When the music ended, the ear-splitting applause erupted from the crowd. The princess returned to her seat at the dais with her royal parents.
We saw the same king came forward with his oily smile.
"Your Majesties, you have an amazing daughter like a goddess herself," he said. "I shall be forthright with my words if you allow me."
"Speak of your thoughts, my king," the warrior King said.
"May I humbly propose for the hand of your daughter to my only son," the southern king said bravely. He turned to the smiling prince next to him. "You know well that no one is more fitted to have the princess than him. My son is wise and well versed in sutras and in the art of government and warfare. Therefore, Your Majesty, Lord of Men, it's a great honor to our royal house if you take my son as your son-in-law."
The cracking fire snapped off like an owl biting through bones in the hall. A moment passed, and the place was full of disapproving sighs and murmurs. I glanced at Amarisa. Her face went white, pulling into itself, shocked and dreaded. Her hands clutched at the hem of her scarf. Though she tried to hide her despair and unease, I could feel it in my own gut. My shame was caustic and wrecking, to think I had somehow allowed this.
"She is too young to wed your son," the King said.
"Not so in our tradition, my noble King," the southern royal said.
"The war is coming," Tusita was the first to speak up. "We need no weddings as of now."
No kings seemed to hear her. The avatars looked at each other. Of course, they were god-born, but they were also mere children.
Atith was furious with their disrespect, but Tepi hushed him down. This was an opportune time for the men to claim they mattered more than the others.
"Her Highness shall be promised to my son instead!" another king spoke. "He knows all diplomatic matters and is skilled in commerce and fleets, and thus he is better suited to be her husband."
"No, the princess is best to be made a queen of my palace!" another king cried.
The southern king looked annoyed at the objections.
"My wealth exceeded all of yours combined, and my deeds and reputation speak for myself. No one else deserves to be blessed by this marriage but us."
We felt the violence brewing in the air. I wondered how our King was going to stop the others from declaring war on each other. They made threats on whoever wished to be Amarisa's husband. I could sense a dozen princes were ready to leap at one another's throat.
I couldn't look at Amarisa anymore. My mind was filled with cataclysm and apocalypse. I wished for thunders, and flood and hell-flames, but nothing matched my rage and grief. I wanted the world to collapse and cease from my feet.
"Silence!" Queen Indradevi spoke for the first time since the gathering started.
The hall went dead. They all looked at the Queen and knew that they had gone too far with their bickering.
"For the grace of the gods, I ask for your respect,” the Queen said, staring at each man with her piercing eyes. “We are on the verge of war and must not be divided. This is not the time for such discussion, my kings. I advise you to hold your anger and be civilized."
As the Queen’s words held more weight, they bowed and took their seats again with an embarrassed look.
"Your Majesty, forgive me,” the southern king spoke. “I must inform you that in return of this marriage, I shall pledge my eternal service to you. I shall supply more force to protect the realm. However, I can patiently wait for your wise decision."
Another round of whispers erupted. The King stood from his throne, and the voices in the room ceased again.
"As I listened to you, I also see the malice of men and their wiles," the King said. "My daughter is not for your bargains and quarrels. May you go to our prepared chambers and take your needed rest. The feast is over for tonight."
We knew the King was angry. His voice had never been so heavy and dark, but now it slashed through the air like blades. Yet, he managed to stay composed for the sake of peace. Indeed, King Jayavarman couldn't become the lord of kings from showing his wrath
One by one, the men bowed and soon left the throne hall. The avatars also began to leave. Kesar appeared by my side. I hadn't looked Amarisa's face again as I turned to leave too.
I was too grief-stricken by the event to sleep. My thoughts began to swirl in my drunken mind. The dance and the song and the room full of kings. They all seemed distant and pale as a dream by midnight.
Did Amarisa already find her fondness in one of the princes? Would she agree to wed one of them?
I felt wrung-dry with more sadness. It seemed absurd to even ask.
Yes, yes, she would be married to a prince.
CHAPTER 51
The chamber felt bare and lonely as I sat staring at the fire in the hearth. Kesar had gone to fetch me some hot tea. Then there was a soft knock on the door before it opened. I lifted my eyes from the hearth. Amarisa was standing inside the hall, and she was alone. The princess looked at me with tearful eyes. Though I was pleased to see her, my heart sank as I stared back at that brilliant face.
"Why are you here, Your Highness?" I asked. "I'm not your dazzling prince you must marry."
Her eyes widened in shock. Hurt was written all over her face. I realized I had unknowingly made her the target of my frustrated rage that buried inside me.
"How dare you said that to me!" she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. I wished I could reverse the role and not make her the victim of my sorrows, but perhaps, it was easier this way.
"I don't deserve you," I said again, ignoring her pain. "You should forget me."
"What are you talking about?" she came forward and kneeled down to look at my face. "Nikita, tell me how long this tormenting silence shall last? How long shall this strange treatment you hold against me? Is it not suffice you all these tears you see flow?"
I couldn't look back at her face for it would pain me. The distressed princess came forward to hold me, but I made myself rigid like a stone.
"Our parting is inevitable, Amarisa," I whispered. "We both merely prolong the ending. You're going to marry the son of a king and you will live happily with your future family. I'm not part of your world. I'm not worthy of your love. Not anymore."
I tried to keep my voice steady and impassive, but the princess stared at me blankly.
"Why?" Amarisa said in a small trembling tone. "Nikita, tell me why! I cannot rest until I know what caused this bitterness."
I shook my head. I had to make her leave me. It was only fair.
"Alright then, here is the truth, Your Highness," I said. "I have wronged you gravely. I have taken other women behind your back."
"My love, this yearning heart declared you my most beloved, yet now what foolish story are you telling me?"
I pried her arms away harshly and looked at her squarely in the eyes.
"Hear me again, Amarisa, I am an insatiable monster. I have attained other lovers besides you. This is not a lie!"
"No!" Amarisa cried and covered her ears.
"I bedded my handmaiden, Kesar, when you did not come to see me," I went on without stopping. "I have lain with a goddess, Kemira, in Indra's palace. I also slept with the mermaid queen during my quest. Each one of them I enjoyed lustfully. All of them I had drawn out the spasm of pleasure..."
I would have gone on if I hadn't felt the sting on my cheek as Amarisa slapped me. My head turned sharply to the side, and my ears rang, but I was not content with this pain. I deserved worse. We sat still for some times. The sound of our breaths filled the chamber. When I turned back, Amarisa's face was ruddy with tears.
"How could you have done this deed to me?" she said, her body trembled. "The one whose smile made my heart race and whose frown wounded me closer to death. How could you greedily enjoy other women and make my heart burn?!"
More tears flowed down her narrow chin and onto the floor, damping the wood drop by drop. There was nothing but brokenness in her eyes.
Amarisa shook like a baby fawn th
at had just been born. By instinct, I reached out to her, but she recoiled away from me. It was as if my touch was poison.
I felt horrible and worthless under her stare. Her lips pressed together, the corners tugged down as though caught by a fisherman's hook. The princess shook her head at me in despair.
Then she stood again and turned her back on me. She buried her face in her hands, and a heart-wrenching wail burst from her chest.
There were a weighty sadness and remorse spreading through my own heart like frost. The world waned to black before my eyes, watching the love of my life letting out her anguish.
I rose to my feet and came to hold her in my arms.
"Amarisa..." I tried to speak, but words turned to dust in my mouth. Apologies might as well be salt to her wound.
After a moment passed, Amarisa stopped crying and drew her head back. She wiped away her tears and shrugged my hands off her.
"I wish to never see you ever again," she said. Her voice was thick and there was no life in it.
Then without a glance at me, Amarisa walked away and out of the room. I felt the air leaving my lungs until I gasped. Her absence left me hollow and weightless like a feather. I dropped to my knees again.
Tears flowed without stopping one after another as I wept.
~*~
I awoke to the red of my eyelids. I had spent so many mornings alone in this room sinking and floating through trailing thoughts. Time passed and the searing sun rose above the open window sills. The birds were up and the palace maids and men went about their duties. I heard their voices from the hall along with the rattle and bang of chores. I had no time to mourn over my grief.
Today was a start of the final quest.
It was midday when I sought out Kesar. She was aware of the signs of my sadness. I knew that she had overheard me and Amarisa last night. Without asking, I knew she felt responsible. I wanted to stop her guilt from forming a hole in her heart, but the power of speech had long abandoned me.
Kesar followed me out of the chamber after I finished dressing. Later I discovered the red marks where my nails had dug through my palms.
I wish to never see you ever again.
The words still echoed in my mind.
When I arrived at the Elephant Terrace, everyone was waiting inside the pavilions. The porches were full of ministers and kings. Horns began to blow. The drums shocked the afternoon sky. I found the avatars from both teams already standing around the field.
At a distance, I could see the soldiers with yellow banners flickering in the sun. The princely faces turned in my direction. By now, they must have heard about me. The news rippled through them, passing from one person to another. I caught their words in whispers carried by the wind.
The Prophesied Child. Was she the one the Great Lord had promised? Was it possible to believe those slender limbs could hold against an army of demons? Could a girl with unknown origin really be our greatest warrior and savior?
Everywhere I turned, their questions haunted me. My avatar friends smiled with encouragement. I drew in a breath as I walked towards them.
At the other side, Issarak and his friends radiated confidence and power. He had chosen who would go on a hunt with him —the son of Marutas, the storm gods, and Ravi, the daughter of Vayu, god of the wind.
We knew that either one of them alone could equal the strength of many. They already had their bronze Hamsas waiting. Flying was the fastest way to reach the Jewel Mountain, I assumed.
Through much debate, Tepi, Vorac, and Tusita were to come with me. Atith readied the quivers, which were stocked with celestial arrows that would never run out. Samudra and Morokot helped prepare the necessities for our journey.
The King and Queen were there. My mother couldn’t come due to her frail health, and it wasn't a surprise that I also found no sight of Amarisa. My body went cold. I felt my heart descending deeper into the deepest void. I tried to distract my mind from this lonesome grief, but I still couldn't forget the look on Amarisa's face last night.
I had finally freed her from my doomed fate, but alas, where is she? I seemed to remove one grief only to add another!
After the god-king finished his welcome speech to the other royalties, the priests blew their conchs. The drums were heard in all directions. It brought me to my senses again, and I was surprised to see that everything had already started.
"Where are our Ashvas?" I asked as I looked around us. "Are we not flying?"
"We have no need of them," Vorac said reassuringly. "Tepi will pave us the way, literally."
"And where is Tusita?"
"She's not coming," she said.
"Why? I thought..."
"Well, this quest is far more dangerous than the previous ones," Vorac said. "I borrowed some special herbs from the twins. Tusita is best in a deep slumber for now."
I just understood what she meant right away. The Guru came over to us and briefly announced the rules as usual. The deadline for the game was within three days.
After a while, I stopped listening until my friends tugged at my arms and said it was time to go. I tried harder to bar the thoughts of Amarisa from my mind.
Issarak and his avatars mounted the Hamsas before flying away in haste. They wanted to be ahead of us. Tepi motioned for me and Vorac to follow her.
We walked to the edge of the field. Tepi signaled for us to wait. She went off alone and stopped for a moment. With palms pressed together, the avatar began a chanting prayer and then made a lifting gesture. The earth started to rumble and explode. As the soil and rock fell away, we saw a tunnel that formed like the mouth of a cave.
"Hurry," Tepi said to us and ran into the tunnel. Vorac and I followed after her.
~*~
When we emerged to the other side, we were no longer in the encampment. All around us was surrounded by tall dark mossed-covered trees. Their branches grew and interlaced, shielding off the sunlight from all sides.
"We're already here?" I asked in astonishment. The tunnel closed itself again.
"I shrank the earth to shorten the distance," Tepi said to me. "The Holy Mother won't be pleased if I do that often. But this is a special circumstance."
"So where can we find Gajasimha?" Vorac said eagerly, staring at the thickness of the leafage around us.
"To know that we must first pay respect to my Mother," Tepi said.
We walked through the sandalwood and other flower trees. Everywhere I looked was shadowed and feathered with never-ending colossal plants with their giant leaves. The flowery bushes and evergreen were beautiful with a seducing luster. I was soon captivated by the hanging roots of the Banyans and the many cries of wild birds on their branches. This outlandish world of wildlife seemed to take my mind off my sorrows though temporarily.
As we hiked our way through the thick foliage, Tepi told me what contained inside this wilderness. She was raised here as a baby before the King's hunting band discovered her. The jungle was always graced with fruit and flowers like the mystical forest, Himavatta, which surrounded Mount Meru.
"It is also home to many mythical beasts," she said. "We must be cautious at all times."
Once or twice, I was lured by the sweet scent of a flower or the plumpness of a berry but was alerted to stay away from them.
"Some plants are poisonous, Nikita," Tepi told me. “One touch and your body will turn into fungi.”
I shuddered at the thought.
At night, the darkness descended swiftly and all at once. My entire body began to ache. We had been walking for hours. But then we reached a break of the woods, a grove of sorts, half-encircled by a rocky outcrop. I looked at the sky and discovered a great constellation of stars beside a crescent moon.
In front of us was a mountain cave. There was a light shining from the inside. Tepi stopped suddenly, and we almost bumped into her. She turned to us with a smile.
"Come with me, my friends, and pay respect to the Earth Goddess."
We went closer to the cave. I was im
pressed by the beauty of the interior walls. It was not made of dark stone, but pale rose quartz. The crystal walls flickered beautifully against a small fire hearth. There was a simple rug of white silk on the smooth cave floor.
Then a shimmering light formed, and a woman appeared from the golden mist.
"Come forward, children," her melodious voice ripped through the silence. Just the sound of it caused my fatigue to dissolve.
I stared at the holy woman. The ruby hue on her cheeks brightened from the firelight. Encircled her hips was the blackness of her long flowing hair. Unlike other goddesses whom I had seen, she was wearing only a silk white sari and a garland of lotus around her neck.
"Mother!" Tepi said and came to kneel before the woman, touching her head to the ground. Vorac and I got down on our knees as well.
"Blessed be, young ones," said the Lady of the Forest with a warm smile. Then I felt her eyes on me. I looked up to meet her compassionate stare. "Daughter of the Chaste Queen. Your presence delights me. Come closer."
Both my friends looked at me in confusion.
"Mother, this is Nikita, the Prophesied Child. She was sent to us by the gods," Tepi introduced me. "Now we are here in the hunt of the king of wild beasts, Gajasimha. The avatars have agreed upon a game to prove her quality as our leader. This is the final quest that we must succeed."
"I know," the woman said with a nod. "I know everything."
"My lady, may I ask why you called my friend daughter of the Queen?" Vorac, who never let anything slip, asked curiously.
"Good child of the moon god, sitting beside you is no ordinary stranger. She is your family and will be important among the heroes of your time."
"Yes, Great Mother, even Lord Surya also proclaimed her the Rahu Slayer," Tepi agreed. "We believe she is the one we sought. If we win this final game, the other avatars and even the gods themselves shall rest assured that Nikita could fulfill her destiny."
The goddess turned to me.
"And you, my poor child," she said. "Are you ready to face your fate?"
Her question rendered me speechless.
Am I ready to die?
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