Color Me Pretty

by Celeste, B.

  Alert coursed through me. “Should I be worried? Do you need—”

  “No.” Her lips rubbed together before her palm swept across her cheek like she was wiping away exhaustion. “No, you don’t need to worry. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way, but I have been and I’m working through it. I spoke to Ripley about it earlier.”

  “Did she help?”

  One shoulder lifted. “As much as she could, I suppose. You know Ripley. She gives me a motivation speech and reminds me not to backpedal after working so hard to get where I am now. She’s right. I don’t plan on failing, but…”

  It was easier said than done. “I thought we could have dinner,” I told her. “Maybe watch something together. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

  We stood outside her building facing each other. It looked like she was leaving, but I selfishly wanted her to stay. “I really like what you’ve done to your hair, by the way. You look…”

  “Different?”

  “Beautiful.” Her new cut framed her narrow jawline and high cheekbones like a masterpiece. The short style was chin-length, and it worked for her.

  Her cheeks reddened. “I’m actually on my way out.”

  “Where?”

  “To see friends.”

  “Pretty Boy?” I gripped the back of my neck and sighed heavily. “That’s good. If you’re getting out, that’s great. I suppose I just wanted to talk to you about a few things. I met with somebody today that pissed me off and I wanted to see you.”

  She blinked. “I’m meeting with Tiffany Anderson too. I’m not sure if you remember her, but she also danced with me.” There was a moment of pause between us. “If I didn’t already make plans, I’d go upstairs. I’m sorry.”

  “I should have called,” I apologized.

  Her arms hugged her waist. “It’s fine. Maybe we could have lunch tomorrow? I don’t have any plans besides some homework.”

  I smiled. “If you have the time.”

  She walked up to me until our shoes touched, and her arms went around my waist in a tight hug. “I’d make time for you, Theo. Always.”

  I went rigid when I saw a couple walking past us with curious eyes, and the woman didn’t look particularly thrilled over the embrace Della had me in. Swallowing, I patted her back and drew away first with a small smile.

  “What?” she asked, brows pinching. I began to shake my head and tell her nothing was wrong when she saw the same couple whispering, the man not-so-subtly looking at me before shrugging at the woman. Her hand found my waist. “Theo?”

  “Nothing, Della. It’s just—”

  “Them?” she guessed, nodding toward the couple who had passed us. My shoulders eased, giving me away. “Seriously?”

  “No. Like I said, I had a shit day with somebody who got on my nerves and I’m just being cautious.”

  “Cautious.” She blinked before laughing dryly at my bad choice of word. “You’re being cautious of what exactly?”

  “Della—”

  Her mood shifted drastically. “We had sex!” she hissed, yanking her hand from my body, eyes watering to a glazed glare directed toward me. “I didn’t imagine that. I didn’t beg for it. Did I make the first move? Sure. Did you have to go through with it? Touch me? Taste me? Bend me over? No. But you did anyway. So, unless it was that bad—”

  “Stop,” I growled, stepping toward her. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I didn’t mean anything by it. But after today, I realized that there are going to be a lot of obstacles that we need to get through, and I don’t expect you to understand my point of view.”

  “Try to explain it to me then.”

  “Things changed dramatically because of what happened between us and I wouldn’t change that. But you said yourself that you were being spontaneous. It could have been a moment where you let your walls down. I wanted to be the person you needed in that moment. That doesn’t mean that moments last. We both know not all of them do.”

  Her eyes widened. “You…” Her lips parted and then closed promptly, like she was trying to collect her thoughts. Color drained from her cheeks until she was pale. “Wow. That’s how it’s going to be, huh? Yeah, I get it. Moments end.”

  Cursing, I stepped in front of her when she gripped her bag tightly and tried sidestepping me. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m trying here, Della. I want you to be happy, but you can’t honestly think this won’t change us. It has to.”

  “You make it sound like such a bad thing. Enlighten me, Theo. What are you trying to say because I’m not a mind reader? I want things to change. I’ve wanted that for a long time. That doesn’t mean we have to be different people though, so why are you making such a big fuss out of it?”

  “We can’t be who we were!” I yelled, cussing under my breath when a few people walked past us and turned in our direction. “Can we go inside and talk?”

  “No.”

  “Della—”

  “I don’t want to be who we were. We’d be going two steps back. Do you think I’m stupid? Or are you worried that I’m going to start demanding more from you?”

  “That isn’t it.”

  “Then talk to me. Here and now.”

  Hesitation held me back, which only made her come closer to her own conclusions based on the twitch of her lips. “We can’t be Theo and little Della, but in some respects, we’ll always be. There are going to be memories that remind me of where we started. And no matter how much time passes, what occurs between us, that will haunt me. Not because I’m ashamed. Not because I regret finally having you as mine, because I don’t and I would, will, do it again very soon. You’re mine Della. You always have been. You’re just mine in a way a lot of people will fight against.”

  She scoffed. “We’re back to that?”

  “People will threaten us.” They already have. Pratt’s face flashed in my mind, making my fists clench at my sides.

  “They have no grounds!” she shot back.

  “Don’t they?” I questioned, shaking my head in disbelief. How many times had the public seen me out with her when she was younger holding my hand, laughing, watching me carry her on my shoulders? They saw a man helping his best friend raise his daughter when his job kept him busy. They saw somebody who was doing good for a selfless cause, but it wasn’t selfless. I liked being there for Della. Watching her succeed. Seeing how she grew up into a strong woman. But if they saw what that innocent relationship grew into, it would be bad. Especially if it were The Dick who released that information like I knew he would—like he’d all but threatened.

  Della gaped at me, slowly shaking her head like she couldn’t believe what I was saying. Part of me couldn’t either. “And what exactly have we done that warrants that kind of doubt?”

  “I slept with somebody who was a ward of mine. Somebody that my longest friend trusted me with.”

  “Because you care about me.”

  I nodded. “True, but that won’t mean much to a lot of people given the history we have. Trust me, Della, there are people out there who are rooting against us.”

  “So, I’m only allowed to be yours in private? A dirty secret you keep in your back pocket for you to play with when you see fit.” Her voice wavered, splintering my heart when the hurt grew in her eyes. “I don’t want to be the person you get to love in the dark, Theo. To even think that’s what you might want…”

  As soon as that four-letter word escaped those heart-shaped lips of hers, I was fucking gone. How many times had she told me that growing up? All innocent. All pure. Hearing that now, even indirectly, it was a possibility that struck me fucking stupid. I needed her to tell me she loved me, to know I loved her, but I wasn’t sure how we could get there without serious problems with Pratt. I needed to handle him first before we explored things publicly. “You have never been my dirty secret.”

  Furiously swiping at a fallen tear on her cheek before I could, she stepped back from me with a harsh breath. “Is that why you wanted to go inside and have this
discussion instead of just manning up and doing it here in public? Is that why left so early the morning after you came inside me so people wouldn’t wonder why Theo West was leaving my apartment building? Did you decide this before or after I sucked you off until you shot down my throat? Or is it—”

  “I get your point,” I cut her off in a hard tone, fists shaking.

  “But am I getting through to you?” she doubted, rubbing her temples. “Like I said, Theo, I don’t want to go back to how we were. We can’t. We will never be the same after what we did. It was a spontaneous decision. It was one I made that I was proud of because I got to control it. I got to do something that made me happy, something I’ve wanted to do for so long. And you just ruined it. So, congratulations.”

  “I—”

  “I don’t want to hear it.” Holding up her hand, she took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. “I just want you to listen to me. I’ve loved you my whole life as so many things and that’s never going to change. What will, is how I love you from here on out. Today, tomorrow, ten years from now. Whether you like it or not, you have tattooed yourself into my life and that will never be removed even if you try convincing me that we’re better off not pursuing this. Those memories you’re afraid of? They’re part of our story. They might even make the story we’re writing. It shows that people change. Feelings change. And that it’s okay for that to happen.”

  I didn’t have a response for her that she’d accept, and she knew it. Looking at me for a moment longer, she dipped her chin and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her father’s jacket.

  The words I found were ones that crushed her. She didn’t try to hide it. “I’m trying to protect you, Della. I’ve always done that. I don’t expect you to understand why I’m doing this, why I’m asking you to give me some time to figure things out, but just know that I’m doing it for you. Eventually, for us.”

  Her throat bobbed as she blinked at me, completely silent. There was no recognition, no acceptance of my words. I wanted to beg her to believe me—in me. But I couldn’t make her. I needed it to be on her own accord.

  I dipped down and brushed a kiss against her cheek, then a brief one against her lips. She didn’t return it. Instead, she began walking away from me with hollowed eyes.

  I called out, “I haven’t seen you wear that jacket in a while.”

  Her eyes went to the worn leather. “It comforts me when I need it most.” Voice thick, but context thicker, all I could do was nod and watch her walk away.

  I needed her, that much I knew.

  More than she needed me, in fact.

  And that was comforting—the notion an acceptance like my own leather jacket wrapped around the toughest part of me.

  Della would be okay.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Della

  Something smelled good when I closed the large front door behind me and heard paws click-clacking toward me at a fast pace. When I saw Ramsay, a huge smile came over my face. Dropping my things, I bent down and stroked his soft fur as he wiggled his back end and began licking my hand.

  “In the kitchen,” Theo called.

  I picked up my bag and sketchpad before walking toward his voice, my mouth watering over the decadent smells coming from whatever he was cooking.

  “Hey,” he greeted, wiping his hands on a dish towel before walking over to me. I was surprised when he pecked my lips and grabbed my bag, setting it down on the island. “Want something to drink?”

  He’d called me this morning asking if I wanted to come to his place for dinner instead of meeting for lunch. At first, I’d been disappointed. I felt bad about what had happened yesterday, but he didn’t seem to be thinking about it. I, on the other hand, couldn’t stop. I knew he didn’t mean to upset me, that he had things he wanted to figure out, but it felt like he was asking for space and that was the last thing I wanted. It was selfish and I didn’t care. I wanted Theo West. Not just for one night. For good.

  “I can get something myself,” I answered, walking over to the cabinet that I knew his glasses were in. I filled it with ice water and took a sip before looking around him to see what was on the stove. “Are you making Thai?”

  “It’s your favorite.”

  The flutters kicked in instantly, swarming up in my chest and doing a happy dance. I tried hiding my smile behind my glass as I drank, but he saw it and winked.

  “Sweet chili Thai pork, to be specific.” He lifted the lid to the large pot and let me peer into the rice, pork, onion, and bok choy combo that had a hint of soy sauce mixed in.

  “Smells delicious.”

  “Needed to prove my skills.”

  I rolled my eyes as I hopped up onto the counter beside the fridge and watched him. “You said you wanted to talk yesterday.”

  “I want to talk about a lot of things,” he said, stirring dinner before covering it again and turning to me. “But first I want to know how your day was. You sounded tired when we talked earlier.”

  Staring down at my water, I fingered the little droplets of condensation gliding down the side. “I didn’t sleep well last night. I felt bad about our argument.”

  He stepped up to me, spreading my legs slightly so his body could fit between them. “You have no reason to feel bad. What you said was true.”

  Wetting my bottom lip, I met his eyes. “I don’t want this to stop because of other people. If I’m supposed to know my self-worth, I need to know that I’m worthy of getting the things I want regardless of what others think. That means you, Theo. I want you and I want people to know that.” Before he could say anything like I knew he was about to, I held up my hand. “It isn’t that I don’t understand where you’re coming from. I’m the young naïve girl in people’s eyes. You’re the older man who could have anybody he wants. I may not be in your shoes, but I’d like to think we’re in this together. So, if you’re going to stand there and tell me that you don’t think this is appropriate, that we’re not appropriate, then you’re wrong.”

  An eyebrow quirked. “Am I, now?”

  I nodded once. “Yes. You never crossed a line when I was younger. If anything, I crossed lines. I crushed on you and made no real effort to hide it. I mean, how many times did I say I was going to marry you?” That made me blush, but it was true. My mother would always laugh when she brought it up.

  “Sweet Della, I think Theo is a bit old for you, but I’m sure he wouldn’t find anybody as special even if he tried.”

  “You were five when you said that,” he noted dryly. “Not sixteen. Plenty of children are known to tell adults that. Even their parents.”

  “Which brings me to my next point,” I cut in, smiling. He looked amused, but let me go on without interrupting. “You think because you raised me, were my father figure, that people will take notice and be appalled or something. And will some people? Sure. But not all of them. Even if they were, it wouldn’t matter. All that matters is how we feel about it. We’re not related. We’re not doing anything illegal. You and I are two consenting adults who…are fond of each other. We like each other’s company. In a way, we’re getting to know each other in a new light. Not as little Della and the man who raised her. As Adele and Theo.

  “And it isn’t like I’m asking to broadcast it or rent a billboard or anything. I’m not asking for much at all, Theo, just that you don’t shut me out. Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you so I can try helping. I may be younger, maybe not as wise, but that doesn’t mean you have to struggle through this alone. In fact, you shouldn’t. Having somebody in your life who cares about you, a partner, means that they’re there for you when you need them. And I want that. I want to be there for you and for you to be there for me. Okay? Can you do that? I promise I won’t even try to hold your hand in public or maul you.”

  His lips tipped up at the corners as he rested a palm on my leg, his thumb caressing the skin. “You’ve had a lot of time to think about this, haven’t you?”

  Sheepishly, I shrugged. “Like I said, I
couldn’t sleep last night. All I could think about is what you said yesterday and how you’d give me a hundred excuses as to why we couldn’t continue this. That meant I had to come up with a hundred reasons why we should. I can keep going if you’d like, but I think I made my point.”

  His responding sigh was heavy. “For the record, I’d love to hold your hand in public and let you maul me.” My eyes widened. From what I knew, he never even did the PDA thing with his ex. That had to mean something. “And there’s something I need you to know.”

  I waited impatiently, squirming in fear of what he’d say.

  “I am more than just fond of you, Della. In fact, what I feel for you is stronger than I know what to do with. When I think about the past, it fucks with my head. I don’t want to ruin this, but I don’t want to admit that I won’t sometimes see the long-haired little girl who would step on my shoes and beg me to dance. And I certainly don’t want people to make your life hell more than they already have because I’m a selfish bastard for wanting you.”

  My body heated up over those words, specifically the last sentence. I wanted him to be a selfish bastard and I liked—loved—that he wanted me all for himself. “Like I said, we’re here for each other if the time comes.”

  He looked at me with those eyes that said, when the time comes.

  And I knew he wasn’t wrong, but one of us needed to be optimistic. If he was the realist, which I had no doubt he would be in this situation, then I wanted to be the person who looked on the bright side.

  “So, who were you talking to yesterday that made you so angry?” I asked when he went back to stir dinner.

  His shoulders drew back. “You know what?” Looking over his shoulder, he smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it tonight. I just want to spend time with you. Is that okay?”

  Even though I could tell there was something more on his mind, something to do with why he’d shown up at my building yesterday, I let it go. “You’ll tell me eventually, though?”