She had to be hearing wrong. It couldn’t be him.
She dared a peek around the corner of the chicken house. Two men faced each other on the path, one a Shaker brother, the other Curt Whitlow. A tremble swept through her. Had he come to demand more from her?
That couldn’t be it. Elder Derron had made full payment to him for her house. When she signed the document giving the house over to the Shakers, she was certain she was done with Curt Whitlow. Yet, here he was. Right in front of her eyes. Angry the same as when he came to her house with the sheriff in tow. One arm was in a sling close to his chest, but he was jabbing the Shaker brother in the chest with his other hand.
The Shaker was short and so slight of build that Curt, with his broad girth, could make two of him. The man tried to step around Curt, but he stumbled on the edge of the walk and went down hard. His hat flew off to reveal his bald head. Curt stared down at him without moving to help the man up. Nor did the man reach a hand up toward Curt. Instead he scrambled to his feet as though afraid Curt might kick him while he was down.
The man snatched his hat off the ground and looked around. Carlyn jerked back out of sight and stood stock still, barely breathing. She had to hide, but where? To get to the door of the chicken house she would have to step around in plain sight. She couldn’t do that and take the chance Curt might recognize her. She strained to hear if they were moving her way.
The Shaker brother was talking, his voice tense but so low she only heard scraps of his sentences. “You can’t . . . He knows . . .” Then his voice rose and the words were clear. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing.” Curt sounded angry. “We had a deal. And nobody goes back on a deal with Curt Whitlow without paying the price. Best not forget that, Brother.”
“I can’t—”
“Don’t bother claiming a conscience now.” Curt cut off the other man’s words. “It’s too late to hide under that Shaker hat and pretend to be all innocent. You tell him what I said.”
“He won’t like it.”
“Then he shouldn’t have made the deal.”
“A deal with the devil, he says.”
Curt laughed at that and Carlyn felt a new round of trembles, remembering the last time she’d heard that laugh.
“The devil, eh? Then you make sure he knows the devil expects his due on time or else.” Curt sounded closer. Dare she chance staying where she was and hope he didn’t look back?
“Wait, Mr. Whitlow—”
“The devil waits for no man.” Curt laughed again.
He was definitely closer. She couldn’t just stand there. Not and be caught by Curt here with no one around except the Shaker brother who sounded more afraid of Curt than she was.
She put her head down and walked as fast as she could toward the end of the chicken house. She didn’t notice the two hens settled in the dust until they squawked and flapped away. Her heart bounded up in her throat. They had to hear that. She kept moving without looking back. Even after she knew for sure they saw her.
“Sister,” the Shaker brother called.
She pretended not to hear. The hens were still squawking. That could keep her from hearing the Shaker brother’s call. It didn’t, but it could have.
“Who was that?” Curt asked.
“Just one of the sisters,” the Shaker man answered. “Nobody to be concerned about.”
“You think she heard . . .”
Carlyn was on the other side of the building and the voices faded away. She kept her head down, practically running now. She dared a peek over her shoulder. They weren’t following her. Relief flooded through her. She didn’t know why her heart was pounding so. They didn’t know who she was. Curt wouldn’t recognize her in the Shaker dress without seeing her face. She jerked her cap down tighter on her head as she rushed back up on the walkway directly into the path of Sister Edna.
“Watch where you are going, Sister!” Sister Edna threw out her arms to regain her balance as she tottered on the edge of the walk.
Carlyn was tempted to jerk back from her and keep going. Let the sister fall, the way Curt had let the Shaker man fall. But instead she grabbed Sister Edna and steadied her.
“I’m so sorry, Sister Edna. I should have been watching.”
“Sister Carlyn?” Sister Edna voice was incredulous as she pulled loose from Carlyn and smoothed down her neckerchief. “Whatever are you doing here? I sent you back to the garden a half hour or more ago. Can I not trust you to do anything I say without my eyes on you continually?”
“Nay. I mean yea. I lost my way.” Carlyn could not resist the urge to look over her shoulder again. The Shaker brother stood near the road watching them, but Curt was nowhere in sight.
Sister Edna’s eyes narrowed on Carlyn. “How could you lose your way between the Gathering Family House and the garden?”
“I don’t know, but I did. I ended up over there by the chicken house and then I heard some men talking. I thought of what you said about my swaying walk, so I hid to keep from being a temptation.” Carlyn rushed out her words. “I’ll hurry on to the garden now.”
&nbs
p; She started past the woman, but Sister Edna put a hand out to stop her. “What men?” She peered first at Carlyn and then beyond her toward the road. “Brother Henry?”
“Yea, if that is the man behind us.”
“But you say men.” Sister Edna’s eyes probed Carlyn’s face. “Why do you look so distressed? None of our brothers would ever do harm to one of their sisters.”
“I was concerned because I went the wrong way and would be slow getting back to the garden.”
Sister Edna shook Carlyn’s arm. “Can you not tell the truth? Even once? Who was the other man? Had you arranged to sin by meeting someone from the world?”
“No. Never.” Carlyn totally forgot to answer with the Shaker’s nay.
Sister Edna frowned and gripped Carlyn’s arm tighter. “Why, Sister, you are shaking. What has frightened you so? Surely not Brother Henry.” She looked back out toward the road. “He is gone at any rate.”
“Nay.” This time Carlyn remembered. She pulled in a breath to calm herself. What could she tell Sister Edna that the woman would believe? Maybe it was best to be truthful. “Brother Henry did nothing to bother me. But I knew the other man from before I came here. He was the one I owed money for my house and I feared he had come here looking for me.”
Wrinkles formed between Sister Edna’s eyes as she considered what Carlyn said. “If the man from the world had come seeking you, he would not have started his search at the chicken house.”
“Yea, I was not thinking clearly.” Carlyn pulled in a long breath.
“Obviously. What is the man’s name?”
“Why do you care? He is of the world.”
“Yea, but he was here in our village and a concern to a sister in my charge. I, of necessity, need to report such to the Ministry.”
“Curt Whitlow.” Carlyn didn’t care what Sister Edna reported to the Ministry about Curt. She never wanted to lay eyes on him again.
“I see. And what was he talking about with Brother Henry?”
“I could not hear them well.” Carlyn couldn’t see any point in telling Sister Edna the bits of conversation she’d heard. It would just prolong her questioning. The garden and Sister Berdine’s cheerful conversation seemed akin to paradise at the moment.
“Come, Sister, are you saying you heard nothing they said?” Sister Edna raised her eyebrows in disbelief.
“Just bits and pieces. Nothing that made much sense.”
“Why do I feel you are hiding something?” Sister Edna’s fingers tightened on Carlyn’s arm.
“I heard them mention the devil.” Carlyn hoped that would be enough to feed Sister Edna’s need to know.
“The devil?” Sister Edna’s frown got darker.
“Yea. Perhaps Brother Henry was trying to convince Mr. Whitlow to consider the Shaker way.” Carlyn knew that wasn’t true, but she simply wanted Sister Edna to turn her loose. And it wasn’t as though she were telling a lie. Brother Henry had definitely been trying to convince Curt of something. Perhaps he owed Curt money. Carlyn wasn’t sure how that could be, since all here owned everything in common, but there could be hidden currents. Hidden sins.
“True.” Sister Edna sounded thoughtful. At last, she let go of Carlyn’s arm and looked toward where Brother Henry had been standing. “We are to generously share the blessing of belief.” She looked back at Carlyn. “Did Mr. Whitlow seem to embrace Brother Henry’s words?”
“Nay. They appeared to be at odds.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yea. They were disagreeing over some sort of deal.”
“A deal? How strange.” Sister Edna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps it would be best if I spoke with Brother Henry to be certain I make the proper report to the Ministry.” She turned back to Carlyn, her eyes mere slits of accusation. “I trust I will not find that you have peppered your story with falsehoods.”
“Nay, Sister Edna. I was taught to tell the truth by my mother.”
“That is good, but you need to think now on the teachings of Mother Ann.”
“Yea.” Carlyn was ready to agree with anything just to be finished with her questions.
“If only your spirit were as eager with yeas as your mouth.” Sister Edna let out an exasperated sigh. “Go on with you. Sister Berdine will be full of curiosity about what has taken you so long to get back to the garden. And the bean seeds need gathering before the rains come.”
“The sun is shining and there are no clouds.” Carlyn looked up. The deep blue vastness of the sky gave her a feeling of freedom, even if she was hemmed in on all sides here in the Shaker village. But she was also protected as long as she stayed on the proper paths.
“The rains always come.” Sister Edna studied the western horizon for a moment. “Clouds can come quickly when storms approach.”
15
By the time Carlyn reached the garden, she had stopped shaking. She didn’t think she lacked courage. After all, she had faced down Curt Whitlow time and time again, but it had been a shock to come upon him in the village. Not on the main road as one might expect, but hidden back in among the buildings and talking of being the devil. Brother Henry had appeared to believe it could be true.
As much as Carlyn disliked Curt, she had never thought him the devil. Wicked. Sinful. But he also had weaknesses. His fear of Asher. She smiled a little, thinking of his bandaged arm and then felt ashamed. Pray for those who persecute you. The Scripture poked her conscience. She forced herself to think a prayer for his arm to heal, but she felt as insincere as Sister Edna accused her of being.
“I am relieved to see you, Sister Carlyn.” Sister Berdine looked up when Carlyn joined her in the garden. “I was beginning to think Sister Edna might have thought of a penance for you worse than picking these beans.”
“I like working in the garden.” Carlyn bent down and began filling her basket.
“It’s all right for a few hours, but not all the livelong day, every day. My back is ready to break.” Sister Berdine blew out a breath as she knelt down. She didn’t even pretend to pick the beans. “Well, are you going to tell me why Sister Edna kept you so long?”
“She didn’t. After she pointed out my usual lackings, she told me to come back here. But somehow I went the wrong way.” Carlyn didn’t want to talk about Curt Whitlow or think about the odd conversation she’d heard. It was enough that she’d told Sister Edna. She had no desire for his name to cross her lips again. “The Shaker pathways are like a labyrinth.”
“And it is easier to wander around in the fall sunshine than to be forever bending over a bean plant.” Sister Berdine pulled off a couple of bean pods.
“Nay, I did not tarry of a purpose,” Carlyn insisted.
“Well, if you didn’t, you should have.” Sister Berdine dropped the beans in her basket, then stood to stretch her back. “Life is too short not to steal a few moments of joy now and again.”
“Do you know joy, Sister Berdine? Here in Harmony Hill?” Carlyn didn’t stop picking the bean pods, but she did slow her hands to keep from rattling the drying leaves so she could hear Sister Berdine’s answer.
“Yea. More than I expected.” Sister Berdine leaned down with her head close to Carlyn’s. “Much more than I expected. In spite of a certain sister who is continually harping on this or that.” Sister Berdine grinned over at Carlyn. “She seems even more ready to harp about your shortcomings than mine, though my faults are just as glaring. Unless I miss my guess, she envies your pretty face.”
“You are not serious.” Carlyn shook her head. “That certain sister worries only about beauty of the spirit.”
“So she says, but I think there is more to that certain sister than she wants to reveal.”
“Isn’t that true for us all?”
“Perhaps for you, Sister Carlyn, but me, I am an open book.” Sister Berdine sighed. “A very boring book without a colorful cover.”
“Nay, nothing boring about you.” Carlyn laughed softly. “But did you know that sister you’re t
alking about was married when she came to the Shakers?”
Sister Berdine stopped picked beans and stared at Carlyn. “You jest.”
“That is what she seemed to tell me. She said she was older than I am now when she came into the village and left her other life behind.”
“Well, if she could find a man to marry with her sour face, perhaps I should not have given up so soon.” Sister Berdine riffled through the leaves looking for beans. “Then again, it could be I have come to the perfect place. There are many brothers here. Unattached and available.” She gave Carlyn a wicked smile.
“Brothers don’t look at their sisters with such thoughts.”
“Keep in mind, they are not really our brothers. Do you not note the brethren with their broad shoulders and strong arms?”
“I try to not look at the brothers at all.”
“You must be an unusual woman, my sister, but then you have already tasted the joys of matrimony,” Sister Berdine said.
“Or the sins of such, Sister Edna would say.”
“Did you think it sinful to be married?”
“Not at all. Ambrose and I were very happy before the war.”
“Do you think he will come back to you?” Sister Berdine peered over at Carlyn.
“I don’t know. Probably not.” Carlyn didn’t meet her eyes. Instead, she studied the bean pod in her hand as though searching for an answer there.
“How long has he been missing?” Sister Berdine sounded sympathetic.
“Two years.”
“That is a long time.” Sister Berdine smoothed out the bean pods in her basket.
“Yea. A very long time.”
“And in that time, have you never been tempted to look at another man with longing?”
“No, of course not.” Carlyn jerked her head up to stare at Sister Berdine. “That would not be proper.”
“Much happens that is not proper, dear sister.”
“But I loved Ambrose.” A shaft of sadness shot through her when she realized she’d spoken as if that love was in the past. She changed her words. “I do love him.”
The Innocent Page 12