I rushed over to her and grabbed her by the arms. The Kennari looked at my face with shock-filled eyes.
"It was you, wasn't it?" I said in a whisper.
"My lady..." she stammered as the realization dawned on her that I had known all along.
"Oh, Kesar, why?" I spoke in exasperation. "Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you pretend you were fine? You did everything for me tonight even though you were secretly hurting."
"My lady, do not despair over my own doing," she said as tears started to flood her eyes. "I couldn't stop my rebellious heart from wanting to see you happy and fine."
"I'm not happy and fine! I never will be as long as I know you suffer because of me!" I yelled in frustration. "You're hurt, and it's all my fault."
Kesar began to sob. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, and they dropped on my shirt.
"I know you cannot return my love the way I wish you would," she said in a saddened voice. "I knew from the first night I met you that this unrequited love would cause me feeling like drowning in the deep dark sea and worse yet I cannot die. But I never deem it foolish to care and love you with all my heart."
I shook my head at her helplessly in regret.
"Tell me what I should do to atone myself? How can I take away the pain I have inflicted you? I can't have you perfecting your smile and hide your sorrows. I need to make it stop, Kesar."
"My lady, please! There is nothing in this world that can make me feel otherwise. If...If you don't love me, you can still bed me," she said. "All I want is to be near you and serve you always until my dying breath."
Then the winged maiden hurled herself at me. She threw her arms around my neck. Seized by a wild desperation, she kissed me on the lips. I wished I could return her kiss, but if I did, it would only lead to more pain. I made myself push her away roughly.
"Kesar no! I can’t do that to you!" I cried and stood up again. "You are not my slave. I won't break you more than I already have. You need to go now. I don't want to see you anymore. Leave me!"
Kesar came to hug my leg and lifted her tear-streaked face to me.
"Nikita, please have mercy," she said using my name for the first time. "I cannot be far away and live my days without you. I might die from this terrible sadness that will tear me like hot pincers. Just let me be your shadow, and it would still please me so."
"Kesar, I can't do this to you, do you understand? You know I love Amarisa. I love her too much, I had gone mad and lustful with you, but I should not let this go on or it will destroy us both." My hands pried the sobbing maiden off me. "This will be the last time we meet, Kesar, you must leave me and forget me now and forever."
"No, my lady, no!"
"Kesar, go away!" I cried and pulled myself from her then turned my back on the poor maiden.
She cried harder, causing hot tears to spill down my own cheeks, but I did not bother to wipe them for fear that she would see.
Another moment passed in grief, Kesar gathered herself from the floor at last. A gust of gold dust exploded like fire sparks, swirling around my feet. The sounds of wing-flapping noises followed. Before I could turn to see her again, Kesar had already taken off through the open window and disappeared into the pitch blackness of the sky.
"I'm sorry, Kesar," I whispered tearfully after her left. "I'm so sorry."
~*~
I was standing under a lone leafy Bodhi tree. Its branches stretched out to one side for the alms of light. The sky was glowing from the blissful early dawn as I was waiting for Amarisa inside the forbidden Asoak Garden.
But I was still mourning over my companionship with Kesar. It had ended terribly with the constant nagging of guilt and regret gnawing away at my heart. Was I being too harsh on the poor Kennari?
She had not caused anything that would interfere with or belie my love for Amarisa. The maiden even went on pleading and even said things that should have been better left unsaid.
'If you don't love me, you can still bed me.'
Kesar, what have I done to you?
I had exploited her heart and polluted her purity. Yet she was still willing to sacrifice this much for a deceitful person like me.
Perhaps, this consequential action was necessary. I would not allow myself to torment the maiden's heart ever again.
"Please forgive me, Kesar," I whispered into the gentle wind, hoping it would carry my words to her. I rubbed my brows to divert the guilty thoughts.
After a few moments passed in solitary, I caught the same dazzling sight of my lover. She came through a grove of trees and a bed of flowers. Then she smiled the sweetest of all smiles.
My heart skipped again. Her smile arrested all my grief and sadness. No medicine could relieve me better than Amarisa.
I dashed through the beautiful garden towards her.
The princess expressed her equal delight by moving swiftly with those delicate dancing feet. We met half way on the stone bridge.
But before encompassing her in my arms again, I paused to admire the beauty. Amarisa sparkled like the finest jewel on the face of the earth.
The hazy sunrise dissipated the denser vapors of the early dawn. I felt the gentle luminosity from the horizon brightened our faces. Hers was more radiant than anything I'd ever seen.
But the princess looked at me in concerns. Her hands went to my cheeks and caressed my skin.
"You looked like you didn't catch any serene sleep at all," she spoke softly. Her eyes lingered on my face. "Was the outing last night too tiresome?"
I shook my head and came closer to wrap my arms around her waist.
"Nothing can weaken me as the thought of seeing you today energizes me again," I said with a smile. Amarisa smiled back in relief.
"So what are we doing in such an early daybreak?" she asked and leaned her head to rest on my shoulder. I tightened my hold around her and inhaled her sweet scent. The sheer contact sent a wave of vibrating zeal through my body. I doubted the princess knew of such power her love had over me.
"I shall take you beyond the clouds and over the mountains," I whispered. Amarisa lifted her face to me. I smiled at the look of curiosity on her face.
"Is that true?" she asked. I nodded back.
"Yes, that is true. We will travel far and wide through this beautiful morning sky, and we will find some place we can frolic till sunset. Just the two of us and no one else."
Amarisa let out a giggle.
"And how are we going to accomplish all these incredible things?" she said, trying to hide her skeptical tone. I just took her hand and made her follow me.
Under the big tree stood my beautiful winged horse, Pisey.
The white Ashva bared her large straight teeth and greeted us with a snort. She was still munching a mouthful of some red flowers. It smeared her lips with a red hue. Her large white wings folded to her sides, itching to spread open and catch the winds with them again.
Amarisa's eyes grew big in astonishment.
"Oh my blessed gods, Nikita," she breathed. "Are we going to ride your flying horse today?"
I let out a chuckle and shifted my satchel onto my shoulder.
"Yes, indeed." I smiled proudly. "Tusita let me borrow Pisey out for the ride. I want us to fly through the clouds. You will see your beautiful city like it was from the eyes of a bird, but only if you aren't afraid of height."
"I have no such fear if you're there with me," she said without any hesitation.
"Then we must not delay, lest Pisey grazes everything in your garden."
Amarisa giggled again and nodded. I went over to the graceful mare and guided the animal from under the shady tree.
Once Amarisa and I settled firmly on the back of the winged horse, I tugged on the reins gently. I prayed that my mischievous horse would not embarrass me. The Ashva gallop with grace to my relief and to Amarisa's immense delight.
Pisey did a quick running start and then burst open her enormous wings. With just a flip of her powerful wings, we were lifted off the groun
d and into the dawn air. The cool morning breeze was pleasant against our skins.
We looked down at the garden and the palace as they shrunk slowly below us. The clouds were a perfect shade of orange and pink.
Amarisa's cheeks blushed with joy. She craned her head around to look at me with those brilliant eyes. I smiled back and made Pisey fly as slow and low as possible, fearing that the princess would get scared.
But Amarisa didn't seem to mind and was more excited and cheerier the higher we went.
"Now you're no longer a caged bird," I whispered softly in her ear. We gazed into each other's eyes for a moment before leaning in for each other's lips. The kiss was brief but it was a gentle and heartfelt one.
Amarisa turned back again.
"It's a wonderful feeling being with you, Nikita. I feel so free," she said.
"And you make me so happy," I replied.
Amarisa enjoyed every glimpse of the landscapes as much as I did. She kept pointing left and right wherever it captured her attention. I was contented to see the princess break out of her concealed cocoon, her demure self, and let loose of her composed stupor.
She introduced me to each of the golden temples as we passed. She sounded amazed as if she, too, had just seen them for the very first time.
"That is the Bayon temple King Father has just finished!" she said pointing to a massive stone complex of golden-faced towers. "It hosts narrative bas-reliefs of our people's daily lives and our history, unlike the rest."
"Oh really?" I said in an impressed tone though I had also known about it back in my time.
"Yes, it's a record of our world," she said, looking at the temple standing proudly on the plain. She went on every time she found a sacred ground.
"King Father built this as a state temple, a symbolic center of the universe and our empire."
At a distance, about two hundred yards north of the Golden Tower, rose the Tower of Bronze.
"This one is higher even than Bayon," she said. I looked and found a truly astonishing site with more than ten chambers at its base and a stone causeway supported by short pillars.
We saw plenty of majestic architectures, all stunning and gleaming in encased gold. Some were still in the process of being constructed.
"Why do your people build so many temples?"
"For the gods, of course," she simply said. "Their powers are drawn from our dedications and prayers and songs."
"And what do you get in return?"
"Prosperity and peace and many wishes," she said. "And to me, you are one among those wonderful things."
I smiled though I wasn't sure if I was among the blesses or curses.
Amarisa pointed at another beautiful building. It was, in fact, a pyramid with very detailed carving and complex stone structures.
"That is our Royal Monastery, Rajavihara," Amarisa said with a reflective smile. "King Father dedicated this temple to his mother, Prajnaparamita, 'the Perfection of Wisdom'. Over two hundreds divinities were called upon. Queen Mothers also frequent the place along with the Guru and the Hora and other high priests."
"It's otherworldly beautiful. What is it for?" I said in pure amazement. There were a series of three concentric galleried enclosures inside a moat with four Gopura entrances.
"It's a place for praying," she answered. "It was where Mother Jayara asked the gods for their avatars. At the front is called the House of Fire. Other large stone buildings in the form of four courtyards are the Hall of Dancers."
"Dancing seems like an important activity here," I said. "Why is that?"
"You must know that we do not dance for a mere pleasure of sight and entertainment," she told me. "A dance can cajole all the holy beings in heaven. In the Holy Sutra, a dance of Lord Shiva could even destroy the universe."
"You are the white Apsara, are you not? What does your dancing role mean?" I asked, tilting my head to look at her curiously.
"It means I can dance to summon the gods."
CHAPTER 34
After witnessing the equinox of the sun rose above the sanctuary of the highest temple tower, we decided to fly out of the center of the capital. Pisey tilted her body with her enormous wings. We soared over golden rice fields and passed several woodlands until we were at some distances away from the city.
We reached the edge of the forest where we flew over a clear mirror-like lake. I made my Ashva dip into the rippling cold water just for our amusement. Amarisa let out a joyful scream when her feet touched the icy splashes. Then we took off again into the open sky and went straight towards a tall rocky mountain.
"What is that mountain called?" I asked my princess, pointing to the top of what seemed to be a giant mass of jungle and sandstone.
"It's known as Mahendraparvata," Amarisa told me. "It means 'Mountain of the Great Indra'."
"Mahen — what?"
"Mahendra — parvata," she said again then smiled as she leaned her back into me affectionately. "It's the birthplace of our empire. We have several other major cities now. Indrapura is the first capital before Hariharalaya and Yasodharapura. The latter is where we are. It is named after the Great King, Yasovarman, the lion-man. The inscription said he tore the enemy with the claws of his grandeur. His teeth were his policies and his eyes were the Vedas."
"He had claws?" I asked with wide eyes, causing Amarisa to burst out laughing in a feminine way. Then she put her palm up to my cheek, stroking my cheek in adoration.
"Oh dearest Nikita, you're much sweeter than I thought," she said in amusement. "Well, it's just a metaphor, but who knows if he indeed half-lion?"
"Oh, not that it's hard to believe in your world anyway," I said with a shrug. "So, your father, the god-king, is he the same as his forefathers? What is he like?"
"My King Father is always filled with a deep compassion and sympathy for the good of the empire and his people," she said in an admiring tone. "He suffers from the illnesses of his subjects more than from his own. The pain that afflicted man's body is for him a spiritual pain, and thus more piercing. He even swore this oath: 'All beings who are plunged into the ocean of existence, may I draw them out by virtues. May the kings, who come after me, be attached to goodness, attain with their wives, dignitaries, and friends. May they be kings of the place of deliverance where there is no more evil.'"
"He sounds like a great ruler after all," I said, somewhat relieved. "At least, the love of my life didn't happen to be the one and only daughter of the man with claws. I don’t want my life to be so short."
Amarisa laughed again.
"It's not my father you should be worried about," she said.
"Is your birth mother very strict?"
"Queen Mother Indradevi once said that it is no different than having your left and right hand. One is gentle while the other is strong. It depends on what occasion you prefer to use them."
I felt a bit uneasy knowing that I could be in trouble if I was the occasion that required her stronger hand.
"So can we go to that hilltop for a rest?" I said to change the subject.
"Of course, we may do that." Amarisa nodded in agreement.
With a cheerful grin still stitched across my face, I tugged on the reins, steering Pisey to our desired destination.
Unlike the mountain range, Mahendrapavata was an isolated chain of mountain plateaus of moderate height. It had two magnificent waterfalls. They looked like a hundred foot of flowing white silk from the distance. On the plain, a clear stream of cold water washed through the cracks of sleek black rocks. The surrounding trees and tropical plants grew dense everywhere. A natural garden in itself.
We landed on a meadow of green grass and wildflowers.
I unmounted my winged-horse and helped Amarisa get off. But the long fight made my feet so wobbly that we collapsed atop each other over the grassy plain.
Amarisa's laughing in sweet merriment filled the air as we rolled over.
Pisey let out a neigh and shook her wings before folding them back. The white mare then tro
tted off to graze on the blooming buds, leaving us alone on the beautiful meadow.
After our laughing fit ceased, we took a deep breath of the fresh air.
"It's so beautiful here," Amarisa breathed.
The sounds of flowing water tickled my ears as it echoed through the wilderness. My nose constantly caught the scent of flowers and orchids growing by the waterfall. We watched the butterflies fluttering over some red and yellow round-petal flowers.
As we lay there, letting a comfortable silence engulf us, I looked at the lofty blue sky and saw a flock of little birds. Then a certain thought I had shoved to the back of my mind appeared like a drifting cloud.
I wondered what Kesar was doing at the moment. Was she following me still? Or was she somewhere mending her broken heart?
But before I could shoo away the intruding thought, Amarisa propped herself up from the grass. She rested her chin gently on my chest while her soft body pressed against my lying form.
"What are you thinking of, Nikita?" she said, noticing the distant look of my musing. I turned and stared into her eyes. They sparkled against the late morning sun like obsidian gems.
I tugged a silky strand of that fragrant dark hair behind her ear and smiled at the princess.
"Are you happy with me?" I asked.
"What kind of a foolish question is that?" she said.
"I have been hoping, longing, and even praying I could make you happy," I said and stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers. "I have thought of what a joy it would be to do it every day for the rest of my life."
"You don't wish to return to your world anymore?" she asked.
Ever since I was thrown into this realm, my thoughts of home seemed to ebb away as time passed by. Sometimes I found myself forgetting all about it. Was I still the same person I was before I entered this world? Everything from my old life felt like it belonged to someone else.
"My father is a single parent," I said. "I miss him every day, but he's better off without me as a burden. He wouldn't remarry because he always thinks of me. Now that I'm gone, I know he would grieve but he would find someone he could love again someday."
"He sounds like a very good man," Amarisa said. "Your mother must have loved him dearly, too."
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