"How I wish I could see you like this in all my days and nights," I whispered. She beamed back like spring blossoms.
"Then I believe we both have something in common," she replied.
My hands reached out for her and pulled her to me. We rolled over one another on the soft bed, laughing. Amarisa's coyly dodged my peppering kisses and giggled like chiming little bells.
When we caught our breath again, we lay there in each other's arms. The goofiness turned to a passionate caressing and lingering stares.
"Did my parents know about us?" Amarisa asked after a long moment later. Her voice still carried its velvety tone, but I could sense her nervousness. "They have not sent for me yet. I hear nothing from all my handmaidens. What did you tell them?"
She traced her fingers over my cheeks and down my collarbone, the gesture she liked to perform when we were cuddling and completely alone. This time I could feel the fear through her touch. My arms enveloped around her lithe frame as I kissed her forehead in reassurance.
"Don’t worry. The gods must have mercy on me that your parents are all kind, Amarisa," I said. "They understand, and now everything will be as it is destined to be."
The princess raised her head and stared at me with imploring eyes.
"As it is destined to be? What did you tell them?" Amarisa said with an edge of concerns.
"Amarisa, what if your royal parents were to cut our romantic tie?" I asked. "What if you and I were not..."
Amarisa quickly put a finger to my lips, halting my words in my mouth.
"I bid you not to speak of such things ever again. Queen Mother and King Father deserve all good names and honors in the world, but I will not abide by their will if they wish to separate us."
Her brilliant eyes still shone with vehemence.
This was the first time she had said something like this. I was surprised. Her parents were like gods to her. Now the thought of their rage did not frighten the demure princess. It also saddened me. I wished she would not be so determined. I wished she would be scared and give up.
"My apologies, dear princess, thinking about all these things is just one of my mind's cares," I said. "Let us forget about it."
Amarisa reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. The feel of her soft palm etched into my memory. It was smooth like petals, soft and warm. Her touch was always sweet to me.
"Did they threaten you to leave me?" she asked.
"No, my lady, not at all," I said and stroke her back to calm her down. "Your blessed parents are the kindest of people. They bore no threat nor hatred against me."
"Then why do you seem so gloomy? Tell me what happened last night."
I sighed and turned my face away.
"I'm tired now," I lied. "Can we discuss this another time?"
Amarisa stroked my cheek. She knew I had refused to talk about the meeting with her royal parents, yet she didn't know how to draw the truth out of me.
"Nikita, beloved of heaven and my heart, you have emboldened me to fall in love despite all odds," she said softly in my ear. "Yet now you're silent and confusing me with your words. What meanness has invaded your mind?"
I did not answer. I could not speak.
"Nikita?" she called my name again. I hated myself for doing this, but I sighed and turned my back away from her.
"Let us speak no more of this," I said. "I told you I'm tired."
"Nikita, my love," she whispered almost pleadingly.
"You may pardon me for I wish to have a rest alone."
I did not have to look to see that Amarisa was utterly shaken by my brash tone. Never once in our time together had I spoken such unfeeling words. On hearing this, Amarisa pulled away to some distance as if she was undoubtedly hurt and confused. I held my tears as she withdrew herself from me. It was horrible and painful to imagine how much I had hurt her feelings.
"Indeed you are still weak...I wish....I wish you get well soon, love of mine," Amarisa's voice trembled. I kept quiet while she got ready to leave. A dark cloud of grief hovered over me as I listened to her footfalls.
The moment my lover left the chamber, tears broke out like hot rivers over my cheeks. I curled up into a ball and covered my mouth with my hands. A silent wail erupted from the depth of my chest. Kesar hurried into the room and rushed to my bedside.
"My lady?"
"Kesar, leave me to die!" I cried, shrugging off her hands that tried to comfort me.
"Nikita, please, don't be like this!" she begged and kept holding me to her chest while I lay there, panting and weeping in greater despair.
"She is promised to a prince," I whimpered between broken sobs. "A bridal procession will be a blessing to her. I have to do this, Kesar, I have to."
"Oh my lady," Kesar sobbed along with me. "Cruel are the gods who had chosen you as a pawn of their game!"
The winged maiden tried to soothe my anguish, yet my misery was still tearing my heart into pieces with its clawed hands.
~*~
I returned to the encampment and resumed my training with the other avatars again. Bearing the brightest smile I could muster, I greeted my friends. They welcomed me with open arms. No one suspected any change in my emotions. Even the ever-observing Vorac could not read through my cheery mask. I hid from them so well, I almost convinced myself.
We had ten days to prepare for the final game. I was given a new set of lessons. Tepi, who was more knowledgeable in the wild than the other godlings, tried to teach me about the beast. The animal lived in the thickest jungle of the Jewel Mountain.
The summer unfurled its drowsy petals in the breeze as we sat under a pink Jamun tree by a pristine lake. We discussed who would go in the hunt.
"I know the way of the forest," Tepi said. "I know how to survive with no food or water and how to read the spoor of animals. I am the most fitted to go in the quest."
"I have heard that only the great warriors would hunt the beast to prove their valor in the past," Vorac said.
"How long do you think we will find the king of lions?" I asked. "I want to know what I should prepare for."
Luscious pink Jamuns dropped on the thick grass. The paired birds singing songs atop the tree pulled at my heart. I looked at the tree and felt a strange restlessness. In truth, I just wanted it all to be over.
"It depends on our chance," Tepi said. "The beast, Gajasimha is a gift from Mother Earth herself. The creature is sacred and ever dangerous."
"We're only allowed a small band for the hunt," Atith added. "I do hope you would choose me to go with you, Nikita."
"No, you're useless in the forest. You are reckless and impatient, you might scare off the game," Tusita said with a shake of her head. "Indeed, Nikita must choose me. I am the best archer. No beasts could harm me."
"Gajasimha is no ordinary beast. I won't let you near it!" Vorac protested. The love on her face was bright even her words were harsh. She was just like me, trying to prevent disasters from befalling her lover.
I knew I would do the same for Amarisa to keep her from all harms. The thought of my fair princess plucked my mind like birds peck at dry wounds.
"What in the Seventh Hell are you talking about?!" Tusita cried, looking at her partner in bewilderment. "To think I would not be there to help our friends is a shame!"
Vorac made a noise like a growl, but Tusita was set on her vow. The two girls shared a staring contest for a while until the others sighed. Then they turned to Tepi as if to seek her opinion.
"Vorac shall come along," Tepi decided. "No one could lure out the wild beasts like the daughter of the moon."
"If she must go, I shall too! Isn't that what we have trained for?"
"What about me?" Atith's voice was high with exasperation.
"It is not the time to argue, my friends," Samudra said to calm them. "We have not yet come to the end of the whole matter. There is still work to do."
"Samudra is right," Tepi said. "We need to plan ahead."
"I know your heart is right
beside my own, and that you and I are of one mind," Vorac said to Tusita in defeat. "Alright then; I will not make you stay behind. If we are to go together, we shall pass safely through any danger."
Then the two girls wrapped themselves in each other's arms. I remained sitting in silence. How I wished I had their circumstance instead of mine. But I knew I was in the toils of ill-luck, leading a doomed life, and I needed to make sure that Amarisa wouldn’t be a part of it.
~*~
Every afternoon, the monarchs came to observe the encampment as always. My mother was still weak from her ailment and could not attend any state affair.
The princess was to care for my sick mother. She wasn't able to follow her parents to the base, yet at nightfall, she did make efforts to chance our encounters. But I made excuses not to see her. I would stay with the avatars from sunrise to sundown.
Sometimes I even joined them in drinking and returned to my chamber with lips and cheeks reddened from the juice. Kesar would run to assist my swaying form by the threshold. She took off the clinging fragrant garland from my neck before she laid me on my bed.
"Did she visit me?" I would ask my maiden the same question without fail. Kesar knew the only person I tried to avoid was the one I longed to see.
"Always," the maiden would reply. The answer pained me and sent my heart shattering like glass.
Amarisa must have come to see me on numerous occasions since that night. She wanted to touch me and love me, not knowing the cruel intention I had for us.
Kesar tried to comfort me during those dark hours, easing my head onto her lap and carding her hand through my hair. She stroked my face, humming soft lullabies until I fell into a deep heartbroken sleep.
I would wake up before daybreak and headed to the training field. Each day I tried to think less and less of my pain.
Together with my friends, I took my lessons more diligently and worked even harder with my sword and shield. I could duel with the avatars all day until I was bruised and exhausted. This was how I coped with my heartbreak. But I still couldn't sleep easily at nights. Each hour, I felt myself drifting slowly into a deep emptiness.
One blistering hot afternoon, I was studying a sutra about the creation with the avatars. The center of all the worlds was populated by celestial beings. The majestic milky ocean was a resting place where Vishnu slept. He would only be awakened by the evil chaos on earth. The Lord would then send down his avatars to destroy it.
I could now recite all the names of heavens: Tavatisma, Tusita, and Tritiyana, and the abode of King Indra, Amaravati, and thousands of other gods who sat about his court.
Below the heavens was the blessed Earth. Our world would tumble into the great void of nothingness if it wasn’t supported by the hood of Ananta Sesha, the thousand-headed serpent.
Further below the Earth lied the dark realm Naraka, which held many hells for the dead and vicious demons alike. All were imprisoned and punished according to their crimes. The Netherworld was ruled by King Yama, the God of Death and Justice. He passed his judgments to all that came to his court every day and every night.
I was still learning about all those many worlds apart from our own when all of a sudden, Malis leaped into our study hall. She came towards me and sent (yes, still) a small ripple of shock through my chest. The avatars abandoned their lesson and threw themselves at the tiger, patting the big animal in glee.
"Good Malis! Why are you here out of the blue?" Tepi said to the beast.
But the tiger's big yellow eyes only stared at me as she strode forward. I could see in her mouth was a palm leaf letter. Without the slightest doubt, I knew Malis was sent here by her mistress.
My friends were giggling. They thought of our four-legged company was our love messenger. My heart clenched as I retrieved the letter from the tiger's wet maw. I wiped the bit of drool and started reading through the content.
‘If you pity my long-suffering soul, beloved of my heart, present yourself at the Asoak Garden by nightfall.’
CHAPTER 50
At night as I lay in bed, I ran my fingers over Amarisa's letter. In the dark, I could not read the words, but I could feel them. When I learned that sorrow had struck the love of my life, it struck me harder. I tried to tell myself that it would pass, but it felt like an eternity.
The night hours grew shorter, yet sleep wouldn’t come and take me away from this troubling world. Maybe it was because I knew somewhere in a place filled with heavenly flowers, someone was waiting for me.
I couldn't stand it anymore and with a defeated sigh, I rose and got dressed.
The moon was frail as the edge of a fingernail in the sky. I walked against cold winds that sent shadows scampering on the ground. When I reached the gate of the Asoak Garden, I paused.
Should I turn back or go forward?
I stood contemplating this for a while. But at last, I stepped on the fertile soil again. The flower patch stretched deeper into the garden. My feet trembled beneath me as I had taken great care to be quiet.
I would just take a peek at my princess to see if she was still there. I wanted to know if she was alright and then I would leave.
The drumming of my anxious heart reverberated in my ears.
Walking towards the familiar boulder, I glimpsed the sight of my lover.
She was truly there, all alone and waiting. I decided to hide behind a knot of shrubs.
How I wished I could caress that dark hair again, hair that looked like silk dipped in black ink. I missed seeing her face the most.
Amarisa stood in silence. She had a long scarf about her shoulders, but I could still see her shivering. Beside her, the orange-coated Malis, sleeping by the boulder.
I wanted to run to her and hold her in my arms, but I had to refrain myself, or my plan would be for nothing.
Then she rose and went past the flowerbeds to the pond. I gasped and almost stepped out of my hiding, but something stopped me.
A sound from somewhere. The more I listened to it, the clearer it became. It seemed to echo from the depth of the water.
I sensed an unknown being lingering near. The feeling in the air was thick like a fog. I could have been wrong to assume that someone would be there with her, but I waited and listened.
Amarisa was now kneeling by the bank.
"Not even the sunrise shall end my wait," she spoke in scratchy voice to no one. "Has she lost her heart to someone else? Will she be merciful to come and release me from this torment?"
I held my breath. My chest tightened with pain. I wished I could comfort her in my arms and chase away all her sorrow with my kisses.
"Please answer me, Lord Father, are all her feelings gone? She told me I was her earth and her moon, but now I saw conflicts in her eyes when she looked at me. Tell me what have I done wrong?"
Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched her bemoaning herself in this manner. Then something strange happened. The still water began to ripple. Amarisa seemed to be speaking to someone beyond my line of sight.
Did the princess expect her queries to be heard by someone?
I felt like a bird caught in the snare of curiosity and trapped by a craving heart.
Amarisa extended her dainty hand to touch the surface of the water. Suddenly, she recoiled as if seeing a strange sight. Then there was a green mist bubbling out of the surface.
"Whose tears burn me like hot embers?" a voice like no other I had ever heard came a rumbling thunder. "Daughter, why are you weeping? What is it that grieves you so?"
"Lord Father!" Amarisa breathed. Hearing her addressing the mysterious voice, I knew their encounter was not the first.
"Keep it not from me, dear child," the ancient voice spoke. "What caused you suffering here all alone? Tell me who has been troubling you?"
"You know it; Father, why demands me to tell you what you already know well?" Amarisa said. "But she will be joining me soon. Please, you ought to leave."
"Hear me," the voice said sullenly. "There's no use to cry
over a mortal lover. You two are bound to part. The Fate has marked it so. Whoever the girl is to you, she will leave you in this world like she had done so many lifetimes before."
Amarisa shook her head vigorously in a denial.
"No!" she cried. "You're lying to me, oh Lord, why are you delivering me this terrible speech? She will stay here for she loves me true."
"To hear is to obey," the voice growled. "You haven't changed at all even in this new life. What is so great about being mortal? The Great War will come like a towering gloom. Soon you will rule the kingdom populated with widows and orphans and awake each day to the grief of the loss of loved ones. What's there to cling when nothing here is worth saving?"
Listening to their exchanges, the world waxed dark before my face.
"But I am not your child!" The princess stood again, still weeping. "I am not your daughter. You can't claim me from my beloved parents and my lover, please leave me! Nikita, the very fruit of my eyes, is not here to defend her right to my heart. Please stop swaying my mind. What sin have I done to anger you? What fault of mine deserves this terrible news?"
A mighty roar in the death of the night came from the water. It was as though the skies were falling, and the serene water broke into waves. Then from the pond emerged a black shadow like a dark pillar, towering higher than all the trees. It grew and grew until it rose into the sky and began making for the meadow.
The sight made me fearful for my beloved, and I was ready to jump out of the grove towards my princess, but Amarisa didn't show any sign of terror. She was still gazing at the strange presence. Then I drew in the air of utter shock when I realized who the visitor was.
The slithery movement of that scaled pile of an ophidian creature caused my heart to halt and shrink. Amarisa was in the presence of a gigantic seven-headed serpent. I remembered the spirit maiden I saw in the healing chamber. I knew who that was.
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