by Celeste, B.
I smacked his arm. “Liar!”
He laughed. “Nothing is worth you getting hurt, but I know what you’re really asking. I had fun. Ben is nice. But would I date him? Maybe, but he isn’t out. So, I suppose the answer to your question is leaning towards no.”
Wrapping my arms around his midsection for a quick hug, I squeezed him before stepping back. “You really love me, huh?”
“Like you had any doubt.”
I smiled and reached for the door handle, but he beat me to it and opened the door. He bowed and gestured for me to enter, making me giggle. “See you later? Coffee at the Hut?”
“You’re not going to stay late here?”
I looked in the empty art room before turning back to him. “My project is almost done and I’m not sure I’ll start another. Text me when you’re done with the guys?”
The flicker of amusement told me I said the wrong thing. “I didn’t think you wanted the dirty details, Della. Naughty little vixen.”
I blushed. “I meant with practice and you know it. I heard Tommy say Coach has been rough on you guys.”
One of his shoulders lifted. “He doesn’t want to lose another game. Can’t say I blame the guy. We were horrible last season and practice this season hasn’t been much better.”
“Then don’t hold back,” I told him knowingly. He hated attention but loved the game enough. In fact, he was the best one on the team, not that he’d admit it. “You’ve got what it takes to make it big even if that’s not what you want.”
He didn’t say anything right away. “I’ll text you later, okay? If you still want to go to the Hut, then you know I’ll be there.”
I turned to walk in when he called out my name, causing me to glance back at him. His lips wavered as he watched me for a moment. “I’d go against Lauren, Evan, and whoever else I needed to if it meant you were okay. You know that, right?”
“Of course.” Why would he even ask that? Just because the frat party happened, didn’t mean I blamed him. I wasn’t even mad anymore because rationality overtook any irritation I had for him disappearing.
Ren nodded once.
“Theo knows it too,” I added, though unconvincingly. Theo did know Lawrence would do anything to make sure I was okay. He just refused to admit it because he preferred hating on Ren instead.
His lips pinched. “I doubt that, Del, but thanks for trying to make me feel better.”
I gave him a small smile, one of reassurance even though he didn’t need it. “He trusts my judgment even when he shouldn’t. If I say you are good people, he knows it. As for fighting people for me…” The laugh couldn’t be stopped at the sight of him facing off Lauren. Ren had muscles, but he just didn’t have the vigor that Lauren did when she meant business. “I don’t doubt you could take Evan, but Lauren…”
He flinched. “Go get creative, Del.”
I stuck my tongue out at him before disappearing into my happy place. The door clicked behind me, letting me exhale the breath I’d been holding knowing I was on my turf. Nobody could take this away from me, judge me, or tell me I didn’t look right while doing what I loved.
The canvas I was met with had an acrylic version of the sketch I’d been working on at the warehouse, but it shifted. The two faceless figures were intertwined in a warm embrace, ballet flats on polished dress shoes, with their arms around each other. It was soft, the colors muted, but the tone something far louder.
I called it “Safe Space” because that was exactly where I was when I was in Theo’s arms.
March passed in a blur of monotony that I welcomed. Classes flew by, the work wasn’t hard to complete, and nobody said anything about my father. The silence was what I needed.
It was the beginning of April when the rain showers hit, and normally I liked watching from the living room window, but my mood had dulled over the past week considering it was the three-month anniversary of my father’s death. I went on with my life as I should have, but closed myself away because pretending all day was too tiring. Ren understood to some degree, only checking in on me occasionally after I left campus, and never asked me to go to parties because he knew what I’d say.
I was curled on the couch with a throw over my bare legs and the History Channel on the television screen when my phone rang. A clap of thunder rattled the windows, causing my focus to go to the glass to watch lightning strike and light the darkening sky. When my cell rang again, I pulled my gaze away from the downpour and back to the screen to see Theo’s name flashing across it.
He started in as soon as I hit accept. “You didn’t go to Sophie’s.”
“Most people start a conversation with hello and how are you,” I pointed out tiredly, laying back down on my side.
He didn’t hesitate. “You always go to her house on Sunday, and I know what today is. Even if she were on your last nerves you wouldn’t leave her on her own to handle things.”
Closing my eyes, I shifted my knees up until they were tucked by my chest, so I was balled up. Of course, I’d felt bad leaving Sophie alone, but I knew she’d be okay. She’d have brunch, day drink, and drown herself in town gossip by phoning her friends. If I honestly thought she’d need me, I would have sucked it up and went. “I don’t feel well, that’s all.”
“Do you need to go to the doctor?” The alarm in his voice warmed my chest, but also burned my cheeks considering what I had wasn’t some contagious illness he needed to fret about.
“No, it’s nothing serious. Just, uh…” Biting into my lip, I winced and tried figuring out how to explain that it was just my period sucking the life out of me one cramp at a time. The stress of Dad’s death anniversary only fed the typical migraine that accompanied my menstrual cycle, so I’d been drugged up in the dark all day trying to get rid of it while listening to whatever was on TV.
“Ah.” His throat cleared, seemingly in understanding. “Are you all right?”
“It’s not the end of the world, Theo.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’ll call Sophie later to see how she’s doing, but I’m fine. It’s been a hard week. I won’t act like I was okay throughout it.”
He mumbled a curse. “I should have made time to check in on you. I knew—”
“I’m not your responsibility,” I cut him off, even though I knew he’d argue. He made it his responsibility to worry, and sometimes I enjoyed it. It made me feel like I was on his mind, but not in the way I wanted.
“Since when?”
I thought to all the times he’d taken care of me when my parents were busy saving the world and building a future for us. I looked up to them and all they did for others, but there were times I wish they’d done more for me in their time on earth. It never hit me until I had to see them both buried, hearing hundreds of people give their condolences and assuring me what amazing people they were as if I needed to hear that. I knew it. I’d witnessed them make a difference every single day. But that didn’t dissipate the envy that grew despite all the good they did—even after Dad’s one poor decision that changed everything.
“Like I said, I’m fine,” I repeated. My tone was muffled by the hand I scrubbed down my achy, overheated face.
“Christ.” His hard tone confused me. “I’ll be there in thirty. Maybe forty.” Before I could tell him that wasn’t necessary, he hung up on me.
I sat up, staring at the background of my phone which had a picture of my favorite painting filling the space. Had he really just done that? Anger settled in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to turn off my cell and fall asleep like I’d begged my body to do all day, but there was too much weighing on my mind to get comfortable enough to slip into unconsciousness. Between that and the cramps, I’d watched TV all day instead, forcing myself to eat whatever was premade in my refrigerator even though I had no appetite.
It wasn’t that long of me absentmindedly watching a documentary on Egypt when the knock came at the door. Peeling myself off the couch, I didn’t think twice before
answering in my frumpy pajamas that were loose, torn, and stained, but soft and comfortable, before opening the door and finding Theo. He was holding a paper bag that was filled to the top with items, leaving me staring in confusion.
He walked past me, breaking my focus. I slowly closed the door as he walked into the open kitchen and set the bag down on the closest counter. “You need to look before you answer the door, Della. We’ve gone over this.”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
“You say that every time.”
“Because you’re not Superman. You don’t have x-ray vision that clearly proves I didn’t check before answering.”
He stared at me.
My nose twitched. “Fine, but you were the only person I was expecting.”
“Another thing you say every time.”
Padding over, I looked in the bag and gaped at the feminine products, chocolate, and medicine resting on the top. He didn’t look away when I moved my eyes to him. “You bought me this stuff?”
He acted like it was no big deal. “I wasn’t sure what you needed, and I know you tend not to eat when you’re on your period. Better to eat something even if it isn’t a full meal. Though—” He pulled something out of the very bottom and passed it to me. “—I also bought this since I know you like it.”
It was a container of potato soup, my favorite go-to when I didn’t feel well. My mother used to make it from scratch which beat any other version I tried, but I couldn’t perfect the recipe because she’d done it all from her head.
“Want me to heat it up?” he asked.
“You bought me Tampons.”
“Yes, I did.”
I blinked, staring at him like he was some foreign entity gracing me with his presence. “I’m sorry, it’s just unexpected. Nobody has bought me stuff like this before besides my mom, and most guys wouldn’t be caught dead shopping in that aisle.”
“Well I’m not just some little boy like the people you hang around,” he pointed out matter-of-factly. And he wasn’t wrong. I’d tried getting Ren to make me an emergency run to the campus store when I was out and the school bathroom dispenser was empty, or even just to ask any girl he passed who probably had something tucked away in their bags, but he was too embarrassed. I’d held a grudge against him for weeks because I’d had to wrap toilet paper around my underwear to make sure I’d be safe enough until I found something better.
I emptied the bag and smiled at the selections of products. He’d gotten different kinds of pads and Tampons, all making my smile grow wider on my lips. “Thank you.” Reaching for the dark chocolate and soup container, I walked over to the microwave and began preparing the soup.
“I can do that for you,” he offered, walking up behind me until his chest brushed against the entire backside of me. His arm reached out and plucked the sizeable plastic container away from my capable hands and began taking over.
Realistically, I should have moved. But he could have too, and he remained pressed against me invading my space. I absorbed his body heat, the warmth he offered, and stared at the chocolate bar resting in front of me on the marble countertop. That annoying voice in my head told me not to open it—to throw it away when he left so he thought I ate it. But my mouth watered over my favorite snack with the little almond pieces mixed in and I was sick of fighting myself. I knew the thoughts were purely because of the bloat that made my stomach look like I’d gained weight and that it’d go away in a few days, but that didn’t silence the demon that demanded I do something about it. “You didn’t have to do any of this, Theo.”
“I know.”
“I was okay on my own.”
“I know.”
Hesitating, I leaned backward ever so slightly so my back rested on his front. He froze for a moment, then eased. “But I’m glad that I’m not alone because…I needed somebody.” It was hard to admit that aloud, but I’d been thinking it all day. I’d considered calling Theo mid-afternoon to ask him to come over and watch TV with me but refrained. He had his own life that didn’t involve me.
The soup was set on the counter beside my hand before I felt his hot breath against my cheek just before his lips pressed against the flush of my cheekbone. “I know you did, Della. That’s why I’m here.”
I couldn’t fight the grin. “You mean you didn’t just feel like shopping for Tampons? I’m shocked, Theo.”
His deep chuckle vibrated against my back. “You always were sassy when you wanted to be, little Della.”
My tongue swiped across my bottom lip over the name, one I’d found endearing. But now it felt different, like I wanted to be called something else. “I’m not so little anymore.”
I felt his nose brush against my ear as he whispered, “No, you’re not. And unfortunately, I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”
A shiver raked down my spine, but he still didn’t move. I was glad because I meant what I said. I needed somebody here.
I needed Theo West.
Chapter Six
Della
I’m reaching for the last fruit cup when a manicured hand snatched it just before I could. I looked over to see Katrina Murphy smiling with her typical bright green eye shadow and heavy black liner that looked model perfect. She rocked anything she wore, no matter how crazy.
“I thought you were Lauren,” I said as she pulled me into a hug. She moved back with an offended look pinching her face, but the amusement told me she didn’t really feel it.
“Watch it, Saint James.”
I grinned, stepping back as she passed me the fruit cup. “In my defense, she has it out for me. Two weeks ago, she took the last chef salad and the week before that—”
“Yeah, yeah. She’s a bitch.” Her neutral painted lips twitched at the corners. “So, did you miss me, you beautiful bitch?”
Snickering, I reached for her free hand and squeezed it. I told her when we video chatted a few months ago, but she looked great. Skinnier, not that she needed it, but she didn’t look unhealthy like my version of skinny had been. “I did. But why are you back early? I thought you were traveling.”
Katrina was on a European vacation over winter break when she decided to extend her stay into the new semester. She’d let me know over a two-minute phone call that she’d be back during the summer, and I knew the call was cut short over a guy because of the baritone voice in the background that day demanding she come back to bed.
“Mikel is married.” Her pause was thoughtful. “Or was. I’m pretty sure his wife was throwing his belongings out the window of their house when we talked last.”
She didn’t even sound sorry about it. “I thought you said he was divorced.”
She gave me a timid smile. “I thought he was. For a while. Then things started clicking together and I realized he lied.”
I gaped, walking us over to the register and paying for the fruit. “And you stayed with him? You deserve better than that, Kat.”
Her eyes rolled. “We both know I’m no saint, Della. When I first found out I was angry he lied, but I liked Mikel. Plus, the sex was phenomenal. Why would I give that up?”
The woman working the cash register froze for a moment, her lips twitching upward at the conversation between me and my eccentric, wild at heart friend. I met Katrina when we were little, and we couldn’t be more opposite to this day, but it worked for us. She loved parties, which she dragged me to if Ren didn’t, sleeping around with as many guys as possible, which I’d always envied, and doing whatever she wanted without consequences. I loved Kat because she was herself no matter what people thought of her, but sometimes I wondered if it got old. The wild child thing. Then again, her family didn’t seem to care what she did because they never stopped her, so why should I question it?
Once outside the campus store, we found a free picnic table to occupy while the sun was still out. “Did they let you re-enroll? The semester is half over.”
“Nah. I was visiting a couple friends in Humphrey when I saw you walk in. I know I should
have reached out sooner about your father, but…”
I waved her off, not wanting to talk about it. There was no point bringing up the past. Neither of us could change what our fathers did, and it took a lot not to think about the implications that hers might have been more involved than was let on. Considering he was free and roaming, I guessed that wasn’t the case. But still…
“My dad still asks me about you,” she said softly, watching me peel open my fruit cup and stab at a piece with the plastic fork I snatched. “He wanted me to tell you he was sorry he couldn’t be at the funeral.”
It hurt to swallow. “Well, tell him thanks.”
“Della—”
“No, it’s fine.” Clearing my throat, I focused solely on the food in front of me. Unable to do more than stare, I poked around to find the different types in the fruit juice.
“Are you okay? Like, really okay?”
I knew what she was asking. “Yes, Kat. I told you when we talked last that I was better. Nothing has changed.”
“A lot has changed. Your dad—”
“I know about my dad,” I snapped. I rarely did that, lost my temper. As much as I loved Katrina for her strong personality, there were moments I wish she’d drop something. She knew my father was a sore subject, but not as much as my disorder was. Blowing out a deep breath, I set the fruit down on the table. “I told you I’m fine. I didn’t lie. So just…”
She shifted uncomfortably because she wasn’t used to being yelled at. People were intimidated by her and her own father rarely ever raised his voice when she was involved. She had him wrapped around her finger. “I’m sorry, Del. I just care about you. I know how hard things were for you and how much stress could make it worse.”
I felt bad, so my shoulders dropped. “I didn’t mean to get angry. I just don’t want to talk about this. Tell me about what you’re doing now that you’re back.”
Her dulled expression changed in a millisecond, becoming much more chipper as she perked up. “I’m renovating the guest house to move in to before my classes start this summer. In fact, Sam and Gina said they’d help.”