Carlie continued her walk around the facility, greeting guests and considering what other activities could be planned. The main reason she’d thought of having a children’s tea party was because of Annie and Beth and she wanted more new things for them to do. Yet even as she evaluated different ideas, she questioned whether always keeping busy was the answer to her dilemma with the Forresters, or how they were dealing with the loss in their lives.
Finally she headed back to Old City Hall and saw Luke sitting on one of the old wrought iron benches in front of the building. She sighed. It was difficult to keep her perspective about the guy when he was always around, mixing up her emotions.
Luke stood up. “How about some coffee?”
“No. Nicole hasn’t confided in me and I wouldn’t tell you anything, even if she had,” Carlie said bluntly, certain that was why he wanted to talk.
“Why is it so wrong for me to be concerned?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it, but frankly, I’m not sure you’d stop at just being concerned.”
“If this is about the SUV, I apologized.”
“Actually, you didn’t apologize, but that isn’t the point. I’m sure you have good intentions, but you can’t run Nicole’s life the way you run your company.”
* * *
LUKE FROWNED.
“That isn’t what I’m doing.”
Just then, a shuttle from one of the parking areas arrived and dropped off passengers. They nodded pleasantly, but Luke was instantly on edge; he’d spent too many years guarding his privacy to enjoy having private conversations in public.
“Let’s go to my office,” Carlie suggested.
Luke hadn’t looked closely at the architecture of the rotunda on his previous visits, but as they went inside now, he glanced around, appreciating the feeling of space and stateliness. The design in the parquet wood floor even came to a point under the center of the dome above, increasing the visual impact. He didn’t have much imagination, but he could easily envision Victorian gentlemen disembarking from carriages and entering Old City Hall, escorting women in ball gowns.
“This is impressive, but surely it was much larger than the town needed at the time,” he commented.
Carlie chuckled. “It’s larger than what we’d need now, but Glimmer Creek once dreamed of becoming the California state capital.”
“One of the books Nicole got at the general store says Columbia was once in the running for that, but it doesn’t mention Glimmer Creek.”
“I doubt we were ever actually considered, but town legend claims that underhanded tactics were employed by opponents. When the town fathers built our civic buildings, they allegedly wanted to show up Sacramento, because the capitol building was taking so long to complete. The O’Connor family donated enough money to buy the land and build both the concert hall and city hall, with the proviso that Glimmer Creek come up with the funds to do the interior finishing.”
“O’Connor? That must be connected to Connor’s Folly,” Luke said before realizing that a group of guests had come into the rotunda and was listening to them.
“What’s Connor’s Folly?” one of them wanted to know.
Carlie focused on them and Luke was resigned. She couldn’t resist entertaining Poppy Gold visitors and she quickly explained the history of how the Victorian buildings had been preserved during the Great Depression.
“James Connor’s ancestor had moved to California in 1849 to find gold,” she continued. “That was Seamus O’Connor, but he discovered the real money was in selling supplies to the miners. His original base of operations was in Glimmer Creek and he built a huge mansion here for his family. The townspeople wanted him to be mayor, but he refused until there was a scandal regarding the current mayor.”
“That was Mayor Colonel Stafford, right?” Luke threw in, recalling the story of how the interior finishing had actually been funded. How had Carlie described it—paid for by the services of good-time girls?
The visitors’ eyes gleamed.
“Scandal?” asked an older woman.
“Yes. They learned he owned a number of brothels and saloons. Colonel was just a nickname his saloon girls had given him.”
Snickers went through her small audience.
“I don’t want to keep you from registering, but be sure to read the historical markers around Poppy Gold and Glimmer Creek,” Carlie urged, diplomatically bringing the history lesson to a close. “You’ll get a schedule of events at the front desk, but as a heads-up, tonight there’s a lighted parade of historic vehicles. Caroling will begin immediately after that.”
The visitors moved toward the doors into Guest Reception and Luke followed Carlie back to her office. Though there didn’t seem to be any employees at their desks, she closed the door and dropped onto the couch. He appreciated it.
“Sorry for the lecture,” she said. “I used to do living history and tours of Poppy Gold when I was in high school and during breaks from college.”
“No problem—I’m the one who started it. Nicole has developed a passion for Gold Country history, but especially anything to do with Glimmer Creek. Probably because of Dr. Cartwright,” he added sourly, sitting down, as well. Being a protective big brother was a hard habit to kick.
“Glimmer Creek is an interesting town.” Carlie wriggled out of her coat and tossed it onto her desk, then kicked her shoes off. “If it’s any comfort, everything I’ve heard about Gideon is positive. He has outstanding credentials and was given high recommendations from the clinics where he worked before moving here. Also from his soon-to-be ex-father-in-law, who owns a posh veterinary practice in the LA area.”
Luke’s warning sensors shot to their highest level. “Soon-to-be ex-father-in-law?”
“Local gossip claims Gideon is in the middle of a divorce, or maybe already divorced, which Nicole knows. So as I said before, leave it alone.”
“Fine. I’ll worry about the girls instead.”
Carlie instantly looked sympathetic. “They seem much more outgoing than when you first got to Poppy Gold.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure how much has changed between us. Annie came and talked to me about something the other night, which was wonderful, but most of the time they just don’t seem to need me.”
“I think change usually comes in small steps—sometimes so small it’s hard to see.”
“Perhaps.”
Luke leaned over to pick up a card that had gotten knocked to the floor. He barely had time to read “It’s a boy!” on the front before Carlie snatched it and tossed it in the wastebasket.
His eyebrows rose. “You don’t seem the type to throw a birth announcement away.”
“That depends on who it’s from.”
“Which is?” he prodded.
She glared. “If you must know, my ex-fiancé’s wife. I was supposed to get married a year ago in July, but the morning of the ceremony, I found Derek in bed with another woman. We were both working for the same company, and the CEO’s daughter had come with her father to attend the wedding. And apparently to sleep with the groom.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“I don’t love him any longer, but we’d planned to start a family right away and now they have a baby. It’s revolting. I mean, imagine the kind of person who sleeps with another woman’s fiancé, hours before they were supposed to get married.”
Luke was starting to regret his curiosity. This was the sort of conversation that women had with one another.
“Not that they don’t deserve each other,” Carlie continued. “Derek likes money and Vicki has plenty. So basically, she got a fortune hunter who won’t hesitate to cheat on her, while he got an amoral wife.”
Luke nudged the wastebasket with his foot. “Surely Derek and his wife weren’t tacky enough to send you a birth announcement.”
“It sounds as if Vicki creates her own reality.”
“Another reason to feel sorry for her baby. So you see? Annie and Beth are much better off with you as their father than having Derek and Vicki as parents.”
Humor tugged the corner of Luke’s mouth. “That isn’t a reassuring standard of comparison. A pack of hyenas would be better than those two.”
Carlie laughed and some of the tension eased from her face. “You’re right. In all honesty, it’s easier to focus my angst over that stupid announcement than to keep thinking about my father.”
“Then things are worse than you let on at lunch.”
“Mom and I hoped a few days of rest would do him good, but we should have known better. Dad is so stubborn. He refuses to take enough painkillers to genuinely help and he doesn’t eat or sleep enough. His health is actually declining by being off work.”
Luke debated again whether to tell her about the orthopedic specialist, but there was a chance the plan would fall through. Besides, Tessa McKinley was willing to pretend the doctor’s visit was coincidental, saying it would be easier for Carlie to convince Mike if she didn’t know. It was strangely reassuring to know that even a family member didn’t think Carlie could effectively carry off a harmless deception.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“CARLIE, ARE YOU HERE?” called a voice from the outer office, making them both jump in surprise.
“Yes, Joan,” Carlie called back.
“We’re leaving for the day. Shall we lock up?”
“Sure—go ahead.”
When silence had fallen again, Carlie gave Luke a troubled look. Telling him about Derek hadn’t been appropriate and he certainly didn’t need to hear about her father’s health issues. He had enough concerns.
“I shouldn’t have said anything about my ex-fiancé or my dad’s health,” she said softly. “You’re here to celebrate Christmas.”
“This isn’t a pleasure trip for me, Carlie. I’m having a good time, but I came for the girls. Besides, I’m the one who asked about your father at lunch and wanted to know what that birth announcement meant. I’d like to think we’re friends and I know Nicole feels that way, too.”
It was easy for Carlie to see Nicole as a friend, but Luke? That required a much bigger leap of the imagination.
But maybe there was something she should say about his daughters.
“Luke, I’ve been thinking about what you said...that the girls rarely come to you for anything. Is there any chance Annie and Beth’s caregivers are urging them not to disturb you with their problems? Especially since your wife died.”
He frowned. “Why would they do that?”
“Think about it. The things that go on in a child’s life are hugely important to them, but may seem trivial to an adult. It’s a question of perspective. I’m just speculating, but let’s say Beth is upset because a teacher made a small, unfair decision and Dacia tells her not to bother you with it. After all, you’ve had a hard day and she’ll probably forget by tomorrow. Except what Beth learns is that her problems aren’t important enough to bring to her father.”
“Maybe, but I suspect it’s something else.” Luke’s face was grim. “That is, I’ve wondered if Beth and Annie blame me for their mother not being here.”
Carlie stared. “Why would they blame you?”
“Why wouldn’t they? As much as Erika loved the army, it was difficult for her to go back after the twins were born. She might have resigned her commission if I’d encouraged her. Instead, I didn’t say anything,” he said with obvious reluctance.
“Do you really think she didn’t know how much you wanted her to resign?” Carlie shook her head decisively. “Trust me, she knew.”
“But if I’d said something, things might be different now.”
“Maybe, and maybe Erika would have just resented your making her decision that much harder.”
“I’m not sure that makes me feel less responsible.”
Carlie sighed. Luke missed his wife—that much was clear. But he was also dealing with a dash of survivor’s guilt.
“What if Erika had wanted to be a police officer when you met her?” she asked. “Or fight fires? You can second-guess yourself forever, but in the end, you supported her lifelong ambition. It’s admirable. I’m not sure that most men would have done it.”
“That sounds awfully close to a platitude.”
“Then I’ll say something that isn’t a platitude...but you won’t like it.”
He hiked an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think you’re furious with Erika for choosing the army over you and the girls. You’re angry that she left you alone to raise Annie and Beth and that she wanted to be a hero more than she wanted to be with you. That’s what goes through your head at two in the morning when you can’t sleep, isn’t it?”
Luke’s eyes flared. “How can I be angry with someone who’s dead? She...”
Pain abruptly replaced the wrath in his face and he was silent.
“You’re right,” he admitted finally. “I was angry in the beginning.”
“Not any longer?”
“Every now and then, mostly when things are tough with the girls and I don’t know how to help them. And even though I know it isn’t true, I can’t help wondering if she expected to die in the line of duty the way her father died. Then I wonder how I could think any such thing about my wife.”
“It’s human nature, that’s how.” Carlie’s heart ached for him, because no matter how much Luke had infuriated her since arriving at Poppy Gold, he’d lost so much more than she’d ever lost herself.
“How did you guess?”
“I dated a fireman for several months when I was in college and kept wondering what would happen if we got married and he died. But it’s also because women have been asking those questions forever.”
“Welcome to your world, right?” Luke’s voice was filled with bitter irony.
“Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s harder for men.”
“How do you figure that?”
“You didn’t grow up thinking you might have to face something like this one day. It still isn’t part of a man’s mental landscape. But now things are changing and you’re caught in the middle. I’ll bet most of your peers don’t understand why you supported Erika’s decision, which must make you feel even more alone. But it was her decision. You aren’t responsible, whether you said anything to her or not.”
* * *
LUKE COULDN’T BELIEVE he’d told Carlie the dark thoughts he’d never told anyone.
“Can I say something else you won’t like?” Carlie asked.
“Hell, why not?”
“I know you have to work a lot of hours, but what do you do with Annie and Beth when you come home? I mean, do you spend time with the girls?”
“Is this the quality versus quantity argument?”
“It isn’t an argument,” Carlie said gently, “and I don’t pretend to have the answers, but if they’re in their playroom and you’re doing something else, when do you ever talk? Even at Poppy Gold you’re usually watching them do stuff with Nicole, not participating. Maybe your guilt has kept you from really connecting with them.”
Luke frowned thoughtfully. “You might have a point. But I have to say, you aren’t responsible for your father’s stubbornness, either.”
“I know. Still, I think I owe you a confession in return.” Carlie swept her long hair away from her neck, swirling it around her arm in a graceful gesture. “A year ago last July was re
ally a lousy month. I was supposed to be on my honeymoon, but instead I was in Glimmer Creek, packing up wedding gifts to return them. My folks were upset and kept telling me they’d do it for me, but I wanted to handle it myself.”
Her eyes seemed to be looking into the past and Luke waited for her to continue.
“We were in the middle of a hot spell and it wasn’t cooling down at night, which was unusual for Glimmer Creek, so none of us were sleeping,” she murmured. “One morning Mom and I were sitting in front of a large box fan, drinking iced tea and trying to cool off, when the phone rang. Dad’s supervisor was calling to tell us Dad was being airlifted to the hospital.” All at once Carlie shook herself. “Sorry—as they used to say at one of my old jobs, ‘too much detail.’”
“That’s all right. The morning I learned about Erika is as clear as if it happened yesterday—every detail, down to what clothes I was wearing and what I’d eaten for breakfast.”
Carlie smiled sadly. “It’s funny how the things we’d like to forget refuse to go away. And maybe I wouldn’t remember so much if...”
“If?” Luke prompted.
“There’s a part of my brain that questions whether Dad’s attention wasn’t as sharp as normal because he was worried about me. I mean, maybe he was distracted and it cost him the split second he needed to get out that driver’s way.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
“Come on, Luke, you know better—you’ve blamed yourself for Erika’s decision to stay in the army.”
They both laughed; it wasn’t funny, but there was an inescapable irony to them both feeling responsible for something they would do anything to change.
“Another aspect of human nature,” Luke acknowledged.
Carlie looked so exhausted that he reached down and lifted her legs onto the couch. She yelped a protest and pushed her skirt back over her knees, only to close her eyes with a sigh as he began massaging her feet.
The sun had set outside and the only light came from the Christmas tree in the corner. It was curiously intimate and Luke knew he should leave. He had a great deal to work through and being alone with Carlie wasn’t going to help. Yet it was like a moment out of time, peaceful and quiet with the Christmas lights glinting off her golden-brown hair.
Christmas with Carlie Page 22