by Laney Castro
That got her to roll her eyes but the smile on her face was more tender than sarcastic. “You’re probably the only one who’ll say that.” She sighed again. “I always like being in control and feeling like I can handle things. Modeling and acting really isn’t for the faint-hearted. It makes you so vulnerable. You face so many rejections in one day that sometimes you wish you could just weigh and grind coffee beans your whole life. But I want to make something of myself, Aaron,” she said. “Seeing you work so hard pushes me to work harder, too.”
He liked that she was getting vulnerable around him, that she wasn’t afraid to share her thoughts. But he didn’t want to tell her that because it might spook her. “I know you’ll keep at it,” he said instead. “You’ve got a fire in you that nobody can put out.”
Madison’s phone rang suddenly and she nearly jumped. “It’s Elliott,” she told him. “I’ll need to take this call. Maybe I have the right dimples after all.”
Aaron leaned back against his seat as she turned to talk to her booker. She was always quick to tell him whenever it was Elliott or Common Grounds or even her family back home. But there were calls and texts that she seemed to ignore and hide whenever he was around, just like their first night together. She would always brush it off as ‘work,’ but it was all Aaron could do to keep his mind from leaping to one jealous conclusion after another.
He tried to relax himself, playing with her nape and her ponytail instead as she talked. When Madison ended the call and faced him, she had an apologetic expression on her face. “So. Dimples?” he asked hopefully.
“Not exactly. But one of the models got fired from a job and Elliott knew I was in the area,” she explained. “I’m sorry, I knew you were looking forward to tonight—”
Aaron smiled. “Hey, don’t sweat it.” He rubbed the worried crease on her forehead with his thumb. “What’s the job? I’ll drive you.”
“The mall runway show,” she said. “You could even stay and watch. You’ll see me in a gown.”
“I’d rather see you naked,” he teased.
Madison grinned, her spirit and fire returning to her face. “Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight.”
“Oh,” he said, fishing into his pockets. “Almost forgot. Had this copied.” He took out a key fob and handed it to her. It hadn't been easy. He had to ask Donoghue for help since his teammate always knew someone who knew someone, and now he owed Patrick a solid.
“For your apartment?” Madison’s mouth formed a soft O, as if this was beyond anything she had expected. Aaron smiled at her reaction and when she turned to him, there was a slight shimmer in her eyes. “I think, Mr. Harding, that you really will get lucky tonight,” she said softly.
Up until that point, Aaron had just been teetering on the edge. Her expression was all the push he needed to be head over heels in love with her.
Chapter Fifteen
Aaron was in the middle of signing some boxes when Madison came up one night. “I didn’t know you wear glasses,” she told him in surprise. The dark frames were perched on his nose, briefly hiding his intense gray eyes. She decided it looked cute on him, and was glad the rest of the world hadn’t yet seen him with them.
She caught a glimpse of limited edition Stroke swim caps before he grinned and put them away. There was something so sexy in the way that he sauntered over to her that made Madison meet him halfway and kiss the hell out of him. She pushed his glasses up over his head. “Hello, hotshot,” she said, when they broke apart.
“Have you had dinner?” he asked. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry,” she teased him. She lifted a brown bag. “Got you a couple of burritos.”
Aaron cocked an eyebrow. “Does this mean we’re staying in tonight?”
“I thought you’d like a quiet evening and rest for a change. Besides, the number of places I can take a sleeping swimmer has been drastically reduced,” Madison joked.
“That was one time,” he grumbled, taking the bag from her and unwrapping a chicken burrito. “Have you eaten?”
Madison shook her head. “I just inhaled all the lovely scents coming from your bag. That one’s got extra guacamole. Trust me, I’m plenty full.”
They curled up by the couch, Madison tucked underneath Aaron’s strong arm. He had finished his dinner quickly and she was always a little amused at the way he would disappear into the bathroom and come back with fresh minty breath. She loved that about him. When he returned to the couch, she snuggled closer.
They were watching a travel documentary and debating on whether they’d be taken in by scams in European countries when her phone rang. She took it out and ignored it when she saw that it was from Sean. But Aaron wasn’t about to let it go.
She felt him stiffen beside her. “Why don’t you answer that?”
“It’s not important,” she replied.
Aaron was silent for a while. Then he spoke, eyes still glued to the TV. “I’m not the only one you’re seeing, am I?”
It was the question that she was dreading. She thought she knew how to handle this but it turned out she didn’t have a clue. “We’re not exclusive, are we?” Madison answered softly.
He grabbed the remote and muted the sound. “No,” he admitted, “but you’re not answering my question. I thought you would have at least told me I wasn’t the only one.” He paused and looked at her. “I would have… wanted to know.”
“Does it make a difference?” She moved away from him and met his gaze, her green eyes unblinking. She didn’t want to do this. Then before she could lose her nerve, she blurted out, “Yes.”
Plenty, Aaron wanted to say, but he bit back his reply when she said ‘Yes.’ He was surprised by the rush of jealousy that washed over him. He had long suspected there was someone else, ever since their first night together. But she had admitted the first day that she was single and he had gone on that assumption. Now all his worst fears were confirmed.
“And if I ask you if you want to be exclusive?” he asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
She sighed. “Aaron, it’s not quite as easy as that.”
Damn. That was not the answer he was hoping for. “Are you married?”
“No!”
“Are you living with him?”
“It’s not like that at all, Aaron,” Madison protested. There was a tremor in her voice that he hadn’t heard before, something that sounded almost desperate.
His jaw clenched and unclenched. “Then maybe you should drop him and be with me,” he said with a growl. He meant it as a flirtatious suggestion; it came out as a demand. Even he was surprised by the amount of heat in his voice, in his body. He had dated around, too. Had non-exclusive relationships and never demanded for more. But with her, it was different. With a furious, selfish thought, Aaron realized that he wanted her all to himself.
He was too emotional and possessive and it was definitely not how he had thought this was going to go. He took deep starting-block breaths and shook himself, trying to calm himself down. “I think we have a pretty good thing going here, Madison. Why can’t we give it a try?”
She looked like she wanted to cry. “Aaron, it’s not that easy,” she said again.
Double damn. So she cared for him. All this time he thought that he was the only man in her life and it turned out that she had this other man whom she cared enough to want to keep around. He had to admit that it hurt. Not just the blind jealous rage that came over him when he thought of her in someone else’s bed. What pricked at him more was that she didn’t want to let the other guy go.
Madison got to her feet. “I should go,” she said miserably.
She was already near the door when he reached for her. “Madison, wait—”
He was a damn idiot, he knew. But sharing her with someone, even just a small part of her, was better than not having her at all. He tugged on her arm, pulling her to him.
“I-I can’t explain about Sean right now,” she stammered, “and I’m sorry I neve
r said anything in the first place. But I didn’t think I’d have all these intense feelings for you. I hope you know that.”
He gave her a quick grin. “I thought I knew that.”
She gave a shaky laugh in return. “Don’t doubt it, hotshot. God knows I don’t deserve you, but it’s just… I need things to be the way they are now.”
Aaron looked down at her. “We don’t need to talk about it right now. I don’t want to pressure you.” He slowly stroked the side of her face. “If you want to take it slow, then we’ll take it slow. If you don’t want to commit just yet then it’s…” he nearly spit the word out, “...fine. But I have to warn you, I am competitive. I don’t give up easily.” He grinned. “Just don’t go tonight,” he asked softly.
“Aaron…” He couldn’t read the look in her eyes. “I don’t even know why you’d want—” She took a deep breath and touched his hand on her cheek. “But if you still want me, I’ll stay.”
They made love unhurriedly that night. As much as she loved the explosive way they matched each other sexually, there was also something moving about taking it slow. No dirty talk, no rough play. He rocked her with a gentle urgency that stirred something deep down in her core.
She wanted to kiss his hurt away. He hadn’t brought the subject up again, but she knew that it was hanging between them. But she was grateful that he hadn’t pressed her about it. The truth was she wanted him so badly. She didn’t mind being exclusive with him. But there were just so many things to consider, things that made her feel that what she had with Aaron was bigger than anything she had ever had.
She tried to get him to talk about the one thing that she knew he loved above all. "All this vigorous training and competition, Aaron," she ventured softly in the dark, "there's got to be an expiration date to it."
She felt Aaron stir, his arms tightening around her. "You don't have to tell me. I've been training so hard for each competition. For the Olympic Trials. For Rio. But after that, I don't know. Maybe I'll retire. Maybe I'll make good on my degree. I’m sure my dad would love that. A lot can happen between now and then, and the truth is it scares me. This I know. Swimming and dryland training and competitions. But after this… I don't know anything."
"I know what you mean. I feel like I'm always chasing after something, too, but it's never as clear as yours," she confessed. "One day I'd think being successful is all about getting my face on a Stroke campaign, the next day I'd realize that there are other things waiting out there. I know I'll never make it to a Vogue editorial or the runways of Paris. But other things. A national TV commercial. The cover of Sports Illustrated. A movie. If I don't chase after them, they'll end up on someone else's portfolio, not mine."
"Do you have any regrets?"
"A lot," Madison replied. She thought of Sean. She thought of the look on Aaron's face when she told him. “Sometimes it can get so overwhelming that I feel so helpless. Like I’m drowning and I don’t know how to come up for air.”
"Then maybe we can be uncertain together. Take it one day at a time." He kissed the top of her head. "Is that so bad?"
Madison didn't reply. This she knew: she had always felt safe in his arms but this wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. How could she expect him to be certain about her, when she couldn’t promise him anything?
"Would you like to come to the meet in Irvine? Watch the team?" he asked softly.
She turned to him in surprise. "You want me to be there?"
"I would love for you to come and cheer me on," he said. “It will give me another reason to not want to lose.”
She burrowed into his strong arms, pushing all her earlier trepidations away. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Chapter Sixteen
Training before Splash Circuit had begun to taper off to allow them some rest before the big meet, but Coach Didion insisted that they still drive to Irvine for warm-ups. It was one of the things that his coach had instilled in Aaron and the rest of the team; warming up and knowing the competition pool’s landmarks was crucial. The 50 was a burst of power but for events like the 100, it paid to know how far it was to the turn. “Make that wall work for you,” Coach Didion would say. “Turn too early and you’d lose your advantage.” They made good use of their time in the pool, headed back, then returned on the day before the meet to check in at a nearby hotel. They didn’t need the unnecessary travel, according to Coach, even if Irvine was just under an hour on a good day.
Splash Circuit Nationals was a four-day affair and the Downtown LA Aquatics meant to stay there for the entire meet, regardless if any of them needed to compete on the last day. Aaron himself was only swimming in two events: the 50-m where he had briefly held the US record, and the 100-m, the one that eluded him during the last Olympics by a tenth of a second. He had something to prove. It wasn’t just about winning; it was about not losing again.
His times at the aquatic center have been incredibly consistent these past weeks. He could only hope that he’d match those times here and, more importantly, surpass them. He let the machine part of him take over his training. At this point it was all instinct anyway. Months of hard work had already taught his body how to react and respond both in and out of the water.
When he was in the water, it was easier not to think about Madison. While things hadn’t changed much since her admission, at least not outwardly, deep down, Aaron felt that same bitter disappointment when victory eluded him. Like he was constantly not living up to standards, that he could train all he want and still find some part of her was out of reach.
So he channeled his frustrations into his training. With swimming, at least he knew what he was up against. Knew what drills to do, how to breathe, what time to beat. Life in the water was simpler.
“Yo,” his teammate Craig Parker said, slipping into Aaron’s lane feet first. Their team shared a warm-up schedule with a few other clubs. With the number of swimmers in the water, circle swimming was inevitable.
Usually, Parker was a talker, a trait that irritated Coach Didion to no end, but neither of them was in the mood right now. He knew that this was Parker’s first big meet outside of the NCAA and the younger guy, who favored backstroke and freestyle, was understandably on edge. Aaron pushed off first, getting a feel of the water. He was slowly slipping into the zone that he didn’t even notice Parker following him about ten seconds later. They swam a few lengths before he caught up with Parker and tapped him for a pass, and overtook him for the last length.
Coach Didion was waiting by the starting blocks as he heaved himself out of the water. “It was supposed to be an easy swim, Harding.”
“What do you think, Coach?” he asked.
Coach was looking at the water, surveying the other swimmers there. Aaron knew most of the others, competed against them in national and international meets. He was seeded second for the 50-m, third in the 100-m, but that was no reason for him to rest on his laurels, not when there were dozens of hungry, aggressive swimmers nipping at his heels like sharks. “I think you’re in a good place,” Coach agreed. “Parker might even make top 32, if he manages to control that elbow.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
“Now go take the sprint. It’s your lane.”
Aaron grinned and adjusted his goggles. Today, lane four was a one-way sprint lane, with a meet marshall on the far end. Tomorrow, it was his, the way top-seeded swimmers in a heat usually took the inside lanes.
He took deep breaths and shook himself before climbing up the blocks and grabbing the edge. You and the water and the wall, he told himself. Nothing to prove. But he knew deep down that this was now a lie.
At his coach’s signal, he dove. He thought of her in the water. He wasn’t going to lose again.
Madison expected Irvine to be a madhouse, and while the aquatic center where the meet was held appeared busy, it wasn’t packed. She quickly managed to ease her old Toyota into a parking slot and checked her watch. 9:45. The meet had started at 9:00. Madison had promise
d Aaron that she would arrive early, before his preliminary heat, but she had gotten caught in the morning rush downtown. Luckily for Aaron and the rest of his sports club, they had set up camp the day before, unwilling to leave anything to the mercies of freeway traffic.
It was a hot SoCal morning. Madison slid her sunglasses on and headed to the pool. Aaron had gotten her a VIP ticket for both days, telling her she deserved a treat since it was her first meet. She insisted on paying him for it but he didn’t want to hear any of it. So she decided to cheer for him by showing up wearing a baseball cap that she had swiped from his apartment, one that boldly said Harding on the front.
The sports facility boasted of a huge eight-lap 50-m outdoor pool. Yellow and white flags were strung up over the starting blocks and the bleachers. There were plenty of spectators but the place wasn’t elbow-to-elbow as she imagined. From what she gleaned from Aaron, the morning was all about preliminary heats, with the finals for the day’s events held in the evening. That was why she had promised to stay for the whole day; it didn’t seem like the 50 was an event that Aaron could lose. She was already incredibly proud of him for coming this far.
“Madison! Over here!”
She glanced up and saw Zoe standing and waving at her. She had seen Aaron’s sister only once after the shoot, and it was for just a brief errand to her university. Today Zoe looked pretty in another retro-looking dress, which made her stand out in the sea of jeans and shorts over the bleachers. She stood beside a tall, broad-shouldered man who had Aaron’s jaw. She made her way to the second row, where they were seated. The VIP section was near the starting blocks, and she was glad that Zoe had already found good seats.
“I haven’t missed it yet, have I?” she asked worriedly, settling beside her friend.
“There’s still one more event before his,” Zoe replied. “You’re just in time.” She turned to the older man beside her. “Dad, this is Madison, the girl Aaron’s seeing. I told you about her.”